The "A-Team's" Hidden Heart

Today we get a cinematic update/reimagining of the classic 70’s action-comedy “The A-Team.” And I can’t wait to check it out! But while on the surface we understood each of the basic personalities that made the team work (the planner, the pilot, the seductive “face”, and the snarling mechanic) behind the scenes there was a different dynamic entirely. Mr. T, the mohawked, super-buffed mechanical genius who was afraid of flying “B.A. Baracus” was secretly a softie. I know this because his former bodyguard, the amazing martial artist Cliff Stewart, is also my instructor. And Cliff tells stories about those days.

It seems that, while “T” crafted his super-tough public image carefully, behind the scenes he was an absolute wimp when it came to children. He donated time, money, and skill to children’s centers across the country, his generosity knowing no limit…except for one thing. NO PUBLICITY. No cameras, no reporters, no whisper to papers or television stations, or he would stop giving. This wasn’t about fame or self-promotion. It was purely because he loves children, sees them as the future of the world, felt a deep and abiding love for their hearts and minds.

That is an adult human being. On the path of the Hero’s Journey, it is the final step: “the student becomes the teacher.” This is the stage when you give back, teach what you have learned, share what you have acquired. Without this, you CANNOT move on to the next stage of your life, and even snarling B.A. Baracus knew it. Do you?

I don’t know how I’ll like “Rampage” Jackson will do imitating the inimitable Mr. T, but I know one thing: when it comes to filling THOSE shoes, I pity the fool.

Gender Fluidity: Are Men Still From Mars?

Throughout time, men and women have collaborated in making men and women what they are. We have created each other, and our roles have always had both advantages and limitations. This article, thankfully, doesn't try to suggest that men have been in control of this--as if they WANTED to do the violent, dangerous jobs, die younger, and have less contact with their families. Men have programmed women to be more yielding and "feminine" and women have programmed men to be more aggressive and "masculine." As each becomes more conscious, the awareness that these were roles designed to increase certain aspects of cultural efficiency--and therefore produce the largest number of surviving, reproducing children--spreads among those capable of seeing beyond the surface. And we can choose to live our lives differently, more authentically, and more lovingly...so long as we feel safe and secure. If society ever collapsed, however, we'd be right back in Tarzan-Jane territory. Just one of the reasons why our web of social contracts and protections is so precious.



www.realherosjourney.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

The Power of Simple Courtesy

Simple Courtesy

Flying home from Phoenix to Ontario last week, I was sitting next to a couple of angry gentlemen who were...well...bearded, pierced, pumped up, covered with prison tats, constantly made seethingly derogatory comments about one's ex-wife, laughed about past instances of assault and battery, intractable life problems, and more. They seemed about to explode with violence. This was making the other passengers rather uncomfortable, I noticed. And since they were coming to my neck of the woods to live, I wasn't too happy about it, either. There were also a slew of barely veiled racial comments. Both were white, but one lived in "the 'hood" and his thoughts on his neighbors...well, let's just say that I suspect his language would have been a little more specific if I hadn't been sitting next to him.

I decided to see what I could do to chill these guys out, and pulled out my Ipad and started playing a game on it. Their eyes lit up. "That an Ipad?" one asked. "Yes, sir," I said, deliberately and with my most neutral body language extending courtesy. I showed it to them, watching their reactions and storing away information of which aspects of such a device were of interest. Not gaming--the older one was interested in business applications. He was trying to get a motorcycle detailing business off the ground. The other mentioned internet in Iraq, and I realized he was a vet. Inquiring obliquely, I verified that, and thanked him for his service to America.

It was amazing how fast they shifted. Language, body language, subjects, facial expressions, tonalities...everything became lighter, friendlier...it was amazing. They returned to speaking about their issues, but now...they were seeing solutions. And listening, some of them were rather good. Each of them was addressing the other's concerns, and I realized that they had formed an informal mastermind group. All that it required was the presence of someone who would treat them with respect, shift their mood with an entertaining toy/tool, and deal with them without fear or threat.
By the time we landed, it was all I could do to artfully avoid giving them my business card and arranging to meet for drinks. I watched them walk away, and they were friendly, considerate, and really quite charming to the other passengers, one of whom took me aside and thanked me for changing the mood. "What did you do?" she asked.

