Three have a good night...

So it's gonna be McCain and SOMEBODY. Interesting to hear Limbaugh's whining...not sure what that's about, or if I should believe it.

Hillary had a better than expected day in California. MAN the Zogby polls were off! That's a real question mark for me. Obama did great in the heartland and the South, Hillary along the coasts. What a battle. I really hope they can see their way to a joint ticket.
##
Saw "The Orphanage" last week. An incredible haunted house film executive produced by Guillermo Del Toro. ONe of the best genre films I've seen in a year. An "A".
##
Saw "Rambo." Violent, bloody, sombre, not a lot of real fun, using the backdrop of the Myanmar rebellion for superhero theatrics makes me a little queasy. Those who want to watch the effects of modern munitions on the human body will have a grand old time. Not as faithful to the core of "Rambo" as "Rocky Balboa" was to the original "Rocky," I suppose I'll still give it a "C+"

"Yes We Can" video

VOTE!

If you are a resident of a Super Tuesday state, don't miss this chance. Whether to help guide our nation, or to be a part of history...this is one for the books. I seriously doubt there has been a more important election cycle in my lifetime--and that's before you add Barack and Hillary to the equation. Arguably, historians might look back on this election as being one of the three most important EVER. And in a very real sense, this is the first election of the 21st Century--and the world is watching, wondering what the next hours and days will say about the American character. Whatever you believe, whoever you support, make this day count. We are all in this together.
##
And the question of the day is: what do YOU think were the most important elections in American history?

What Lies Do They Tell?

At a party recently, political discussions arose, one attendee waxing enthusiastic about Obama to a well-known black actor. The actor maintained a neutral expression for most of it, and then informed the speaker that he was working for Clinton. There was a bit of tightness about his face, and I had the definite impression that he had been forced to be defensive about his choice. My reaction was “may the best person win—whoever would do the better job, I hope they win.” Relaxation. Whew. Dodged that bullet…
#
Then of course over the last weeks, we’ve had lotsa controversy about whether race or gender should be the stronger determinate. It may or may not mean anything, but I’ve seen dozens of speeched, articles and posts specifically about “a woman in the white house” (including some by the candidate herself). Draw what conclusions you will about what it means that women speak much more bluntly about this than black people do about “an African-American in the White House.” I’m sure we have opinions about what that means, but that’s another conversation. I found myself quite annoyed that Oprah was accused of being a traitor to her vagina by supporting Obama. Much as, obviously, the actor was pressured to vote/support according to his race. Sigh. You know, it’s the most natural thing in the world. No one could look at the history of the U.S., with every president and every major presidential contender of the first 200 years being a White Male, and not think that human beings vote or contribute according to race or gender—unless you think White Males are just vastly superior, OF COURSE that’s what people do.

Until they feel safe enough to connect more deeply with their sense of individual existence, and divine guidance. At that point, you can grow past the tribal/gender stuff, and see more of the qualities of human beings separate from these relatively trivial things.

Whatever decision you guys make, I hope to God that you wouldn’t vote for Obama or Clinton primarily on the basis of race or gender. If you do, friend, you are a part of the problem, no matter what your intentions.
##
How do you rise above this stuff? Those of you who have watched me struggle with racial issues here should guess the answer: you have to process it. Go into it. During your morning meditations or journaling sessions, be honest about your wounds, fears, resentments. If there is someone you hate or resent, first connect with your own heart, and then see if you can connect with theirs. Can you understand their actions without placing yourself above them? Can you look at a thief, molester, murderer and still find their humanity? A terrorist, without assuming superiority or demonizing them? Can you grasp that someone might have felt America was deserving of 9/11 without either considering them crazy or “correct” or stupid? Can you look at your negative relationship history and see your own responsibility for the disasters without hating yourself? Can you forgive someone who has cheated you without dropping your guard against the next con artist you meet?

The ability to face fears, pains, betrayals, attacks, disappointments, without either losing your sense of personal power or considering yourself superior to others is the way to resolve those dualities and move on to the next level in your life. Every time you do it, you free up the energy invested in maintaining the artificial distinctions.

This does NOT mean not protecting yourself, or having priorities in life. I don’t have to have negative feelings about illegal aliens (I’m sure I’d sneak across the border too, if I was in their place) to know that we have as much of a right to protect our nation as Mexico has. Last time I looked, they had laws and borders and don’t appreciate them being disrespected. I have few rules, but one of the most important is that I will NEVER accept being treated with less respect than the other person demands. I will watch the way they behave, the way they react to being interrupted, or yelled at, or deferred to, or whatever. If they then demonstrate those behaviors toward me, I assume that it means whatever THEY thought it meant. That’s their language. Clearly, Mexicans consider national boundaries to be important. It is therefore hypocritical and pure politics to pretend that we’re doing something wrong to protect our borders. We’d be just as hypocritical…don’t get me wrong. But I can “get the joke” and still want employers punished for hiring Illegals, and still want to offer green cards to Illegals who turn those employers in.

I don’t have to hate a mugger to thump him, or hate a child murderer to execute him. I just don’t. The easiest way to get peole to march is to stir their emotions. I plead with you to look into your fears and resentments. YOU CAN’T THINK THROUGH THIS STUFF. You have to FEEL your way through it. Intellect will just try to convince you that hell, YOU don’t have unconscious motivations. You don’t have unreasoning prejudices programmed from childhood. YOU aren’t driven by fear and pain.

