The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Creativity and Parenting

Lifewriting Talk: Seven Secrets of Enhancing Creativity
Wed., June 30, 2010, 7:00 PM Pacific Daylight time
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##
In response to the assertion that male circumcision diminishes pleasure, I proposed a way to test this that seemed fair: look at stats of time to erection based on physical stimulation. And then, time to ejaculation. It is fairly well known that men who have suffered nerve damage affecting the genitals will have derangement of these factors. They will be slower to erection, and slower to orgasm--if they can achieve it at all. I suggest that if these two factors are roughly similar for the two groups (circumcised and uncircumcised) that this is simply a matter of subjective feeling, the emotional response to this procedure, and has nothing to do with the physical procedure as a physical reality. I have to admit that when people suggest that something is beyond test or quantification, I tend to think they are speaking of a purely non-physical reality: emotion or spirit, not flesh or matter. Not that this arena is not valid, but it would seem to exclude the kind of “X does Y!” statements we’ve heard.
I respect passion, but I think such statements need to be clearly labeled as feelings, subjective evaluations, resentments, fears, anger. There would seem to be no more evidence that circumcision reduces pleasure than that it enhances it. In lieu of such evidence, this discussion cannot go anywhere at all. As with many choices regarding children, this one would seem to be parents’ choice. And as with many, many choices that parents make, sometimes kids will resent us. That doesn’t remove our obligation to make choices, however, and never has.
##
But that does beg the question: what are the obligations of parents to children? How do we make those decisions? When do we go too far? It seems to me that the most basic obligation is: any survival skills we have learned. How to survive, and be healthy. Then: basic rules for interacting successfully with our society. Then: how to find mates and create successful reproductive pairs. Then: joy, satisfaction, and self-fulfillment. How to avoid pain and gain pleasure. How to learn and create an accurate map of the world. And almost lastly: how to be free. How to find your way to a spiritual balance and focus.
Others will choose somewhat different factors, and others might organize them in a different sequence. Of course, they overlap. I may have forgotten something, but it seems that given these basic things, most other things can be extrapolated. Readin’ writin’ and ‘rithmatic would seem to be part of interacting with society, and creating accurate maps. Fitness and health? Basic. Courtesy and respect? Basic. Have I forgotten anything?
And considering that our kids will protest doing much of anything that isn’t immediately entertaining to them, what right/responsibility do we have to push? How far? Being a parent means making decisions our kids will live with forever. It means using pain as well as pleasure to teach, motivate, and manipulate them. It means making them cry sometimes at the doctor or dentist, or spanking them so they won’t stick a fork into the light socket.
This stuff is tough. What are your thoughts?

312 comments:

1 – 200 of 312   Newer›   Newest»
Marty S said...

In a sense an apt subject for me today since my youngest's first child was born today. If I were to give him advice on raising his new son it would be realize that raising a child means walking a difficult tightrope. While we must guide them in many of the ways you have indicated we must be careful not to over steer. The child is not you and what is the best path through life for them is not necessarily the same as yours. One must guide, but not over control

bud said...

Personal comment:

I was uncut at birth, to be like my father. Unfortunately, as they say, that didn't work out, and my parents were divorced when I was 7.

My mother decided (stated reason at that time) that I should not be different, since something like 95% of males were being circumcised. So, off to the hospital for a twofer, tonsils and foreskin. (Later suspected reason: so that I WASN'T like my father.)

What do I remember? Nothing traumatic. I remember being disappointed that the promised "only jello" diet (I loved jello) tasted, not like jello, but chloroform. I'm sure that I had some pain and irritation for a week or so, but I lived with permanent scabs on my knees, so it doesn't stand out. I no longer was reminded to clean under it (still told to scrub fingers and behind ears)which was a good thing.

Over the years, I've never had a partner register any negatives to being foreskin free, while some have had somewhat positive comments (mainly comparisons and complaints about the cleanliness of previous uncut lovers). Since I didn't discover masturbation for a few more years, it's hard to do an A/B comparison of sexual functions, but I don't have any regrets.

I know that the data for the health of female partners is not proven for a link between uncut partners and HPV/cervical cancer, but the data from Africa on HIV is unequivocal, so, on balance, I think of male circumcision as a good thing.

mkf said...

as regards male circumcision (and since none of your commenters have made this point), here's how a very smart doctor explained it to me:

the skin on the glans and inside the foreskin of the uncircumcised penis is virtually identical in thickness and composition to the walls of the vagina, presumably because nature intended men and women to feel the same level of sensation when having sex--makes sense, right?

and as long as that skin is kept moist and covered by the extended foreskin, it stays that way.

upon circumcision, however, the newly-exposed glans will quickly dry out and develop a callus; i.e., a thicker skin, much like the soles of tender feet do after going barefoot for awhile.

so, the downside to circumcision is a demonstrable loss of sensitivity in most cases. the upside? greater resistance to disease--this is why male circumcision is now being used very effectively in africa as an HIV preventative.

MR NOBODY said...

MKF: I'm circumcised; and if what your doctor explained to you is true and I had kept my foreskin, no one would be able to touch my cock. Including me. As it is, I am SUPER sensitive; before and especially after cumming. I have no complaints; from me or my many partners.

As far as correlating male and female circumcision, there is no comparison. The only valid comparison is female circumcision and making a male a eunuch. End of discussion.

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