Social Darwinism and the one-balled man

One of the reasons I vacillate between left and right wings of the spectrum is my attitude toward the concepts lumped together under the umbrella term "Social Darwinism."  Actually predating Darwin, and the creation of a guy named Herbert Spencer, the survival-of-the-fittest idea applied to social context (and later in economic context with unfettered Capitalism) is a great idea, and seems to hold true down to the protozoan level: those more efficient and effective organisms, social systems, individuals, methodologies or groups will thrive, and the lesser will fade away.  and I think about 50% of me agrees with that.
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The problem is that ol' debbo called the level playing field.  I've seen incredible martial arts systems die out because they didn't know how to promote themselves. The McTaekwondo domnating the strip malls in the 90's were hardly "superior"--but man, they knew how to  promote themselves.  In fact, you could get our ass kicked rather roundly trying to make a lot of that stuff work (this is not to criticise REAL TAE KWON DO--a brutally effective and aesthetically astonishing Korean art--which barely exists in America).  but there is this thing called Gresham's law that states counterfeit money will drive out good money...adn the same thing can happen in other arenas.
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I've know a lot of people who believed in Social Darwinism, that basically, the people how are on top deserve to be on top, the people on the bottom, er...well, it's not PC to come right out and say this any more, but, well, they deserve to be there.  And if there are a disproportunate number of the "others" there, well...too bad.  Reality is harsh, ain't it?
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Of course, I've always found it interestng that people tend to justify the positin of whatever social class or group they are born into.  I.E.--wealthy people tend to think that rich people are rich because, well, they're better.  Poor people tend to think that poor people are poor because they are more honest, and have better values.  The people who believe that government shouldn't interfere in social process are those already at or near the top.  those who think the government should get involved in every aspect of our lives, and "level the playing field" tend to have been nearer the bottom.  And so it goes. 
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I remember stories in the Science Fiction field like "The Marching Morons", takign the position that because smart people breed less than "less smart", we will be swamped by stupidity.  Let's not note that, for the last sixty years, the average I.Q. (whatever the hell that is) has actually gone up (if anyone has contrary information, I'm sure they'll let me know!).  What is interesting is how much of a classic this story is, how most of my friends and associates in the SF field nodded their heads sagely and agreed this was a classic piece of work, and basically agreed with it.  I'm not sayign that they were wrong.  What I AM saying is that they combined this with the comlete lack of non-whites in SF--either as writers, readers, characters, cover images...the comments by John Campbell (verified by two independant sources) that black Africans, even in the future, would not be capable of developing or sustaining a technological civilization AT THE SAME TIME Campbell is counted as the single most influential SF editor by a large chunk of the field...and yet SF readers like to think of themselves as being progressive and open-minded about racial issues.  I can't tell you how many panels I've had to sit on and disabuse folks of that notion.
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In other words: everyone wants to think that thier group is where they are because of their positive qualities.  and every group likes to think that their group are oepn, loving, realistic, and the blessed of god.  I'm telling you, put these things together, and ANYTIME you have a group with numerical or political or financial advantage, they will use it in ways large and small to keep and increase their power, simultaneously acting pious as hell.
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There was a deifnition of hubris in Greece that went something like this: to rob someone, or beat them, is one thing.  To then crow about the fact that you did it is a greater crime.  But do you know what human beings do?  Do you know what absolutley common behavior justifies the lower, deeper circles of hell?  To rob someone, beat them, piss on them...and then tell everyone that the victim is just "naturally' smelly, broke, and crippled.  THAT is what people do.  They justify it because that is the only way they can live with themselves. Tall, White, upper-class, educated, Christian, lean-bodied, heterosexual males are pretty much at the top of the social pyramid in America, and oftimes sneer at the "special interest" groups tryign to steal tax money for their own pork-barrel interests.  but you know what?  Secretly, most of those in that group are part of a less-advantaged sub-group.  Take any one of them, and make them gay, or non-white, or past 50, or take their jobs, or make them disabled Veterans, or women, or whatever, and suddenly they're screaming for help just like the people they castigate.  In other words, human beings tend to take their blessings and consider them to be their due, just for being born.  And to ignore any aspect of their history that goes against that.
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so Social Darwinism works...to a point.  Because human perception will promote inferior skills and goods into positions of power, and we will justify our advantages and consider them the grace of God--and permission to destroy the competition.  but the opposite position is no better--if you hobble the most capable among us, and 'tax the rich until they're dead", I think you DO create a kingdom of the impotent, in which the one-balled man is king.
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I remember talking to Jerry Pournelle once, and his positin was that society shouldn't provide basic goods and services.  My position was that every citizen should be guaranteed a basic education, room, board, and medical treatment.  He said: "why in the world should we do that?"  I said, "We need to provide at least the level of social service one would get in a State prison, because all I have to do to get those things is kill you. " Jerry looked at me curiously, and said he'd never thought of that.
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You want the lowest among us to feel enfranchised inthe system--otherwise, what motivatin do they have not to simply kill you to get heir basic necessities?  On the other hand, anyone who knows me knows I believe in individual initiative and responsiblity.  to the max.  THIS is what we need to teach our kids in school--how to succeed.  and in the twelve years of public school education, I received not one hour of genuine success coaching, the principles that actually lead peole to success.  Not one hour.
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if I was to do the 'Poor little me" thing for a minute (and I think I may be permitted.  It's my blog after all) I'd also note that in those twelve years I never received an hour's teaching on African history.  The white kids in my class received thousands of times more reinforcement about their blessed advantages and heritage.  I had to search high and low for any scrap of self-esteem, and if my blessed mother hadn't brainwashed me with "the Power of Positive thinking" and "Psycho-Cybernetics" and "Think and Grow Rich", I'd probably be just as dead or broken as many of the kids I grew up with.  and I had no role models in the Science fiction field, and they put a white guy on the cover of my book.  And I was told that if I wrote stories about people who looked like me, no one would buy them.  And had scripts turned down not because of quality, but because of the race of the characters.  For thirty years I've struggled with this, while staying more focussed, more directed, more obsessively optimistic (and anyone who knows me will verify this) than any human being has the responsibility to be.  And at every turn, what I meet are people COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that this is what I've gone through.  erpetually astonished when I tell them, show them, prove to them.  "Wow!  I thought we'd gotten beyond that!"  No, we haven't. And women, and the elderly, and the poor,a nd the disabled, and gays ("does megastar XX really think it would hurt his career if he came out of the closet?  What nonsense!") and any other group...and as individuals, that includes most of us...get screwed.
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But if you can make it into that "upper" group.  If you can talk the talk, and dress that way, and shut up about where you came from, and agree that "anyone who has what it takes" can make it, then you can get the goodies. there would be nothing wrong with Social Darwinism as a theory if combined with sufficient compassion and honesty.  But while most of the people I know ARE compassionate, Honesty is hard to come by.  We praise our birthrights, and rationalize away our personal failures.  When will I believe we are honest enough for Social Darwinism to not be an excuse to simply steal and kill and piss on the people we've hurt while blaming them for their wounds?  When the average person is in a healthy relationship, has a healthy body, and a healthy career, that's when.  Because all it takes to have those things is honesty, clarity, and hard work over time.  Gee--isn't that what the Social Darwinists say it takes to succeed?
It's harder than it looks, friends.  It's harder than it looks.

First Movie Deal

Well, it looks as if Tananarive and I have our first movie deal.  More as it develops, but both agents, Nia Hill (our producer), Blair Underwood (our other producgn partner) agree that a particular deal we were offered looks best.  So...we've given our representation permission to move forward.  Like I said, more as it develops.
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I put a sign up in my office that says the following (a quote from a self-improvement book I recently acquired):  "the grateful mind is constantly fixed upon te best; therefore it tends to become the best; it takes the form of character of the best, and will receive the best."

There are, indeed, two different kinds of people in the world.  One, when you suggest a project or an approach that might bring them greater health or happiness, will tell you all the reasons it won't work, and you will end up in an argument, trying to offer them resources and help them be more flexible.  It's hell.  The other says: hmm.  How can I make this work? and starts looking for solutions. 

1) I've never met a human being who didn't have a perfect set of reasons to be a failure.  Too old, rich (!), black, poor, gay, female, short, whatever.  Not one.  Everyone has some set of reasons that life isn't going to work out.  and you can always find a pity party ready to agree.

