The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Why Do We Lie To Make Our Friends Feel Good?

Our friends desperately need someone to reflect truth to them...with compassion. We lie to our friends because, deep inside, we want them to lie to us. When we are ready for the truth, we will insist on it, and that creates the room for our friends and partners to receive truth at all. We need accurate maps of reality, and accurate reflections of where we ourselves are in life's journey. If someone asked you "is this the way to Disneyland?" when they are headed into the Mojave, are you doing them a favor to lie? We can be kind, and considerate, and compassionate...and honest. We will NOT be alone if we take the high road. This is another lie we tell ourselves. Get out of "poor little me, I'll have no friends." What an incredibly negative view of humanity this is. Have faith. If you are ready for truth, so are millions of others. How will they find you if you don't stand up for what you believe in? And if you aren't ready for will find others who are similarly asleep, and will offer each other comforting fairy tales instead of clarity.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

1 comment:

Pagan Topologist said...

There may be times when it is OK to lie to a friend to make him or her feel good, although it is always problematic. The only case I would be inclined to do it would be if the friend's death were imminent and I had information which might emotionally devastate him or her if learned about.

On the other hand, remaining silent is a trickier proposition to me. My mother knows I am a Pagan. It troubles her greatly, since she is a devoted Christian. I never discuss religious issues with her unless she brings the subject up. Sometimes this feels like lying.