"Just assumed they were people," I said. "Had the sense it might have been a while." And that's the secret, you know. Assume the people you are dealing with are human beings, like you. When you do that, barriers fall. When that happens, they can help each other in profound ways. Each of us, at every moment, has the potential to make the world a better place through our own actions, when they express our deepest truths, and that truth is Love.

What can you do today?

The ultimate benefit of goal setting is clarifying the map of your territory. Find mentors, stay flexible, take action, have faith.

The Soul Of A Place: Where Does Your Soul Call Home?

This was lovely. And there is a core lesson in the first paragraphs: this woman stepped beyond the political illusions of the "Evil Empire" position, which often resulted in Americans believing that Russians were not as fully human, loving, and caring as Americans. Sting's "if the Russians love their children too" needs to be applied across the bar to Arabs, Israelis, Liberals, Conservative, Gays, Straights, Mexicans, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Christians, Jews, Muslims, atheists, Men, Women...whoever "the other" seems to be. The illusion of apartness is killing. We can stand strong and defend our borders, way of life, or religion without seeking to shrivel the souls of our opponents. But clearly, that is devastatingly hard for most people. It is easiest to "rally the troops" when our enemies are presented as less than us on the hierarchy of humanity. Pay careful attention when someone invites you to engage in such speculation about another group: that they are essentially "different" and implicitly less: not "wrong in this instance", not "in opposition to us," but less human. Don't be fooled: When your back is turned, they are saying it about you.



www.realherosjourney.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

7 Depression Busters for Men

Only the alcohol comment, with its tantalizing suggestion that male and female brains might respond differently to depression, really addresses "male depression." The rest is useful, thoughtful information...for everyone. It still seems far more valuable to address what positively or negatively affects the human condition than to constantly harp on "men" and "women" as if we were different species raised on different planets. It just doesn't serve humanity to foster that kind of thinking. That kind of thinking would depress me...if I didn't meditate, practice yoga and exercise, connect daily with family and friends, love myself, organize daily progress toward meaningful goals, and laugh at myself, all very "male" solutions, right? Right? Sure.



www.realherosjourney.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

The difference between school and life is that in school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test; in life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson. ~ Tom Bodett

Fear and the "Karate Kid"

Fear and "The Karate Kid"

This weekend, the remake of one of the seminal 1980's films will hit the screen. I'll be there! But until I actually see it, it is fun to go back and take a look at what made the original so powerful an experience for so many millions of fans. Basically, it is the story of a skinny kid named Danial (Ralph Macchio) who, with his mom, moves to a new neighborhood and school and is promptly beset by karate-chopping bullies. His apartment building's superintendent Mr. Miyagi (a really excellent Pat Morita) turns out to be a master of this ancient art. He takes Danial under his wing, becoming a father substitute, martial mentor, comic relief, and tragic figure all in one. There follows a series of training montages that are part "Rocky" and part "Kung Fu", leading to a karate tournament where Danial finally faces his enemies, and emerges with genuine pride and the respect of his former enemies.

The film spawned three direct sequels, countless imitations, and now an indirect, updated sequel set in China (the title now refers not to the art he studies in China--which is Kung Fu, but the art he studied in Detroit which is now proven ineffective. "Karate Kid" is a derisive label in the new film.)