2) I've never met someone with nothing to offer, someone who genuinely had no path to success.  I remember a woman talking about how she had a friend who was quite ugly.  I believe there was fire scarring involved, and would therefore not be able to find a man.  this, she said, disproved my idea that everyone can be happy.  My immediate response was that if I was that woman, I would get a job at the Braille institute, and find a really nice blind guy.  She was thunderstruck.  How could I even SUGGEST such a thing?  Because I play to win, that's why.  I don't play to make other peole happy, or to salve my ego.  I play to accomplish the goals that I've chosen and maintained over the years, and that means that I have to keep going no matter what.
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When Tananarive, Nicki, Jason and I moved donw here to Southern California, my plan was to write for television until I found a route to work in film.  My plans were COMPLETELY blown out of the water because:
1) my previous television credits were so long ago, they didn't help me.
2) the entire game in television has changed--they don't hire freelancers.  The work is all being done on staff.
3) The television shows don't hire anyone for staff who is over 40.
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I panicked.  This was an unmitigated disaster.  My entire strategy had to be re-framed, and I had to FORCE myself ot look for hte spaces between the trees, otherwise I would crash and burn.  The first thing I had to do was resolve not to take it personally.  This had nothign to do with me--it was just a situation.
Secondly, I had to be very clear on my intent.  To win.  To survive long enough to get into the movie business.  This ran into other problems.  I was unable to make contact with anyone who would hire me (despite interesting promises before I moved here.  Hmmm.) and evey possibility for interem money seemed to fall apart.
Third, I had to have a great stress-coping mechanism.  without it, I would have been crushed.  Brothers and sisters, this was where the FIVE MINUTE MIRACLE was absolutely a life-saver.  Five times a day, I used the breathing technique, and then kept barreling forward on my projects, keeping clear-eyed and sober, and progressing.  Taking meetings.  That was anightmare, because I couldn't let my partners, or the folks I was pitching to, suspect how desperate we were.  for Five months I struggled with this.  and then...about two months ago the clouds began to part, and the sun began to shine. 
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I would never have survived without the support of family and friends, and my ability to keep my mind on what I WANTED to happen, rather than the potential disasters.  I couldn't directly control my career arc, but I coujld work on my spiritual/personal life, and my fitness.  and I did.  the two-thirds of my tripod kept me alive long enough to meet Steven Spielberg, long enough to get my first movie deal, long enough to be able to take a deep, deep  breath. 
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and I wanted to thank all of you.  Being able ot make a core dump of my thoughts every day is a life-saver.  I don't know wht will happen from here, but I'll keep you posted, and say more as it is politic to do so.  but thanks, guys.  Hang on.  It's going to be an interesting ride!

Steve

Klansman convicted of Manslaughter

Well, after 41 years, Edgar Ray Killen has been convicted in the murder of three civil rights workers.  You know?  there's a glass half-empty and glass half-full sense about the whole thing.  In my upbeat mind, I think "Thank God!  Justice at last" that things have changed enough in Mississippi, one of the most intractable states, racism-wise, to get a conviction.  The other part of me says that, in essence, the man has been fined.  I mean, if I could kill someone with a guarantee that I wouldn't be punished until my active life had passed, knowing I'd spend the last part of my life in, in effect, a hospital of some kind (he's obviously a sick old coot) I'd be FAR more likely to consider that a good deal.  So he dies in prison in a couple of years.  Wow.  Meanwhile, he spent forty years eating at Burger King and getting laid and playing with his grandkids, and chuckling about the Northerners he put in their graves.  Hardly seems fair.
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On the other hand, sometimes you don't get fair.  Sometimes, you have to settle for justice.  So I guess I should grit my teeth and smile.

Weight loss progress

Well, THAT was frustrating.  I actually went down 1.5 pounds by last Friday.  I worked out with a student on Saturday morning, helped friends move, and then did a kettlebell workout yesterday.  Ate very well, and judging by the mirror, was noticably leaner...but my weight was the same! My pants fit looser, as well.  Ah well--I was trading muscle for fat, no doubt, and muslce weighs more cubic inch for cubic inch.  But still, the goal is weight loss, and if I don't get it, I have to be honest about it--I don't have a really reliable fat loss measure right now.  Arrgh.  but an important lesson--if fat loss is your only measure, it can seem as if nothing is happening. 
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Daughter Nicki is down a pant size, and her shirts are looser.  So we're both making progress.  Be interesting to see if her weight has changed!

Steve

Meditation and Dream Diary

I was recently asked to be more specific about meditation and Dream Diary work, and how they fit into the Lifewriting program.

"I would say that I’m the same way when it comes to talk of meditation or other activities that are intended to circumvent just that left-brained over-rationalizing bit of my personality."

(STEVE)That is a perspective on what they are intended to do.  A way of looking at it, in other words.  Other ways of looking at them is to BALANCE the right and left brained modes.  Another way is to teach you to differentiate between your self and your thoughts.  Another would be to teach you to remain calm under stress.  To focus or unfocus attention.  To, in other words, learn to operate your brain/mind/spirit/body in more effective ways.  but then that, too, is just a perspective.
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" In other words, when I’ve tried to sit down for an hour of heartbeat meditation, I usually end up being fairly analytical about it, and am never quite sure if I’m doing it right, and actually progressing in the fashion you intend. As a result, I usually find myself frustrated at the whole activity, and end up finding reasons for not quickly trying it again. "
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(STEVE) I would suggest that you begin with shorter sessions...say 15 minutes morning and night.  and five times durin gthe day (9, 12,3,6,9) you stop and breathe for sixty seconds, or listen to your heartbeat. 
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"Unlike a good exercise period, or a visible progress of 1000 words in a story I’ve written, I have trouble seeing what I’ve accomplished after a meditation session."
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STEVE: There are meditations where it is easier to measure progress.  For instance, pranayama breathing exercises where you slowly extend the inhalation/exhalation cycles, or the period of breath retention or expulsion. The measurable changes in time should satisfy the analytical part of you.  And you can understand the accomplishment in terms of "pushing back the lactate threshold", "learning to override the limbic response" or other stuff.  The most important thing is that you are teaching your mind to do what YOU want it to do, not what IT wants to do.
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"Perhaps it is counterproductive to try and wrap a rational layer around an activity intended specifically to circumvent the rational mind, "
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STEVE:  The rational mind is great.  It's just not as smart as it thinks it is.
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"but I for one would find it helpful to hear more about the mechanics of the process, where we’re supposed to ‘put’ our heads. I think we’re supposed to be allowing the chatter of the ‘monkey-mind’ to be suppressed, but are we to be striving for our minds to be completely blank as a successful meditation? Should we be trying to focus on some specific element of our desired development process? To me, such a focus seems more like giving carte-blanche to the chatter to hang around. "
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STEVE:  There are so many forms.  One is to sit quietly and listen to the chatter. Don't associate with it, just watch it without attachment.  And you might ask yourself: who is listening?  And who is speaking? The more you realize the voices in your head ARE NOT YOU, the closer you are to a breakthrough.  Yes, it is possible to reach a clear mind devoid of chatter--that is the "Mushin" state samurai train for, the state from which you can respond like sound and echo, because you are perceiving reality without all the filtering garbage.  this takes years. 
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"Are we tying to achieve some sort of a waking dream-state in which we have coherent thoughts or a dream-like storyline? What, in other words, constitutes a productive or positive achievement in any given meditation period? What are we striving for in this effort?"
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(STEVE):  To expand the moments when we are not distracted by the chatter, and are "just" paying attention to the breath, or the heartbeat, or the space between the breaths or heartbeats.  As we do, we are developing our ability to filter out the chatter.  If an irritating or stressful task is to be done, there is the task, and then there is all the grief we give ourselves about it.  The two interfere with each other.  All the power in the world, all the power we have, is found in our ability to stay in the present moment.  All the chatter in your head relates to the past, or the future.  If someone pulls a knife on you, thinking about what MIGHT happen will get your butt killed.  If you're making love, thinking about the job tomorrow, will screw up your ability to enjoy the delicious NOW.    The psychological aspects of meditation involve the capacity to optimize the noise/signal ratio, reducing stress, enhancing communication and mental function.  There are spiritual aspects as well, but believe me, you'll find those out for yourself.

