Success is not measured by where you are but the distance you've traveled.

~Rita Davenport

What Men and Women Want

Some years ago, an old college friend complained to me that he couldn't get a girlfriend. "What's wrong?" He asked. I asked him what he felt he had to offer a woman. 'I'm kind," he said. "Loyal. A good listener. I care."

I felt bad for having to say this, but I did: "She can get all of that from one of her girlfriends,"
I said. "What do you offer her she can't get there?"

This was a hard one, and it was hard for me to grasp when I first became interested in girls: the rules for boy-girl relationships were different from the rules for friendships. Further, the rules for girls were different from the rules for boys. What men want from women is critically different from what women want from men, typically, and throughout history and around the world.

Understand this, and relationships are easy. Miss this, and you can flounder endlessly. I was reminded of this as I looked at Day Sixty-Three of the 101 PROGRAM, discussing the secret I call the Beauty-Power Axis. So simple, so powerful, so politically incorrect. And so damned accurate!

##

Now, I'm not necessarily suggesting that you accept MY point of view on what makes relationships work. But it is critical that you have YOUR point of view. What are we as a species? As men and women? What do we want from each other? What are the common elements that make relationships work?

Once you have a theory, look at the relationships around you. If you can't find a good one to observe, that says something about YOU, not the world. There are plenty of happy relationships that have lasted a lifetime. Study them. Find the common rules, principles and values underlying them.

And then...apply those understandings to your own life!

###

"(The 101 program) has had an amazing impact on my work life. Simply, I laugh a lot more, good laughter, seeing the humor in the often frantic, Dilbert-esque world."--Pete Shult

Submission agreements

A note from a reader yesterday...

###

Dear Steve,

I've written you before though you may not recall! :) Well, after a crazed year's worth of commitment to my novel I'm finally ready to take the agent plunge--but find myself drowning in my own sea of research.

I'm concerned as the agent I have targeted works for XXX, which state on their website that queries from unpublished authors will be disregarded if failing to sign a submission terms agreement. I've never heard the agent herself indicate this, her guidelines ask simply for synopsis & the first five. She does link to her personal page on the site, though. Hmm.

This "terms agreement" states "I understand that XXX has access to materials and ideas that may be similar to my Material in theme, idea, plot or format. I understand that I will not be entitled to compensation because of the use of any such similar or identical material if such material is created independently by XXX or its clients."

So, should I sign or not? My worry is likely unwarranted, but just to be sure!

Might you have any recommendations for me yourself? My work is a lyric teen fairytale fantasy with a commercial vibe. If you have any reliable, generative suggestions God bless you!

Regards,
A
##

Well, that submission agreement sounds reasonable--they're trying to protect themselves. However, I ALWAYS recommend that new writers start with short stories, for a variety of reasons. Until you've published, and been PAID, for at least five short stories, you aren't ready to tackle a novel. And yes, whatever reasons you have for not doing so, I've heard 'em before!

Steve

www.diamondhour.com

Simple Things

My daughter Nicki will be arriving at Atlanta airport in 2 1/2 hours. It is absurd how important this is, how happy I am that she'll be here even for a few days. My family is the highest value in my life, and when I can't connect with them, I go a little crazy.

I wouldn't change that, because that clarity has prevented me from making some pretty serious mistakes in judgement. Looking forward, there were times in my past when it seemed that my obligations limited me. But looking back...they were the precisely right decisions, if I wanted to live an honorable life.

Nicki and I love each other. It couldn't be simpler. And sometimes, simple things are the very very best.

Principle #5: Ignoring the voices in your head

Principle #5) The ability to take action despite the “noise” of internal voices, if those actions are in alignment with deeply held values and beliefs.

Excellent. Important. On DAY FORTY-EIGHT of the 101 Program, I discuss the "Piering Principles," wisdom gained from a remarkable man named Tim Piering--teacher, martial artist, family man, entrepreneur and an awake, adult human being (such a rarity). A font of wisdom who has trained deeply in dozens of different transformative technologies, he boils success down to two factors:

1) Well defined, written goals and plans for their accomplishment.

2) The ability to take action despite the voices in your head.

These voices, what author Lonnie Athens calls our "internal community" represent every teacher and authority figure we have ever known. When their voices support us in feeling powerful and acting righteously...great. When they drain our energy and trigger fear, guilt, blame, or shame...we must learn to function despite their howls.

The voices are there, whether you notice them or not. Unless you are "perfection" (unattainable!) in both physical fitness, personal relationships AND your career and financial choices, I can promise that those voices are alive and well.

What do YOU do to repress yours?

Family Around The World

We had a huge day yesterday launching the new ROUTE 101 program. Whether you purchased it yesterday, or are waiting a while, be sure to sign up for the community board, where I brainstorm with you, and answer questions about body, mind, spirit, and writing:

http://route101.proboards.com

"They say that you can't deeply look at something without changing it. Once I began investigating and organizing myself using the 101, I began to sort-out and reintegrate my body, soul, and connections to the world.
"The new-er me sees the world in a bright way, as I've learned to see some of the great ideas that dwell in us all.
"101 was a sort of spackle for my whole being, letting me repair and fill in the cracks in myself. Since almost everyone has similar cracks, I now feel a deeper connection to everyone around me."--Adam Crafter

###

One of the things I love about creating this program are the people I've been able to help. It feels like I have family spread all over the world. Just sent a FREE copy of the program to a student in South Africa who is mired in poverty:

"I'm a 22 yr old guy living in a rural area in South Africa. I'm staying in a single parent family of 9 people that depends on a meagre childsupport grant...We're really struggling 2 make ends meet as there's no 1 having a paid employment in the family."

