Excuses, excuses...

I was speaking with a lady last week, and the subject of race came up. She felt America was post-racial, that color didn’t matter any more. I replied that the world must look very interesting from behind her eyes, and we got into a conversation. The question of whether black slavery could be equated with the Holocaust came up, and my comment was that I would find it odious to even try to “rank” one over the other. No matter what you said, your opinion would be based upon partial information or evaluation of data, and weighting one level or variety of pain, humiliation, death, or deprivation above another—something that cannot be done in any absolute sense at all. For instance, I’m willing to admit that one of the “benefits” of slavery is that their descendants participate in the American Dream. On the other hand, the Holocaust led pretty directly to the establishment of Israel. How in the world can this stuff be quantified?

But we try. One of the things that has annoyed me this election cycle is the number of women (and men) I’ve seen posting the opinion that “It’s time for a woman in the White House”, “It’s time for a woman to run things” etc. I’m quite certain that there are plenty of black people who feel the same way about blacks, but so far, I can’t remember coming across a post that says it quite so blatantly. I think Obama would be perfectly happy to not be seen as black, but Hillary can trumpet her gender broadly, trying to use it as a tactical advantage. Obama can’t do that…it’s a losing position. Not unfair of Hillary. Just annoys me that she can get away with it, that’s all.

What annoys me worse is people speculating that he might not be tough enough to withstand pressure. I have NEVER heard a black person speculate about this, because (in my mind) they understand that rule that both blacks and women hold dear: “you have to work twice as hard to get half as far.” In truth, I think there’s a bit of unconscious racism about the attitude. It seems to go like this:
1) He wouldn’t have gotten as far as he has if he weren’t black. This presupposes (possibly correctly) that people are having a hard time attacking him without giving in to the appearance of being racist. Yep, there’s some of that. Trouble is, that there seems to me to be a lack of understanding about that attitude. It dovetails with the “affirmative action” attitude that says that blacks somehow have it easier than whites because there are a few entitlement benefits scattered around.

Well…I can’t know the “Truth” about any of this, but I’ll make an analogy that sums up my attitude about people who think that a black man or woman has it “easy” because people cut them slack.

Imagine a roller-skating race, working against a headwind. 90 of the skaters are white, ten are black. The black ones have a refrigerator strapped to their backs. Here comes a hill. Skating up the hill with that refrigerator strapped to your back is absolute murder. Torture. Most don’t make it, and are crushed, exhausted or at best slowed down by the weight on their backs. But the ONE who makes it, and heads down the other side finds that the refrigerator actually helps fight the wind resistance! And the white skaters to either side mutter: “damn! That black skater has an unfair advantage! He has a refrigerator on his back..!”

I admit that I feel there is some unconscious racism behind the attitude that “the playing field is level.” After all, if the playing field is level, then what could be responsible for the differential accomplishment levels of black and white? Hmmm. I wonder.

So I consider that dishonest and self-serving when I hear white folks say it. Frankly, I hear a lot more of that from Conservatives than Liberals, and since the “uneven” model matches my own observations, that partially explains my feeling that there is more racism on the Right (things like the rampant homophobia exhibited during the last campaign cycle certainly help, though.)

What WOULD I consider to be a realistic and honest attitude for a Conservative? How about “it’s not equal, but it’s about as much social equality as it is reasonable for human beings to ever accomplish.” You know something? I could buy that. It is humane, it acknowledges the limits of human aspirations, it acknowledges the pains of the past and future. There ARE limits to social engineering, and there are innate problems with racism, sexism, etc. that make certain things damned difficult to remedy. When I hear something like that I feel like I’m dealing with someone whose eyes are open, who sees the inequality but doesn’t want some Top-Down solution that gives government a power grab. Or doesn’t want to take money from the pockets of one guiltless person to salve the wounds of another. I get that, and consider it honorable and reasonable.

But such people would never say “he’s only considered remarkable because he’s black” or “he’s had it easier because he’s black.”

They see the refrigerator he’s carrying. And while they need feel no guilt because they’re NOT carrying one, they also don’t insult all those who couldn’t make it up the hill. And they understand that the one who carries the refrigerator AND is beating them must be one hell of an extraordinary person.
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The Hero’s Journey suggests that the process of growth from one level to another is ALWAYS accompanied by failure and despair, a sense of Hitting the Wall. All of our demons and voices will conspire to keep us small. Now…that means that any reasonable explanation for “why it’s impossible” will be seized upon by our egos and thrown in our face. We can’t have our goal because:
We’re too old. Too young. Too black. Too white (yeah, I’ve literally heard that. Wow.) Too tall. Too short. Too undereducated. Too overeducated. Too poor. Too rich (!). Blind. Handicapped. Too ugly. Too beautiful. Too weak. Too strong. Etc. etc.

We all use excuses, and if we continue toward our goals, will often find that they were just illusions we use to stop ourselves from changing, and shedding our ego-shells. In other words, to keep from dying. So the question of the day is: what excuses have you used to hold yourself back (especially in one of the three core areas: Body, Career, Relationship) and how did you learn it was just an excuse?