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"And to make the discussion a little broader, you have often cited both the meditation process, and the keeping of a dream diary as tools to help begin to address one’s (for want of a better term) [/b]mental and psychic life injuries. And while you do describe the process of the heartbeat meditation (or at least, the external side of it), I’m less clear on how one is to apply either of these tools to do the actual work of improving one’s subconscious health. Is it merely the pursuit of the activity itself that makes the contribution to the repairs? "
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STEVE:  To a degree.  But learning the language with which the subconscious communicates is important to developing a coherant mental state.  keeping a dream diary will put you in touch with the map of your internal world, as well as be an endless source of creative inspiration.
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"Once I’ve got months of dream diaries, should I be looking at them with some sort of analytical lens to glean some sort of meta-message from my subconscious? If one (or one’s Lifewriting partners) suspects some sort of long term psychic damage from childhood, how does one make this the focus on one’s efforts to repair, or at least establish the need for repair, of such a suspected clot of mental detritus? Indeed, how would one tell if this suspicion is real, or perhaps a red herring hiding some other, better hidden damage? And at what point, if any, should someone start thinking about calling in professional help, or do you think most problems can be addressed with these self-administered tools?"
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STEVE:  Look to the external aspects.  If you are healthy in body, relationship, and career--the chances are pretty good you're in good shape. It's possible to be healthy without having these three, but it is damned hard to be sick and have these areas in apparent balance.  Man, that's rare.   If there is a persistent problem in one of those arenas, begin to work with it, taking responsibility.   taking responsibility will put pressure on the structure of your subconscious.  If you have wounds, this is when they will bleed.    If your dreams develop into night terrors, complete with monstrous transformations of ordinary objects and situations, there is a very good chance that you are dealing with serious damage.
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Now...does that mean you should call in professional help?  that's the safe approach, and I suggest it.  But it IS possible for most peole to deal with these challenges without it...but that takes more strength.  The safe bet is to seek counseling, if for no other reason than to have a committed ally who is, in a very real sense, not invested in your damage.
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STEVE:  As you work on your damage areas, your subconscious WILL begin to churn up the pain.  You have to have a way to process it.  Bringing things from subconscious to conscious awareness is one such way.  You can speed and enhance the process by applying the FIVE MINUTE MIRACLE to the "Fear Removal" technique, starting with small anxiety problems before you attack bigger ones.
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STEVE:  But as coach Sonnon said=-if you have any doubts about your ability to handle it alone, trust that intuition and get help.
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Great question.  keep 'em coming!

Polyamory

Steve, I believe stongly that a polyamorous group family is likely to provide an even better environment for children. Certainly SF writers, notably Mr. Heinlein, have explored this possibility. My father's father died when he was only three years old; his mother died about five years later. He and his younger brother were taken in by an aunt and her husband who (it seems to me) did not really want them. If there had been several other adults in the household, being orphaned in such a way would not have been so traumatic. (My great aunt in question was childless, and clueless about children, much as I adored her as a small child. She died when I was eight years old.)

I have never been in a group relationship, so this is just an ideal for me, not something I can talk about from experience.
David Bellamy
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the above letter was posted in response to my previous comments, and I thought it might be interesting to address them directly.  Remember that, in terms of relationships, my primary question is one of the healthy of children.  Yes, you might be beyond the age for children, have already raised your children, or have no intention of having children. There will always be exceptions to any principles you try to lay down.  Nonetheless, I'm addressing things from that POV because it is most critical that relationships work during this period.  Frankly, if you're not dealing with kids, you are pretty welcome to have any kind of relationship you want, if both of you  are consenting adults.
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So...what do we know about tribal child raising?  Generally, they operate in a relatively isolated environment.  Everyone knows everyone...intimately.  Everyone is responsible for everyone else's health and upbringing.  Children are touched and loved and supported to an amazing, and healthy degree.  It would be truely interesting to try to replicate this in the modern world.
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But however difficult diadic relationships are, triads and larger groups are less stable by an order of magnitude.  I've watched too many of them try to start, and watched them blow up, and seen children shuttled back and forth between states and parents, and torn apart because they have no primary associations...something that I will take the position that children need.
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So, then, how might such a thing progress?  I would suggest starting with a mated pair.  They have a child, and the child is theirs. As they bring another person (or couple) into their circle, the child now has "aunts and uncles" who are committed to her welfare. The arrangement should be formalized.  I believe Heinlein had strong marriage contracts that protected property and spelled out reciprocal obligations.  The trick here is that, if things break down, you can retreat to the most basic unit--the primary mother-father-child unit, allow the others to spin away, and still have a healthy family.
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Unfortunately, that isn't likely to happen cleanly (again, watching actual situations.)   I have most certainly seen some where it seems to work, and the kids are happy and healthy and grow strong.  But I've also noticed that, in a statistically suspicious number of cases, the children of sexually adventurous adults tend to have more problems with body image and forming pair bonds (even if they want to).  This is VERY informal sampling.  But remember that my concern is with the kids, not with adults interested in sexual variety.  Have all of that you want--but the instant you  bring kids into it, your hormones mean less than nothing to me...my only concern is whether you've put those kids first.  I'm not saying that's right, just being honest about the way I am.
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Paleoanthropology makes it pretty clear that such groups can exist, and survive.  Are they better than the diad?  Well, that's probably an impossible question to answer without a lot more precision in the question.  If the maturity, intelligence, flexibility, and awareness of the adults involved is phenomenal, I suspect such a poly-structure might be the very best way to grow up, surrounded by love and support on all sides.  I wouldn't mind that at all.  Just remember that it's far less stable, and children need stability during formative stages, or it can have long-ranging effects throughout the rest of their lives.  Tread carefully here.  Children can't chose the families they're born into.

Steve

The Lifewritng Triad

Just came across another piece of the reason I stress that triad of Relationship, Fitness, and Career (service).  One of my friends is a guy who has been stuck in a loveless relationship for twenty years.  His "girlfriend" rarely sleeps with him, has never said she loves him, they live in the same house and barely see each other.  For years he confessed to being miserable, but couldn't break it off.  He is now involved with a married woman, which he rationalizes in a way that would have horrified the ambitious, intelligent, vivacious young guy he was twenty years ago.  Sad.  And he believes that nothing is wrong with him, he just made "choices" and was "too loyal" and other self-deceptions of that kind.  You know somehting, he may be right.  I'd say there's about a 10% chance I'm wrong in what I see.  My friend is quite competant physically, and gainfully employed, so 2/3 of his triangle is in great shape.  I could be wrong.  But you will find that you are right more often than not if you assume that everyone wants intimate loving relationships, financial security and freedom, and a lean healthy body.  Assume these things, and let your alarm bells go off when people give you their justifications why they don't have one.  If they don't have two, let the alarms go louder.  A person out of whack in all three is almost certainly sinking in an ocean of self-loathing and self-denial.
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why are relationships so important?  For one thing, I always ask the question: what would happen if the entire world operated by the standards of person X, or accepted behavior Y?  What would happen if all children came from broken homes, or were raised by single mothers?  For instance, I think that single mothers can be absolute angels.  I was raised by a single mother.  She was married, and then divorced, and never married again.  I may believe there were some personality problems there, but I know she gave us everything.  I also know women who got pregnant accidentally (they say), and raised the child themselves, never marrying.  It's a struggle, but it can be done.  Kudos there, as well--if they are telling the truth.  But women who deliberately get pregnant without partners, I find to be incredibly selfish.  They have never managed to heal themselves enough to have a relationship with another adult human being, but want little pet humans to fullfill them.  These strike me as being blind to a terrible degree. If they want to raise children, they should adopt.  Or heal themselves to be able to have and hold a relationship with another man or woman (I could care less).  But children need two parents.  I happen to believe that boys, especially, need a father, but I'm willing to be flexibile about that.  Two mommies or two daddies could probably be pretty interesting.  But I've known too many women who just screwed around, picked some guy for good genes, were in "love", or were honest enough to say: "I just wanted a baby."  And so far, every single one of them that I know of had struggles that healthy married women didn't have.  Not that the married (or widowed, or divorced) women didn't have problems, but they were qualitatively and quantitatively different.  There is probably no condition more constant among felons than the lack of a strong father in a healthy home.  To try, and fail to create a home is honorable. to set out from the beginning to do it alone is a crime.
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And what about the men who have children and don't raise them?  Who walk away from their responsibility?  For them, I reserve a special circle of hell.  They are beneath my contempt. The deliberate single mothers may have made a mistake, but I honor their efforts, and grant that human beings have flaws and wounds--they succumbed to them. but the men who abandon their children are simply scum.
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I read a statistic recently, that may help convince those who think that marriage isn't necessary, partners aren't necessary for the raising of children, or the maintenance of a healthy family.  Again, there are many strong women who persevere anyway, but by now you know my attitude is that if they would look within themselves, they'd find the flaws they need to heal to find a healthy partner, instead of rationalizing about why there are "so many wonderful women, so few good men."  Feh.
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Here' the quote, from a New York times article June 12, 2005: "Of the small number of poor single mothers who marry, 56 percent are lifted out of poverty, according to a 2002 study conducted by Signe-Mary McKernan and Caroline Ratcliffe for the Urban Institute.  Getting a job is more common, and 39 percent of poor people who are hired rise out of poverty, as against 35 percent who get at least a two-year college degree."   What?  "Just" getting married is about 70% more efficient than getting a job OR an education in lifting one from poverty?  Come again? 
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when I look at the phenomenal damage done to children by poverty, and the fact that, form my perspective, almost everyone wants a relationship, it seems like a no-brainer to concentrate my attention there. Yes, social factors can complicate rising from lower to middle class. Yes, in some social strata, there are more women than men.  but that has NOTHING to do with the relationship history of a particular woman.  If 2/3 of the population is out of work, does that give ME an excuse not to have a job?  As my dear, dear ex-brother in law Patric says: "If there are only two jobs left out there--I'm getting one of them!"
Who CARES that there are 10% more women than men in a particular classification.?  That has nothing at all to do with your particular odds of success in finding a partner.  The problem is that we attract our mirrors.  And too many of us don't like what we see in the mirror.
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Because of these and other factors, with apologies to those men and women who are genuinely happy being broke, fat, or living alone, I HAVE to assume that these represent dysfunction, because we lie to ourselves about our pain and fear.  This is what humans do.  and I have failed friends in the past because I believed their lies.  I will never, ever do that again.
Anything less would be a disservice to the world's children, and that would be not only a shame, but a sin.
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so I state my position clearly: every person reading this blog CAN have all three: a healthy career, a healthy body, a healthy relationship. It requires positive thinking, hard work, flexible life plans, appropriate role models, and lots and lots of energy.  And NO, you don't need to buy "The five Minute Miracle".  I just strongly suggest it, that's all. 