The more people protest that they aren’t, unless they have perfect bodies, perfect relationships, and perfect careers…I know they are in deep denial, driven by drives with which they have no conscious contact.

One of the best ways to learn to detect this in yourself is to watch the way it works in others. Look at their relationship history, their physical body, and their career satisfaction. IF they are responsible for the results in these arenas (and aren’t Adults supposed to be responsible?), what do their results suggest? Assume that every human being walking the planet feels two things:
1) Alone
2) Afraid
Choose someone in your life and apply the Question of the Day:

1)What do they do with their loneliness and fear?
2) What lies do they tell about it?

Remember: pay FAR MORE attention to what you see than to their explanations. When you’ve done this to a few hundred people, you’ll start seeing right through your own bullshit. Kind of scarey, really.

The Birth of Hobama, King/Queen of the Monsters

Gasp! I just witnessed the many a Conservative Republican's worst friggin' nightmare

It’s 6:26am Friday and as I drink my morning tea, I have to jot some notes about what I saw last night. What I may well have seen is the next 16 years of American politics. If you’re on the Left or the Middle, chances are good you’re doing a happy-dance. On the Right? Hang onto your Librium.

Hillary and Barack made up. They hugged. They whispered. He held out her chair, and she gazed at him the way a fond teacher looks at her favorite student. Or as if she wished she were twenty-five years younger and single. Wow.

I’ve never been to a political debate, but the star-studded event (Is that Rob Reiner? Is the Dave Chappel? Best line of the night: “Stevie Wonder’s over there, but he didn’t see me…”)was, by all accounts, like nothing anyone had ever seen.

Tananarive described it as a Declaration of War, the tribe coming together, laying aside their knives, and making it clear that NOTHING will keep them from bringing their A-Game this time. Comparing what I saw last night to the previous evening’s Republican debate, it was obvious who the adults were, and who the children were. When Wolf Blitzer asked the last question, about the fact that all over the country Democrats have been salivating for an Obama-Clinton or Clinton-Obama ticket, and neither of them ruled it out, the room friggin’ exploded. I’m not kidding. It was like being at a Superbowl where suddenly not only can both teams win, but they promise transformation of Life On Earth As We Know It (to the faithful).

Unreal. The CNN folks said they had been at the Republican debate, and the entire tenor was completely different. Angry. Frustrated. More to say later, but wanted to make some quick points so I can work out:
1) Hillary was more interesting, and I think authentic, than I’ve ever seen her. She FINALLY seemed like a woman to me: emotionally female as opposed to biologically female with male emotional wiring. For my version of the difference: Note Ripley and Vasquez in “Aliens.” When she delivered that dry, delicious “Reeallly?” in response to Blitzer’s comment about how she’d been lambasted, I thought she’s bring the house down.
2) Tony Robbins’ success formula is to clarify your goals, raise energy, find role models, take action, note your results, and maintain flexible behavior until you get what you want. Well, this goes along with human/animal behavior. Don’t like the results? DO SOMETHING ELSE. America doesn’t like where it is right now. The Republicans are offering the Same Old Thing. The Democrats are offering Something Else. Hillary is right: either one of them is change such as this country has never seen. She has things Obama doesn’t have. He has things she doesn’t have (he “bridges” groups better. Hillary would have to be an Hermaphrodite to bridge Male and Female the way he bridges Black and White. Or American/Non-American. Or Christian/Muslim.) As a team, they would be a walking, talking, breathing EXAMPLE of what I think the rest of the world wants to believe about the American Dream. Assuming they would make even an Average (B-?) Presidential team in other ways, they transform the game instantly. It’s a whole new world in some fascinating ways.
3) Obama-Clinton? Or Clinton-Obama? Different advantages and disadvantages. Either one slaughters the opposition. For the DNC, the best move is Clinton-Obama. He gets eight years of seasoning, and then possibly eight more years in the White House. Those who believe the Dems would do better with the critical issues of Health Care, Education, Global Warming, the War on Terror, the Economy, the Deficit, Racial and Gender equality..? The door just opened. SIXTEEN YEARS to get the stuff done before the Republicans get back in. That’s a very very real possibility.
4) I can think of no reason for either of them to fail to nominate the other as running partner, or fail to accept it…other than Ego. This is their chance to serve, to sit in the Captain’s chair, to make the history books. Right there. Amazing.
5) Afterwards, Tananarive got his autograph and I shook his hand. Yep, that was me on CNN.
6) At the After-Party, we hung out with Dave Chappel, who talked about media and politics and his own family background (an old, educated, powerful family. Helps to live in a town with streets named after you). His best line: being a rich, famous black man is like wearing a warm fuzzy sweater than REALLY itches. And in terms of the economy? He can’t be manipulated with bribes of 600 or 1200 dollars: “I walked away with fifty million dollars, bitch!” He was just great.

What an evening. If these folks have any sense at all, stick a fork in it: this election is done. America just took a turn. Hang on: it’s going to be a fascinating ride.
##
And the question of the day is: What do you think would happen with such a ticket?

Do you have recurring dreams or nightmares?

