Is it possible to find any objective truth about Iraq?

I find it disturbing that so much is said about our situation in Iraq, using painfully loaded language and hidden assumptions. There seem to be three basic Conservative positions about the war:

1) “Supporting the troops” means supporting the war.
2) “Supporting Iraqis” means supporting the war
3) Supporting the “war on terror” means supporting the war.

I’m not certain it is possible to prove or falsify these positions. I do know that some positions are capable of such clarity, and some are not. And some people are capable of rational thought on political issues, and some are not.

In partial example, take the WMD debate. Prior to the beginning of the war, I did not believe that Saddam had WMDs. However, if they had been discovered in any of the forms discussed prior to the invasion, I would have been inclined to believe that I was wrong, and that the invasion was more justified than I thought. I knew Lefties who had already made up their minds that, if WMDs were found, they would assume that it was a fake, a fraud. In my mind, these folks were succumbing to illogical conspiracy theory.

But after none were found, there were those on the Right, desperate to justify the invasion, who said that degraded nerve gas that the Pentagon did not consider “WMDs” and the White House was forced to admit did not constitute the threat described by pre-war intelligence, were indeed WMDs. In my mind, this was equally illogical. In other words if you hold a belief that cannot be reasonably falsified, it is reasonable to say that your mind is locked primarily into a “faith” or “emotional” pattern, rather than logic.

I would take the position that such people are thinking like children, rather than adults.

Applying that reasoning to each of the three basic tenants, then…

1) “Supporting the troops” means supporting the war.

Really? According to whom? The Left takes the position that bringing them home safely is also supporting them. Has anyone made a confidential survey of American combat troops, asking if they would consider bringing them home to be a betrayal of their actions? Do British troops brought home consider themselves betrayed? I know that soldiers are sworn to do what they must, and wish to support their buddies. But I would think that they are praying that we at home are discussing the situation clearly, looking at both sides, including the possibility of bringing them back. Does anyone have data that the average soldier considers this a lack of support?
And…IF the average soldier does NOT consider bringing them back to be a ‘lack of support’, does that answer the question? If not, doesn’t that mean you’re saying the soldiers don’t know what’s good for them? And if the majority of soldiers say something to the effect of “the only way to support us is to keep us here until the insurgency is crushed” are you willing to believe that that IS the only way to support them?

2) “Supporting Iraqis” means supporting the war.

Really? According to whom? Does the average Iraqi want us there? Is there any substantial group of Iraqis with a majority wishing an American presence? Sunnis? Shiites? Kurds? I literally don’t have this data at my fingertips. If there are none with a majority wanting us to stay, doesn’t that mean that our continued presence there is not “supporting” them, or are we saying that they don’t know what is good for them?

And if there is a substantial group (I say substantial, because you can ALWAYS find some tiny fringe willing to say “yes” to anything) that desires a continued American military presence, can you accept that, in these people’s minds, supporting (this group of) Iraqis means supporting the war? If there is not a relatively easily proven or disproven contention at the core of your argument, is it really logical?

3)Supporting the “war on terror” means supporting the war. Here’s one I’ve never heard in open debate. There are intelligent opinions from our own agencies that our actions in Iraq have increased the danger, increased the number of terrorists and the numbers of those who hate us. There are others who point to the lack of terrorist acts in the U.S. since 9/11 and say this is “proof” Iraq has been effective. I’m not certain this one can be settled with any real clarity, but it would seem that there is room for intelligent disagreement.

Except…I do not believe anyone who says they simultaneously hold both #2 and #3 beliefs, if we re-state #3 as: “we’re fighting them over there, so we don’t have to fight them over here.” You cannot convince me that you believe and agree with that, but that we are simultaneously in Iraq to help Iraqis. That one I just cannot buy. I could see someone fighting in Iraq not to fight over here…and to hell with Iraqis, man! Better them than us…

I could see that. I might consider it loathsome, but at least there is a certain logic there. But to believe you’re in Iraq to help Iraqis, while simultaneously triggering a gang war in their front yard so that YOUR grass doesn’t get mussed, strikes me as the kind of self-serving, torturous logic that balances on the thin edge of irrationality, a desperate need to extract something of value out of this horrible situation. As I’ve said before, during Viet Nam, I was darkly amused to see that those who talked about “freedom” for the Vietnamese to justify the war and those who objected to “freedom marches” conducted by American citizens, tended to be the same damned group. I find it impossible to believe that they really cared about freedom for non-whites overseas while denying it for non-white citizens at home. I just don’t believe it. What I DO think was happening was another “fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here” scenario. But that rough justification doesn’t jibe with “Christian” beliefs, so you have to sugar-coat it with “we’re there to help the Vietnamese.” Oh, I’m quite certain that many, many soldiers felt that way. But again, I find it FASCINATING that so many of those who claimed we were dying and killing for liberty “over there” savagely criticized Martin Luther King and other civil rights workers here at home.

And as I’ve said, the disease of the Left seems to be an excessive egalitarianism and moral relativism that can lead to, oh, say Communism and an “anything goes” mentality. The matching disease of the Right is an excessive hierarchicalism which can manifest in racist, sexist, homophobic attitudes. While I would never say that “the majority of the Right” is racist, I would say that the majority of Racists are on the Right, and that the creation of political “tents” means welcoming in some odd camels indeed. So justification #2, and #3 are held by very very different people. But in order to create a coalition, especially at a time when Bush’s policies and popularity are under savage assault, the Faithful try to bundle #1,#2, and #3 together as if they spring from the same organic root, and I just don’t believe it.

When you hear people talk about “towel heads” and “camel jockeys” and other dehumanizing terms, and “bombing them into the stone age” and “killing their leaders and converting them to Christianity” and so forth, need we wonder whether their politics are to the Right or the Left? And such people might well believe #1 and #3, but it will be a cold day in hell before I believe they really, truly believe #2 no matter how many times they say it.

You can believe #1 and #3. You can believe #1 and #2. But asking me to believe that one person believes all three...I seriously question that person's...let's say clarity, shall we?

Anyway…I’d love to see some answers to the following questions:
1) in #1 and #2, I proposed some relatively simple means of determining if the troops, and Iraqis, would define “support” as it is being defined in political discourse. Are my proposals reasonable? Would you accept the outcomes of such surveys as definitive? If not, why not? Are there other clear standards you could suggest?
2) Does anyone have data in these arenas right now?

Clear on Draft

I want to be crystal clear that I am not advocating a return to the draft. What I am saying is that
1) I think there are a LOT of people who would have been less enthusiastic about Iraq if they or their children had been at risk.
2) It is bullshit to advocate a war you would not be willing to die in, or for your children to die in.
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I am not interested in leveraging either of these positions into public policy. However, I would be happy to live in a world in which no one started or supported a war without taking personal responsibility for the pain and death involved. I think there is grave moral peril for a nation when the burden of violence and injury can be abstracted onto "someone else." While it serves "civil liberty" to have a volunteer force, I ultimately think that it also serves the interests of ruthless men who would war for profit, and want the general public as drowsy as possible about the moral implications. There, that's what I think, and I have no hidden agendas around it.

Kisses, Heroes, and Adulthood

By the way, one of the odd things that my mind does is count kisses on television. I just kinda wanted to see, based upon my viewing patterns, how many times I’d see white guys kissing women before I’d see a black guy kiss one. I didn’t count every kiss—if there were multiple kisses in a single commercial or television episode I counted that as “one” just to be super-fair. I got up to eighty-six before, on an episode of “Heroes,” a brother got a kiss. Cool. Started counting again. I’m up to twelve.
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Oops! “Jericho” last night had some serious Afro-smooching. Hmmm. That’s a change…
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More on human adulthood. If you have a lingering fear that your emotions and actions are not those of a mature adult, you might want to look at the breakdown of the family structure in America. If you weren’t raised around responsiblte adults, how were you to model their behavior?

Grandparents, uncles, aunts, a mother and father…if you had all of them (or most) the chances were that some of them would be fully mature, responsible, aware. You’d be able to see the difference in their business dealings, personal relationships, physical health and habits.

The very flip-side of this is the “Baby Momma” phenomenon, where 15 year old kids are having kids, and shoving them off on the grandparents to raise. Gosh, babies look so cute, shouldn’t everyone have one? Until, of course, that 3 o’clock feeding. “Babies raising babies” is a way of talking about it, and the damage is ghastly.

Boys used to be trained to be men by their fathers, uncles, and grandparents. Girls trained to be girls by mothers, aunts, and grandmother. When 13 year olds are taught to be adults by 16 year olds, there is something horribly wrong.

“Relationships” are replaced by casual sex.
“Jobs” are replaced by making money—any way you can.
“Being a parent” is replaced by “having kids…somewhere.”
“Personal responsibility” is replaced by “grandma…or society…will take care of my mess.”

Back to the question of the Hero’s Journey. If you want to become an adult, then, there are doubtless many roads…but one would definitely involve taking responsibility for all three aspects of your life. I would suggest to you that it is virtually impossible to simultaneously develop a career, sustain a healthy primary relationship, and protect health and fitness without accelerating the maturation process.

