The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter

Thursday, August 08, 2013

Finding Your Soul Mate #1

 Finding the Soul Mate demands first a definition.  We will try to do this in as basic a way as possible.  Love is a sense of joy and connection that flows from within a person’s heart.  Romance is two people looking at each other.   But a relationship is two people walking in the same direction, close enough to hold hands along the path.

So a Soul Mate, by such a definition, would be someone with whom you feel more complete, more truly “you”, with whom you can see the path ahead most clearly, and who shares enough of your values, dreams, hopes, and interests that the bond can grow stronger with every step, every travail, every victory or failure.

A husband or wife can be, and has often been a business partnership, a community bond to sustain family.  Love often blossoms here.  But the “Soul Mate” is a higher level.  For those on the spiritual path, the deeper one contacts the inner essence, the more we demand from ourselves…and our potential partners.  At all times, it is better to be alone than with the wrong person.

1) Goal—Faith—Action—Gratitude  (Wattle)
2) Potential—Action—Results—Belief (Robbins)
Of all the “patterns” attempting to put some kind of logic onto the chaos of life, I like the Chakras best.    The beautiful thing about them is that if you can apply the concept of fundamental levels of growth to any arena of life.

Now, my teachers taught me a path that would allow me to move through the world while constantly improving my alignment with nature, and reality, removing illusion, and unfolding my spiritual nature.  There was no conflict between worldly life and the ultimate goal of the Seeker.  To be “in the world but not of the world.”

But that means that each goal needs to be both valid on its own terms, AND a path to our true essence.  The beautiful thing about this approach is that even if you don’t believe in any reality but the one in front of you…you win.  And even if you believe that the search for the divine, and the “true” essence of your soul is the only important mission in life…you win.

No conflict.   "I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is." - Albert Camus.  That’s lovely, but I like the way I was given even more: a path where it literally doesn’t matter whether there is or is not.   One that quiets both the Mystical and Logical sides of my mind.

There are seven basic levels of the Chakras, rising from root to flower: Survival, Sexuality, Power, Emotion, Communication, Intellect, and Spirit.
Each is said to have a male and female aspect. The balanced “awakening” of each of these is said to awaken the full adult human potential, or “kundalini” energy, which burns away illusion and leads to awakening.  And sustained awakening leads to non-dualistic thought, which is the doorway to enlightenment.  That’s another subject, and beyond language, really.  Also not the subject of the discussion.

What can be said then is that Sri Chinmoy said that the Kundalini can be awakened “from the root up” or “from the heart out” but never ever from the “top down.”   In other words, you can set out to become an adult: learn survival skills, satisfy your sexual and sensual desires with honor, learn to expand your power and influence into the world, and then with fear conquered, allow the heart to flower.  This leads to right speech, clarity of vision and thought, and spiritual unfoldment.

Or, you can go directly to the heart, learn self-love, fill oneself with this wonderful energy and allow it to propagate out into the world.   It leads to honest fair speech, the power of bonding community, clarity of thought, loving sexual relations, a rooting in our most basic needs and spiritual unfoldment.

What DOESN’T work is having some idea about what the world is, and then crafting filters to reinforce your beliefs and concepts without realistic feedback.    Tyranny of the fears and hungers results from this.

Usually, we start from the root up.  But frankly, with this subject, it is almost certainly best to begin from the heart out.   There is no downside to this.

1) Love is what is sought here.  If you begin with a sense of lack, you will be needy and desperate, and that is one of the most “un-attractive” things imaginable. 
2) If you begin with love, you have a huge advantage.  Nothing is more attractive than someone who feels healthfully attractive.  The energy is intoxicating.  Self-confidence is a fantastic aphrodesiac.   It also repels the negative and insecure, saving you a ton of time sorting through them.

Beside: remember the Formula?    GOAL X FAITH X ACTION X GRATITUDE = RESULTS?   Well, if you BEGIN your search for a Soulmate with love, you have already achieved your basic goal (happiness) and now have only to evolve it.   Faith is easy, because you know you are a worthy partner, and need only to find someone with eyes and heart to see.  Action is automatic: you will follow the path of unfoldment and contribution in the process of sharing love and simply being happy.  Along that path, you will meet your Soulmate.  And Gratitude?  Who wouldn’t be grateful to wake up every day filled with Love, with Faith that today will be better than yesterday, and knowing exactly what you need to do to move your life forward?

So you have the pieces in place.  No downside.  If there is a Soul Mate for you…great.  If you will walk life alone…great.  If there is a divine reality…great.  If not…great.   No matter what, you win, if you begin with love.

So we will begin there.  The Ancient Child model says that we are moving between our earliest “self” and our most ancient “self”—from birth to death, at the least.    Whatever your beliefs, apply them here.

The trick is to “see” an energetic line that moves from your earliest to oldest self.  Your adult self is traveling along that line.  True happiness is to operate in alignment with your childhood dreams AND the values you will hold on your deathbed.  Think deeply on this.

If you can make contact with both of these selves, you have an endless font of energy and possibility (the child) as well as the rock-solid values of someone who has moved beyond ego, doubt, fear, greed, and confusion.

If your actions are in alignment with BOTH of these “selves” you are in great shape.     But love…how to begin with love? To begin with our “end state” in mind?

1)  Heartbeat Meditation.    Simple, powerful.  Simply sit and listen to your heartbeat.  Take your pulse and “feel” it if necessary.  The more quiet and still you become, the easier this is.    The cascade of positive effects is gigantic.

2) 5MM.  The “Five Minute Miracle” protocol says to take five sixty-second “breathing breaks” during the day, approximately every three hours.    ANYONE has five minutes a minute at a time.  If you think you don’t, you are lying to yourself.  Period.   Start with this reality, then deepen and slow those breaths, and you begin to break your negative stress patterns.

3) Ancient Child.  If you have a hard time loving yourself, love the child within you.  We are wired biologically, psychologically, and socially to love those little people.  And this can often be the dynamite that sets you free.   You can begin every day by laying quietly in bed, visualize a mirror above you, and see yourself in it.  Visualize the light within the darkness in your body.   Condense the light down until you have a solid ball of whatever size.   Form that light into a living form, even if it is only an infant.  An embryo.  Even a single cell.    Focus your love there.

This is a beginning process, and variations upon it are legion, and they work.    Trust me: what is said here, by itself, is a lifetime of work if you dive deeply.   We’re going to make this specific to the question of finding lasting love, but it applies to literally everything else as well.

That’s how I roll.


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