I remember seeing it, loving it, seeing it again and again over the last thirty years, and loving every time. It is an almost perfect march along the Hero's Journey. Shall we see why? Understand this and not only will you understand how to write a life-changing story, but how to change your life--or the lives of those you love.
1) Confronted with challenge. Danial-san wants to fit in in the new neighborhood, but is beaten at a beach party--there are bullies who object to his presence.
2) Rejecting the challenge. He runs, (understandably) afraid to face them.
3) Accepting the challenge. Realizing he has a teacher who might be able to help him deal with the situation, Danial decides to take a stand. This is a moment of adulthood--taking responsibility.
4) Road of Trials. Danial trains. His mind, body, and heart are taxed to the limit, and he is pushed beyond his perceived limits.
5) Allies and powers. Mister Miyagi is his core teacher. The girl he wants (Elizabeth Shue) is a motivation to change (adulthood is often spurred by the drive to love and sex). He must learn techniques, but most important, he must learn to control his fear. Fear is the killer of dreams, and always has been. If the martial arts give any single benefit above all, it is the realization of the degree to which we are drained of hope and promise by our fears. It is not necessary to banish fear so much as to understand that it is a natural part of our human experience.
6) Confront evil--defeated. The "evil" karate teacher (Martin Kove) forces one of his students to damage Danial's knee.
7) Dark Night of The Soul-- Later, in the final match, the knee is re-injured and Danial loses all hope. His resolve crumbles.
8) Leap of Faith. Mr Miyagi convinces Danial that he can do it if he believes. Danial trusts him, even when he cannot trust himself.
9) Confront Evil--and emerge victorious. The Crane Kick!
10) Student Becomes Teacher--Danial's remorseful opponent (and former bully) congratulates him, telling him he deserved to win--he has learned.
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This film, following the classic "Rocky" formula of redemption through courage, discipline, love, and sacrifice, is probably the very best version of the pattern not starring Sylvester Stallone. To understand the path we must follow on the path to excellence...or maturity...is critical for us all. If we do not learn to deal with our fears, we will never rise to our full potential, and the world will be poorer as a result. "The Karate Kid" pointed the way about as well as it's ever been done in popular entertainment. Uplifting, inspiring, heart-breaking, funny, honest, and thrilling, all in one. Here's hoping Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan can bring it home for a new century.

The Beauty of Looking Inward

The odd paradox is that we must both love ourselves absolutely, and be capable of criticizing our behaviors and/or the way we manifest in the world. To hold both unquestioning love and severe evaluation is the challenge for adult human beings, and one that few of us manage. That balancing act has to begin within us, embracing the child within without letting her have every darned thing the kid

wants, or allowing her whining to control our adult decisions. There is a middle ground between total acceptance and demonization. Love is almost certainly the better place to start...but remember that our emotions can be like a beloved pet or child. Our hearts rebel against discipline, but needs it like roses need rain. There is nothing more horrific than a spoiled child who controls the home--in her heart, she knows she is in danger if her parents cannot control her. And so are we, without both deep love and strong clear vision: are our actions really in alignment with our deepest goals and values? If not, pain is appropriate. But always, always, there must be love.



www.realherosjourney.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Too hard a knot for me to untie

"It is too hard a knot for me to untie..."

Took Jason to the Circus on Saturday, same day Tananarive got home from New York. My favorite part was actually when someone flubbed a stunt, which happened a couple of times--once with a tricky trapeze move, once with a very tricky balance stunt (they repeated the "walking a ball up an incline" stunt, and got it right. Impressive). Cute clowns, a unique juggler juggling big geometric frames (never seen that before), and one gorgeous circus girl who was flexible enough to fold in a suitcase, and later gave us a demonstration of some form of Latin dance that made me totally believe the statistic that Latins are the sexiest people on Earth. I turned to Tananarive and soberly informed her that she had my permission to learn to move like that. Good Lord. I guess I must have seen stuff like that on television, but never in person. The level of energetic control, separation and precision was just awesome. I'm thinking it was some kind of Brazilian dance, frankly, because it looked like a combination of some kind of South American Indian and African fusion. Like nothing from Europe or Asia or Polynesia, that's for sure.