I'm going to the Democratic National Debates tonight in Hollywood. Can't believe I'm doing this, but this election cycle is just too much serious fun. Any suggestions on what I should be looking for as Obama and Hillary Gingham Dog and Calico Cat each other..?
##

I’ve never believed in Dream Books, those compilations of standardized “interpretations” of imagery. But I do think that dreams represent pieces of information being coded from short to long term memory, and the nudges of the subconscious trying to communicate to us about things that we can’t look at directly. Keeping a dream diary, then can be a powerful way of connecting the different levels of our minds.

I first remember interpreting dreams was in childhood. My mother had a recurring dream about being chased by Frankenstein’s Monster. She would wake up screaming and moaning. Not surprisingly, there were real monsters plaguing us: we were broke. She was constantly fighting to find money for the mortgage, or even for food. I still remember mom cutting dandelions off the front lawn so that we would have salad for dinner…
Sigh.
The monsters are coming.

But personally, the recurring dreams I’ve experienced over the years are:
1) Since my mother’s death, I’ve dreamed many times of returning to my childhood home. Her car is in the driveway, but she won’t come to the door. Or…the car is gone, but I expect her home soon.
2) Gardeners are digging up the back yard. I am a serial killer, and have buried victims there, and under the concrete. I am terrified that the corpses will be found. (I’ve had versions of this one since my teens)
3) The living dead are coming for me. I try various means of escaping, evading, or deceiving them. Sometimes they get me.

My rough interpretations of the dreams:
1) Obvious. I miss my mother terribly, and would give anything for another conversation, another hug, another bit of advice from her. Or a chance to apologize for past wrongs.
2) I have guilt about things I’ve done, or fear that if people could really see me, they would reject or accuse me. “Buried” guilt.
3) I have a sense that too many of the people around me are “living dead”: trapped in jobs, lives, bodies, or relationships that do not serve them. I move among them, but feel apart (typical existential loneliness stuff, there). But as I move among them, they inevitably “infect” me with some of their attitudes…I risk becoming one of them unless I can remain apart…but God, that gets lonely.

How about you?

Does Hillary's Florida Win Matter?

Honestly, I don't know. I've heard comments back and forth, on either side of the issue, and frankly, I am too ignorant to sort through them. So that's our question for the day. Comments?

Video Games into Books

A Brazilian magazine asked me to write a short article about turning video games into books. This is what I sent them:

Having labored to bring the video game ASSASSIN’S CREED from the game-screen into the world of novels, I have a few suggestions:

1) Note the basic image systems of the game’s world. Magic? Technology? Time? Place?
2) Note whatever can be determined about the personality of the lead character(s). What they do, especially in the cut scenes, is more important than the game play, which may reflect the personal choices of the gamer more than the intentions of the creators.
3) Consider that the game is limited by the need for continuous forward action. Take a look at some of the 007 games. How do they relate to the movies? How does the game play vary? More exposition and “down time” in the movies. More interstitial material, time for romance, etc. The game follows a movie’s action line, only.
4) Remember that the book can only simulate the action of a game to a degree. Don’t try to imitate a game’s constant action-action-action or you’ll create a terrible piece of work.
5) Write the book AS IF IT CAME FIRST. Think “they wrote this game based on my book” rather than the other way around.
6) Character and Situation and plot must all dovetail. Think of Character and plot as heads and tails of the same coin. Whatever you can determine about either, make them fit.
7) Use the game as visual reference. Get as much of the original research from the gaming company as possible.
8) Remember that your audience is BOTH gamers and readers. You are straddling a fine line.
9) Remember that from the perspective of the gaming company, you are just creating an advertisement for their game. You will have to make them happy, and simultaneously create something that furthers your career.
10) Make certain the game company has done their research. With ASSASSIN’S CREED, Ubisoft forgot to ask the actual descendants of the Hashashiyyin for permission. Oops. They got a very nervous-making visit from some polite Middle-Eastern gentlemen who lectured them on cultural misappropriation. As a result, the entire book project was cancelled.
11) A corollary to the above: get paid in advance. I was.
###
And the Question of the day: how can one reconcile the requirements of Art and Commerce?

Over-Trained vrs. Under-recovered

Here’s how I see the difference between the words “over-training” and “under-recovered,” the source of a disagreement between Steve Perry and Scott Sonnon. In many ways, they are two sides of the same coin, but the implications are a bit different. “Beware of over-training” generally means: “don’t train too much, too hard.” Other wise, the system can break down. I’ve always looked at the positive spiral of physical adaptation goes: Stress, Nutrients, Rest. Get too much or too little of any one of them, and the system breaks down.

“Under-recovered” puts the emphasis more on the idea of “Stress, Nutrients, Recovery.” Rest would be an aspect of recovery—the only one that the average person knows. The more educated also include massage, Jacuzzi, icy/hot therapy, etc. The chemically inclined add various growth hormone and steroid cocktails in that, trying to speed the body’s ability to heal tissues or metabolize fatigue toxins.

Scott has an entire library of techniques for recovery: specialized breathing patterns, vibration drills, joint rotations, and movement stuff that goes beyond my understanding. All are designed to tease out the last bit of recovery potential.