Can't wait to see what he does with the program!

1) The first thing he needs to do is get clear on what he wants--probably to escape that poverty and provide a good, stable home to his family (Day One)

He'll learn all about that on Day One. Then I'd suggest that he will be best served by creating a daily ritual to maximize the quality and quantity of his actions (Day 21) and identifying someone who has overcome the same types of obstacles he himself faces (Day 32).

There's so much more in this 300+ page monster, can't even begin to scratch the surface!

###

But let's take a look at that third aspect: IDENTIFY SOMEONE WHO HAS OVERCOME OBSTACLES SIMILAR TO YOUR OWN. Someone who ethically, legally and (if possible) joyously evolved, changed, innovated: created a new life. You'll need to identify this person's beliefs, strategies, and physical actions, and then model them to the best of your ability.

If you cannot find such a person, then you simply need to start with the goal of doubling your energy, creativity, problem-solving and personal efficiency, and then doubling it again, and yet again...trying a new strategy every week, until you have solved your problem. "The only thing we cannot overcome is death itself"--Sijo Steve Muhammad.

101 Program

http://tiny.cc/wj3bf

Brainstorm, support and be supported: body, mind, spirit, and writing:
The 101 Board! Totally free: Sign up!
ROUTE101.PROBOARDS.COM

Principle #4: A knowledge of past actions (positive and negative) without that knowledge limiting future options.

The discipline of Hawaiian Huna suggests that we cling to negative emotions until we've learned the important lessons...and realize that we have. In other words, if you were bitten by a dog as a child, it is reasonable to feel fear until a deeper understanding of animal behavior, or evaluating the length of collar chains, is attained.

So fear, guilt, grief, anger...all of these emotions exist to force us to PAY ATTENTION to something that has occurred, or something in danger of occurring in the future. As long as we are asleep to our actions, thoughts and values, it is appropriate for these emotions to remain. One of the keys to releasing negativity, in other words, is to LEARN THE LESSONS.

In bad relationships, shattered economic "opportunities", injurious sports events...if you can extract the critical lessons, you can release the negative emotions, which are there only to protect you.

How can you (or any character you are writing about) re-interpret past or current events, their own capacities or those of others, to release fear, blame, guilt, or shame? What would you or a loved one have to learn, how would you have to grow to leave the pain behind and embrace both present and future?

###

TODAY'S THE DAY!!

"I've learned more from Steve Barnes, in the more than twenty years I've known him, than from any other man besides my own father. The clarity of his thinking and teaching is unparalleled in my experience, his honesty is unusual, and what he teaches, he lives. This is a man who walks the walk. I've never met, and doubt I ever will meet, another teacher whose judgment makes me rethink my own on such a regular basis." Dan Moran, Author The Long Run

TODAY is the day I've been building toward for three years...hundreds of test students...thousands of questions and answers.

The 101 Program is now available at a special price. One hundred and One days of the most intense, balanced, amazing personal work ever compiled. Body, Mind, Spirit, and Success...all in one package. Go to http://www.therapysites.com/sites/diamondhour.com/NewThe101Program.en.html

(right now and order your copy...get on the road to your perfect life...get on ROUTE 101!

Steve

"The great tragedy of the average man is that he goes to his grave with his music still in him"--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Law of Requisite Variety

Tananarive came home from a trip to New York, with the news that our editor Malaika Adero, wants to split "Devil's Wake" into two books. I've never had to do that. Keep you posted on what that actually means in terms of structure and work.

When T. told me about this, she was apprehensive about how I'd react. Well, there are automatic difficulties, trying to make sure that each chunk of book stands sufficiently on its own to satisfy readers, for instance. Will we replace deleted material? Create new? Expand current scenes? Create new ones?

So many decisions. And each of them will be dependent upon underlying values and beliefs concerning writing and career, art and commerce. Once again, it's bob and weave time.

There is a principle called the Law of Requisite Variety, which states that '...the greater the variety within a system, the greater its ability to reduce variety in its environment through regulation.'

In layman's terms: in a system of interaction (i.e. between individual human beings) the part of the system with the greatest flexibility in it's behaviours will control the system.

In other words, rigidity is death. If I can be creative enough, flexible enough, relaxed enough about this entire process, we can make the book not only better and more satisfying, but better for our publisher, which creates a positive spiral of trust and mutual support.

How often does a character in your writing need to develop greater perceptual, emotional or even physical flexibility? How often does lack of flexibility in your own life diminish your results? Yogis like to say that the flexibility of your spine mirrors other aspects of your personality--that we store tensions in our muscles, especially our backs. To what degree is this true in your observations?

Just some things to think about.

Steve

Principle #3: The capacity to believe in Self deeply

Principle #3: The capacity to believe in Self deeply

Whew! New week, and new opportunity to move forward. And in two days, I'm going to be launching something I've been preparing for for three years.

I can't believe I waited so long to do it, but the reason relates to Principle #3. We all have damage in our hearts, and we all have strengths. I've spent a lifetime seeking to understand both.

Over the last twenty years, I've taught aspects of this material as "Lifewriting", "The Hero's Journey" and other forms, but three years ago I created the "101 Program"--a 101 day program to totally transform people's lives. My Sufi master co-conspirator and I tested it on literally HUNDREDS of people. The risk was in allowing a special test group to have access for free. But despite the fact that business "experts" advised me against it, and told me I could charge over a THOUSAND DOLLARS for this material, I wanted to be absolutely certain that the approach would work. No one had ever created a virtual "encyclopedia" of personal development. It was a risk, but one we were willing to take.

