The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Loving Yourself

Just had lunch with an old and dear friend, and during it was reminded of one of the core principles of changework:
change must begin with love. Love of yourelf, love of the world. You cannot move forward in life while holding onto hurts, grief, anger--they weigh us down massively. The reason you hold onto them is that your subconscious believes that without the pain, you will make the same mistakes again. In other words, if you learn the lessons, you can release the pain. More on this later.
But for right now, if you are having trouble making change, ask a simple question: "Do I love myself?" If you have any hesitation answering that a resounding YES, then one of the best things you can do is spend ten minutes a day looking at yourself in the mirror saying, "I love myself. I like myself." Peer into the mirror until you can see the child you used to be, and talk to her. God knows, she needs to hear this. Say it a hundred times a day, until you GET it. Only if you genuinely love yourself, and forgive yourself for sins real or imagined, will you be willing to go through the fire. And believe me--genuine change work is a burning away of ego like you wouldn't believe. Love yourself. And let you know it.