Diet

Let's discuss diet a bit here.  both for maximizing energy, and weight loss, it is a serious consideration.  A few basic points:
1)  In general, I aim at an inverted food pyramid: 3 parts green leafy vegetables to two parts complex carbs to one part lean proteins.  If I'm not working out a whole lot, I cut down on the carbs (which function primarily as fuel), 'cause I'm not burning as much.  Up the protein a bit, because the body doesn't use quite as efficiently for fuel.  And stay away from simple carbs, especially table sugar in all its forms.
2)  I don't mind a bit of fruit sugar.  Fructose doesn't trigger the insulin response quite as much as table sugar (glucose and sucrose) and therefore you don't get the energy crashes that make you munchy.
3)  I like the Warrior Diet approach (check it on www.dragondoor.com) which is basically undereating during the day and overeating at night.  You're basically training your body to burn fat for fuel (this approach is recommended for people who work out a lot.  If you're hypoglycemic, forget it.)  I love it, because I only have to really think about one meal a day.  But brothers and sisters--when it comes time to eat, you'd better have a really good meal ready, or you're trashing your body.
4)  I like wide-spectrum nutrients rather than worrying about specific supplements.  In other words,
a) a good multiple vitamin
b) a good Ayervedic herbal complex like Amrit Kalash
c) a "supergreens" product like Ultimate Meal.
5) One day a week, I eat anything I want.  This "cheat day" is a family tradition.
##
Aside from that, freshly squeezed vegetable juice smoothies in the morning are great.  I also like the Spirutein ready-to-drink meals.  Great quick breakfasts!
##
Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, eight glasses of water a day, and that's about it for the overview!

Batman Begins (2005)

Good enough to make you realize that none of the other four "Batman" films really touched the essence of the Dark Knight at all. Tim Burtin had a great art design, but Michael Keaten projected only Bruce Wayne's angst, not his intelligence, and certainly not his physicality.  Batman was supposed to be the greatest athlete and the greatest detective int he world.  While "Batman Begins" misses the mark a bit with the "detective" aspect, the emotion and the physicality are here, finally, full-out.  Christian Bale is hands down the only screen Batman we've ever really had, and this story of his origin is a fine, fine piece of popular mythology, certainly as good as the original "Superman" (better when you stop and realize how they trivialized Lex Luthor!).  Man, they've finally figured out how to do comic books onscreen--and I, for one, am happy as hell.  An easy "A."

Terry Schiavo

So the autopsy is finally released: no signs of abuse, a pitifully inadequate brain weight, and no evidence to clarify the original cause of the collapse.  According to the doctors, no therapy would have helped.  Hopefully, reasonable people on both sides can breathe a sigh of relief.  But not all of them are resasonable. 
##
I had a conversation with a friend on the other side of the political aisle.  He basically took the position that if the doctors came back with a verdict he didn't like (such as the one just released), this is just evidence of conspiracy.  Sigh. It is dangerous as hell when you back into positions that cannot be disproven.  The world becomes a very dark and unfriendly place.  Such people are the victims of political hacks on the Right and the Left, preying on their sense that the world has gone wrong, and that "They" are responsible.  it is so sad, and no logical arguments work with people once they are in such positions.  All you can do is try to help them heal, and feel stronger, so that they won't feel so threatened and small. From that position, it is easier to admit that they and their side--whichever it is--doesn't have all the answers.
#3
Rest in peace, Terry.  Your fight is over. The rest of us still have to make our way in the world.

Living systems, Homeostasis, and the Quantum jump

Again, we're clustering the ideas I've been talking about around a specific issue: losing weight as a sign that an emotional trauma is being healed.  Because of the massive amount of buried negative emotions, I strongly suggest both deep meditation and professional therapy, as well as a circle of supportive friends, and a dream diary.  Much, much stuff is going to be processed.
##
Even if you don't have a massive load to process, remember that living systems will reach an equilibrium, and resist change with everything they have--they think change will affect their survival, and in a sense they are right.  Your ego, thinking it is you, associates with your current state, and any serious attempts to change will be viewed as approaching Death itself.  This is why fear management is so vital.
#3
My personal efforts to lose weight (10 pounds by July 14th) kicked off yesterday.  Because I don't have strong emotional issues around the subject, it will be easier for me.  Not EASY, but easier--hopefully what I experience will be of some limited use.  First blip--Tananarive is going out of town today, and I playfully suggested celebrating our recent good fortune with a couple of buttermilk bars...no, we didn't do it, but I could feel the part of me that doesn't want to lose the weight saying: Yeah!! Buttermilk bars!  You can afford one...
No, you can't.
##
Your subconscious is a tricky thing.  Your body will try to maintain its current weight.  the only way to come face to face with your issues is to change the physics of the equation--physics supercedes biology or emotion.  In other words, if you increase the caloric output (exercise) at the SAME time you decrease caloric input (food), your body simply has to lose weight.  Consider this a two-headed snake--you have to control both heads, or the other one will bite you.
##
Remember--the point of the exercise is to force your issues to the surface, where they can be processed and dealt with.  To find out what is really going on.  So the dream diary, meditation, and therapy are important.  The more traumatic the reasons for the weight gain, the longer the weight has been in place, the more vital these support systems will be.
##
Remember also that you will experience massive stress.  You must keep it from turning into strain.  The FIVE MINUTE MIRACLE is perfect for this--if you don't have a copy, get one! If you do, practise the BE BREATHED exercise, and slow it down so that each rep takes 60 seconds.  Doing just the lower body half may be necessary if you are carrying a lot of extra tissue.
##
Five times a day, at 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9, stop and breathe for sixty seconds.  Breathe properly.  Close your eyes, and use your spinal flexion and muscle contraction to create an exhalation.  Then simply recover to your original posture and allow air pressure (and diaphragmatic partial vacuum) to fill your lungs.  Become more sensitive to the way your body moves when it is breathing healthfully. Try to catch the difference between this and the way you breathe during stress.  Become more and more sensitive to this.
##
Breathing is your first line of defense on stress, and to increase energy.  Start researching the breathing techniques that increase energy--there is a ton of information on-line and available for inexpensive purchase. Start with the breathing.  It will trump any trauma, any other problem.  The only downside is that you have to have your fear and emotional damage coping mechanisms in place to drain that psychic pus when it boils to the surface.  And you will need to keep these mechanisms in place until your weight has normalized.  At that point, you can use the scale to determine whether you are doing enough.  If your weight creeps up--more meditation, diary-work, and therapy.  If it crashes down into anorexic territory--the same thing (remember that your mind is sneaky--being too skinny is functionally the same as being too fat--both obscure those horrible secondary sexual characteristics!)
#3
More later...