There MUST be an absolute limit to the amount that the body can recover. What is it? I really don’t know. I do know that there are two basic positions among the athletic.
1) The longevity, sustained health approach, working for general energy, fitness, appearance, etc.
2) The competitive approach, employed by professional and committed amateur athletes. This flirts with the famous “Achilles’ Choice: a long dull life, or a short glorious one. Competitive athletes accept walking close the “Red Line” of potential damage or break-down. The truth is that, all other things being equal, the athlete willing to more closely approach this point of destruction—so long as he does not wobble over it—will outperform.

The difference, then, is both one of intent, and psychological preparedness to accept risk. That said, assuming that you have a set of objective/subjective standards for recovery: morning pulse rate, joint pain, muscle insertion point ache, reduction of swelling, quality of sleep, sex drive, morning temperature, etc., the “insufficiently recovered” approach is just one of attitude. In other words, you assume the process of recovery is not just one of not exercising too much, and getting enough sleep, but of actively seeking out techniques to speed that recovery. Will there still be limits? You bet. Is this approach appropriate for most people? I’m guessing not. Most people can barely handle a 30 minute walk three times a week, and won’t stretch afterward. Screw a “vibration drill.”

There are simply limits to the amount of time and effort anyone is willing to focus on the physical aspect of our lives. Everyone looks at this differently. Scott is a competitive athlete. From time to time my screwball friend climbs into the ring and lets someone take a shot at knocking his teeth out. For someone like this, inching close to the “red line” makes perfect sense. He’s willing to accept that risk. He’s an explorer of the very outer ranges of human physical potential.

Perry and I ain’t out there on that edge. Not that far. Both of us accept risks that many others will not, but discretion is the better part of valor: shit just takes longer to heal these days. Sad, but true.

All this is just to say that there is a continuum in, well, any activity. The question “what would you be willing to die for” which we just asked ties in. The competitive athlete walks the tightrope. Scott knows more about the recovery phase of this than anyone I’ve ever known, and I am slightly in awe of him. But I’ve taken ghastly risks with my financial life and career in pursuit of writing goals. Some of them make me shake my head, and were one hell of a lot more dangerous than risking a busted tendon or chronic flu. When we decide to love, we take risks there. Tananarive and I, by some standards, barely knew each other when she married me and moved cross-country to begin our lives together.

We human beings don’t have infinite resources, or infinite options. We must clarify our values and goals, be certain that our emotional time-bombs don’t doom our effort, decide how much risk we are ready to accept…and go for it.

“Over-trained”? “Under-recovered”? Two terms that mean pretty much the same thing, but one looks at the recovery process as a discipline every bit as manipulable as the process of inducing adaptation stress. Just like a person who meditates deeply can handle emotional stress that would crush the average person.

You pays your money, and you takes your chances.
##
I kind of like the tone Hillary has been taking lately. A little more sense of her speaking to the audiences rather than at them. Yeah, she’s the smart kid in class. We get that. But who is SHE? That’s an important thing to know, and I think Obama’s forced her to step up her game in this sense.

Bill, on the other hand…instinct tells me that he has definitely been playing nasty, and I’m starting to grasp a bit more of what Conservatives have been saying about him. Of course, since I can’t get myself to believe he’s doing anything really unscripted, looking at him gives us better insight into her. So they’re both politicians of the old school. You already know I hate that shit. Sigh.

The thing about Obama I like is that I routinely hear him synthesizing Yin-Yang into the Tao, something that a lot of people can’t even grasp. This is, by the way, something I NEVER heard Bush do, even once. For all his flaws, I heard Bill do it frequently. I haven’t heard Hillary do it much, but my instinct tells me that she absolutely has the capacity. In my mind, this is what constantly excites audiences: they sense that he is seeing the game from a different position than most human beings. I’d guess that being bi-racial and bi-cultural FORCED him to do this, or that he began life outside the “This OR That” perspective 99% of human beings are forced into. You can get out of that box with certain types of high intelligence, certain philosophical studies or inclinations, or certain kinds of life experience. You can have too much of this: thinking “the mugger and I are one” as the knife comes at your guts will end you in the morgue unless you’re an aikido master. Sometimes, unless you have the energy and training to function at that higher level, it’s better to say “you OR me” and treat life like a zero-sum game. You’re more likely to survive.

But I gravitate toward the statesmen and philosophers who have that higher perspective, and I believe they are the ones who have the potential to lift us up as a nation, and as a species. But you hav to have the energy and clarity to sustain it, otherwise, well, you’re a flake, a Hippy in the pejorative sense.

My suspicion, at this point, is that Barack Obama sees that resolved duality, and has the intelligence to synthesize information effectively. If so, he’s a once in a generation leader, and I’m having a great time watching the game.

And you know? Even if he doesn’t make it, there are a thousand young men and women out there watching him, saying: “if he can get that close to the goal line, I can carry the ball over it.” That’s how winners think. He may very well be the first 21st Century politician. He won’t be the last.

DAMN, this is fun to watch.
##
And the question for the day is: Who in your life helped you through an apparently insoluble problem? How did they do it?

Threshold Experience coming in November!