1) Accept responsibility. You should aspire to be the sort of person who others look up to. Who children are safe around. Self-sustaining, balanced, happy, with energy to share.
2) Accept the fear. If you see no fear connected with this process, you probably aren’t looking deeply enough…or you have completed this cycle.
3) Clarify the path ahead. For this, look to those you admire who have actually balanced in these three arenas. Note the ways that they differ from those who are not. Check the ways they differ from you—their actions, beliefs, and values.
4) Begin the work. Divide the work into component parts that can be addressed at the rate of about 1% per week. Start eating that elephant.
5) Find Allies, gain skills. Look for mentors, people further along the path in the desired arenas. Offer value-for-value exchanges to gain access to their knowledge. It can save you years, or decades, of thrashing about.
6) Accept that you will fail over and over again. This is a part of the process. Learning to deal with failure and disappointment is one of the most valuable things in the entire cycle of work.
7) Accept the fact that you will hit massive walls of depression, fear, anger, hopelessness. It is an absolutely predictable part of the process.
8) Find faith. In your role models and friends, in your own deep worth and potential, in a Higher Power. Cultivate this faith daily with meditation, healthy interactions with mature, healthy friends, journaling, prayer. NO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS STEP. Without faith, when your ego vomits up all of its fear and emotional poison, you will “drop back” instead of stepping forward—and find yourself in a loop that could last a lifetime.
9) If you have accepted the challenge, defined the territory, found role models, moved forward with faith…you’ll make it.
10) Turn around and share what you have learned with others. BUT BEWARE if you haven’t made that progress in balance—the chances are that your B.S. is hiding in the corner of your life where you don’t want to go looking. Be very, very careful about this…the world is filled with teachers who cannot do. All they can do, therefore, is regurgitate reality maps they’ve learned from other teachers…who may not be accurate, or may have been misquoted, mistranslated, or out of date. Be very, very careful.

Allies and Powers and reviews, oh my!

Here’s a good rule of thumb for you: if you currently possessed the skills necessary to accomplish a new thing, you’d already be doing it. Not always true, but it will keep you out of trouble, and point you in the direction of serious, sustained growth.

Want to write a screenplay? Want to write a novel? Great. Assume that it will take you three years to develop the skills, and you’re on the right track. After all, if you wanted to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a real estate broker, you’d assume that you needed to educate yourself, acquire component skills, and study until your brain turned to puree of bat guano, right? So why exactly should writing be any different?

But for some odd reason, people think it is. They’ve seen movies, and read books, and assume that their ability to appreciate or criticize a finished work bears some relationship to the creation of that work. And usually, they crash and burn.

Most of the time, it is difficult for Newbies to even quantify what is missing from their projects. I have on my desk right now a script written by two guys who have been around the industry a very long time, in various capacities. They have collaborated on a script, and although they are intelligent men, the script…sucks. They have no idea what they’re doing. Their dialogue is…all right. And on an individual scene basis, there’s nothing horribly wrong. But the underlying structure just doesn’t hold, and the characters are balanced purely on the basis of author convenience: “I want X to do Y” I can hear the writers saying. WHY the characters do what they do is beyond the scope of their understanding. Why these particular characters are appropriate windows into this particular world is a mystery. Events take place, people move about, credits roll.

And they probably have no idea at all what is wrong. Here’s a hint: these writers did not find the proper allies to help them understand what “powers” they need to properly create a script. They needed professional writers, or perhaps a director, or a development executive to walk them through it. My guess? They talked to their friends, and spouses, and maybe a lawyer or two. Feh.

A shame, because there is rather obviously a lot of work and intelligence in the script. But it doesn’t matter how classy the external shell of a car looks if the engine doesn’t work. And if your only experience with storytelling is seeing the finished product, in essence this is exactly where you are: familiar with the “shell” and ignorant of the “engine.”

What a pity. You MUST find allies who will give you an accurate, no-b.s. opinion of your skills, and can direct you in converting your intelligence and energy into salable product. Otherwise, you are just spinning your wheels.

Without an engine.
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“300” is a terrific fanboy movie with a mild “Sambo” warning. A totally mythologized version of the battle of Thermopylae, when 300 Spartans and their allies stood against a gigantic Persian army (how large? Hard to say, but certainly 100,000 wouldn’t have been out of the question) and held them off for critical days, allowing Sparta and other Greek states to make preparations for a more sustained war. Based on the comic book by Frank Miller, “300” was shot almost entirely on a sound stage in Canada, using blue-screen as did “Sin City” and “Sky Captain in the Adventure of Tomorrow.” Better than “Captain” but not as good as “Sin City,” 300 boasts formidable beefcake and bluster, and some of the greatest sword-battle sequences ever put on film. It also does the typical fantasy routine of all the good guys being light skinned, and the dark guys are villainous and easily killed. What fun. It’s terrific to fantasize about being a Spartan, so long as you aren’t one of the under-sized babies they killed, beautiful girls raped by old priests, or slaves hunted and slaughtered for entertainment. Fun place. But anyway, “300” is great fun, and I give it a “B+”
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I did see an “A” movie this weekend: “The Host,” a Korean monster movie that has to be seen to be believed. Instantly leaping into that very exclusive club of “giant monster movies that ask, dramatically and creatively, to be taken seriously”: “Godzilla”, “Them”, “King Kong” and…well, what else? “The Host” deals with a giant pollywog thingie (yes, I’m serious) growing in a river in Seoul, Korea due to an American military error. When it grabs the daughter/niece/granddaughter of a dysfunctional Korean family, they have to band together to try to rescue her. That’s all I’ll say. The monster is GREAT, the effects totally effective. But it’s the family relationships that make this movie work, and it does. Big time. Simply, one of the great Creature Features of all time. Gonna own this one.
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Frank posted stats from the Heritage Foundation suggesting that a volunteer army doesn’t place weight disproportionately on the underclass. I answered that they compared the current composition to the general population, rather than to a draft army, which I would have considered the correct comparison. It is quite possible that this comparison would have made his position even stronger, of course. But I remembered that the Heritage Foundation has…hmmm, shall I say a real political position, and it’s somewhere to the Right of Rush Limbaugh (in my opinion.) Didn’t they bankroll “The Bell Curve,” one of my personal favorite examples of the difference in Conservative and Liberal thought on the issue of race? Now, this doesn’t make their stats wrong, but I have to admit that it does make me automatically more suspicious. If anyone has contrary data, I’d love to hear about it.

Ten point plan to an immortal aristocracy...

The following was sent to me by Jenni. Thought I'd share it...

SEVEN INTRINSIC RIGHTS

1. The Right to be here. To take up space
2. The Right to need something. To be assertive about your needs.
3. The Right to separate and be yourself.
4. The Right to speak your own Truth and to move from Truth to Truth
5. The Right to autonomy with Support
6. The Right to follow your own bliss. To be sensual and lovable.
7. The Right to find your own spiritual path.


Cindy Carter, Ph.D.(2004)
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This secret memo crossed my dream desk last night...
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How to get an near-immortal, hereditary aristocracy…

1)Today I heard a news item about a bill that would allow prisoners to take time off their sentences in exchange for tissue or organ donation. Great! Can't let China take the lead here! Combine this with
2) Differential legal treatment based upon income (more money, less time or sentencing)
3) Keep the “War on Drugs” going strong. Great for filling prisons!
4) Cut social services that provide a safety net for the poor. It might be useful to bankrupt the country to make this inevitable. A nice, endless “war on terror”would work well, especially if we attack the wrong countries. Zowie!
5) Trim or eliminate inheritance taxes.
6) Privatize schools on a broad scale without testing the intermediate steps to make sure it will work.
7) Gut College aid programs. Those with money are thereby guaranteed a permanent advantage.
8) Keep the army volunteer. In this way, the burden will be disproportionately carried by the poor, and the psychological damage of warfare will continue to destroy the lower class.
9) Fight like hell to prevent a National Health Care system. Even with such a system, the wealthy would have advantages. But with it, Wow! Gigantic advantage, once again multiplied across generations.
10) Keep people angry with each other, so they won't notice how powerful and "life-like" corporations are becoming. For instance, by focusing illegal immigration reform on the one thing guaranteed NOT to work (stopping the flow of people primarily through direct apprehension. This is a perfect example of the "War on Drugs" mentality.) And avoiding the one approach that would probably be most successful: penalizing employers on a graduated scale. But reducing demand for the "product" would penalize the wrong social class. Better to concentrate efforts on what WON'T work, then throw up your hands and say "we're trying" while simultaneously focusing useful voter anger.

WE NEED THAT PERMANENT UNDERCLASS! And darn it, those pesky Negroes just won't cooperate enough!



Once we have the medical breakthroughs that will allow people to stay alive as long as they can pay big bucks, we’ll also have a permanent underclass we can control with unfair drug laws, lure into the military with promises of education, deny quality education based upon income, deny health care based on income, and all kindsa other fun stuff. Then once they are frustrated enough to break the law, we can harvest their organs to keep the top 1% alive. This should work great!

Lifewriting and Adulthood

Noting that so many people are interested in this question of adulthood, I want to go back to the beginning, and try to lay down some more thoughts.

If an adult is to be differentiated from a child, then certainly we can define an adulthood in opposition to typical childish behaviors, and in response to what we know of children’s needs. Note that having or raising children is not necessary to become an adult. And that one can certainly have them and be a child oneself.
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Remember: these are just morning thoughts, regurgitated for your entertainment. None of this is written in stone.


1) Self-reliance. If you are dependant upon others for room or board, you may be a child.
2) If you think that others have to give you permission to follow dreams which are in true alignment with your values, you may be a child.
3) If you lie to avoid confrontation, you may be a child.
4) If you don’t earn enough money to support yourself and one other, you may be a child.
5) If you believe your emotional states are determined by what other people say or do, you may be a child.
6) If you believe your body is out of your control, you may be a child.
7) If you believe your past controls your future, you may be a child.
8) If you still blame your parents for ANY current conditions in your life, you may be a child.
9) If your children can manipulate you by calling you a “bad parent” you may be a child.
10) If you give to your children in expectation that they will give back to you, you may be a child.

So then, back to the Lifewriting concept. The First Step of the Hero’s Journey is Confrontation with the Challenge. And it looks to me as if the first cycle of the journey has to be to grow the #@$$! Up. Without that, you can accomplish little in the adult world.