One thing it made me think of: Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I know that those guys have their own form of yogic discipline. I also know that people who work with them describe the feeling of grappling with the most advanced practitioners in a way that made me think of the male version of movement like THAT. Boy oh boy, would I love to see a porno film with experts in the male and female versions of that movement quality. Is that wrong?
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It's kind of interesting how the discussion of Israel brings out such passion in people. There are ways in which Jews seem more measured in response than many Christian Americans. Varying reasons for this are offered by either side of the argument. As I've made it clear, I absolutely believe in Israel's right to exist, but think that they've made serious mistakes--like all human beings, especially those under pressure, will do. The fact that the blockade runners aspired to martyrdom doesn't make them "Terrorists." In fact, it makes them about the opposite: they hope to demonstrate that it is the other side which uses violence and terror as a primary weapon. This doesn't necessarily make 'em nice people, although I approve of the tactic. But the mislabeling of their efforts and tactics makes the fur on the back of my neck stand up. As soon as people distort language or reality for one purpose, it is reasonable to question everything they say.

This is, of course, the problem with the corruption of the term "terrorist," which has come to mean "any non-uniformed enemy" in the popular lexicon, as opposed to "a person who specifically uses terror, usually by attacks on civilian populations, as a tool to weaken political will" (that's my definition, which seems to be in alignment with Webster's and Wikipedia). The attacks on the WTC were certainly terrorist acts, but the linguistic distortion began rather swiftly, referring to them as "cowardly" (err...cowardice generally relates to someone UNWILLING to risk life and limb. This seems to be the wrong use of the term). I get it, though, and instances of this kind of thing are probably universal, to be found in the popular culture of any people preparing to go to war--distortions which make the "Other" seem sub-human, or at the very least, not as good as "us." It is interesting to watch this at play even in America's Civil War, where brothers fought each other, labeling the other side as weak, cowardly, dishonest, traitorous, etc. etc. This all seems totally natural, and in fact it seems damned difficult to get people to the point where they will kill one another unless there is this kind of disrespect. You see it in High School football game pep rallys. In school yard fights. One of the most fascinating things to me is the ethic that allows professional warriors to kill each other WITHOUT such emotions.

You definitely get this in the Left-Right split. While I generally listen to Left-leaning radio if I'm in the mood for political theater, I get totally disgusted with the hosts who position their positions as the only representatives of truth, justice, the American Way, and so forth. So I'll flip over to the Right Wing station, and sometime they make more sense...for a while. Sigh. This is an aspect of human nature that is probably a survival value, and it makes little sense to push against it. It is, as the Bard said in Twelveth Night, "Too hard a knot for me to untie."
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Saw "Splice," and despite my antipathy for mouth-rapist Adrian Brody, thought it was pretty darned good, a throwback to the David Cronenbergian school of distorted-body horror. Basically, you have a married pair of geneticists working with recombinant DNA, who make the mistake of thinking they are sane, or are making sane rational decisions. They are not. The woman is disturbed, the husband a total spineless dishrag. And the human-animal hybrid they produce does nothing we haven't seen before in movies like Species or Embryo, but does it with a sense of creeping doom that is really cool. Without a lot of explicit gore, and with some REALLY nicely executed effects (almost flawless) they tell the tale of "Dren" ("nerd" spelled backwards), an artificial being who...well, that's the story. And it's well-told. A cautionary tale about science and sanity. I really liked it. An A-, if you get into stuff like this.
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Apparently James Cameron is going to give his opinion about the Gulf Oil spill tonight. Should be interesting. He has genuine knowledge of deep-water work, is said to be a straight-up genius (by people I serious trust with such judgments) and has a science-fiction writer's imagination. This could actually be interesting.
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On Meditation

"The practice of meditation takes us on a fabulous journey into the gap between our thoughts, where all the advantages of a peaceful, stress-free, healthier, fatigue-free life are available, but are simply side benefits.

The paramount reason for doing this soul-nourishing meditation practice is to get in the gap between our thoughts and make conscious contact with the
creative energy of life itself." ~ Dr Wayne Dyer

This is a terrific way to language it. Our minds can get so incredibly busy, so full, that they create an entire world of sensation and cause/effect. Get quiet enough, still enough, and the cracks in the world's mask become large enough to see. Peel the ego back sufficiently, and we become small enough to slip through those cracks, and join with the primal forces within. And THAT is an experience beyond language...or limitation.