Did it work?
Here's just one comment: "It changed my life. It SAVED my life"--LaVeda Mason

Wow! When you get comments like that (and I've got a huge file of them) you know you're heading in the right direction. I had to trust myself. Had to believe in myself. My SELF. Regardless of my flaws and frailties, my doubts and fears, I had to believe that the basic person I am, the basic path I've walked, is one I can trust.

Do YOU have that kind of faith in yourself? If not, you don't have the bed-rock to stand on.

"Give me a fulcrum and a lever long enough, and I will move the world"--Archimedes. What does this mean to you? The lever is your clear goals and sustained efforts, focused over time. But the fulcrum is your belief in yourself, clear and bright and hard.

Concentrate on these two things: clarity and Self-confidence. Constant action. If you can sustain these, you, like Archimedes, can move the world.

How long? Well, how about...101 days, for instance..?

In two days, your life is going to change.

Steve

Diamond Hour show!
Sat. Sept 17 1:00 PM Pacific
(4:00 PM Eastern)
http://ping.fm/pzCzz
(724) 444-7444
#77111
Subject: healing emotions

Diamond Hour show!
Sat. Sept 17 1:00 PM Pacific (4:00 PM Eastern)
http://ping.fm/pzCzz
(724) 444-7444

The most difficult things are:
1) Returning love for hate
2) Including the excluded
3)Admitting that you were wrong
---Sidney Harris

"Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality."--Anthony Demello.

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.

~Stephen R. Covey

"You will become as small as your controlling desire, as great as your dominant aspiration"--James Allan "As A Man Thinketh."

To accept responsibility without falling into guilt, blame, or shame is a tightrope most cannot navigate...but which leads to Mastery.

"The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set"--James Allan

"The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors. That which it loves and also that which it fears."--James Allan, "As A Man Thinketh."

"I do not fear the man who practices 10,000 kicks one time. I fear the man who practices one kick 10,000 times"--Bruce Lee

People who say "just get over it" are usually lying to themselves. Wounds take longer to heal than they took to inflict.

Diamond Hour!
Sexual dynamics, rape and
abuse
Sat 27, 1:00 PM
PDT (4:00 PM Eastern)
 http://ping.fm/5xvXb
 (724) 444-7444

Pay more attention to "what is right" than "who is right." The best thing you can often do is admit you are wrong, and find a solution.

“The Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least”--

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"You will become as small as your controlling desire. As great as your dominant aspiration."--James Allan, "As A Man Thinketh"

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but unwilling to improve themselves"--James Allen

"The fault, Dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in our selves, if we be underlings"--Shakespeare.
Don't be a slave to your stars.

The DIAMOND HOUR audio archive:
http://tiny.cc/7u872
Body, Mind, Spirit, and Money...one hour at a time

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

~Bill Cosby

Tools with heart

Tools have heart!

Today I'm working on the sequel to my NY Times bestselling novel, "The Legacy of Heorot," written with Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Thank technology! Let's look at the technological innovations that have occurred in the 20+ years since the original book came out that make this possible:

1) The Internet. Although word processing existed when we originally collaborated, I had to hand Larry and/or Jerry a 5 1/4 inch disk. Now, I can send a file via gmail, to all concerned people. It circulates, everyone adds their notes, and it comes back to me for revision.

2) Online word processing. In addition, I use Adobe's "Buzzword", an online word processor that allows real-time collaboration, as well as infinite back-up of previous versions. Larry likes this more than Jerry. I generally work on Buzzword because it is available from any computer to which I currently have access (not my Ipad, however. "Buzzword" is Flash-driven. The only real downside to Ipadja I've yet discovered)

3) Skype. God bless Skype. We were able to video conference with Jack Cohen, my very favorite mad scientist, one of the world's great reproductive biologists and arguably the greatest living expert on Xenobiology. For the last book we flew him to the U.S. Since "The Secret of Black Ship Island" is a novella, this is impractical financially, but to sit in a room with my old friend once again, and bat ideas around, was just incredibly satisfying. Larry, Jerry, Jack, and me, one more time. Wow. Life is good. Damned good.

4) E-Publishing. Originally, my wonderful agent Eleanor Wood, discouraged me from writing a sequel to LEGACY and BEOWULF'S CHILDREN. The reason? Well, 1/3 of the advance just wouldn't be enough money to finance the project. But if you e-publish through Amazon, with a price over (I think) 10.00, you get 70% of the GROSS. And that is a very different equation, profit-wise. That is doable, if you have access to promotion. With Niven and Pournelle involved, the promotion is built-in. All we have to do is deliver the quality, and everything else falls into place.

So...due to technology, I get to revisit an early phase of my career. Close a circle. Have good evil fun putting a group of helpless humans through absolute hell (one of my favorite things to do). Work with old friends. Make money. Stretch my SF muscles (I've wandered a bit afield from there in recent years). It's all to the good. Tools are just tools. It's the way you use them that gives them heart.

WORLD'S BEST FICTION WRITING COURSE

LIFEWRITING YEAR LONG

Try the web's BEST whole-mind writing system,

created by a NY Times Bestselling writer.

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The first hour of your day must be positive input: books, tapes, meditation, goal setting. The first 60 minutes sets the tone for the day.

Stressed out? Check your breathing 5X a day. Ninja Stress sneakily motivates you to neglect the very practices that minimize its damage.