Quantum change program--6-14-05

Let's apply what's been called the "Ultimate Success Formula"
1) identify the goal.  Set specific time limits and standards.
2) identify the behaviors and beliefs that would have to change in order to accomplish the goal.
3) Identify people who have accomplished the interem goal.  Model their beliefs and behaviors
4) Raise your energy level
5) Proceed toward your goal, using behavioral flexibility to try several different approaches.
6) Fail successfully--that is, note what you learn from the inevitable missteps (remember the Dark Night of the soul?)
7) Start the process over again until you achieve your goal.
###
In Sam's case, it would be the healing of old wounds.  A good short evidence of healing would be the loss of weight.  Another would be the establishing of a healthy sexual relationship with a smart, foxy guy.  Cool. so let's say that the first step might be losing 10 pounds.  Losing that much wil push some buttons--remember, her body is trying to protect her from further pain!  So she's inching up on the real damage, without tromping all over her last nerve.  Believe me, the first ten is a perfectly good starting point.
##
Assume that her body obeys the laws of physics, on a PHYSICAL level, the amount of fat-burning exercise needs to increase, as well as something to jack up her metabolism (weight training).  Simultaneously, caloric intake, especially carbs, need to drop sufficiently to trigger fat burning.  Water intake needs to increase to detoxify.
##
but that's just the external stuff.  Far more important is dealing with the emotional sewer that will open when you start to process this.  I would suggest going all the way:
1) A therapeutic relationship with a licensed professional.
2) Meditation (minimum 15 minutes a day)
3) Dream Diary
4) A circle of friends and supporters on whose shoulders you can cry.  Someone you can call if you get night terrors.  Establish this support network NOW.
5) Without guilt, blame, or shame, take responsibility for the results you've gotten to this point.  Yes, horrific damage took place.  But your only way out of the box is absolute love of self, and absolute commitment to take responsibility for future growth and change.
6) find a new way every day to tell yourself that you are loved, and lovable.
##
Begin to meld the body-mind connection so that the pain and fear that has been locked in your body can begin to surface.  this is where the FIVE MINUTE MIRACLE's "Be Breathed" technique will be superb.  Buy it, Learn it, and SLOW IT DOWN to the point where you are doing only ONE REP PER MINUTE for TEN MINUTES.  that's sixty seconds per rep, absolutely no faster, understand?  for ten reps.  When you can do this, you have reached the first level of understanding about how to move your body so that the movement "breathes you."  It is the first step of discipline, and the door to opening the subconscious mind.

If I have more "first step" thoughts, I'll add them later.

And just to make things interesting, I'm going to lose ten pounds.  My weight today? 193.4.  Let's see how I do.  I'll talk about how I apply all of these things, until I'm down to 183.0

Fair enough?

Steve

Quantum Life Change

The note to a "Nice Girl" still rumbles around in my head, partially because it raises the question again of why change can be so difficult.  In some cases, of course, it's easy, but in others...years of thearapy, coaches, promises, courses...anything you can mention, and the desired changes simply don't appear.  Is it even possible to change our basic nature?
##
If you've been reading these words over the last months, you'll know that my answer is: No.  On the toher hand, that's not bad news, because our real basic nature is divine energy--everything else is just the way we present ourselves, the way we manifest.  And on that level, no matter what kind of change you're talking about, there are examples of it.
##
The lady who sent me that note (Let's call her Samantha) was sexually abused, terribly, in childhood.  The subconscious has a mandate to protect us, and in her case, it chose weight--to build a fortress around her, to minimalize her secondary sexual characteristics, to, in other words insure that unwanted sexual attention would never be directed at her again.  The problem, of course, is that she minimalizes the degree to which she broadcasts healthy sexual energy.  She is attracte to healthy, lean-bodied, intelligent, handsome guys (of course), and, (of course) has terrible trouble getting past the "friend" stage.  And the only healthy way to look at this is that she is simply broadcasting her damage.  That on a subconscious level, people know who we are, and what we've been through.  And, until or unless she can heal herself, she will only be able to attract a man as damaged as she is...or one healthy, but of lesser attributes (not as smart or successful or handsome).  And of course, that doesn't float HER boat--and why should it? So we're stuck with this human delimma: that most of us, or too many of us, don't like what we see in the mirror, and want the mirror to cut us some slack.
##
Moving from one level of human efficiency--whether it is weight control, changing a career, or improving our relationships, is just as difficult for many of us as it is for Sam.  It requires that the desired change match our self-image (you can't become what you don't believe you already are), and it requires honest self-expression (I think Sam is holding back MASSIVE anger at her father, who should have protected her), and it requires dumping baggage, and a huge boost of energy.
##
Objects at rest tend to remain at rest.  Objects in motion tend to remain in motion.  that's simple physics.  I think in the realm of deep human change we're working on the Quantum level, however.  Incremental doesn't always help.  I remember in "Think and Grow Rich" Napoleon Hill says that "Riches, when they come, if they come, often come in such an unexpected flood that we wonder where all the money has been all this time" or some such comment. In other words, you push and push and push and push...and get no apparent result, and then all of a sudden BANG!  Huge change.  How in the hell do you sustain your will, your drive, your belief, over such a long period?  How do you build up your energy to take you over that hump?
##
One thing is that you have to commit to raising your energy massively, and then to being as efficient and coordinated with that energy as possible.  This will involve exercise, meditation, rest, focus, visualization, proper use of emotions, nutrition, and a host of other factors.  Without energy, we fail.  "Fatigue makes cowards of us all."  Sam is no coward--I can vouch for that.  But she is rolling a giant rock up a steep hill.  I honestly believe that she has the resrouces to find the love and satisfaction she wants--without "settling" for less than a man who mirrors her healed self.  I believe that the resources are within her, and that given the right context, she can find that healing she seeks. 
##
But no one outside Sam is smart enough to help her do it.  Only Sam is (and  she is a brilliant lady).  I believe that the answer will be found in the I.D.E.A. concept from the Five Minute Miracle--Instinctive Designation of Energy and Attention.  So for the next little while, I'm going to do a core dump on energy and instinct, and a theoretical model that my intuition tells me can help people who have sustained deep, deep emotional bone-breaking damage.  It might get a little esoteric, but I don't care.  By this time you either think I'm crazy, or you're along for the ride.  And I love Sam, and all the Sams, dearly.   I'm going to relate all of this to the Five Minute Miracle, so if you don't have a copy of it, please get one now. 
##
Again, in short, we're goign to talk about how to
1) Raise energy
2) Enhance creativity (you must find your own answers)
3) Know the inner territory
4) Deal with deep fear issues
5) Clarify the goals (end point)
6) Sustain effort over long periods.

and more.  In other words, if I were writing a story about a lady with Sam's specific issues, what resources would I want her to find? Most importantly, it would be to connect her deepest, youngest self--long before the abuse took place--with her highest, most mature and strongest and most spiritual self.  These two aspects MUST connect.  They are two ends of the same Source, and together can make an "end run" around the damage.

More tomorrow.

Steve

The Michael Jackson Verdict

You know, I find myself very conflicted about this case, and in the odd position of wishing the man would be found guilty--even if he is innocent.  Terrible, terrible, awful thing to say.  But I'm just being honest.  Why?  Because I think this decision is an aid and comfort to child molesters everywhere.  If I liked to diddle little boys, I would be jumping up and down.  Can you imagine?  I can now sleep with little boys, and have them accuse me of touching them or performing oral sex on them, and point to that court decision as proof that there is nothing wrong.  I don't know...maybe I'm just crazy on this one.  But that "To the Nice Girls" letter was sent to me by a lady who was badly sexually abused.  As a result, she has built a defensive wall of flesh around her, and from within that castle she screams out, hoping that someone will see the princess she really is, and love and cherish her.  God, I could so kill the people who hurt her.  They might as well have burned her face with acid.  She has worked with her issues with a level of courage and commitment I have rarely seen, and still has hope.  But the thought that those bastards took her childhood in such a manner, and that it continues to hurt her today, thirty years later, makes me almost homicidal.
##
If you are guilty, Jackson, I respect you more than if you're innocent.  If you're guilty, at least you knew what you wanted and went after it.  I'm sure you would have thought you were providing pleasure to the children.  After all--you never denied sexual contact with children.  What you said was: "I'd never do anything to hurt a child."  And sex feels good, doesn't it?
##
If you're innocent, and just slept with them, after years of being told by family and friends and lawyers that your behavior was suspicious and legally actionable...I just don't know what to say about you.  I think you've weakened the fabric of protection for children by showing that enough fame and money can allow you to act pretty much any way you want to.  And the molesters are watching.  I honestly believe children are less safe tonight.  Because of you, you sick and twisted thing. 
##
Once upon a time you were the most talented performer in the world.  I honestly believe that you were told that fame would dwindle as you matured--that white America would reject you.  So you tried to erase your ethnicity. Somewhere along the way, you lost touch with reality, lost in whatever inner world you've constructed to protect that fabulously talented child you were.  Now, you're just lost.  God, I feel sorry for your children.  And for the child you were.  But the man you are?  If you even looked crosseyed at my boy, I'd break your neck for you.
Sorry.  I'm in a bad mood tonight.