My favorite question...

Lifewriting Talk!
Sat., June 5, 2010, 1:00 PM Pacific Daylight time
http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/77111
Connect via phone or VoIP
(724) 444-7444
Call ID: 77111
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We're doing our fifth talk today. I'll be answering questions sent in since the last session. My favorite: "why do you think you have the right to teach?"

Be A Fool!

Be a fool!

"A good knave, i'faith, and well fed"--All's Well That Ends Well

What is the best friend? One who supports you in all you do? Or one who will call you on your b.s. when you need it? One who is scrupulously committed to telling the truth, as she sees it? That friend may be wrong, but I can promise you one thing: if it stings, it might well be truth. After all, if someone says: "Steve, you're a Martian!" I would look at them as if they were nuts. But if they said, "Steven, I think you treated X unfairly" that might sting if I had the slightest worry that I may have behaved unethically.

Traditionally, in the King's court, the Knave (or fool, Jester) not only entertained, but fulfilled the function of deliberately casting doubt on the wisdom of proposed actions. It is just too easy to drift along in a fog of agreement. Who is the best "knave" in your life? Who tells you the truth, no matter how painful it might be?

If you don't have that, might I suggest that you become your own best "fool"? Think of taking responsibility for three things: your health/fitness, your relationship history, and your career. Stop blaming your genetic, statistics, race, gender, or anything else. I promise you that no matter what your history, there are others with worse who have done better. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. If you don't you're being a child. Now, once you have owned the situation, assume that some part of you craves the results you have achieved, be they positive or negative. What part? To what end? Why would you hurt yourself in such a way? What was the pay-off?

Asking questions like this can save your life.

Send down the Terminator!

The Gaza situation sounds like a genuine screw-up on Israel's part. The talk of "well trained mercenaries" or "terrorists" doesn't make sense to me unless they had the kind of weapons any self-respecting "well trained mercenary" would have. You know, like automatic weapons and fragmentation grenades? There are a couple of readers of this blog with specific knowledge of these areas: you know who you are. Would you please contact me persnally and tell me if I'm off base? It sounds very much like these guys attacked the Israelis because they were pissed and thought THEY were being attacked. A mob armed with pipes and bats simply doesn't smack of "well trained."

Of course, one could take the position that they were martyrs trying to elicit a violent response...but doing that requires the assumption of guilt on the side of the Arabs, and the assumption of innocence on the side of the Israelis. My assumption is that the Israelis have the right to their home, that they have, overall, done very well to remain mostly humane considering that they are surrounded by people who do not accept their legitimacy, and have vowed to "push them into the sea." But that, being human, they make mistakes...and this feels like one of them, an overreaction based on that automatic human tendency to deny the "other" full humanity, especially when you are afraid that there are genuine, no-b.s. threats to your survival.

This simply sounds too much like a well-established pattern of police explanations, found all over the world, ALWAYS trotted out when there is a major class, ethnicity or racial difference between the police/army forces and the citizens--where the police storm into an area, are met with sticks and thrown bottles, retaliate with bullets, and claim that the citizens were "well armed terrorists." They're missing a basic fact: when you violate what people consider to be their home, community, or property, they will attack. Forgetting this leads to the belief that anyone who resists our own troops when the U.S. invades must be a "terrorist." Now I could be wrong here, of course. I just think that any group, no matter how well intended, will make mistakes...and this feels like cover-your-ass time.
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When looking at the chaos in the world that, arguably, can be attributed to our hunger for energy: terrorism, a misbegotten war, financial stress, the gulf disaster...it is easy to blame specific companies or political structures. But we have to remember that we, the people, were willing to pay six dollars a gallon for gas. WE drive this wave. And changing that will be harder than most people want to believe. There is an entire definition of "human being" that suggests our species is notable chiefly because, over our evolutionary history, we have steadily used higher and higher amounts of energy per capita. As opposed, say, to chimps and dolphins which (in the wild) on average probably consume the same amount they did a million years ago. Human consumption has probably increased a thousand fold during the same time.