"You are only as free as your well-developed alternatives"--Brian Tracy

(Said in challenging circumstances): "Thank you, God, for giving me another opportunity to find out who I really am"--Patrick Young

"Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him to himself"--James Allen

First August Diamond Hour!
Sat. August 6, 1:00 PM Pacific (4:00 PM Eastern)
http://ping.fm/QxG44
(724) 444-7444

Excellence is contagious in your own life. Learn to be excellent at anything: the same meta-principles apply to anything else.

Resolve to enter the top 10% of people in your field. There is absolutely no excuse for not being excellent at something.

My brilliant, award-winning baby is turning her head inside-out for you:
Tananarive Due's Secrets of a Writer's Life:
http://tiny.cc/d7zxq

Sixty Minutes is Yours!

I really enjoy re-writing my goals every day, without looking at the previous day's list. I did this thirty years ago, at the beginning of my career, and took off like a rocket. Then...I got complacent and forgot about it. "I don't need that." Well...when I do this, several things happen:

1) I remind myself of my overarching goals (all current goals are to be accomplished by December 31, 2012.)

2) Because I don't look at the previous day's list, I have to struggle to clarify my mind, remember what is important to me. Later in the day, I might compare lists from different days. What keeps coming up? What drops out?

3) I can look and see how well my goals are balanced. Out of 10 goals, three are physical, three career and four are spiritual and family. That works for me--and I'd never want to have less than two in any of those arenas. If I didn't have at least one, I'm in big, big trouble.

4) Writing down a goal is an intermediate step between thinking it and doing it. It is an action, however small, and begins the process of bringing your goal from the purely mental domain into the realm of physical existence. It is revealing how people react to writing their goals out--I've seen it in countless workshops. Their hands will tremble when they do it, if there is any internal conflict. And friends, in my experience, there is ALWAYS internal conflict.

###

Every day, you need to know the three most important things for you to accomplish. If all you have that belongs to you is your "Diamond Hour" then you have to arrange things so that you are taking maximum advantage of those 60 minutes. Let's say that I'm talking about my own life. I can squeeze out 60 minutes of "my own" before I have to leave to catch a plane.

1) Re-write goals (10 minutes)

2) Meditate/Tibetans (10 minutes)

3) Read one scene of Shakespeare aloud (10 minutes)

4) Write 1000 words or 5 pages of script or rewrite same (30 minutes)

I know that if I do this every day, and if every day this is all that I do, at the end of the year I'll have made SERIOUS progress toward my personal goals. Needless to say, I want more writing time, more exercise time, more meditation time, more study time. But this minimum allows me to nurture my essence, and stay in touch with my childhood dreams, adult goals, and deathbed values. No matter how busy I get, I won't resent the time my family needs, and my body won't fall apart from stress. My writing is getting done, and I'm reminding myself what every day means in the overall structure of my existence.

I will fight to the death to get my hour a day. SIXTY MINUTES OF EVERY DAY BELONGS TO ME. It belongs to me. No one but me. And anyone who says different is trying to steal from the little boy inside me. God help them.

###

After TEN YEARS of pleading, I've finally managed to get Tananarive to begin the process of documenting the genius-level thought and action she uses to create her best-selling, award-winning novels and short stories. She approaches the dynamic sphere of creativity from a different perspective than I do...possibly because she's a woman, possibly because we're simply different people. But her depth of understanding is simply phenomenal, and until now, she just hasn't had the time or patience to do more than lecture select groups or work with a very few select and very advanced students. Now, she's created TANANARIVE DUE'S SECRETS OF A WRITER'S LIFE (http://tiny.cc/d7zxq)

In coaxing this precious information out of her, I was once again reminded of how blessed I am to have her as a partner in writing...or life itself. For a VERY limited time, we're offering this at a reduced price, just to let our "friends" have access to it before the general public trips across the link. Maybe 72 hours...maybe a week. No more than that, before the price goes up. Check it out today!

‎"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass

My NPR article on Why Fathers Matter:
http://tiny.cc/w6e5y

Aligning dreams, values, beliefs and actions is the fast track to double your energy. Misaligning is the sure road to massive stress.

Focused Flow

Focused Flow

In asking people for suggestions for my Writer's Block project, I realized that my perspective on the problem is an inability to freely shift between editing and flow modes. That "Focused Flow" is, for about 80% of people, the real issue--everything else is removing obstacles to this quality, and letting your best self issue forth.

Last Sunday I was speaking with the greatest martial artist it has been my honor to know personally, the phenomenal Steve Muhammad. And the topic of how to help students enter this critical mental/emotional state while maintaining technical precision was central to the discussion.

In martial arts, sexuality, driving, writing...countless disciplines the question is how to have the basic skills at Unconscious Competence so that flow can be entered, and you can just...well, enjoy the ride.

This "Focused Flow" is the lowest level of the esoteric mind, the doorway to your highest performance. To access it there must be a balance between challenge and familiarity, pain and pleasure, attention and intention. It is here that your instinct and education blend to create an artistic response...and I don't think it would be too much to say that every student I've ever had has, in one way or another, sought it.

The first step is to ADMIT YOU DESIRE IT. Then you can define how it would look and feel, and begin to identify the quality when and where it already appears in your life, and people who have greater amounts of it than you...and then begin to model them.

That means adding some behaviors, removing others, and modifying some. It will be a combination of emotions, mental focus, physical energy, and environmental design. It is your doorway to excellence.

Whatever your abilities, whatever your potential, whatever "mastery" means in your life...this is absolutely a component. Embrace it!