So: those of you who have any doubts at all about this aspect of your life, commit TODAY. Yes, it can be frightening. But say that “I commit to take full responsibility for my actions and emotions. To the limit of human capacity, I take responsibility for my results. It no longer matters who my parents were or what they did. What happened to me in the past, or what happened to my ancestors might have been brutal and horrible. But if I am to have a happy life, if I am to fulfill my dreams, if my children are to walk the world safely, I must take ten steps forward for every glimpse backwards. I will strive to see the full and complete humanity in all others, and put no one else above or below me in any meaningful way. I will become an adult human being of my species, and demand that others treat me with the respect and dignity that deserves. Unless the adults take their proper place as adults, the children are not safe. And by God, children are safe with me. Period.”

Remember: you don't have to know how you'll do it. FIRST CAME THE WORD. Commitment creates miracles.

Anyone who can take that oath is a friend of mine.

Sayings of the Jewish Buddhist

Robert Stadd (who is himself of the Tribe), one of the maniacs I train with in the mornings, sent me this:

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
with the first sip, joy;
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace;
with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health,
or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life,
you never called,
you never wrote,
you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort
to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this
and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha
with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says,
Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says,
There is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook.

Black Snake Moan (2007)

“Black Snake Moan” (2007)

Well, I can feel that I avoided this one for almost a week, but finally couldn’t resist. It simply screamed “Sambo Alert,” with America’s favorite badass eunuch and an advertising campaign ripped out of an unreleased 1971 Roger Corman exploitation movie. A white woman chained up by a black man…oh boy oh boy…

But something told me I wasn’t quite right about this one. That, yes, America has a real problem with black Male sexuality, and yes, setting this movie in the South meant that they were consciously playing with cultural image dynamite, and yes, it positively REEKED of “Spiritual Guide,” where a poor black Southern farmer, abandoned by his wife (neutered) would put everything on the line to “save” a nymphomaniacal white girl who, of course, would have sex with everyone but him, or anyone black…

But that’s not quite what happened here. I don’t want to get into exactly how they confounded my expectations, but let’s say that Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson) the old farmer, has his own agenda, his own needs and hopes and dreams, that have been ground into dust by life. That Rae (a fabulous Christina Ricci) is as horribly wounded a creature as I’ve seen onscreen in many years.. And that somehow…this movie is about how they heal each other. The palliative quality of simple, selfless love. Of the wounds inflicted by weak or corrupted parenting. Of the value of discipline. And the unifying and revelatory power of music, especially The Blues.

Man, Craig Brewer, writer of “Hustle and Flow” gets on my nerves. There was a pimp movie where the pimp never got laid. A perfect example of a white dude who thinks he’s “down with the brothers” and understands, but is a victim of his own unconscious prejudices. Yes, I’m sure he is. That he would be many times more likely to present two white people making love in a simple, elegant two-shot than two black people. And would be oblivious to his own preferences in this regard.

But he’s more than that. This film could have been made with Lazarus played by a white actor, and the entire tenor changes. Or Rae could have been black. Or the races could have been reversed. Or it might not have been placed in the South. But by doing what he did, and then flaunting it in advertising across the country, he knew he was directly, and fearlessly, plucking the tripwires of some of the most volatile imagery in the world: slavery, interracial sex, the terrifying black male rampant.

He knew how his audiences would squirm. And there are at least a dozen moments when Brewer, as director, deliberately positioned camera and actors to suggest sexual poses or relationships contrary to the emotional or textual content of the scenes. Messing with the audience. This reminds me a bit of “The Great White Hope” where the black champ is in bed with his wife, and they are engaged in playful, verbal foreplay. And I knew, just KNEW that in audiences across America, white folks were squirming. Then…the police break in and arrest him. And those same white audiences both sighed with relief and felt disgust at the fact that those cops, unjustly arresting James Earl Jones, had performed them a service: helped them avoid watching something they couldn’t admit really, really didn’t want to see. The director turned their own emotions against them. Brilliant.

There’s some of that going on here. Brewer is almost certainly not aware of how much the poison runs in his own veins, but he definitely knows its running in other people’s. And his intent, I think, is pure.

He understands the tortured, twisted history of race relations in America. The damage done to both sides. He is an artist, and one with his eyes relatively open. This is a lurid, sensationalistic film, an old-fashioned exploitation film with an amazingly moral core, a 60’s fable that could never have been made in the 60’s.

And I’ll be damned if I didn’t love it, all around. Fabulous work by Ricci, new actor Justin Timberlake, and America’s favorite badass eunuch himself. I’m gonna buy this one. This, I have to see again.

An “A”

Note on accepting the Challenge

I just got this note:
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“Steven,

O.K. I understand accepting the challenge and being honest with myself and losing fear. I have dealt with that. How do you deal with others claiming your work as theirs, personally putting up barriers to keep one from getting ahead, oh, and not being able to respect the privacy of thought or space?

J.M>
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J.M.—

Honesty and dealing with fear are not things one “has dealt with.” They are daily struggles this side of the grave, and if you think otherwise, you may not be peeking in the right parts of your psyche. Other people may try to take what you create, as thieves may try to steal your possessions. Understanding your rights (registering scripts with the Writer’s Guild, etc.) is a part of this, but it all, and always boils down to a flat-out commitment to protecting yourself and your family in all ways. When you talk about people “putting up barriers” and “not respecting your privacy” then you are saying that the power to create your dreams is dependant on other people. If this was true, no one would ever reach their dreams. YOU are responsible. People will respect you as much as YOU demand. YOU must set the boundaries and barriers. YOU must negotiate your relationships so as to navigate whatever obstacles are presented to you.

No one is going to give it to you, J.M. So you must be stronger, and clearer, than the forces that oppose. This starts with a commitment to taking one hour a day back from the world. In that single hour, you can exercise, read, clarify goals, write 3000 words a week, meditate. Yes, the world will try to interfere. This is true for everyone. Everyone. Unless you bare your teeth and force your friends, family, co-workers, whatever to BACK OFF for a few precious minutes a day, you’ll allow your dreams to be eaten by the endless flow of life. The people around you, however wonderful they may be, will take all of you that isn’t nailed down. And then try to guilt trip you if you demand some personal time. That’s the way people are—unless you stand up to them.

And this is where we come back to the first statement. The only reason you don’t stand up to them is fear. Fear of rejection, of being labeled a bad daughter or mother or wife or employee if you don’t give everything you have, every hour of the day.

But look around. Who are the people who are really most respected and loved? I promise you that they are people who respect THEMSELVES, who take time for themselves, who have actualized themselves and are manifesting their dreams. They are people who are not afraid of pointing fingers, and wagging tongues. The crazy thing is that if you demand time for yourself (one hour out of 24? Hardly the height of selfishness!) you are giving others permission to follow their own dream.

But your first step is to never again expect people to “give you” this space. Children are “given space.” Adults take it for themselves.

More on Maturation, Primitive Gestalts and stuff…

My, Ann Coulter certainly knows how to sell books, doesn’t she? In case anyone out there really doesn’t understand why her use of the word “faggot” is offensive, please grasp that the meaning of a word is the reaction it gets in the listener. An English-speaking person doesn’t get to define what a Spanish word means against the protests of Mexicans. The first time you use it, you get a pass. After you’re informed, if you use it again, it was a deliberate attempt to evoke a response. One might protest, as with the word “nigger,” that members of the offended group use it amongst themselves, so what’s the big deal?

The big deal is…wait for it…permission and context. Within a group, such words mean something quite different than the exact same word used by someone OUTSIDE the group. If permission and context are not issues, then what is the difference between you having sex with your wife, and ME having sex with your wife? Permission and context. One is legal and presumably consensual. The other is grounds for divorce or prosecution. Arguably the same physical act. Completely different meaning.

Annie knows this, and all I can say is that she must be one sick and twisted puppy to walk that moral tightrope over and over again. Especially since her side of the political aisle makes political hay of homophobia. This is disgusting.
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Back to primitive gestalts. This natural process of maturation can be interrupted by conflicts early in life, and until those conflicts are resolved, they remain fractured. Much therapy tries to give the individual a chance to bring old conflicts up to consciousness, communicate between aspects of personality, communicate with family members or surrogates, etc.

Imagine that white light is needed to move from one “chakra” up to the next. Trauma (or life experience in general) is like a prism, splitting white light into component colors. One must re-combine those colors to get back to the white light, and make progress.

As an individual, it would be useful to march up the chakras conceptually, and be very certain that your foundations are clean as you move forward. The first four would be:
Survival, Sex, Power, Emotion. If there are blockages or fractures in any of these “lenses” your personally evolutionary “white light” cannot progress—only component colors. I am terribly sorry for the clumsiness of these metaphors, but I am simply unaware of any knowledge base or language pattern in the West that really covers these concepts effectively.

It might be useful to look at the following arenas:

1) Survival. What were you afraid of as a child? Were any of these fears in your home environment? Were you forced to repress any healthy aspects of your personality to survive or gain approval? What fears currently stop you from full expression of your personality, hopes and dreams? Were you given any beliefs or values that played upon your fears to control or limit you? Do you take responsibility for your goals, dreams, actions, and emotions?

2) Sex. What was the attitude about sex in your home? Would you consider it healthy? Were your first sexual experiences healthy and consensual? Have you crossed any boundaries in your sexual experiences that should not have been crossed? Do you have apologies to give or accept? Do you have a full and healthy expression of this aspect of your life? Do you exchange sexual energy in a relationship (single or plural) of mutual respect and affection? Have you ever bartered sex in a way that you would want your own child to avoid? Were you legally self-supporting when you first had sex? If not, are you certain that the interaction was healthy and non-exploitive? When you look at your body, do you consider it sexually alluring (according to your own values)? If not, are you dishonest about your emotions when others are not attracted to you? What stands between you and developing a body that you WOULD find attractive?