What does this mean? Well, a recipe for disaster without very serious conscious consideration. Growing population plus growing energy demand plus shrinking petroleum resources is an invitation to violence, shortage, poverty, pollution, terrorism and economic chaos on multiple fronts. And if the tendency to make babies, try to live longer, and increase energy consumption is pretty much hard-wired into us as a species...well, I certainly think there are going to be answers, but I doubt any of them are going to be easy. And it won't be helped by partisans on either side of the political spectrum who act as if the extremes of either Right or Left are not suicidal.
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I loved the rumor that James Cameron was going to be consulted about the Gulf leak, BTW. Science Fiction writers have often been consulted by governments for out-of-the-box thinking. Cameron has unique knowledge of deep-sea exploration and photography, and is said (by people I trust completely) to be a legitimate genius. It would have been fascinating to see what he came up with. How about some speculation?

How to Turn Fear Into a Blessing

Fear is energy, your body and psyche attempting to warn you, prepare you, preserve you. Fighting against it is slamming on your brakes. F.E.A.R. can also mean a Fountain of Energy for Active Response. If fear and love compete for the same place in your heart, find things to love in the situation. Imagine how the people you love will benefit. Feel how your love of life will expand. When the levels of fear and love equalize, the "fear" is revealed as energy, white light before striking the prism of ego. And we see the path to our next level of existence--by moving through our fear.



www.realherosjourney.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Lifewriting Talk!
Sat., June 5, 2010, 1:00 PM Pacific Daylight time
http://ping.fm/jz5QH
(724) 444-7444
Call ID: 77111

"When Canada is Dead And Gone...

There'll be no more Celine Dion!"

Well, not really. My trip wasn't a vacation, although we had nine kinds of fun along the way. Lots of fascinating moments. One of my favorites was discovering the hidden dining rooms reserved for VIPs. Poor Blair wouldn't have had a moment's peace if not for these, and the personal security guards that surrounded him in public. We went to an R&B concert on the ship with Frankiee Beverly and Maze, and the women trying to get photos with Blair were such a stream he couldn't really enjoy the concert, and had to be hustled out the side door. Ah, celebrity. On the other hand, he gets to do lots of really incredible stuff related to that very "disadvantage"--like meet Nelson Mandela. Darn him. That is probably the human being I would like most to meet.

If we get a Cape Town movie, that is absolutely the thing I would like to do most. Meet Mandela.
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I knew I was getting exhausted on the last leg of my trip because my cuticles were splitting, and I would wake up with threads of silly song weaving through my mind, and meditation couldn't get rid of it completely. In this case, "Blame Canada" from the South Park movie. Steven Sondheim said it was the best musical film in decades, and I tend to agree...but wow. Not exactly the way I want to start my day.
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"Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge, when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear..."

The Bard, again, from a comedy no less. The Enneagram is a fascinating pattern, nine points arrayed around a circle, with geometric designs within linking them. Most people in America are only familiar with it in terms of "personality types" but that is a tiny fraction of what this "paper computer" is about. One of the most important things to note is the gap between points four and five. This is the point of no return, where if one does not gird up one's loins and move through the fire, forsaking hope and ignoring fear, the risk of falling backwards into old patterns is huge. We all do it in some areas of our lives. I've never met, or even heard of, anyone who did not.

The very best among us seem to focus our energies so that we make the most important leaps, and don't sweat the small stuff. For me, this is why I say to have 3-5 major goals and focus points, with one being physical, one being relational, and one being in the arena of business/finances. A human mind can handle about seven things at a time, max. When you ask someone what their most important goals are, and they list seven of them and not one touches one of these three arenas, it is quite easy to predict where their chain is going to break--and make no mistake, you are no stronger than your weakest link.