To the nice girls

I got this post from a long time friend, a lady of grace and charm, who has struggled with issues related to an early abusive history.  That history has left her with some problems that would kill the ordinary mortal, but she's struggled with them like a true warrior. One arena that the scars have damaged is her personal life--an arena in which she has not been able to find the kind of relationship that she deserves.  I talk a lot about the male-female thing, and the beauty-power thing.  It would be simplicity itself to create a male version of this.  But that would be a distraction from the very real pain in this piece.  Just remember how vulnerable we all are, and try to be a little kinder, and a little more honest with yourself and others.  And oh, yes...a little more loving.'
Steve
####
Her note went:

"This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong.

This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.

This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word.

This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the rite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude L0VESzs and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced.

This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt.

This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a wh0re than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup.

This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear.

This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted.

This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in wh0re's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing:

"This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me."

You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the wh0res and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

-Unknown"
##############

'nuff said.

Insults on Left and Right

One of my readers commented that the charge that "Lefties are traitors", often said by right-wing pundits, is roughly equivilent to the "Bush voters were idiots" comment from the Left.  Hmmm.  You know, I think the odious stereotype is "Traitors on the Left, Bigots on the Right." There is, I think, a whiff of truth in it--in the sense that if you hear someone complaining about America being the worst country ever, it derves to be destroyed, 9-11 was justified, etc, etc, your money would probably be safe betting that the speaker has Leftist politics. Conversely, if you overheard someone complaining about Race Mixing, saying Segregation was "a good idea", that blacks were natural slaves of substandard intelligence, etc....your money would probably be safe betting this person's politics were on the Right.  Why this might be is another conversation--I'm just talking observable reality, and public perceptions.  But to tar an entire group with the sins of a few (on either side) is just as closed minded and bigoted.  We're all Americans.  Some of us just look at the flag from different directions.

Tom Cruise, and the cultural power pyramid

Looking at the recent tabloid explosion of Tom Cruise stories, it's fun to watch them accuse him of being gay without coming right out and saying it.  (Is his relationship with Katie Holmes real?  Why didn't he know how to make love to Nicole Kidman on the set of "Eyes Wide Shut"? etc.)  After he sued a London Tabloid and a young man who claimed to have had a torrid affair with him, I remember one cultural critic commenting on the fact that Cruise felt that the young man was attempting to damage his reputation and career.  This critic, somewhat disingenuously, I thought, suggested that Cruse was overreacting, that "in this day and age" being gay wouldn't be a disadvantage to an action star, and that therefore the suit was baseless.  Wow.  Was this guy blind, or deaf, or dumb, or overly optimistic, or am I completely misreading the culture?
##
If Tom Cruise was "outed" (and I'm not saying he could be.  None of my business) suddenly, his movies wouldn't be as popular.  Oh, no one would say it was because he was gay--any more than black movies fail "because" the star has sex.  Suddenly, they would be "over the top", "not credible" his "shtick" just "wouldn't be as appealing" and his "boyish charm" would have "worn out it's welcome."  None of it would be because he was gay.  If you want to know hwere his popularity would be, well...take his current popularity (#3 all-time movie stars according to Entertainment Weekly) add the popularity of Phillip Seymour Hoffman (probably the most popular openly gay actor.  Is Hoffman in the top 100?  Maybe he's around 105.  Now divide by two.  Let's be generous and say that Cruise would find himself at around #50, suddenly out of fashion for reasons that have nothign, nothign at all, you see, with his sexual orientation. But what about Ellen DeGeneris, you ask?  Look at the relative acceptability of Lesbian and gay male images and you'll have all the understanding you need.  There is simply no comparison to the level of social acceptance.  None at all.
##
So...in terms of social power in America you want to be straight, male, lean-bodied, tall, white, Christian, 18-40 years of age, wealthy, intelligent, and healthy.  If you change any one of these variables, you're likely to have problems making money or getting elected to public office.  Wearing the protective coloration of the dominating group (one might as well add "of English extraction" to that list) is a safety factor.  The number of Jews, Italians, Lebanese, etc. who changed their names to "Martin" or "Thomas" or Darin" to be able to function in show business is legendary.  Getting noses bobbed, concealing religious preference, etc.  is just part of the business.  If you CAN pretend to be a white Christian heterosexual, the rewards are great.  How many women hid their identity behind men's names in order to be published?  How many obese people have starved themselve to try to be skinny?  Micheal Jackson wasn't the first black person to actually try to turn themselves white--he was just the most notorious failure.
##
the joke, of course, is that I've known lean-bodied, heterosexual males convinced that women or blacks or whatever have all the advantages.  These poor deluded specimins must have such contempt for the "out group" that on any occassion when they succeed, they attribute that success to an unfair advantage.  Yes, I know a few whites who say that they've lost jobs because of an unfair advantage some black person had socially.  But you know what?  EVERY black person I've ever talked to can say exactly the same thing about white people.  Am i supposed to believe all of them?  None of them?  Or just the stories that make me, personally, feel superior and justified in prejudice?  Tell me, please.
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On the other hand, I know that EVERYONE has a perfect set of reasons to feel screwed over, tropmed on, disadvantaged. yes, we've all been hurt, and every member of the human race is a minority group of one.  But if I don't admit that there are advantages to being intelligent, lean-bodied, and financially successful I'm simply lying to myself.  If I were white, I'd admit there were advantages there.  There are advantages to being male--but then I believe there are very real, statistical disadvantages as well.  I'm not asking anyone to feel bad about themselves or what advantages they may have.  Just to be realistic and clear-eyed about the fact that (if they're not careful) everyone is oppressing someone, and we want to be compassionate.
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If a man worth half a billion dollars is right, that merely admitting that he loves and is attracted to membrs of his own gender would destroy his business, that is hardly a thing for us, as a society, to be proud of.  Not necessarily something to be ashamed of, either.  It is something to look at calmly, and clearly, and ask if that is who we want ourselves, and our children, to be.  Be very certain who it is you are committed to being in this world.  Because you are voting with every word, every step, every glance, every movie ticket you buy. It's your world.  Own it consciously.

Mr. And Mrs. Smith

If ever there was a movie that compensated with starpower what it lacks in credibility, it is this Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt vehicle cobbled together from bits of "True Lies" and "Prizzi's Honor."  A story of two top asassins who are married and have no idea of each other's true professions (!) is an amusing conceit, and there are few other stars who could have carried it off.  In truth, Pitt and Jolie are, quite possibly, the best-match screen pairing I've ever seen in my life in terms of sex appeal.  I'd pay a huge chunk of change to watch them in a porn film together.  Ah, well...the only other screen actors I'd consider as appealing might have been, say, Sidney Poitier and  
Diahann Carroll (I remember walking into her dressing room once when I worked at CBS, and can say in no uncertain terms that the woman had the strongest sexual force field I have ever encountered in my life).  At any rate, while the movie is slow getting off the ground, and never reaches the delicious heights of True Lies in either action or funniness, I think "Smith" is actually more honest, and says more about the yearnings for true connection between human beings.  Their inability to speak the truth causes all manner of loud and quiet havoc in their lives, and the resolution, if both flashy and abrupt, is gratifying.  I hear that the script went through almost a hundred re-writes, and I believe it (development hell, indeed!), but the final product is yummy, and a grat date movie.  I give it a strong "B."