All right, my answer: I would be willing to die if I could communicate cleanly to all—or the majority of—people on this planet that they can lift themselves up an entire level by believing they are spiritual beings having a human experience. That would change everything, just everything. And since we all die anyway, I’d choose that. In addition to the usual: for my family, especially my children. I’d die for Nicki or Jason in a heartbeat, and would place my life in jeopardy at insanely long odds for Tananarive—but wouldn’t put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger for her. Sorry, T.
##
My flinching at the half-truths and smearing of politics isn’t really a criticism of those doing it. Seems to be the nature of the beast. But I couldn’t do it: it would kill my soul. Since politics seems to be necessary (at least in a dualistic world) I guess I’m glad there are people who can handle it.
##
Scott’s traffic over at RMAX has been EXPLODING! And the beautiful thing is that a big part of his growth has been associated with the Prasara Yoga books and DVDs. As you know, I think this is kinda advanced stuff, so the new interest suggests that there are a ton of people who are beyond the basics stage in their yoga practice, willing to look at new ideas. Fantastic. My belief: Scott has touched the place where motion originates, and has been waiting for his spiritual/emotional levels to rise up to his intellectual insight of the subjects. I suspect that his marriage to an incredible woman, fatherhood, and work with Amma (one of the two human beings I’ve seen who project their energy beyond the physical form. Pretty spooky. BTW—I understand how crazy that sounds, and that I can’t separate my subjective impressions out enough to be intellectually certain of what I experienced.) have facilitated his growth at a rapid pace. So…he’s ready to do the next Path seminar, what we’re now calling (due to trademark issues) the THRESHOLD EXPERIENCE. Looks like it’s set for the first weekend in November, in Los Angeles. I’ve got eight months to get ready. Wow. Can’t wait! I’ll let you know soon how you can sign up…
##
Scenario for South Carolina: Obama wins, Edwards and Hillary come in nearly tied. IF that happens, and the black vote is split, Obama isn’t labeled a “race candidate” and Edwards gets momentum enough to have real bargaining position. He could be a king (or queen) maker. If he really wants the vice-presidency, he could campaign for Obama the way Bill is campaigning for Hillary, providing some much needed good cop/ bad cop energy. That would be interesting.
##
We’re having a meeting of T’s book club at the house tonight. Largest gathering we’ve had since moving to California. I want to have more parties…
##
As I’ve said, I’ve been trying to work my way through a Century Density cycle for the Gama Cast for two years. My body won’t handle it, but I won’t quit, either, until I’m sure there is just no way. Intermittent Fasting increases my recovery rate, so I want to give it a real shot. But it’s a complex movement, and that may have been my problem. The aftermath went beyond Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS) to shoulders that felt wrecked, and I can’t afford that.
I’m starting over, but trying something different. I’m going to break down the Gama Cast into two different segments: a Clean to Order (swinging the Bruiser back between my legs, bringing it up to the front) comes first. I’ll do the behind the head part next—IF I can work through a Century (100 reps without stopping). So Wednesday I did twenty sets of 5 reps, one per minute. It was rough, but manageable. The soreness on subsequent days was OK. I woke up too early in the morning, a sign that my body wasn’t finished recovering…but I can handle that with the Jacuzzi.
A very real possibility: on work-out days, I may have three entirely different workouts I cycle through on a weekly basis: Double Kettlebells, Century Bruiser, and Jumprope/FlowFit 2 cycles. Call these modules the “Work” (just for simplicity’s sake) and my pattern goes:
Alternate days Work and Recovery (Yoga)
Work days:
Warrior Wellness
Silat
Abs
“Work”

Recovery days
Yoga (either Ashtanga or Bikram)

Five Minute miracle practice on “Work” Days: Martial arts, KB C&J, Prasara Yoga Chains.

Five Minute Miracle practice on “Recovery” Days:
Martial Arts, Prasara chains.

If I can anchor this in, I may start “waving” it in a “4 x 7” format. Right now, I’ve got enough to balance.

Total morning time: About 40 minutes on Work days, and about 60-90 on Recovery days. Sundays: off, or Recovery Only.

Yow.
##

Question of the day: How has reading affected the quality of your life?

What Would You Be Willing to Die for?

Reading political commentaries is something I’ve only really done for the last four years or so. During this election cycle, I’ve come across dozens of women quoted as being eager for “a woman in the White House” but have yet (to my recollection) come across a quote by a black person about being eager for a “black in the White House” even if they’re voting for Obama. I can think of a couple of basic reasons:
1) They don’t consider his ethnicity a factor in their preference.
2) They don’t feel safe saying it—they know it would doom his chances if he is labeled as the “black candidate.” (Incidentally-I think this part of the Clinton strategy: to let him win South Carolina by a landslide among blacks, and thereby los his trans-racial status. Nasty. Smart.)

I think it’s the second. Whether this can be interpreted as any kind of statement about the relative power of women versus blacks is left to the reader.
##
Michelle said that I can’t ask people to imagine what they would want if “I knew they could not fail” and then qualify it. I didn’t. I just dealt with the dreams as they came up.
I could have said: "goals that have been achieved by others" but that wouldn't open the floodgates of imagination. I'm sure there are airline pilots inspired by the dream of being Superman. Physicists inspired by the dream of FTL travel. Doctors inspired by the dream of healing all mankind. We must dream. And then we can take that inspiration and use it to power our lives.
It is my belief that the way to align our lives for greatest success is to have our minds, our hearts, and our bodies all going in the same direction. That is, we should have maximum physical energy, open and excited emotions, and clear goals in alignment with our values. At this point, we’re not fighting ourselves.