(And stay tuned for an announcement about your permanent solution to this problem...coming soon!)

Steven Barnes

www.diamondhour.com

"Unsound Intellection is false understanding, not resting on a perception of
the true nature of things" --Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

##

JULY 14, 2011

The lovely and talented J. S. has been successfully battling with her weight over the last months, and slowly it drops away. She has been smart enough to share her struggles on Facebook, including the depression that pops up if she gains a little weight during a week.

Note something important--this is TYPICAL backlash from our ego, which believes that it is us. Egos are not evil, and you cannot completely eradicate it so long as you have a body. But you can become familiar with its "voice" and tactics, and get the joke.

At any rate, on Facebook, one of her friends posted the following note:

"Losing weight feels sort of surreal, doesn't it? Like, I don't really believe in the weight loss 'til I try clothes on and I say, "Huh. These pants seem to have grown. That's weird."

###

What this person said is CRITICAL. We have to change our self-image, or the chances of self-sabotage are about 95%. The problem with shifting bodies is that our old concepts and emotions are FAR more slippery than the mere physics of the situation. I HATE it when people who do not understand prattle about 'laziness.' Jesus. No understanding of human psychology at all.

And while the dynamics of weight loss are photographable, the need to shift self-image is important in all three arenas. Do you believe you're worth twice the money you currently make? Can you see that version of yourself clearly? What do they do? How do they feel? How do they carry themselves? I promise it is different from the way you currently think, feel, and act.

How about relationships? It is so sad when people constantly blame their spouses and relationships for trauma and damage, without the slightest bit of self awareness that THEY CHOSE THEIR PARTNERS. At the very, very least, they have some waking-up to do. Maybe growing-up. Healing. Either you didn't know yourself, or you don't read other people very well. This can be fixed, but you MUST take responsibility. Who is the version of you who could have a healthy, happy, sensual, positive relationship? Unless you are currently in such a blessed union, I promise that person walks, talks, thinks, and feels different from you.

Now, I'm going to tell a story on my buddy Scott Sonnon. I've known fanatics my whole life. They can seem brilliant, talented, focused, and worthy of emulation and leadership. When I met Scott, I knew he was a singularity: his quality of motion was unique in my experience, and I have seen some extraordinary martial athletes. And charismatic? He dominated a roomful of Alphas so effortlessly you would have thought he was a Beta with a gun. I knew I wanted to get closer, but frankly, I was a little worried. So on one of my visits to train with him, I brought my wife, Tananarive. I told her I wanted her to notice three things:

1) His wife

2) The nature of his RELATIONSHIP with his wife.

3) Lastly, Scott himself.

You see, your partner is your mirror. You can't fake it for very long. You note the way the wife or husband acts when the partner is in the room. Out of the room. Moving in and out of physical space. Use emotional "soft focus" and trust your instincts. Keep your antennae WAY up. You'll figure it out. And by the way: the energy between Scott and his lovely wife Jodie was just phenomenal--you could feel both the childlike playfulness, the adult partnership, and the "oomph." The air virtually shimmered between them. She was his grounding, but also his guide. They clearly exchanged positions of leadership depending upon the issues. What we were seeing is the same healthy dance of male-female energy that should be internal in every human being, played out in a dyadic relationship. Lovely.

I knew I could trust him--Scott was the real thing.

To achieve that level of physical, mental, and emotional/spiritual success, you MUST constantly battle with your old self-image. It will strangle you, bind you, try desperately to limit you. Fear will be a constant companion (which is one of the reasons Scott's fear coping techniques are among the most powerful I've encountered.)

And I mean you will fight these battles DAILY unless your self-image is aligned with your goals. That "human laser" thing is tricky: self-image, goals, values, beliefs, positive and negative emotional anchors, support systems...ALL of this has to be aligned. Any "chink" in the armor has to be dealt with, or you will bleed energy.

Every morning, I start by finding my heartbeat. Then I do 100 "be breathed" style breaths in cross-legged position (similar to Kapalbhati breathing, with emphasis on exhalation with inhalation automatic as the diaphragm drops). Slow. As I do, and allow my kinesthetic awareness to drift between heartbeat and breathing, I visualize the youngest self I can access--usually about 5 years old (I can go much younger, but 5 seems to be about average in the mornings) and see if he's smiling at me. If so, he'll give me "light" and I connect that light between the "root" of my spine (where the 5 year old sits) and my heart (which represents my current state). What are my top three goals? Can I see and feel myself accomplishing them with joy? If so, great. If not, there is work to do. If all is well, allow the light to rise higher, until I connect with my Death Image.

Now, I got this from my father, on his deathbed. He died well. It is ancient, and weathered, and reminds me that life is finite. I am my own elder, and whisper of the values that endure. If the light stretches from Child to Elder with clarity, I'm in great shape. Everything is aligned. If not, I will either concentrate on the Child self and bring the light up, or on my Heartspace and allow it to spread. I never concentrate on my Elder unless I'm rooted in one of the other two.

Doesn't seem healthy. When I do that, I seem to accomplish externals while losing my sense of self. It's...odd. Maybe I'll talk more about that another time.

At any rate, if your goals and self-image fail to match, you'll want to concentrate on your heartspace, and visualize yourself clearly doing, being, having your goal with effortless energy and integrity and joy. See it. Feel it. Spend twenty minutes doing this a day, until it comes easily to you, and you will be astonished at the ease with which your goals just seem to "materialize."

It's not magic at all, of course. Most people probably expend twice the energy they need to reach their goals. That energy is just snarled like a Gordian knot. Emotional clarity, values, and self-love are Alexander's sword.