The Proper structure of physical performance

Lifewriting uses the physical to ground our search for the spiritual, much as the Chakras start with survival and reach up to the sky.  The physical body allows us to sense material reality, and therefore should be cultivated if we are to reach our full potential, and preserved if we are to enjoy the fruits of our cultivation.
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1) Begin with a safe emotional space.  Meditation is ideal for this--clearing out the mind and heart until you have found at least a single spark of clarity.  Once that has been reached:
2) Joint rotations.  Coach Sonnon's Warrior Wellness program is great for this, the refinement of "Elementary motor components"--small motions on which larger will be built.  Flexibility is automatically developed during this phase, as is alignment.  Yoga and Tai chi and the Five Tibetans have good effect here.
3) Cardio-Vascular and muscular endurance.  The ability of your body to process fatigue toxins.  Critical for energy.  Walking, swimming, jumping rope are wonderful.  An activity that you can perform for 20-30 minutes without stopping. The Five Minute Miracle will teach you proper breathing.
4) Strength and power.  Also known as progressive resistence exercise.  Clubbells, Kettlebells and traditional weight training.  A very nice series of freehand exercises can be found at www.Mattfurey.com--the Hindu Squat and Hindu pushup.  A superb combination.  I DON'T reccomend the wrestler's bridge, a component of Furey's system, but there are those who advise it highly.  Let the buyer beware.
5) Skill.  This is where the practise of some sport or discipline comes in.  Dancing, martial arts, yoga, etc.--it is good to refine the coordination.  Then, practise the skill under increasing levels of fatigue.  REMEMBER: it is in your ability to balance these three physiological aspects that athleticism and the emotional/intellectual arena intersect
6) Competition.  If you have progressed through the previous steps, it is good to place yourself in a crucible where your ability to refine breath, movement, and structure under pressure is challenged by a partner/opponent/context.  It is this level of refinement that begins to develop the intuition and strategic qualities, harnessing more of the mental aspects. It is in investing yourself in victory and dealing with failure that your spiritual qualities begin to evolve.
7) Teaching.  After you have completed all six levels, it is good to find students who can be helped through the earlier stages.  It is here, especially in giving help to young students, that you complete the circle, and are directly connecting to spirit.  The most important gift you can give them is the inner clarity you developed in step #1--which by this time is far more refined.
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To progress through these steps, you will need every bit of strength you possess as a living, conscious being.  To master this cyclic process takes a lifetime.  To grasp its importance, and place your feet on the path, can happen in a moment. 

The Five Minute Miracle is one such "first step."  If you don't have a discipline to guide you, do yourself a favor and get it NOW.  It is never too late--on the other hand, life is short and precious. What are you waiting for?

The Longest Yard (2005)

It says something that, three days after seeing this movie, I couldn't remember what it was I'd seen, and had to look in the newspaper to see what was playing that day.  I don't think it's just my fading memory, but rather that, despite being a lot of fun in the initial watching, this Adam Sandler vehicle about a former quarterback forced to coach a team of inmates for a game against the guards really offers nothing the orginal film lacked.  You know, I'm not against remakes, any more than I'm against films made from television shows, plays, comic books, or novels.  The only question is: is it good?  I kinda like Sandler.  He has an easy, relaxed way in front of the camera that works quite well.  Chris Rock (on a roll here after "Madagascar") does some very good work as well--possibly the film role that best captures his sense of humor.  Playing the "I can get it" guy in prison (the Morgan Freeman role, one might say.  Where would black actors be without prison films?) He sparkles whenever he's on screen.  James Cromwell, as the corrupt warden, looks as if he's forgotten all about Babe, and the Rap Star Nelly displays an almost astonishing athleticism--Wow~!  Yet and still, there's nothing new here.  It's just a paycheck (nothing wrong with that!  People have to pay bills) but ultimately forgettable.  So...while I sat in the theater, it was a "B".  After three days, it's a "C."  Go figure.

Cinderella Man (2005)

What a shame that Russell Crowe's recent legal problems may dissuade audiences from checking out his new film, because it really is quite good.  Well performed and directed, the story of boxing champion James Braddock, a man who fell hard during the depression and battled his way to the top against staggering odds is an old-fashioned weepie with excellent boxing choreography (maybe in the 10 ten I've ever seen) and excellent atmosphere.  I'd give it a B+
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But on to another subject.  Crowe will probably survive this pickle, at least partialy because his image is partially that of a ruffian.  But he did, after all, participate in the dismantling of the public image of Meg Ryan.  As American's Sweetheart, when it came out that she'd been flagrantly boffing Crowe, I think it took some of the shine off her halo.  The same thing might have happened if, for instance, Tom Hanks were accused of beating his wife.  We love our stars, and project our own hopes and dreams onto them.  If Mike Tyson is arrested for being a brute, well, we never thought he was a saint, and that doesn't affect his public image much.  If Will Smith were jailed for rape, it would destroy him.  Crowe's violent temper  might well be spun into the stuff of legend: the sensitive artistic soul overwhelmed by the demands of stardom.  Yuck.  If he can't take the heat, stay out of the business.  Because I think he is a genuine talent, I hope he can pull himself together.  Universal must be shitting their pants right now, looking at this expensive film that opened soft, and now has been hurt by their star's irrational behavior.  Sigh.  Still, I won't feel sorry for someone who will doubtless be offered upwards of ten million for his next film.  Spend a million of that on therapy, Russell.  The public has a limit to forgiveness.  Ask Meg Ryan.  If you can find her.

Five Minute Miracle and Evolution

Coach Sonnon very kindly congratulated me on the application of his theories to my morning "Golden Hour."  I wanted to draw a clearer picture of how this brilliant man's work has influenced my own thinking on these matters, and what I see coming...
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1) The Perpetual Exercise principle says that rather than "exercise" the body, you re-educate the entire body-mind dynamic, such that every breath  and every step you take relates to air pressure and gravity differently.  This calls for a quality of attention that increases consciousness, and in effect turns a physical exercise into a mental/emotional/spiritual one.
2) Neuro-Synaptic facilitation "greasing the groove" is the idea of multiple short exercise sessions being better for developing skill and strength (and strength, after all, is just a skill!) than single longer sessions.  I took these first two ideas and created "The Five Minute Miracle."
3)  Self-Directed Human Evolution.  The constant quest to more perfectly fit our life niche.  There are both practical and esoteric aspects to this, and ultimately, we are asking metaphysical questions about consciousness, spirituality, and the Soul.  Evolutionary theory is a set of descriptions and predictions about how a process manifests...not a description of the process itself, or the "Primary Cause" itself.  This is what I find so frustrating about anti-Evolutionists who think Evolution denies the existence of God.  Within the limited scope of human consciousness, we can attempt to understand what the proper use of our energies is, and remove blockages.  The Chakras, one of Mankind's oldest model of human psychology, suggests that when lower needs are exquisitely satisfied, we automatically seek higher goals.  From this, and from long conversations with Coach Sonnon, I devised the I.D.E.A. idea--Instinctive Designation of Energy and Attention, the appropriate matching of output and modulation to demand of specific activity.  In other words--don't waste energy.  Don't use too much or too little. this is the door to Mastery of intuition--the ability to do, in an unthinking heartbeat, that thing you would do if you sat and thought about it.  It is gaining Unconscious Competance at the inner, hidden world--which, I believe, can be approached by gaining Unconscious Competance in the physical, intellectual, and emotional realms. That inner knowledge will generalize to the spiritual--or perhaps phrased more precisely, it is impossible to gain such Unconscious Competance in all three arenas without making contact with the Soul itself.  It is a sneaky way of praying by paying conscious attention to the work of life itself.
4) The field of athletic endeavor can provide instant feedback--faster than that of relationship, spirituality, or intellect.  I see few arenas where you can get feedback, in an instant, whether or not you have other human beings to interact with.  Once you gain the ability to generalize from athletics to other arenas, you can use your body to teach you about your emotions and your intellect.  but this must be approached properly.  the Five Minute Miracle, integrated into an overall fitness program, creates this link whether you are consciously aware of it or not!
5) Scott's "Prasara" program is, I believe, the missing link between traditional hatha Yoga and athleticism.  Hatha has  long considered to be (by me, anyway) the world's most powerful means of forging the body-mind link and integrating it into a spiritual path.  The body of literature supporting this s incredibly vast: billions of man-years of experimentation, more than any other body-mind discipline in the world.  Tap into that, and you have touched the path of mastery.  You don't need teachers, gurus, or therapists--although they can be useful allies.
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This is another description of what I've referred to as the "mastery process" or technique.  I can't quite put it into words.  Hopefully, you guys are learning to read between the lines. The resources are out there, and the FIVE MINUTE MIRACLE is a damned fine one, if I do say so myself.  And when Coach Sonnon's Prasara program is released...well, he may have just made one of those critical contributions to human development.  I'm proud to call him brother.