Too damned often, we limit ourselves because we’ve been told we can’t have our dreams. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times I heard this growing up: from my mother, my friends, my community. I had no role models of my ethnicity, and was told point-blank by teachers and authority figures that I couldn’t do it. But I clung to my dream, burned my bridges behind me, and powered forward. What would I aspire to if I knew I could not fail?
1) Be the best, and best-selling writer in the history of the world.
2) Be the greatest martial artist who ever lived.
3) Inspire everyone around me, and ultimately the entire world, to a joyous epiphany and acceptance of their inner divinity.

That’s what I’d do. So…how does that translate into my actual actions? I am prepared to do the best I can with what I have in the time I have. That’s it. Every single day, without fail, I work on my writing, on the unity of breath and motion, and tell the people I love that I love them. Every single day. Without fail.
Here’s a corollary question: What would you be willing to die for?

What if you knew you could not fail?

Breakthrough

I’ve been diving fairly deeply into my stuff the last 14 months, and this morning during meditation, I think I hit a new level of integration. I’d grazed across it about four months ago, then lost it…so I’m not certain how long it will take for me to hold it. If past experience is any measure, I’d say about three or four more months. But the point I reached seems to be a resolution of several interesting dualities: black/white, male/female, child/adult, parent/child. Resolving the duality would allow me to function above the level of apparent lack or hurt, and would free up the energy currently locked in that emotional scar tissue.

Great, if I’m right. Movement from one to another level requires an increase in available energy: that either means MORE energy, or more exquisitely focused energy. Frankly, I like to go for both simultaneously.

What would you aspire to, if you KNEW you could not fail?

That’s our question of the day. We limit ourselves in so many ways. Our heads are filled with ideas of what is not possible—for us, or for anyone. And yet the leaders and shapers of the world dare to dream beyond those limits. Sometimes they fail. So what? I remember someone saying to me: “Steve, you dream too big. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.” So what? I’m a big boy. I can handle it.

But you know what I can’t handle? Feeling that I’m not living up to my potential. That’s just me. I imagine two scenarios:
1) At the moment of death, it is revealed to me that my dreams exceeded my capacities.
2) At the moment of death, it is revealed to me that my capacities exceeded my dreams.

I don’t know about you, but the second one sucks. I would rather go all out, break my heart again and again and again, pick my self up bloody and bruised and hurl myself at the locked gate again, than slink off and nurse my wounds and join the “you can’t win” crowd.

Now, better still is to simply operate in a Zen state of awareness where your normal daily activities, approached with intensity but not strain, naturally takes you through your personal evolution. Just awaken every day, chop wood and carry water, love your spouse, play with your children, play with your toys, tend your garden, rejoice in the life God gave you, and go to bed each night pleasantly exhausted and ready for renewal and a new day. Effort, but no strain. Just hunting and gathering and loving and giving and growing.

And I think that it starts by re-claiming your dreams. So ask yourself: What would you aspire to if you KNEW you could not fail? Choose goals in all three major arenas. Begin to move toward them. Find role models in all three areas, and determine their belief systems, mental syntax, and use of physiology. As you run into barriers, mark them on your mental “map”: you are exploring the intersection of internal and external reality. As you experience fear investigate it, and see where your emotions are knotted. And every day, celebrate the joy of sheer existence.

Let’ s make 2008 a fabulous year for all of us. There’s enough joy to go around. Love, health, and success are not a zero-sum games.

A Father like me?

Rory said something to me last night that no one else has ever said. It was to the effect that I’ve spent a gigantic amount of my energy wondering what my life would have been like had I had a father like me.

It had a ring of truth in it: I’d refine it to “if I had a father like the kind of man I strive to be.” That gap has certainly loomed large in my life, just like the gap between what my childhood was and what I suspect it would have been had I had the same cultural context as my White or Asian friends.

I remember years ago, I was involved with a woman who made a gigantic mistake. She was in trouble, no doubt about it, but was not honest enough to admit it. Sanity, and the majority of my friends, thought I should drop her. I couldn’t. Just couldn’t. I’m almst constitutionally incapable of walking away from a friend in trouble, even if it’s the smart thing to do. I couldn’t walk away, and she wouldn’t let me help her, and she couldn’t get out of it. What a horrific mess. I was utterly torn emotionally, and over the months that this drama played out, it actually tore a hole in my psyche. When I meditated, it was as if I was looking at a basement built over a sewage tank: no matter how much work I did, more crap seeped in. Gushed in. Over weeks, the seepage slowed. And then, one day…

The basement remained “clean” for a day or so at a time. And then a week. And then…the sewage was gone. Although it threatened to continue without end, in reality it was finite. The value conflict within me was resolved on some deep level beyond my consciousness. Notice a similar situation with my ex-friend who abused the young girl? I posted about it, talked about it, and got over it. Cycled through it much much faster.

I believe that what I’m doing is the blogging equivalent of Spiritual Autolysis, working through the is-is not of my existence in public. Forces me to put into words the stuff rolling around in my “basement.” And a big chunk of that has to do with father stuff.