3) Power. Do you make your living doing something that you enjoy? Are you able to create the resources to provide comfort and safety for yourself and one other person? Do you have healthy boundaries—can you prevent others from stealing your time, energy, ideas, etc? Do you allow yourself to be manipulated into doing things contrary to your goals and values? Can you trust yourself to keep your word? Can you accurately predict your own actions in most cases? Is your energy level high and stable?

4) Emotions. Are you emotionally stable? Do you go through long periods of depression or anger? Can others manipulate you into anger or sadness? Do you love yourself totally? Can you forgive yourself and others? Can you see the world through the eyes of others without assuming they are better or worse than you? Can you put the needs of others ahead of you from time to time? Can you protect your own emotional needs against the demands of others?

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Those are some of the questions that, in my mind, arise from this concept of the shattered Self. Clearly, the Self, an ego-construct, must be healed before Maturation can occur. Then, paradoxically, it can be safely destroyed to approach Enlightenment. Spooky, huh? I would NEVER suggest the kinds of deep meditation that lead to this state to an unstable personality.

My best guess is that “Enlightenment” is an opening of the perceptual doorways that ordinarily only open at the moment of death. For those who are ego-bound, this would be a moment of ultimate terror and loss. For those who are prepared, this would be a moment of freedom, power and wonder beyond compare.

Now, this doesn’t mean that enlightened masters have no ego. Seems to be another contradiction, but envision it thusly: you shed your ego-skin to become free. If you remain in freedom (and there’s a linguistic problem here: there IS NO “YOU.” That’s a part of the cosmic joke) you cannot operate on this plane of existence. So if “you” choose to hang around this world, the ego-skin is slipped back into, and you can communicate with us slobs. The song “what if God was one of us…” comes to mind here, heh heh.

At any rate, the unhealthy, unbalanced individual could never go through this process and return in any form other than raving insanity. In fact, I doubt seriously that most people on a “Spiritual” path REALLY want to know what’s out there. They want to feel warm and fuzzy and loving and God-realized and Unification Consciousnessed and all that other stuff. They want Kundalini experiences and Mystical revelation and psychic sex and to Save the Whales and be Reborn. Fine. But at the core of all world spiritual traditions seems to be this same truth: Die before you Die. And that path is not for sissies, and it isn’t for children.

But a nation of children works great for the political forces that be, be they Left or Right. And it works great for Corporations, trust me. If I ever hit upon a perfect formula to crack this nut, I’ll almost certainly be killed, trust me. This is as dangerous as it gets.
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In my mind, a true adult could not, for instance, own a chattel slave and then enslave that slave’s children as well without deep and painful conflict. Could not sexually abuse children. Could not gain pleasure or power from the destruction of innocents, or take pleasure in devising ways to hold himself or his culture as superior to others. Is capable of embracing the future without dragging a fossilized past with him every step of the way. Does not accept outside authority above his own experience. Could not do many of the things we have to legislate in our culture. In seeing the deep humanity in others, concepts of charity and compassion barely even need to be voiced. Guilt is replaced by honor and “right action.”

Guilt, blame and shame are for children. Right Action is for adults.
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How do we heal, then? Looking at the Hero’s Journey, it starts by making the commitment to GROW UP. To be Awake to the proper sequence of life. We’ll touch on this more, but my good friend Mushtaq taught me to awaken within dreams by asking the question “am I dreaming NOW?” often enough that a habit is formed. Eventually, you will ask yourself that question in a dream, and awaken.

And he had one of his students do the same thing, on this meta-level. In other words, to ask himself: “am I awake NOW?” over and over again during the day. And after some time (weeks? Months? I don’t know. Mushtaq?) he had the experience of “waking up” in THIS world. Awakening from this “dream” so that for hours he had an experience of hyper-awareness.

Awakening within a dream gives you power beyond belief. And awakening within this world has much the same effect.
Give it a try.

Going to Norwescon

I'll be at Norwescon this April, for the first time in four years. Hope to see some of you there. There are several folks who had wanted to talk to me when I arrived, and I've lost touch. A gentleman named Bishop, and a lady named Sheli. If either of you read this, would you drop me a line at sebarnes@aol.com? Thanks!

Road of Trials

This note was sent to the Lifewriting list today, on the subject of the "Road of trials." I suspect there is a bit of overlap between that list, and the current subject here. Take a look...
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If you were to make a brutally honest evaluation of the skills and resources it will take to reach your goals, and subtract from that total the skills and resources you currently possess, you would have a clear view of what you must learn, express, or obtain in order to fulfill yourself. Few human beings will do this. Mores the pity.


Once you’ve done this, divide this “work” into chunks small enough that you can identify daily, weekly, and monthly goals within it. And then start eating that elephant, one forkful at a time. That’s the “Road of Trials.” The fourth step of the Hero’s Journey represents the places the hero must go, the things he must do, in order to learn the lessons. There is often, though not always a component of external travel involved. There is always a component of internal work and exploration. This is always where the real “journey” takes place. Anything external is functional metaphor. Of course, if you’re writing a simple action or adventure story, you might con yourself or your reader into believing that the hero is already complete, need not change, is as solid as a frozen potato. Great. And people buy into that. It’s not human reality, however.

As a writer, you have a million words of garbage to get out of your system before you find your “voice.” A thousand words a day will get you there in three years. Get to it.

As a story character, something massive has motivated you to get off the dime, to move out of your comfort zone and seek wealth, revenge, love, art, or survival. Where do you need to go to learn the appropriate lessons? What will you experience along the way?

In life, there is a passage between birth and death. There are “doors” of perception that open along the way in conjunction with benchmark events: first job, first love, birth of first child, death of a parent, personal death. Each of these expands awareness in ways that are often quite unanticipated. And each of these has traditions, schools and philosophies associated, designed to help us gain the wisdom to make the transition to the next level with minimum strain.

What changes do you need to make in your own life? Here’s a hint: a secret to life is to be as honest and clear as possible. And the most important thing to be honest about is your own identity. I can promise you that no matter what you think about yourself, no matter how you define yourself, if there is a label you think fits you, you are wrong. Go deeper. Your real identity, and genuine existence, are beyond all labels. The temptation is stop at easy answers, answers that fit the culture, our families, that make sense of our histories.

All are phantoms if you keep asking questions. A story is a question, told on the level of myth. If that question engages with the subject of personal identity—in other words, if you will write about things that matter to you, you will elevate your work to the level of art, just with this one step. Write so that you clarify your own existence. Write to put your blood on the paper. Write to change the world with your passion. Write to create images and scenes that have never graced our screens or imaginations.

Write for your life.

Gestalt Formation, maturation, and race

Time to think some more about the “Human Maturation” Question. I’m not an expert. This is something I’ve wrestled with myself, but I think that there is something here worth investigating. Last Friday I was working at Moonview, and Dr. Stephen Sideroff, the Clinical Director and I were talking about another project, and I mentined this subject, and I asked him if he had any thoughts. He offered me a paper he wrote for SOMATICS, the journal of the Mind/Body Arts and sciences.

I’m quite sure I’ll get into some esoteric definitions and theories eventually, but thought it would be interesting to begin within the fold of Western science.

He starts with the statement (which I agree with) that all living systems crave homeostasis, the state where all systems are in balance. Note what happens in a problem situation: “Lack of awareness of any need results in the splitting off of a part of oneself that continues to seek completion.” In gestalt therapy, this process is referred to as gestalt formation and gestalt destruction. This process aids the organism in returning to balance, and interruption of this process can be considered a neurosis. This interruption results in an unmet need. The expression “time heals all wounds” isn’t really accurate. “Unmet needs, unrecognized or unexpressed feelings, don’t go away.” “Left unresolved, the result is that a part of the self becomes preoccupied with this completion, and thus unavailable for a more present-centered focus.”

For instance, anger feelings at a parent are “dismissed out of loyalty or due to the consequences of this anger.” The natural process of gestalt formation –destruction never reaches completion. The child deadens itself to emotion that is too painful or dangerous to experience.
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There is more in the paper, but I thought I’d stop here and compare this idea to those found in Yogic psychology.

For the organism to grow, there has to be a flow of “energy” smoothly from the root chakra (survival) or outward from the heart chakra. In other words, you can’t leave unresolved or repressed emotion behind you. If you have abandonment issues, fear or power issues with parental figures, this stuff can drain the joy from your life, and that joy is one of the “evolutionary” energies that enable growth within a human organism.

Many forms of therapy address this: analysis, role-playing, “parts party” zero-content work, dream analysis, journaling, etc. The point is to dig into the past and see if any of those basic developmental steps have been missed. Is there anything to communicate to a parent? Anybody out there ever paid 100 bucks an hour to scream at a chair? Or at a stranger in a therapy group playing your molesting uncle? That’s what’s going on.

I know a very good lady who was horribly abused as a child. Her parents should have realized something was going on—her father was far too involved in his career. She cannot deal with the possible loss of her paternal relationship, and has had difficulty confronting him. The anger knots up with her fear issues, and makes her weight armor almost impossible to lose. Man, she has struggled horrifically with it, and when she starts to lose it, she gets nightmares like crazy.

For this lady, if she can’t strangle the people who hurt her, if she won’t confront her father, then she has to process the emotion in some other way, or she will NEVER lose that weight. We might as well consider it a wall of solid fear. And that wall protects a child. Until she dissolves it, the energy will not be available to move her to full adulthood.
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Scott Sonnon’s brilliant “Body Flow” concepts help explain why yoga and other body-mind disciplines work. Let’s just say that once you focus on the way your breath, emotions, and body work together to create each other, you can use your breath to measure, control, and express emotional states. The release is also available through journaling, dream work, etc. The point is to develop a clear image of what a fully realized, independent version of yourself would be, and then take full responsibility for walking that path. Those steps are steps toward adulthood—which might be considered a goal rather than a destination. A verb rather than a noun. A wave rather than a particle.