One of the most fascinating things about stress is how it seems to be a living thing, plotting and planning to worm its way deeply into your existence. It will dissuade you from performing the precise actions necessary to keep stress from becoming strain: you will do what is imperative (short term emergency) rather than what is important (long term benefit). And trust me, there is absolutely no end to the short-term urgent in life. This is one of the reasons that people can have a fantastic amount of difficulty meditating. Anything and everything seems more important, including cutting your neighbor's cat's toenails. Bizarre. And it is all fear. If you clear away all of the superfluous "stuff" what remains is the responsibility to be in alignment with BOTH your childhood dreams and the ultimate values you will embrace on your deathbed. When both the child you were and the ancient you will become agree upon your daily actions--well, you pretty much have life nailed.

What stops us, of course, is fear. Fear of how far we have wandered from those childhood ambitions and simple loving values. How terrifying it is to acknowledge the end of days. From that perspective, we have the obligation of living our lives with integrity, melding, say, Harlan's definition of success: "to bring into existence, in Adult fashion, our childhood dreams" and the Sufi definition of enlightenment, to "die before you die." This takes a level of both courage and honesty that I have seen in only a tiny, tiny fraction of humanity. Maybe around .1% even try. The sad thing is that almost every human complaint relates to a failure of one of these two challenges. Even sadder is the fact that we are so dishonest about wanting the basic values: love, health, security--that we allow our psyches to stuff our pain and grief into whichever arena becomes our "black bag" (repository of unprocessed emotion) and then surround ourselves with people who have matching wounds, so they will not challenge us.

This is lethal to our dreams, and hopes for clarity in life. The answer? Every human being must find her own, ultimately. But one that seems to have worked fairly globally is to aim at a balanced life in alignment with both ancient principles and modern thought. With both the newborn and the elder who takes her last breath. The more deeply I think on this, the more it seems that every mistake I've ever made arose from straying from this truth.

A warning: if you are committed to this, you will have health, love and success. But you will also lose friends and experience an existential loneliness that must be experienced to be believed. But the trick is that the loneliness was always there: you just kept yourself too numb and busy to notice. And the friends? Well...if they don't want the truth, and they don't embrace your quest to be the very best self you can be...do you really want them? Crack heads have friends, too. And usually, they must leave them behind if they would heal. Of course, in healing, they leave the door open for those friends to follow, if only they can shake off their own despair and illusion, and embrace life.

Lifewriting talk coming up...

I loved the conclusion of "24." President Logan revealed his true colors. I mean, I always knew he was a weasel, but wasn't totally certain he was a viper. Yup. Viper and beyond. The man was Satan. Too bad he couldn't have married Sherri Palmer...
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There's a sci-fi horror film called "Splice" that has been getting major buzz, and comes out this Friday. Starring Adrian Brody, it deals with recombinant DNA from a Cronenbergian angle. Supposed to be strong, scary, thoughtful stuff. Can't wait!
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There are so many things going on right now that I have to be very careful to stay balanced in the midst. Really does seem to be an example of "magic"--effort in one segment of my life having unexpected benefits in another. Building up that coaching/information business seems to open the gates of Hollywood. Bizarre.

While I was on my trip, I met with a filmmaker who wants me to create a 30-minute film for her. The most powerful black executive in Hollywood was on the Tom Joyner cruise, and we met with her. I met one of the most powerful PR people in America, who is currently evaluating one of my projects. Cliff Stewart is creating his new Within Arms Reach program next week, aimed at teaching civilians his Close Protection techniques (amazing stuff! What a scientist he is...ask ANYONE who has ever worked with him)

It will be a four-volume set called "The Art of W.A.R." and I'm co-producing the set. Love it.
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The gel ant farm I bought for Christmas is finally pretty dead. There are a few elderly ants groping around the farm, but most are dead, and mold is growing at the bottom. Actually, they lasted longer than the three months I was told, so I can't be unhappy...but I am. Kind of sad. At their peak, it was a really beautiful farm. Roll with it, Steve.
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"Documents To Go" is the first word processor for the iPad that talks to Drop Box. I knew it would happen before July, but I'm impressed with how fast it happened. My guess is that other iPad Apps will follow pretty quick. Then it's Game On! This thing is just huge fun.
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Lifewriting Talk!
Sat., June 5, 2010, 1:00 PM Pacific Daylight time
http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/77111
Connect via phone or VoIP
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Call ID: 77111

I'm soliciting questions to be answered on the call--balance, writing, health, energy...you know, the basic model we've been working with. Let me know!