I remember when my mom first dated after sh and my Dad broke up. I was maybe seven years old, and this nice guy is sitting on the couch, and I’m curled up behind him on a chair like a little kitten, trying to look as cute as possible. Hoping that he’d want to be my Daddy. Hoping someone would. Wondering what was wrong with me that no one did. Was I so ugly? So bad? Such a weakling? That shit went deeper than any conscious stuff I can reach, and has taken decades to even begin healing. I have no memory of eve playing catch with my dad, or an uncle, or anything. No brothers or cousins to step into the breech. This is one of the reasons I am so committed to my family—I know what it cost me to have this piece missing.
#
Recently, I had the chance to train with my first real karate instructor, Steve Muhammad (Sanders). He is now 68 years old, and moves perfectly. He was attending another instructor’s workshop, and I asked if I could partner with him, and he enthusiastically agreed. It was wonderful, exchanging techniques with this great man, and great martial artist, one of the three men most responsible for who I am as a human being.

I was so nervous afterward: I wanted to know what he thought of my development as a martial artist. When he was quite complementary, it felt like your Dad saying “you done good, kid.” It was like a door opening in my mind and heart. This was just about five weeks ago, and I’m still sorting through the debris of the emotional architecture his words knocked down.

There are three major aspects of my life that I can have conscious influence over: my career, my relationships, and my physical skills. And I enter 2008 freer in each than I have ever been in my life. I’m so swamped with work that I haven’t been able to really consider the implications of what has happened over the last 13 months. But the time is coming when my slate will clear, and then my conscious mind will engage. And I’ll see what my unconscious has been up to.

Who would I have been had I had a father like me? Don’t know. Who am I now? Don’t know. But I can’t wait to meet him.
##
So, here's a question for you: who would you be, if you'd had a mother or father like you? How is that different from who you are today?

Out of Sight...

Frank seemed to say that his opinion about racist liberals comes from comments he's heard when black folks aren't around (or that he has special knowledge about this I can't have. I agree) So I ask white readers to respond:
When you've heard someone making negative/racist comments about black folks, when said black folks aren't around, and you are aware of the speaker's political attitudes, has it been your experience that those political attitudes are Liberal or Conservative?

Clintons lying

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/news/politics/blog/2008/01/
clintons_are_lying_about_obama.html

Thank goodness someone is starting to talk about this. I find it offensive, and find it VERY difficult to believe its accidental, or inadvertent. It's lying, out and out.

Ooh! An existentialist discussion arises!

The fun thing for me in the whole Race versus Gender discussion is that any intelligent person looking at it will see the edge of the map. There simply is nothing that we “know” other that there is something that seems to think it’s “us” that seems to think there is a world outside itself. That’s it. Every other thing is agreed-upon perception. Opinion. The weight of many voices over years.

Think there’s a mountain over there? Why? Because you’ve seen it? Walked it? Seen pictures of it? Seen it on a map? All nothing but perception, and human perceptions are fallible.

Think Jews were subject to the Holocaust? Opinions vary. Just because I believe with all my heart that they were, or that I’ve spoken to people who claim to be survivors, or others who say they saw these people in camps, and others who claim to have dug up vast numbers of skeletons…and some who confess to murder and torture on a scale to boggle the mind, while I’d say it crosses any reasonable definition of proof, it doesn’t make it so.

Was there slavery? Just because witnesses said so? Because you’ve seen pictures of people in chains? Photoshop.

It there was, was it bad? Wow. There’s a purely subjective measurement for you. Compared to what? Plenty of disagreement there. Listen to people who claim that slavery was just the price for blacks to participate in the American Dream. That’s an interesting perspective. I disagree with it, but just because I agree with myself, does that make my opinion So?

Are women worse off than men in America? According to what measurements? And did God come down from heaven and say those measurements are the ones we should pay attention to? Have Whites mistreated Blacks? Said who? According to what? Again, just because I agree doesn’t make it true.

I think that almost everything we agree is “true” is based upon a certain trust that people are capable of perceiving, and will be honest in reportage. The amusing thing to me is that, in saying “black women have the strongest right to an opinion” those groups excluded feel a certain prickly exclusion. I PROMISE you that more black women will like this idea than white males, white females, or black males. People want to believe that they can figure the world out, that their opinion is not just valid…but more valid than average. Now, obviously I’ve taken the position that my opinion about who can have an opinion here is more valid than other opinions. But I also laugh at it, because I know that nothing can be known. The absurdity of that last sentence is crystal clear to me, by the way.

It’s a corollary to the question: if nothing ultimately matters, why keep going? Because I enjoy the game. If there are no ultimate answers, if no human opinion can really give us ultimate answers (and everything that has been said to criticize my little thought experiment can be applied across the board, to everything everyone thinks they know about anything. There is no sample size large enough to reach Truth. No set of criteria separate from the minds that devise and select them. No measuring apparatus independent of the senses that interpret, or the minds that tabulate. No minds free of perceptual filters. Nothing is anything beyond the Cogito Ergo Sum, and yet…God, I love my son’s smile, and my daughter’s laugh, and my wife’s touch. It’s as real as it gets) then why bother?