And that path is also the path to the “Gateless Gate” of enlightenment. That is: it won’t take you all the way there, but you can’t approach that gate along any other road.
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And what has this to do with groups? To the degree that a group obeys some of the same principles as an individual (the thesis we’re exploring) then a group that is subjugated and dependant for food and shelter on another group develops a parental attachment. (Note Stockholm Syndrome for one version of this). If that “parental figure” is abusive, and the subjugated group cannot directly express its anger and pain, its “psyche” becomes fractured, and that energy is not available for maturation. Note that it serves the “organization” for individuals to remain immature, in the same way it serves your body that individual cells don’t wander off and become amoebas. This stuff is hard-wired into both sides: oppressor and oppressed. It takes no conscious thought. More’s the pity.

But the answer is the same, in a way. Honesty must be expressed. The truth must be told. The enemy, external and internal, must be confronted. If the abusing uncle is no longer alive (can you read Simon LeGree?) then through art, play-acting, cultural “dreams” (storytelling?) and other methods, the pain has to be expressed.

To my knowledge, there was only one short period of American history when this started coming out: the late 60’s and early 70’s. In the streets, in music, and in cinema, some of the anger from Slavery and Segregation finally started emerging, a dialogue within the black community. Needless to say, whites were scared as hell. Understandable. Confused, too: “what did I do? I owned no slaves. My ancestors didn’t own any slaves…”

All valid. Express it, and alienate the very allies you need to get bank loans, jobs, houses, fair play in the courts. Don’t express it, and your psyche splits. And the energy turns back in on itself in self-destructive behaviors and fantasies. Note that rap music originally railed against “the Man.” Now there is still plenty of violence in Rap…and it’s all black-on-black. Do you really think these guys are primarily angry at other black people? Are you that naïve? Ask yourself what happened that they stopped being able to tell the truth. There were both financial incentives…and the culture simply slapped them down. Police departments and the legal system are great for that. You can ALWAYS find something to hassle someone about, if you don’t like them or what they’re doing. And it doesn’t take an unlimited amount of legal attention to correct an undesirable behavior.

The pain, unexpressed, turns in on itself. Neighborhoods burn.
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So the answer…well, it isn’t to be found in killing white people, that’s the first thing. Nor in fantasies of killing them. That would be wrong in every way that is important for the development of a mature person. That time is past.

But how do you forgive with a free heart, when that heart has actually been coerced? Damned good question. Blacks have tried to address this with Christianity, but even there the image of the oppressor is all over them, looking down on them from the pain-wracked position on a cross when the “children” are in their most imprint-vulnerable state: on their knees, looking up, eyes rolled up to enter Alpha state. Feh.

What to do? I would think that the answers for an individual and the answers for a culture would be very, very similar.

1) Tell the truth. To yourself, or a few select friends. You don’t have to broadcast your truth to the world, if it puts you at risk.
2) Commit to dealing with the world from a position of love.
3) Start by loving yourself. As individuals. As a community.
4) Commit to dealing with the world from a position of strength as well. Take responsibility for your emotions, your children, your neighborhood.
5) Make certain that your sexual interactions are responsible and mature. Regardless of what we try to say, the human hind brain interprets intercourse as reproductive behavior. Chemical or mechanical contraceptives don’t change this. So sex without emotions or commitments can be devastating to the psyche, and leave already damaged individuals with even more damage. And if children are born…they are born to grown-up children, and an even deeper cycle of dysfunction is triggered. If you aren’t self-supporting, don’t have sex.
6) Move heaven and earth to support yourself in a safe home of your own devising. Clean up your credit. Learn the skills necessary to provide goods and services to your community that will result in the money needed to support yourself.
7) Understand your legal rights, and fight for the leverage necessary to hire lawyers to protect them.
8) Write your truth down. Keep a journal. Tell stories. Write plays. But only broadcast stories that deal with issues you have resolved, unless you can see your way past conflict to love. Even Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing,” while having no answers, saw that the problem did not lie with the “Other.” It was within the nature of humanity itself. Grasp this, and you’ll see that the only work to be done is within ourselves.

More, later…

Today’s My Birthday!

Wow. Fifty-Five. Interesting. I have to make damned certain to get my yoga work in 3 X a week, but other than that, feel about the same as thirty-five. Of course, I do supplement more these days, and if I don’t get my sleep I’m a disaster…
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Let me try to bring to a close my basic position on the human adulthood thing as it might map over with race relationships and realities in America. Then I can finally get on with the really interesting stuff--personal evolution applied across the board to all individuals and groups.

1) There are very real differences between the children of immigrants and the children of slaves. Please don’t make this false analogy.
2) Very real, quantifiable damage was done during 400 years of slavery and segregation. How much? Hard to say, but I realized yesterday that I vastly underestimated it. Between to and fifteen million slaves were IMPORTED into the U.S. How many slaves ever lived here, total, over the entire period between 1619 and 1865? I can’t find a number. Shall I be relatively conservative and assume that each imported slave might have produced ten descendants? Wouldn’t that make an absolutely dead minimum of about 100 million slaves during that period? And since it can be statistically established that each slave lived about 14 years less than they would have in a liberated state (average lifespan of slave: 23 years. Average lifespan of a white during the same time: about 37 years, about the same as a Kalahari hunter-gatherer, or a black within 20 years after emancipation). Let’s take the low number. Make it lower, say to 10 years of stolen life due to starvation, overwork, despair. Matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed in form. Gee…where do you think all of that life-energy WENT? Into the communities of their masters, of course. Benefiting their children and business associates. What would that be, at a minimum? At least a BILLION MAN-YEARS stolen from the black community, and invested in the white. There is no way to get this back. I am not in favor of reparations. But I’ll be damned if I’ll sit back and let anyone imply we weren’t savagely damaged, or that whites would somehow have done better in the same circumstances.
3) Descended from slave-owners or not, whites profited by living in a system designed to elevate them. Sorry about that. You did. And continue to.
4) Black readers, check this carefully: all of the above is true, and has NO RELEVANCE TO YOUR PERSONAL SUCCESS OR FAILURE. You are responsible. Statistics have meaning to groups, not individuals. If you want to make it happen, this is the time, the best time for blacks in the history of this country…and in some senses, the history of this poor old world. You, your generation, our generation, is the hope and the dream of the slave.
5) The path to getting what you want…whether you be white, black, or whatever, is to take full responsibility for your actions and efforts. That requires the willingness to be an adult.
6) The black community was badly damaged and brainwashed, and the damage is still there. STOP PRETENDING IT ISN’T TRUE. My favorite horrible example is popular music. When I listen to a black station, there is a preponderance of nihilistic, misogynistic, vulgar crap. That simply wasn’t as true during, say, the Motown years. If I change the channel to, say, a Country Western station, there is a stark difference: CW covers the entire range of human experience. Children are born, parents die, jobs are lost, people fall in love and raise families, marriages dissolve, dreams are won and disaster strikes. The full range. I do NOT hear that same range on top 40 black radio to the same degree at all. Black people experience the same range of emotional experiences, but we’ve stopped speaking as honestly about our hopes and dreams. It’s not an accident that Eminem talks more about his feelings than almost any Black rapper. We’ve got to hold our artists to higher standards. We are NOT what the media worked so hard to paint us as being. But it is OUR responsibility to force the change.
7) The entire “Baby Momma” phenomenon is fantastically damaging. The majority of black children are no longer raised in two-parent homes. Yes, I know that the stats are almost as bad in white communities. So what? They can better afford to be assholes about this. We cannot. Those of us who have access to media, or any influence over the behaviors of those around us, MUST SPEAK UP. And more to the point, we must lead by example.

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The “Lifewriting” approach can, finally be of some use here. It suggests that the basic patterns of life are encoded in literature and story from around the world, since the beginning of human society. And that that basic pattern tells us what our lives will be, or better still, how to organize our resources to make the best run at our dreams. I’m going to explore this with a mind to “human adulthood” on the individual level and “social adulthood” on the macro level.

1) CONFRONTED WITH THE CHALLENGE. For God’s sake, take a look around. There are people succeeding in almost any arena of life you choose to examine. Whether your concern is individual growth and maturation, or the advancement of an entire racial group, the challenge is the same: to see that there is work to be done, and to grasp that it is doable. All you need do is examine the beliefs, actions, and values of those who began roughly where you began, and got where you want to go. Look at the difference between your actions, beliefs, and values, and theirs. I PROMISE those differences exist. This is your crappy software, the programming that stands between you and your dreams. One of those programs is responsibility. One of them is clear-eyed acknowledgement of any disadvantageous position you are in (if you can’t admit you’re in a desert, you won’t value water when you encounter it.) One of them is forgiveness. Complete. Total. Not for the benefit of anyone who might have hurt you, but for your own. Anger and hatred devour your heart. Another is self-protection, the absolute commitment not to let anyone hurt you again. And one is belief in your own potential: that there is, within you, a miracle unborn. That you are made of the same stuff as the stars. That no one who has ever walked this Earth is any better than you. No one. And that you are better than no one else. And that we are all in this together.
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Those are my thoughts. I want to explore this over the next weeks and months. Get into my own theories about human maturation, and how that acts as a springboard for higher development. Along the way I may say some things offensive to one side or position or group or another. I can live with that. What I can’t live with is being less than honest.

Hey, cut me a break.

It’s my birthday.