If you can't see it, you can't be it.

Steve

"Unsound Intellection is false understanding, not resting on a perception of
the true nature of things" --Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

The physics of weight loss are simple. The biology is complicated. The emotions are a Gordian Knot.

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Be more concerned with "what's" right than "who's" right.

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The ultimate success: to align your childhood dreams with your deathbed values.
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Intelligence is problem solving. If you are smart, and unhappy, you're concentrating on the wrong issues.

What would your life be like if you were living in alignment with BOTH your childhood dreams and your deepest, most sacred values?

Cradle To The Grave

When I was working at the Moonview Sanctuary in Santa Monica, I had the chance to play with some of the most successful, wealthy, and powerful people in the world. It was an incredible honor, but I was forced to "up" my game considerably--there was no room for error at all when you deal with people used to getting results NOW, with access to the most talented and effective facilitators on the planet.

Experimenting, I developed a cluster of effective techniques I would routinely use with them.

1) Stress relief through the Flow State Performance Spiral, and the "Be Breathed" exercise.

2) The Five Tibetans

3) The Hero's Journey

4) Heartbeat Meditation

The first three I used for most of the time I was there. But the last year or so, I began to use something a little different in addition.

5) A pure "white light" meditation. Once the client had visualized the maximum light he could generate, I led them to condensing that light down to a child form. It works this way: you visualize the largest younger "you" you can create with whatever amount of light you can find. Most people could create someone about nine years old. A few could manage only an embryo, or a single cell. These were the most damaged cases. I would have them speak to these "younger selves" and often, what those "selves" conveyed was a reminder of the goals and dreams they had had early in life. Fascinating. I remembered Harlan Ellison's definition of success: "to bring into existence, in adult terms, your childhood dreams."

6) The next piece, the last innovation I devised at Moonview was to take them in the opposite direction, to their oldest self. Their "elder", their "deathbed" self. And have that Elder give them advice. This often was very similar to the "deathbed values," the things people most often find of real significance at the end of their lives. These usually revolve around intimacy, self-expression, contribution, honesty, love, and personal integrity.

Now then...the trickiest and best thing that I may have done in the entire time I worked at Moonview followed. I combined these with Tad James' "Time Line" concept, and had them visualize a line of light connecting their oldest and youngest selves. To see themselves on a journey between the cradle and the grave. The trick, I said, was to have both their youngest and oldest selves approve of the actions they take, their associations, and their goals.

It was unbelievably powerful. Powerful men and women were uplifted, or broke down and sobbed that they had betrayed their childhood dreams, or were on a path that would lead to deathbed misery. I was shocked at the quality and quantity of high-level advice, both spiritual and practical, that they generated, at an unprecedented flow-rate.

It made me want to add a second statement to Harlan's, one viewed from the other end of the equation: "Success means to live your life, in worldly terms, by the values you will hold on your death bed."

It seems to me that these to can be, should be, MUST be combined to create an awakened adult human being. I would like comments back from readers--can you see a flaw in this reasoning? Because unless I am convinced there is, I have just defined the next course I must create, and the future of my teaching.

Once these twin strands are combined, all else is merely perspective, or means to this worthy end.

Thoughts?

"Courage is resistance to fear. Mastery of fear. NOT absence of fear"--Mark Twain

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A problem properly defined is half solved.

Where's Steve Been?

Where's Steve Been?

I've had a flood of questions about where I've been and what I've been up to the last few weeks. Well, I've been working on a slew of projects, traveled to Los Angeles to take meetings, work, and see friends. Then back to Atlanta, and then up to Boston to speak at a Complexity conference--3 1/2 hour panel on Science Fiction and Complexity. A chance to hang out with some genuinely brilliant people, as well as get in a bit of play with a martial arts master who is also a consultant for Military Intelligence. What incredible fun.

I'll be diving into this in the days to come, but I just wanted to give you a head's up, and to ask a few questions.

You see, Complexity theory has several aspects, but one way of looking at it is that it deals with

1) Emergent qualities--the way individual pieces combine to create a whole very different from the sum of the parts.

2) Interconnectedness. The various ways organizations and organisms can be considered systems, and understood best by studying individual parts, and their relationships.

Both of the above statements are of course two versions of the same thing, but I find it best to examine something both top-down and bottom up. Or outside-in and inside-out.

Because several of my current projects involve such complexity, both thematically and operationally, I'm going to be maintaining these new relationships and asking lots of questions of people who are, frankly, smarter than yours truly. No false modesty here: I ADORE smart people, and there is no greater pleasure than allowing myself to be stimulated thereby.

So...until next time, here are some questions and thoughts for you:

1) Your web of relationships will determine your success and health in life. If you average the 20% of your friends and associates with whom you spend 80% of your time, what result do you get in terms of emotional health? Financial success? Physical fitness?

2) How would you define the component pieces of your most critical discipline? How do you define and organize them? Do you disassemble (mentally, at least) these pieces, inspect and polish them regularly? Do you analyze the way more successful people organize, define and refine their time, resources, associations, emotions, values, actions, and energies?

Just a little to think about. My head is buzzing right now. More soon!

If you were a completely excellent person, how would you be different from the person you are today?

The last time you were under killing pressure, what were your actions? The answer reveals your true values.

Cuccess requires: 1) Crystal clear goals. 2) knowing what it will cost to attain them. 3) A willingness to pay that price--in advance.