Because we choose to. And in building a society, we listen to each other’s views of the world. Note that I disenfranchised myself too, folks. I have no dog in this fight. Except that the entire discussion REALLY points out the difficulties inherent in talking about the advantages or disadvantages in any human interaction. Blacks? Whites? Males? Females? Frankly, I identify most strongly with the part of me that cares about as much about that crap as I do whether black ants or red ants are “better.” Who cares? Apparently the vast majority of us do. The game called human existence has uncounted millions of these judgments wired into the laws and customs of every society on earth, and every single one of them is ultimately based on shifting sand. Go ahead. Find something that isn’t ultimately based on opinion, or faith. Please. I’d love to hear it.

It’s a fantastic, delightful, terrifying joke. And the joke’s on us, unless we can laugh at ourselves.

Race and Gender and Class

All right, I proposed a five dollar bet with Steve Perry on the only aspect of the Race versus Gender question I'm willing to bring to definitive focus. If people want to ask black women "which has caused more pain and difficulty in your life: your race or your gender" go ahead. Want to rank each on a scale of 1 to ten, it gets more precise. Now, here's the only part of this I am willing to really stake a position on: that regardless of income or class or education, the answers will be similar, say within 5 or 10 percentage points, however you want to stack that up. I'll trust whatever answers people say they got. Just don't post the poll at sites or within organizations that are specifically gender or race political. The more people who ask, the more accurate our answers will get.

I guess I think that it IS possible to find answers which, while not "truth" are very useful to understand the world we live in. It's worth five bucks to be wrong. Assuming Perry takes the bet, anyone out there want to help him take my money?

MLK Day

Right-wing blogger Denesh D’Souza is a strange guy. I was looking at his blog, and he made a comment I found reasonable: that Martin Luther King was not his choice for greatest African-American. He liked Booker T. Washington better, relating to the need for responsibility in the community and economic strength. I kinda liked that…until I remembered that he wrote it the day before the MLK birthday celebration.

What a creep, and what a standard political tactic: to disguise an insult with a complement to a secondary figure. On the MLK holiday. Didn’t he ever see “Bambi”? “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” What a tool. I still remember reading his “The End of Racism” book, where he claimed that black women were not raped by white men during slavery, because by his analysis of a whore house’s books, the black prostitutes didn’t get at much business as the white ones. He is one bizarre, ass-kissing, Massa-loving brown-skinned man. Yuck.

And to think that, for a bare moment, before I realized the timing, I almost sent him a note agreeing with him…
##
Played a little tennis with Nicki yesterday. Well, actually I don’t know how to play tennis, so we just rallied, batting the ball back and forth to work on racquet control and accuracy of ball placement: literally TRYING to give it back to each other. I figure that that’s better than trying to make each other miss, at this point. A little sore this morning, but that’s cool.
##
http://rutube.ru/tracks/407764.html?v=f30f9e1aeffdef7c2499fc1c4b2e6f7e

What you have above is a link to Coach Sonnon's fighter, Jorge Rivera, fighting UFC last Saturday. His fighter, Jorge Rivera, was considered an underdog. As Roy Jones Jr. used to say, Ya'll musta forgot.

Wow.
##
I think that the Clintons have found the best tactic against Obama. By making him run against both of them simultaneously (has any former President ever campaigned like this before? I don't remember it) and then Good-Cop/Bad-Cop-ing him, they force him to seem more churlish and not a "uniter." Combine that with attacks which bring up race and ethnicity, forcing Obama or his surrogates to remind voters of his genetics and his father's religion. Again and again and again, and if he's not careful, they'll wear him down. Not pretty to watch, and I admit to a grudging admiration for the surgical efficiency of the entire operation. I bet Bill and Hillary are getting along better than they have in years. I don't resent them, because if he can't handle this, he shouldn't be our President. The man has to show who he is under pressure. I'm watching carefully, but I have to admit I've got an aorta in my throat...

Nation article

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/01/18/opinion/main3729739.shtml

Katha Pollitt in the nation observes that if the election becomes about race versus gender, the winner will be whatever white male Republican takes the oath of office in 2009. Yep.
##
I guess that's why I keep talking about this. I do think that any grouping or orientation tends to create or sustain a point of view. If every single occupant of the Oval Office has been a White Male, there are other views of reality, equally valid, that have never ever had peak expression. To the degree that that is true, it is dangerous for the nation. Reality is what it is, and our points of view on reality are never the thing itself. Assuming all basic measurable attributes are roughly equal, the mere changing of point of view can provide an advantage--the old point of view while valid, has been far more thoroughly expressed and explored. I am curious about what a white woman would bring to the Presidency. Or a man of African heritage. Not enough to sacrifice objective quality in any way, but I am curious. I think that the country is excited about it as well.

The Tragedy of Coriolanus (1608)

Oh! I forgot to note that today I begin reading “The Tragedy of Coriolanus”, the vey last play in the Pelican edition complete Shakespeare. For the last five years I’ve been reading all of Shakespeare aloud, one act per day. I miss lots of days due to travel and stuff—otherwise it would have taken me about 2 ½ years. But wow, I can’t believe I’m almost there.

After I finish? I’ll probably buy a new compilation, and start over at the beginning. The idea is that you can probably learn everything you could want to know about literature by reading Shakespeare and your favorite best-selling author. Fast and dirty literacy, to be sure…

Comments?