Accepting the Challenge

The third step of the Hero’s Journey is called “the acceptance of the challenge.” This can, of course be considered either a specific acceptance, or the more general (and important) aspect of human maturation called “conation”—the acceptance of responsibility. A person who constantly blames their parents, society, or whatever for their emotional pain and lack of capacity is functionally a child. But in truth, most human beings fit into this category. There is little more painful than truly growing up, understanding that life is finite, accepting both credit and blame for the events of our lives.

This stuff is tough, and the human ego will hide from it, distract you, do all in it’s power to convince you to “deny the challenge.” But if we are to move forward, we cannot do this.

Storytelling has always been about people confronted with challenges that stretch their limits, force them to confess their insufficiencies and sins, make them deal with fear and disappointment. Stories that do NOT push people to this “edge” are by definition, trivial.

Stories that push people to the edge…and beyond…have the capacity to stir the soul. This rigor need not be exclusively physical. It can be emotional, spiritual, intellectual, whatever. It can deal with a nation tested to live its conscience, a man called to confess his infidelity, a woman forced to leave a brutal marriage, a child forced to confront a parent’s alcoholism. All involve stepping out of the comfort zone. Once these steps are taken, they are hard to un-take. We go forward, onto the Road of Trials.

Look into your own life, and you’ll find countless times when you accepted the challenge…and a few uncomfortable ones when you refused, and knew you should have. These, the inner Gorgons whose image you could not bear, are your gold mine. Wherever you were stopped, halted in your tracks, paralyzed by fear or shame or guilt…these are EXACTLY the times in your life that will reap the greatest benefits, if you are courageous enough to tell the truth.

TELL THE TRUTH. What stopped you? Why were you afraid? What were your internal voices? Who in your group of allies sabotaged your efforts? What was the emotional pay-off for turning back? You must have the ability, the courage and commitment to look at these things honestly. And if you would be a writer of quality, you must have the ability to share what you find.

Clarifying Yang and Yin stuff

Some took offence at my suggestion that the civil rights movement was “feminine” in nature. I don’t say this lightly, and I mean no offense to the courageous men and women who took part in it. I am referring to the fact that they really had no choice but to take the high road. Direct action, direct violence in response to the violence offered their marchers, vote registrars, sit-ins, etc, would have led to extermination. The beautiful and brilliant answer was to remind America of her higher nature, Christian values, and to shame the U.S. on the world stage through provoking unmeasured response. There was no other way to work it.

But…my wife’s family was seriously involved in the Civil Rights movement, and I’ve heard many, many stories that don’t get talked about on the nightly news. And of course, some that did. On fact was that women and even children were placed front and center during marches, because men would have drawn too much fire. They literally would have been taken away and lynched. Men had to repress their urge to strike back, to retaliate. No one who could not repress this urge was allowed to march. And decades later, I’ve seen the result: men who still hunch their shoulders, can’t stand up straight, repressed rage eating away the core of marriages and lives,

NOTE: I’m not saying “women must behave X, men must behave Y.” But one of the problems I perceive in typical Liberals and Conservatives is that Liberals tend toward believing that there are no intrinsic roles or differentiation, and Conservatives tend to think that roles are graven in stone. I don’t know how much of this stuff is genetic—although it is inarguable that testosterone increases aggression. And I don’t know how much is social: after all, most female animals can defend themselves and their young just fine. But I do know that in human societies, I know of no documented instances where the females do the protecting and the males stay home with the kids.

If a man CHOOSES to be gentle and nurturing, avoiding violence and conflict, good for him. I have friends like this, and they are good people. But there is a real difference between choosing this for moral reasons, and choosing it because they are afraid of confrontation, afraid that they CANNOT cope with violence. My highest respect goes for the men and women who are capable of both sides of the equation.

You know what? I’d bet that if you did a study of blacks who fought in the Civil War, you’d find their descendants were healthier and better adjusted than the average descendant of slaves who were never free until the war ended.

Look at this comparison of “Male” and “Female” as “Yang” and “Yin” if you want. Fine. I’m just using the words to point out a phenomenon. It’s a wave, not a particle. I’m not talking about some immutable thing. But when you listen to Rap music and hear the hyper-male posturing, this is, in my mind, the result of 400 years of having to keep their heads down. When, in “In The Heat Of The Night” in 1967, Sidney Poitier struck a white man who slapped him, it sent shock-waves through America. I had never, in 15 years of watching movies and television, seen a black man stand up for himself in such a fashion. Black male audiences cheered. Isn’t that pitiful? You bet. But it is completely predictable, given human social evolution. And also as predictable that what any slave master must do is destroy the crazy chaotic male energy that says: “Live Free or Die.”

You cannot have it. So any blacks who exhibited such characteristics were broken, or killed. And post-slavery, the entire weight of social convention in the South struggled to keep blacks in their place—more killing of men and raping of women. And then during the 20th Century, when the walls started breaking down, these images of helplessness were reinforced in the media. To this day, you can see traces of it in shows like “The Unit” (one of my favorites) where, while Dennis Haysbert is the star, and quite virile, he and his wife are the only overweight folks on the show, while all the whites are lean and sexy. You still can’t quite get the full package past the guard-dogs.
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So…I understand that my attitudes aren’t politically correct. But neither do they limit male or female behaviors. And I consider those who can operate within both modes: direct and indirect action—to be the most balanced human beings. But when you deny women the OPTION of being nurturing, or men the OPTION of direct confrontation and protecting their families with force…I think you have taken something precious. There is a reason why so many male hero figures are warriors, throughout all of history. And a warrior isn’t just someone willing to die—that is a corruption of the term. A warrior is also willing and able to kill. A warrior says: “I’m willing to die, and I’m willing to take you with me.”

A person who says only “I’m willing to die” is a martyr. Don’t confuse the terms.

Answering Questions on Adulthood

“Similarly, when you talk about welfare what do you mean? Does unemployment insurance decrease adulthood? SS? Medicare or Medicaid? I assume you're talking solely about AFDC. Why?”

Primarily because AFDC is most usually referenced by Conservatives against welfare, especially when they make comments about its effect on minority communities.
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Re: Goals

“Or someone who starts going after another one of these goals at 5** and feels he or she has reached it at 10*?”

There are child actors who can support themselves—and their families—by the age of ten. They may very well, assuming healthy relationships and a mature and balanced approach to fitness, be on their way to a fine adulthood. But absent an insane level of mature precocity, I wouldn’t consider them adults. Sort of like “Junior Black Belts” with all the technique, but none of the muscle strength and mature joint mobility. “Junior Adults” maybe?
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“My question to you is: If there were some large country in Africa that had been as succesful as South Korea or Taiwan over the last few decades, do you think that would have any effect on how African-Americans see themselves? That is, if people of African decent could look at an African country and go, "Damn, but they are doing good."* would that make a difference to them in providing some extra-US society that they could more easily look up to?”

Yes. It wouldn’t have a devastating, sweeping effect, but it would shut up a lot of racists, provide talking points, and provide a role model for success that other African countries could use.

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"Blacks never got even."

Got even with who? Me? I was born in 1964 and (not that it is likely to matter to anybody, but for the record) both sides of my family were strongly in favor of civil rights long, long before it was trendy.

Simon Legree's been dead for something like 120 years. Even the southern whites who howled for "segregation forever" in the 1950s are now either dead or very old. So who are blacks in 2007 A.D. supposed to be getting even with, at this point?
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Blacks AS A GROUP never got even with whites, or white slave owners AS A GROUP. I think that the helplessness of, say, being beaten by your step-father as a helpless child stays with people their entire lives. In the same way, to the degree that psychology might be considered quantum sociology, the damage of being stripped of all normal male prerogative, and never having the option of getting even, has been devastating. And, of course, my point is that there is NO ONE to “get even” with anymore. Did you hear me advocating violence? Or even reparations? Or even Welfare? No, you didn’t. And you won’t. I advocate love, forgiveness, remembrance of history, and total personal responsibility.

But I know the male animal. And I know the female animal. And there is mucho resentment from black females toward black males, and I have a suspicion that some of it is simply: “if you bastards had been on your job, and killed every white man who set foot on African soil, we wouldn’t BE in this mess right now.” Yeah, it’s irrational, but human beings are like that.
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“I guess I'm now an adult. I still daydream but now (as opposed to when I was young) I know what the realistic chances are of my daydreams coming true. I still daydream about being a superhero and saving the world (don't tell me you don't also, I won't believe you) but now I don't try to persuade myself that it could happen.”

Daydreams almost never come true. Goals often do. The difference is writing them down and finding role models for success, and then mapping out a course of action that, with luck and massive hard work, might take you there. I believe that I can accomplish anything that anyone else can do, if they started with my basic tools and resources. I haven’t always been right. But in other instances, I’ve exceeded my expectations. And at times I am disappointed that I haven’t done more. I guess that’s just life.

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“Is adulthood necessarily a somber and serious period of life? In the comics world, a lot of lip service is being given to the idea of fun comics, where fun means the kinds of books one might have read as a child and are aimed more at children. Are adults fun? Besides sex, what is adult fun? Is following one's bliss adult fun? Those are the big questions that I'm struggling with at the moment.”

Hell yes, Adulthood is fun! I get all the fun I ever had as a kid, plus major perks. Man, climbing on Kilimanjaro, jet-biking in the Bahamas, walking Munich at midnight, sky-diving, watching my daughter born, and watching my childhood dreams realized in the material world are more fun than I ever DREAMED of having as a kid. I love this life, and this world, and this country, and all of the friends and teachers and students that have helped me understand myself, and outgrow my childhood. And now I get to help my own children, and anyone I can reach, find the same joy. I am one happy, self-contented SOB, let me tell you. Adulthood flat-out rocks. And when you are willing to really accept that responsibility, the “child” aspect of your personality wakes up and, safe for the first time since leaving your parent’s house, that “child” creativity can burst forth to an exceptional degree. There is no comparison, and I feel terribly sorry for people who feel afraid to leave the cocoon of childhood to embrace their Butterflyness.
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“Maybe you're an adult to the extent that you don't feel the need to spend any energy convincing everyone around you that you're really an adult....”