Musashi #9: Do Nothing Which Is of No Use

Musashi #9: Do Nothing Which Is Of No Use

In other words, DON'T WASTE YOUR

PRECIOUS TIME AND ENERGY.

Finally, we're at the end of Musashi's

core principles. If you interpret them

properly, you'll notice that each and

every one of them is merely re-stating

the same idea in a different way.

More importantly, perhaps, each of

them is actually pointing to a principle

that cannot be expressed precisely in

language. If you were to create a circle,

with each of the different principle

pointing toward the center, what

would the center be?

To try to communicate this differently,

think of instances in your life when you

have used each of the nine principles,

or should have used them, or witnessed

someone else using or notably failing to

use them.

Remember the principle to "see those

things that cannot be seen?" Read

between the lines. The deepest truths

about human existence tend to evade

direct definition. Why? Well...words

are symbols, and the most important

things in life are direct expressions or

experiences. No matter what anyone

tells you, nothing can quite prepare

you for the first time you hold your

newborn child, or watching your

mother or father take their last breath.

Doors of perception open at such moments

that are both qualitatively and

quantitatively different from anything

else you have experienced, and they

change you forever. To understand

what Musashi is trying to say, what he

has said to generations of seekers, you

must apply them to your life, and think

back over your life experience, and

delve into the life experiences of others.

Use these memories to help you detect

arenas of your life where you can apply

these principles. All success principles

are merely "fingers pointing to the moon."

Zen Koans do not contain truth, they

point one toward a mode of thought

that contributes to direct perception

and dynamic action. It is in the action

of meditation, combat, creation,

lovemaking, or life itself that the truth

of things is revealed.

Do not read of Musashi's dictates. Live

them. Walk the Thousand Mile Road.

And in action, is truth. Mere speculation

without application is useless. And

please, please...do nothing which is of

no use.

Steve

###

Under promise and over-deliver. There are never any traffic jams on the extra mile.

"Everybody has Talent, but Ability takes hard work"--
Michael Jordan

Musashi #8: Pay Attention Even To Little Things

In the final analysis, it is both the ability to take the big picture AND the ability to manage the small important details that defines the path of mastery. Whether the arts, sciences, family life, fitness and sports, or the spiritual disciplines, it is critical to develop the capacity to move back and forth between the forest and the trees. Long view...close view.

This is so true in so many arenas, that an entire library could be written just on the small "differences that make the difference." Let's just focus on one.

In goal setting, for instance, it is important to have "long term" goals--five year, ten year, lifetime goals. They help you to see the major paths you must take, the allies you will need, the broad strokes of your actions.

But you also need a daily "to do" list, a structured catalog of the things which must be accomplished by the end of your work day in order to stay on that larger path. Most people make the massive error of thinking that the only value of a goal is achieving it. NO. More valuable is the clarity of creating it, the courage of declaring it, the self-knowledge gained by analyzing failures, the discipline that results from repeated commitment to a difficult path.

Keep a journal, and keep track of what happens as you attempt to reach your goals. And, of course, re-read your goals every day. At the end of the day, what went wrong? At the end of the week? Month? Year? If you keep track of what happened, how you reacted, the obstacles the universe threw at you...you would begin to see the patterns behind the patterns. The way small details add up to major discoveries.

And will be on your way to creating the life you truly desire.

Steve

##

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Unsuccessful people spend their time thinking about problems. Successful people spend THEIR time considering solutions. Which are you?

There is a gigantic difference between doing 99% of a task and doing 100% of a task. Most people never grasp the sheer power of completion.

Honesty and integrity are more than values: they are the values that determine other values.

I don't believe in lazy. "Laziness" is the result of unclear goals and values, and thinking efforts will bring more pain than pleasure.

Strained Leg

For the last six weeks I'd been nursing a sore leg a bit. Didn't interfere with my working out, but a slight tension along the outer thigh of my left leg told me to be careful. Last Saturday I had a "heavy" day and decided to push a little, the protocol called a "fat ripper" where you alternate running and kettlebells. 60 seconds of running, rest thirty seconds, 30 seconds of KB. In this instance, the rather severe KB series created by Steve Maxwell using double KB clean and jerk (and precursive) movements. Well...felt something "ping" a bit in that leg, and paid for it seriously later in the day. And by Sunday it was sore as hell. Seemed to be the Illiotibial band along the thigh. Nothing torn, but it was as if he Golgi Tendon Organs didn't trust me, and were holding on for dear life, refusing to release any flexibility in the protecting and protected muscle groups.

Leading to awful things like having trouble getting up off the ground, or off the sofa. Arrrgh. It was like trying to figure out which way to lean, or curl, or crawl, to move at times. Walking up stairs was an exercise in torture. I hate doing it, but I finally took a couple of Ibuprofin, and that helped. Hot bath and ice packs also helped, and lots of "Body Rolling" pressure-point release techniques. No working out, but lots of yoga in the mornings. By Tuesday it was feeling pretty good, but then I got upset with Jason yesterday morning (he asked repeatedly if he could break a pencil, I said no repeatedly, he did it anyway) and I had him doing yoga with me to calm him down. My emotional piss-offedness wrecked my calm, and my left leg was back in Sunday mode. Arrgh. I was actually trapped on the couch for about 10 minutes, unable to figure out how to get off. Hate when that happens. So...another Ibuprofin, a cold compress, some body-rolling, and a little extra sleep. Feeling better again this morning. Careful yoga, and if Jason breaks another pencil, I'm gonna smile and hand him a pen.

Sat, June 1, 2011 1:00 PM PDS (4 PM EST)
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Subject: Does "Talent" Exist?

