The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Major Change Points?

I was recently asked if I remembered a specific incident as a watershed in my maturation as a human being. You know, I can't, quite. I can remember the moment when I realized my life needed to change, massively. It was the incident when I stepped out into the street to avoid a beating. And I can remember the moment when I realized something had changed within me...again, massively. I was in an aura perception workshop, and was picking up information better than people who had been practicing consistently for years. Everything just sort together. This was while I was doing research for Great Sky Woman, and was the last major workshop I did with the Deer Tribe. It felt as though life was a revolving sphere, and while I couldn't (and can't) grasp the entire thing, I had enough points to extrapolate in any direction I could focus. It still feels like a wire-frame model, but everything is there...I can feel it even if I don't "know" it. Strange sensation. All I can say is that the various technologies of human change really do lead to an interesting place. I wonder...if I hadn't been so committed to balance, would progress have come faster? Or just caused more damage in my life. Not sure.

Can any of you identify specific points of major change or awareness in your lives?


Steve Perry said...

I had a spiritual epiphany once, while standing in the checkout line at a supermarket to buy a bottle of cheap wine. Must have shown, because the woman behind me looked at me and said, "Oh, yes!" (She was a yoga teacher and just happened into our lives at what turned out to be a critical juncture.)

This was two days after I'd had a terrible depression and was as miserable as I had ever felt.

Go figure.

No reasonable explanation for this sudden moment of cosmic consciousness -- and later when I did the research, I realized that's what it was.

Just happened.

Changed my life, it surely did.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I can pinpoint a moment of change and awareness. BIG change. BIG awareness. It was when I walked into a room, saw my child being heinously abused and lost my mind and beat the blood and the snot out the perp before forcing him to his knees to confess to my boy that the responsibility for abuse rests squarely on the shoulders of adults and is NEVER the fault of a child in any way. Then I called the cops. That day I began to break the emotional bonds with those who tormented me in my own childhood and I will never go back. I don't have to go back to them because I have the power to make change and I'm not afraid to exercise it for the good of us all. Nothing they did to me will stop me. I struggle mightily with the terrors their actions left behind, but I will never let them win in the end and I will never, EVER forsake any of my children as I am their mother. I WIN. I am more powerful than the family I came from. I, and people like me, have the power to change the world.

--Lynn (of 'Lynn's Mess' when I crash landed on your forum a few years ago)

Steven Barnes said...

Wow, Lynn. That's all I can think to say.

Mike said...

Yep. A very distinct moment when I realized I was not living the life I wanted to live and that I would have to change if I wanted the life I knew I wanted.

The change was long and hard and arduous and is still ongoing, but it was worth more than I could adequately express to the old me.