Amen to that. Sharing the joy and light is one thing. It’s been a long time since I felt a compulsion to prove much of anything to anyone. Still a few residual ego shards here and there, but “proving” myself was a part of, say, my first ten years in the SF field. Those who’ve known me a long time may feel free to comment on what I was like then, and if they feel I’m the same way now.
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So...in my opinion, the problems of individual human beings, America or the specific difficulties of Black America would be 90% alleviated simply by tracing out a clearer path between childhood, adolescence, and true human Adulthood. We all agree that responsibility is a major key. And that can be painful as hell. Letting our parents, society, men, whites, straights, skinnies, or whoever else you believe oppressed you--even if they did--off the hook can feel like defeat. It is not. Unless you are going to kill your enemy, forgive him. That's not to say to forget what he did to you. But negative emotions hurt no one but you and your family. We cannot afford that, no matter what "we" we're talking about.

Race, Adulthood and this Blog

Congratulations to Forest Whitaker for his well-deserved Oscar for “Last King of Scotland.” A terrific movie which follows a certain standard pattern: the white guy gets laid every which way, the black guy gets no play at all. No wonder America loved it…
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And for those just joining this particular discussion, no, I’m not really that concerned with the “black guys don’t get laid in movies as often as white guys” statistic in and of itself. I care because it reveals market pressure, and that market pressure reveals what is REALLY going on in the secret greasy hearts of men. That is: they would like all access to all women, and deny that access to other males. Used to be that the fantasy started at the 1st chakra: non-white males could not survive action/suspense/horror films. Now they can survive, but they can’t have sex without turning off a huge chunk of the white male audience. And functionally, that’s the same thing. After all, if in your dreams, the “Other” doesn’t indulge in reproductive behavior, you’re really hoping they’ll simply die out, aren’t you…?
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Back to the question of adulthood. I’ve been asked by several readers what they can do for themselves, in alignment with the principles discussed here, in terms of moving their lives forward. If you’re a writer, it’s a bit clearer. But what if you aren’t? I thought I needed to make some recent private thoughts more public…
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I have a sense that the damage created by welfare (especially to the black community) is that it supports an extended childhood. Few of us grow up until it is necessary…and in the black community, the “baby boy” phenomenon, as well as “babies having babies” is horribly out of control. I’d estimate that better than 90% of humanity are really children. I don’t know whether a larger percentage of the black community could be considered such…I really don’t. But one thing I do know is that blacks cannot afford this luxury as much as whites can. Why? If you’re white, and an emotional/spiritual child, society itself is “Daddy.” At the very best, if you’re black, society is “Stepdaddy.” Stepdaddy who abused you a while back, and is in denial about it.

Conservatives can see the bit about welfare’s infantilization, but what they cannot see is the vastly greater damage done by 400 years of slavery and repression, ending only in about 1968. You have a hard time enslaving an adult. So…kill or break the adults, and raise children to never become adults, much as domesticated dogs might be considered immature wolves. Slavery is the domestication of human beings.

So…what is the way out? Human Adulthood, as discussed by Jed McKenna, is a prerequisite and gateway to the state of enlightenment. Blacks post-slavery imitated white behavior, literary pretensions, educational aspirations, acting like “mommy and daddy” as if that would make them full citizens. When it didn’t, the drive for black education lost some steam. I’d say that going to war in WW2 did a hell of a lot more for us than most other behaviors.

Marching up the chakras, you can “awaken the kundalini” from the bottom up, or the heart out. But NOT from the top down. So attempts to heal this gap by intellectual—or even spiritual—meant were doomed to fail. There was no root.

Post WW2, Jews were able to prosecute Nazis. See them hanged, and jailed. Incredibly healing. Adults, especially adult males, must have the option of slaughtering their enemies. They MAY decide to offer mercy, but if they don’t have that option, they are barely recognizable as adults, given world history. Blacks never got even. Not even close.

(And what am I saying is that core “male” energy? Look at what John L. Sullivan, the turn of the century bare-knuckle fighter, was famous for doing. He would walk into a bar, slam his fist on the bar, and yell: “I’m the Great John L., and I can whip any goddam sonofabitch in the world! And America loved him for it. When Ali screamed “I’m the Greatest!” white sports writers excoriated him. Go figure.)

Martin Luther King encouraged us to open our heart space—and THAT was a successful tactic. But please excuse me if I consider that somewhat feminine. It is a warrior tactic in the sense of grasping that it was about the only approach that could work. But denied the opportunity to kill or gain justice, that energy had nowhere to go except to turn in upon itself.

There are no organic rituals of adulthood within the b.c., so what we have are either aped from whites, or are false ceremonies (pregnancy, prison, violence) that FEEL like becoming men and women, but have little relationship to becoming actual adult human beings.

So…all of this is a round-about way of saying that what I may feel we should concentrate on in this blog is that thing which provides the greatest good for the greatest number. That is valuable to individual human beings…male and female, white and black, but which, frankly, is of even more vital importance to the black community because of damaged social and cultural roots, and lack of external support.

I would say that an “Adult” according to the definitions we’ve been playing with, is someone who takes FULL responsibility for their emotions, and their results in the three basic arenas (fitness, career, relationships). They are aware of the inevitability of their own death, and is committed to leaving the world a better place than they found it. They are committed to being scrupulously honest with themselves, no matter how painful it may be. They are motivated by internal values and morality that goes beyond social norms: “beyond good and evil” so to speak. They are not manipulated by what the herd says, and not afraid to speak their truth.

Or to try to put it even more simply:
They take responsibility for their actions, emotions, and results.

I think I’ve always felt something like this, and was disgusted when I myself did not. And while it is certainly possible to become an adult without having money, without having a healthy fit body, and without having a healthy primary relationship, I do believe that those who manage all three of these things cannot do so without being, at the core, honest and responsible people…or walking the road to being so.

If there were a finite number of things I would want to see in the black community that would correct its problems (or be symptomatic of those problems corrected) it would be:

1) Greater inherited wealth than the white community
2) Lower incarceration rate
3) Longer life expectancy
4) Greater percentage of children raised in two-parent families.

And you know what? There isn’t one of these things that wouldn’t come from Human Adulthood. Good for one, good for all. Good for part, good for whole. Black, white, male, female…it all seems to work.
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So then, what am I suggesting? This is especially interesting because the state of full human maturation is an essential precursor to Enlightenment. So…whether one’s goals lie in this world or the next, are political, social, physical, financial, creative, or spiritual…the Adulthood concept can get you moving in the right direction. Very cool.
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So: my take on this. Choose goals in all three major arenas. WRITE THEM DOWN. Then commit to moving toward them at 1% per week. Daily, meditate and journal on the questions: “What is true?” in each of these three arenas. And “Who am I?” in each of the three. You WILL NOT be able to progress toward these three in a straight line. No. You will ignore one arena, break your promises to yourself, get distracted. THIS IS FINE, and completely predictable. WRITE DOWN the excuses your subconscious uses. Write down all of the crap from your past that comes up as “explanations” and force your subconscious to come up with a new one every time. Trust me: it has limited cleverness. Eventually, you will hit a wall, and have to start telling the truth. And you’ll know that when it starts to hurt.

Adulthood isn’t easy. But, especially if you have children, you MUST accept the responsibility of maturing out of emotional childhood, or your kids, your life, your community are not safe.
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Now…does this mean you don’t skip across the parking lot? Enjoy cartoons? Kick back with your friends? Dance in the rain? HELL NO! Here’s the nasty little secret your ego doesn’t want you to know: When you become a true adult, your “inner child” is set free. The joy, energy, creativity, aliveness and sexual energy released is astounding.

Please, don’t take my word for it—come see for yourself. All it costs is everything you’ve got.

Human Adulthood

I am curious about something germane to the discussions we've been having lately. It has to do with the quality of "adulthood" among human beings. It is, I think, a rare quality. I was wondering if the readers would offer their own thoughts on:

1) what is an adult human being?
2) What are the processes that create an adult?
3) what are the processes or events that inhibit the onset of adulthood?
4) At what point in your own life did you first consider yourself an adult?

This is important, and links together with many of our posts recently. Please add your thoughts.

Literary Autolysis

Wow. A ton of people came to the blog yesterday, and not one misinterpreted what I said about race. I am so happy I'm tap-dancing. Thank you, everyone...
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Whew! Busy busy. Just heard back from a movie company I pitched to, and they seem to like what Tananarive and I said about their idea. More on this as it develops…
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I was talking recently about the application of the Hero’s Journey to the process of what might be called Literary Autolysis—using our writing to eat our ego. Yum. The second step is Rejection of the Challenge. Now, we reject a challenge because of Fear, and any worthy challenge is gonna scare us. Why? Well, this relates to the proper choice of Hero and Challenge. The challenge must be large enough, weighty enough, to push the hero to the edge, to “empty him out” so to speak. The ego always defines us as something different from what we actually are. Therefore, the properly chosen challenge will either make a character rise to the occasion (“Die Hard”) and surpass the ego identity, or will deflate the false self concept (“Glengerry, Glen Ross”) and throw the character into painful confrontation with reality. No sane person would voluntarily choose either one.