Steve

A plague on both houses

Well, the respective grades for Kerry and Bush were compared today. Months after the election Kerry finally gave permission for his Yale records to be released, and it is now obvious why he didn't want them out.  The grades are virtually identical.  While the Left simply could not stop presenting Bush as an idiot, I remember begging with my friends to stop making that mistake--they were gravely underestimating this man.  and none of them would listen.  If I'd been on the Right, I would have been begging my friends stop painting hte Left as a bunch of immoral traitors.  And, of course, they wouldn't have listend either
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I am so desperately  sick of sanctimonious, pompous, egotistical, we-have-all-the-answers thinking.  the Left, which probably had more of social ideas I agree with, completely jumped the shark when it came to seeing what Americans wanted.  They wouldn't formulate their ideas in a simple, easy to understand and evaluate package.  Bush said "follow me."  That's what people under stress want to hear.  The more complex message gets lost in the panic.  And you know something?  If the Left can't do better than that next time, they deserve to lose again.  Bush at least knew what people wanted, and was capable of getting them moving.  And since there tend to be good ideas on both sides of the aisle, movement at least gives you feedback as to the results you're getting.  I do not like  the apparent erosion of our freedoms, the hypocritical collection of power in the Federal branch if the particular "States Rights" issue (say...Medical Marijuana, or Gay marriage) doesn't match what the Right's grass roots (pun intentional) supports.  And other thigns as well.  But clearly, when it comes to the game of politics, the Left is in disarray.  And when it comes to global influence, that is partially a gam of politics. And if you can't play, stay off the field. 
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For the sake of America's future, I pray that the next generation of Progressive leaders will keep their heads out of their asses and that the Left in general will decide to stop patting themselves on the back about how smart they are, and start realizing they're in a dogfight with dogs just as clever as they are.  If not, we're screwed, a ship that lists chronically to the Right and can no longer sail straight ahead.  And the Liberal Left gave it to them giftwrapped.  And a plague on both their houses.

Year Long Writing program Contest...

I'm soliciting comments for my next project: a year-long writing course to be sold over the internet.  A great comment from a friend...

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Dear Steve

The bit that strikes me first in your description is the certificate
for one free short story evaluation.  That excites me.  But then I take
myself to the writing section of an imaginary bookstore and think "if
anything I could imagine is here what would I buy?".  That free eval
would get your product to my cart but not necessarily to the cashier.
It's after all only a one time deal.

I want a product that could help me better evaluate myself.  How do I
know if I'm an absolute beginner or a seasoned amateur or... whatever
the rungs in this particular ladder are?  While practice (writing a
short story every week) is bound to improve my strengths, how do I know
whether or not I'm repeating the same weakness story after story?  Can
you give me a tool to honestly evaluate myself- where I am as a writer,
how I'm progressing?  I want to identify and correct my own weaknesses
not repeat them ad nauseam.  Friends will tell me I'm brilliant,
editors will tell me I'm not what they're looking for at this time,
neither is very constructive.

Please be explicit.  Don't give me subjective measures like "enough".
Tell me I should write for x amount of time, or x amount of words daily
or weekly or... whatever the instruction give me detail.  Show me a day
in the life if you care to.  I know my day won't be exactly the same,
but your details are still educational.  I like specific resources too,
but that's a tricky one, it dates the source.  If you're going to tell
me to read short fiction I'd love a list of anthologies or periodicals
where I can read good short fiction.  That sort of thing.

I'm also a huge fan of a well-written index.  I have no idea who writes
indexes but it is an under-appreciated gift to be sure.  All hail the
index Gods!  Okay maybe that was taking it a bit far, but this is a
reference material and I hate holding reference books in my hand
knowing that the last time I saw a certain piece of knowledge it was in
there, but now I have no idea where precisely in those hundreds of
pages it's buried.  I like summaries in reference materials too.  It's
tricky too, 'cause some people will take that to be equal to the long
version, but once I've read the long version I like to look back at the
short version from time to time just to jog the memory.  I haven't
taken a college course in ages, but I'm about to start highlighting
everything like I used to in those old textbooks.  My brain is simply
too full to try to remember what section it was in anymore and I don't
want to skim every page optimistically.

I prefer cross-references to repetition.  I generally read books cover
to cover and my short-term memory just isn't that bad.  I prefer to be
told to see ch.8 for more information rather than have half of ch.10
recap it.  If I feel like I've been there done that I get tempted to
skip ahead to something new but then I'm always afraid I'll miss the
prize in the box if I do.  Give me a resource that doesn't tempt me to
skip to the new information.

You are the insider, use that.  You've taught writing, but you aren't
just a teacher expounding theory.  You've written in multiple venues.
I suspect each has had it's own customs and culture to learn.  Give me
a travel guide that tells me the etiquette before I commit the faux
pas.  Give me that boost by building on the wisdom of your successes.

Give me the benefit of your knowledge of failure too.  Share your own
stumbling blocks if appropriate.  If not, you know countless frustrated
writer's who swear they want it more than anything, but they aren't
there, not even close.  Examples of hurdles I can easily think of- "I
like to write, but I don't want to write professionally (except that I
do, I'm just too afraid of failure and saying that I don't want it is
easier than saying I might not be good enough)"/ "I want to write
professionally, but I want to skip all the beginning level stuff and
start with my masterpiece"/ "I want commercial success but I will only
write about Iroquois, transgender, dwarf, seismic-geologist
protagonists because that's who I relate to and the truth I feel
compelled to speak"- et cetera.   Can you take these hurdles present
them clearly enough for your customer to recognize themselves and then
show us the way to overcome them?

That's all I can think of for now.  I'll let you know if more comes to
mind later.  Hope it's helpful.

Thank you,
Crystal
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Excellent, Crix!

Note--the best feedback is editorial feedback.   The sincerest complement is a check that clears the bank.   Count that the first twenty stories you send to an editor will merely get the "not what we're looking for" comment.  Keep sending them.  Eventually, they'll start remembering your name, and begin to give you more personalized responses.  When you get them, apply the ideas to your NEXT story, rather than just re-writing the previous one.  when I started my career, I set a numerical goal: I would write and have circulating 100 stories before I even began to evaluate my chances of making it.  As a result, I didn't have a lot invested in any particular story, and rejection slips didn't hurt.  I created a list of every short story market I could find, sorted them for appropriateness, sorted again with the highest-paying first, and started sending out.  When a story came back from one market, I immediately sent it to the next on the list.  By the time I got to about 10 stories, I was getting personalized feedback.  By the time I got to about 25 I was selling.

Steve

Sample Golden Hour workout

A good one this morning.  I listened to a Teaching Company CD on "Intelligence and the Bell Curve" (good stuff, which actually bolstered Tananarive's position in a recent argument.  I like to play fair, so I pointed this out to her)
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I started with Warrior Wellness joint rotations (thanks, Scott!), followed by Djuru Sepok practise, not going too deep into silos (a twisting motion) because my knee tendons still weren't warmed up enough.  Then I did 15 sets of two double C&J with the 1.5 pood (54 pound) kettlebells, starting the sets 2 minutes apart.  In between, I walked on the treadmill at a speed of 2 MPH and a slight inclination.  Afterward, I did one rep of Scott's dynamite new Prasara Yoga/body flow (it will be on the market in a few weeks--look for it!) specifically, the "Flock of Pigeons" technique.  I'm telling you, this is brilliant, and an extraordinarily complex, challenging, and kinesthetically satisfying series of motions, a kind of "Yoga Tai Chi" that creates a link between health, performance, and combative motion.  Combative?  Well, let me tell you something.  Two weeks ago I was in Portland for the yearly Silat family gathering.  Stevan Plinck (a true master of combat motion if I've ever met one) had us performing various silat preparatory calesthenics, extracted from Serak and Chimande. And I'll be damned if they didn't remind me of what Scott is creating, intuitively, in Prasara.  This man is, in my opinion, a genuine creative genius in the field of the ecstatic athlete.
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Anyway, the total workout was about 50 minutes.  Worked everything top to bottom, including health, fitness, and skill, plus a 30 minute Psychology lecture.  Damned good morning!