Inner and Outer values, and Katrina

Had another conversation with yet another friend, who did the "what was wrong with those people in Louisiana?  They voluntarily stayed in the path of the hurricane, and then demanded that the government pay their way...THOSE people..."  this person is a somewhat self-loathing mixed blood African American, who borders on being a racist, spouts the most radical and unpleasant Right-Wing rhetoric (there is equally radical and unpleasant Left-Wing rhetoric, and there is more moderate rhetoric on both sides.  this person loves Michael Savage and his ilk.)  Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.  And yet, in  his own life, my friend is in a loveless marriage, which is  his mate's fault.  He is trapped in an unrewarding job for the sake of security--forced to by external circumstances.  Is often paralyzed with unreasoning fears, which he is afraid to address.  Is chronically fatigued, and wants to find a doctor who will take total responsibility for the cure.  Changes definitions of terms to match whatever he wants them to be, so that he can win arguments.    In many ways, this is the most fear-filled person I know, who takes no real responsibility for his body, his relationships, or his career situation, who can make few life-affecting decisions because every fear and concern is snarled up with another one like a Gordian Knot.  Cannot meditate or exercise.  Is afraid to look within himself for the answers.  I am very, very worried for him.
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And this is where the political orientation is so troublesome.  the Right demands a high level of personal responsibility, the idea that we must be self-reliant, and are responsible for the results we get.  Fine.  But my friend blames everything outside himself for his life situation, and simply cannot look at his own programming, emotions, decisions and actions as prime motivators of his unhappiness.  But he simultaneously points the finger at poor people without a fraction of his resources, and blames them for freezing under pressure.  Blames them for demanding that the government lend aid, or take responsibility.  Can you see how this is, literally, the edge of dysfunction?
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If you demand more of others than you demand of yourself, if you say others are responsible for their own misery--while you yourself, of course, are a victim of your life--there is something askew in the internal machinery.  It would be virtually impossible to leverage your intelligence and energy with confused belief systems like this.  So I strongly suspect that my friend is terrified of his lack of internal responsibility, and projects this fear and loathing onto others.  If you're going to demand that others take responsibility, fine.  You'd better take it yourself, though, or else that incongruity will kick your butt.  It becomes a deep and profound disconnect between your inner and outer worlds.
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Of course, I have a bit of this myself--in the opposite direction.  I demand a higher level of personal responsibility from myself than I ever demand of others (although I'm delighted to see it when it's present!) Why?  Because I can see, and know personally, how difficult it is to keep things going on all three levels.  Because I know few people who really have a taste for taking personal responsibility in all three arenas.  Virtually everyone is "blown out" in one or more of them.  And about 90% of those will claim that someone or something other than themselves is responsible for their situation.
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So...someone who preaches a Right-Wing ideology, claiming that it is easy to take responsibility (or implying that they do, so so should everyone else!) had better show me something, dude.  They'd better have their crap together in life, and provide an example of possibility.  If not, they'd better not lie about it.  If they do, as far as I'm concerned, they are projecting their own Shadow-self onto the less advantaged, terrified that if they screw up as much as they do with the benifit of social advantages, that if those advantages were taken away they would spiral into the abyss.
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and what about my own incongruity?  Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I think that as we become more and more evolved, we look at the work it takes, and become more understandign and compassionate of those incapable of making that leap.  We thank our teachers, and mentors, for giving us the strength, and telling us the truth even when we didn't want to hear it.
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So when I say we are all ultimately responsible for where we are in life, I mean it.  I also know that this is a truth that is possibly the most difficult thing for people to hear.  And that those born to social disadvantage will, because of that natural, universal human tendency to deny responsibility, fall much further than one born with a silver spoon.  They are human beings with equal quality. But without a safety net, they crash upon the rocks, whereas those born to advantage have social safety net after safety net to catch them.
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THIS is why I think that it is love, and frustration, and rage against an uncaring society, and hope, that gets someone like Cosby to say the things he says.  It is like a coach at half-time, screaming at his team that they don't have the habits, the focus, the commitment, the discipline, displayed by the other team.  What difference does it make that the other team had advantages?  When you're in the game, you can't ask the other team to slow down or help out.  You either rise to the occassion, or you lose, period.  It's not about what is fair, or right, or good, or nice.  It's about what is.  The other team is there to win.  If you will win, you must rise to match them.  PERIOD. 
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Friends, if I could push a button and reverse the relative position of the races in America, or the world, I'd be happy to, and with the biggest grin you ever saw.  But I can't .  If I could open the hearts of all mankind and help them see the vast arenas in their own lives where they don't take responsibility, and therefore increase their compassion for how easy it is for those less advantaged to believe they cannot help themselves, I'd do that to.  But I can't.  What I CAN do is speak to young men or young women who, like me, had little support, could not wait for society to change, but wanted to know what they can do.  Wanted to know what, if they were willing to give it everything they have, to die in the attempt, to throw away all excuses and focus every bit of their life energy on the road to success...what, in the name of God, they can do other than ask for help.  And THIS I can do something about. 
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It is not that I don't care.  It is that I care too damned much to believe in miracles, or that human beings will suddenly, overnight, become vastly more enlightened.  That is a dream far far far less likely than the dream that an individual might open her eyes, see that terrible hard truth, and struggle like life and death to save herself and her family. 
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And you know what the most frustrating thing will be?  Every time one does, she will turn around and tell the others how she did it...and they won't believe her.  If middle-class people believe they cannot control their weight, their relationships, and their finances, it is a thousand times easier for poor people to fall into that trap.  Look into your own lives.  Own the lies you've told yourself about your failures. 
And for goodness sake, have a little compassion...while simultaneously being as merciless as that coach at half-time.  Or your team has no prayer at all.
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Game over.