What are the three most important things in your life? Mine:
1) Family and friends.
2) Teaching/writing
3) Martial arts/ movement

A War Worth Winning

I recently spent two nights sleeping on the gym floor at the house of my karate instructor, Sijo Steve Muhammad in Atlanta. This was during a pause between traveling to the Bahamas on the Tom Joyner cruise promoting "From Cape Town With Love," driving to Quincy, Florida to help T's mom during her recovery from radiation treatment, and flying to Philadelphia to speak at the yearly Art Sanctuary event, this year honoring Nikki Giovanni.

In the middle of all of this, I had about 36 hours to spend in the presence of one of my favorite human beings in all the world. Far beyond being "merely" the finest karate man I've ever known, or am ever likely to know, he is also quite arguably the best MAN. Whatever it means to be an adult human being, Steve Muhammad exemplifies it, warts and all. Seeing him with his beautiful wife Connie...watching him hold his grandson and just burbling with joy...seeing the way young men of all persuasions, races, and ethnicities react to him...not to mention the way women seem to know, at the most basic human level, that they are dealing with a mature male of the species and not a boy or a wannabe...

He just blows me away. The man once voted "the most feared karate competitor in America" is my friend, role model, father figure. And when I knew I would be visiting with him, I knew there was something I wanted to ask him. Alone. It was just too embarrassing, and too personal.

Thursday morning at 10am, Sijo Muhammad teaches his karate class, and I had the honor of attending. It was small this morning, just four of us sweating and moving in the room that serves as Steve's gym (and where I had slept the night before.) And after class we sat in our sweaty uniforms and spoke of martial arts, and life, and family...and suddenly, my private concern came to the tip of my tongue, and spilled out.

It was simply this: I damaged my first marriage, and I do not want, under any circumstances, to damage my relationship with Tananarive in any way shape or form. But as higher levels of success come to us, so do greater temptations and opportunities for mischief. While I have maintained the integrity I promised her upon marriage, hell...nobody's perfect. And I want so much to be perfect for T. She deserves that. And Steve has mastered that aspect of his life, been surrounded by serious temptation on isolated Hollywood sets, notorious for lax morality, and stood tall and strong.

I asked him how I might best follow his example. Now, Steve being Steve, he didn't offer light generalizations but rather a specific path: by mastering one appetite, we can master another. And the more primal appetite is physical hunger for food. For thirty years he has been a vegetarian eating a single meal a day. And if you can control that gnawing urge, so basic to survival, you can handle the voices in your head that urge one to explore new connections, new energies, new bodies...no matter how inappropriate or destructive. I thanked him.

I asked him point blank: if I called him at 2 in the morning asking him to support me in being the husband I am sworn to be, would he mind..? He looked at me as if I was crazy: of COURSE he would help, in any way he possibly could. But then the other men interjected. They would ALL be there for me. We spoke of the commitment to our families, temptation, and the fact that men must stand together against the evils both within and without. That together, we are stronger, can remind each other of our obligations, of who we are sworn to be in the world. We shook on that, exchanged contact information. And I felt that I'd touched something real and all too rare: men sharing their vulnerabilities as well as their strengths, men swearing to stand together to protect our hearts, our souls, our families, our communities.

Did there use to be more of this? Once upon a time was it more accepted to admit that we are not perfect, that we need and crave help? When did we as men, as people, stop admitting that we are flawed and limited, stop striving to be our full potential, and settle for the mediocrity of what we can accomplish as isolated individuals? I don't know. But I do know that I walked away from that workout with far more that physical skills. I walked away with brothers in a sacred struggle.

The struggle to be awake, adult human beings. The struggle to be worthy of the magnificent women who have deigned to share our lives. The struggle to be men in a world that celebrates eternal childhood.

That is the war worth winning.