Musashi #6: Intuition

"Develop intuitive judgement and understanding of everything." There are many different ways of addressing "intuition." At the edge of esoteric martial experience, we may be speaking of a proprioceptive sense, some kind of sensing of electromagnetic fields or subtle body language cues that offer information too swift or subtle for the conscious mind to absorb. Certainly too swift for language: by the time you've labeled something with a word, you're usually hit, cut, or thrown.

Intuition on this level might be the capacity to respond to information without labeling it or justifying it logically. That doesn't mean it's "supernatural," just that the logical, labeling mind is only a fraction (however large) of our total perceptual/cognitive apparatus.

On a practical level, I suggest a technique called "Mind Reading" when dealing with other human beings. It involves several steps.

1) Start with assuming that everyone wants love, health, and success. True, the definitions for these things differ, but experience suggests that about 99% of people want all three, although at least 10% of people will lie their asses off about it. "I don't want a relationship", "I don't care about my weight" and "I don't care about money" are said one hell of a lot more often than they are actually felt.

2) "Every tree grows as tall as it can." If you see a burned, stunted tree in the forest, trunk splintered and twisted, one might assume a lightning strike. If you assume that in an optimal growth environment a child could grow to be loving (and self-loving), successful and healthy (human beings have astonishing athletic capacity, in some ways surpassing any animal on earth), when you see people who are less than magnificent (about 99% of us) in all three arenas, it is reasonable to assume that they did not have an optimal environment. Develop your own theories about what causes various problems, remain aware that you're probably wrong, adn let your deeper experience of people fill in the blanks. Adjust your guesses. You'll start figuring it out.

3) Look at the "gap" between where people are, and the stories they try to sell about WHY they are in poor health, lonely, or broke/unhappy in their careers. That gap will tell you a lot about their self-image. Most story-telling is about collapsing this gap, forcing people to confront the reality of their lives. Plots are just the manipulation of events to cause this collapse in a particular human being.

4) Wisdom, to a degree, is recognition of cycles, and metapattern recognition. The way to learn #1 and #2 and #3 is to apply them to yourself. Go deep. Be honest at a level that is painful. Take responsibility for where you are in your life, and what has gone wrong. It isn't that we really have 100% responsibility for what happens in our lives, but most people don't see the connections between their short-term actions, attitudes, and values and their long-term results. I'm not talking about guilt, blame, or shame. Responsibility means "the ability to respond." Without it, you are helpless, and childlike. If you would own your life, step up and claim your power. If you leave it on the table, trust me...someone else will grab it.

5) As you develop greater intuition about people, you'll start seeing their truth before they open their mouths. "What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you say." I person who is honest about their own failings is hard to lie to. But...and this is critical ...KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Everyone has the right to privacy. Everyone has wounds they conceal. To learn to intuitively understand people is one thing. But nothing will destroy a relationship faster than using this information against them, to make points or win arguments. Be kind, if you wish kindness in return.

But tell yourself the truth, and learn to see it in others.

If all the world's a stage, where is the audience sitting?

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How do you want to look and feel in 20 years? Start working on it NOW. Don't look in the mirror one day and ask: "how did this happen?"

Water in the Mouth

In my second novel in the "Streetlethal" series,

"Gorgon Child" I have a sequence where my

hero Aubry Knight undergoes a manhood

ritual that involves running across a desert

while holding a mouthful of water. I was

asked to comment on this, and that gives

me an opportunity to take a break from

talking about Musashi (don't worry, I'll

get back) but also to discuss a couple of

health and consciousness things, and also

to use this as an example of integrating

your specialized knowledge into your

writing work.

1) The "holding water" technique was

something I came across decades ago

as an Apache ritual, if memory serves.

The technique forces concentration,

and more importantly--breathing

through the nose.

2) When you force someone to breathe

through their nose during exercise, you

limit the amount of oxygen they intake.

This forces them to keep the exertion level

below the anaerobic threshold. You

can't gasp open-mouthed, gulping air.

You must pace yourself, and remain

below the level where the Kreb cycle

begins to break down and you cannot

re-convert fatigue toxins to produce

ATP. This means becoming smoother

and more efficient, rather than just

pushing yourself, multiplying

biomechanical errors.

3) Once you become aware of the flow

of breath, it opens the doorway to a

vast world of internal states. Because

breathing is the only process that is both

voluntary and autonomic, it is the

doorway to control of the CNS as well

as the sympathetic and parasympathetic

nervous systems, controlling the fight

or flight response. Fabulous for stress

control, health, concentration, energy,

even pain management.

4) By placing my lead character into a

situation where he had to evolve or

die, I had the chance to create a

"teaching" moment, where real

physiological science met Eastern

"mysticism" to create an entertaining

sequence with a touch of reality.

Anchoring a spiritual practice in

hard science is one of my favorite

things in the world.

Steve

####

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Regret no honorable choice. There are always roads not taken, and most of them are bumpier than the one you're on.

"A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault." ~John Henry Newman

Money cannot buy happiness. It can, however, remove some serious motivations for misery.

The Date

The Date

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.”

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. “What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. “I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.” She thought about it for a moment, and then said, “I would like that very much.”

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s. “I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, “she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said. “Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation – nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.” I agreed.

“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home. “Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: “I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: “I LOVE YOU”.

~ Author Unknown

http://quisegoreputo.com/2011/the-date

This just in from Fox News: "African Immigrant in Washington D.C. confesses to murder of elderly man."

I refuse to believe Bin Laden is dead until Obama releases his long-form death certificate.