So, if you’ve done your work right…the result is fear. Now, then…how to choose your fear properly…

Simple. Look into your own life. Look at the times when you grew the most, especially when you experienced major fear just before jumping through the hoop. If it felt like mortal terror, you’re on the right path. This is especially true if, after it was all over, you felt “larger” or “clearer.” And if afterward, you look back and laugh at the absurdity of your fear, you are dead bang on target. Fear is the favorite tool our egos use to keep us from growing and changing and…(wait for it!) killing our ego-shells. Never underestimate the power of an illusion.

When you have a list of three to five times that this has happened to you, choose the biggest and scariest. Now…if you can devise a story taking a character through a similar experience, you have a perfect opportunity to use your fiction writing to expand your sense of Self. What I absolutely love is to write stories that will force me to grow as a human being, stories I am afraid to tackle, that will force me into confrontation with an aspect of my ego that is uncomfortable. Keeps you honest and on the edge.

Get together with your writing group or partner, and let a little honesty into the room. Talk about this stuff. Come up with some good examples…

And then get to work!
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A letter from a young man I met recently:

Hello. My name is C., and I am a 16 year old who happened to be inspired by your discussion of awakening. Just like all people before me, I have been spending the last 16 years wanting to know not only who I am but also what and who it is that exists around me. I have wondered about much more things than I have learned and in many ways, I see you as a possible teacher. I do not mean to be too blunt, doing things such as hunting you down and following your every move, I mostly only want to discuss with you things that I have noticed as bumps or abnormally smooth parts on my road.



My first question of our hopeful relationship is pertaining to something of my childhood. To put it in front of the bush, my best friend died when I was six. Everybody at my previous school understood this as a part of who I was. My new high school which I have been attending for two years is full of people who have no idea. It is not exactly that I have side stepped questions and direct listeners, it is mostly that no one has been interested enough in my past to ask (let alone know to ask). The question is should I tell my friends straight out at the right time simply for the sake of personal depth and understanding, or should I wait for the impossible inquiry that will lead to my telling? I think that of the two, you would pick the first option but I am wondering if there is a better option still.



Anyway, I hope this is not just a taxing time-consuming thing for you and that neither of us become misunderstood.



In the hopes of disillusionment,

--C.
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My answer:

C.

"My best friend died when I was six" is a load to carry--only offer it to someone who has volunteered to carry such a load. I did--I gave you permission to get in touch. Someone offering you friendship does--friendship has reciprocal obligations. If you ever have a class assignment asking you to tell a group about "my most meaningful experience" or some such, that is also a possibility. But in reality, this is your weight, part of what will help you become the man you will some day be. We all must deal with loss, and there is no good time for it. None at all. To lose a loved one is to stare into the abyss. To do this without losing balance is a good trick, and intelligence doesn't help, my young friend. Seek to balance yourself in your external aspects, and you'll begin to sense how to maintain that internal, "spiritual" balance. Seek a physical discipline (yoga, martial arts, etc.) something you can push yourself with your whole life. Commit to knowing your heart, using external relationships as a mirror. Develop your intellect--but don't be limited by it. Being smart is as much of a trap as being stupid--if you let yourself be attached to it.

My blog over at lifewrite.com is a great place for these conversations. If you are serious, I'm sure we can find ways to interact.

Balance, C. It's the only thing that is safe to be obsessive about.

Steve

Lifewriting applied to Race?

Yesterday I spoke at a Mensa meeting in Monrovia. Sort of like a science fiction convention, without the science fiction, if you know what I mean. At any rate, a young man there was wearing a martial arts t-shirt, and we spoke a bit about his current training in Aikido down in San Diego. There’s a big guy in his class who hurts people (accidentally) and my new acquaintance was rather intimidated. I told him that this gentleman is exactly the sort of fellow he needs to train with if he is ever to learn to apply his skills in real life. He protested that he already knows how to hurt people, that’s not what he’s training for. Oh? I asked. Were you a mean little ass-kicker before you started training. No, he replied, but he had fantasies…

And that’s the problem, of course. Your fantasies of competence in an arena may or may not map over to actual ability. And the fear that they don’t will force you to back away from real tests. The gentleman in his class is a real test. “When you learn to deal with him,” I said, “you’ll be one step closer to that black belt you covet. He’s your mountain. Start climbing.”

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This search for truth stuff is hard, because one of the first things I notice is that intelligence, education, and spiritual orientation don’t seem to mean much. Those are all as likely to trip you up and trap you as are ignorance and mean-spiritedness. Odd, but it seems to be true. Remember a loooong time ago I started talking about Balance? And have we noticed yet that terribly few people are interested? Now, I’m not suggesting that that “Balance” thing is necessary to wake up. But you can be damned sure that anyone who is out of alignment with their own values in those three arenas is sound asleep.
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Yesterday, Robin posted an interesting question, very much in alignment with the Lifewriting position, asking me to turn the technique on the racial divide in America. Something to the effect of: “Steve, what would you say to a student who came to you and said they had been enslaved for the first thirty years of his life, and then abused and brainwashed for the next nine. He is currently about forty years old. What do you do for him?” A fascinating question. I’m not sure I can answer it yet. But I can back off from that one just a bit, and try addressing the following question, which might be even more useful:

“A family comes to you. They live in a very small town, where for thirty years they were robbed and then enslaved and repeatedly raped. And for the next nine, they were abused and reviled. Three years ago, the town finally changed its laws, making them equal citizens. None of their property was returned to them, but they have no place to move. What can they do?”

That comes pretty close to the metaphor I’ve been building. Whew. How do I apply what I know to this family? I can try to make some very broad statements and parallels. Please remember that I understand fully that this metaphor doesn’t hold totally—but it may be useful.

1) If you can’t kill the other families in the town, you have to forgive them. Completely. This is not for their benefit, it is for yours.
2) You are not imagining things if you think some of them are smirking at you. They fondly remember raping your mother and sisters, and fantasize that the men in your family are impotent buffoons. They stole your belongings and labor, divided it amongst themselves and passed it to their children--and then pretended it never happened. Yes. But you CANNOT allow your self-image to be permanently affected by this.
3) You must have clear goals. What do you want to be in five years? I suggest the following, to begin with:
a) a higher education rate than the rest of the town. Higher income. Higher inherited wealth.
b) A healthier, better balanced family than the rest of the town.
c) Stronger, healthier bodies than the rest of the town. A longer life expectancy.
d) A lower incarceration rate than the rest of the town.

No, I don't know how you will accomplish these things. BUT THE GOAL COMES FIRST. And the commitment to die to accomplish them. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When you have committed completely, totally, only then does the answer inevitably arise.

4) You must not allow your children to fall into the jaws of the legal system, where they will face “juries of their peers” consisting totally of those who so recently abused you. So you have to be VERY socially conservative. Train them well. Do not allow them to idolize criminals or those who pretend to be.
5) You must remember that the education system in the town is designed for the children of those who enslaved you. There is not necessarily any conscious venom in this—it is just human nature. So your homes must be a place of learning. You will also have to “interpret” the lessons so that your children can understand them. They must be translated into the language they speak. If they are not, the other townsfolk will shake their heads sadly and say: “see? They were better off slaves. Just don’t quite have it…”
6) Goals must be clear, and your children must believe they can reach them. To this end, search far and wide for role models of others who have overcome similar adversity. Their beliefs and actions will be greatly different from those who are swallowed by it.
7) Take full responsibility for your lives and results. Yes, you were raped and beaten and chained. But every second you spend whining about it is a second lost in your struggle to build a life of meaning.
8) Love yourselves, and each other. You have been programmed for self-hatred, trust me. Your ego-bubbles will be thin, scant protection against the fear that you are less intelligent, less beautiful, and farther from God than those who hurt you. Be careful in your interpretation of media images—educate your children to see how they portray you disproportunately as unattractive, dull-witted, criminal, and asexual. Unless they are images of your women—in which case they are always available to, and attracted to, the guys who used to rape your momma.
9) Remember that, among the townsfolk—perhaps even the majority of the townsfolk—are good and decent people who just care about the safety and welfare of their own children. You can ally yourselves with them, so long as you keep their attention on the world you can build together, and off your skin color.
10) Every day, you must perform rituals of cleansing: meditations and affirmations designed to prepare you to enter the battle. Remember: you are creating a safe world for your children, and grandchildren. You yourself may not enter the Promised Land. And that’s all right. It’s not fair, but it’s not unfair either. It just is.
11) Remember that the others in the town are frightened of you, as you are of them. Deep down, they know they hurt you, and wonder when or if you will take revenge. They will pretend to be confused by your anger, while knowing that, if the position was reversed, they would want to kill you. This denial cannot be compartmentalized: it creeps over into other aspects of their lives, poisons their spirituality and dulls their minds. To the degree you can, love them and pity them.
12) Do not, EVER, give members of your family a “pass” for bad behavior. They must care for their children. They must obey the laws—so long as those laws are equally applied to all. If the laws are unfair, then they must have their own, higher moral standards from which they will NOT be moved. They must pay their own way. They must carry themselves with pride and courtesy. They must, in every way, be examples for the community. One can only lead by example. All else is a lie.
13) Do not strive to be “equal.” Strive to excel. Kick ass, take names. Smile politely, and destroy your opponents on the playing field, the courtroom, the board room, at the bank. I promise you that this is what they are teaching their children. Teach it to yours.
14) Remember that everything we as a species have ever done, always, has been an attempt to re-connect with the divine. To find our lost place in Paradise. When you forgive and love others, you will find it easier to love and forgive yourself. And you must. The tendency to self-loathing is unbelievably strong.
15) Guys: Your women have borne special and terrible abuse, and are now being tempted to consider their bodies as coin in the market place, and your men as animalistic thugs. Love them, cherish them, and show them in every way this is not true, that they are precious gems, and that you can be trusted. And ladies: your men have been subjected to special and terrible abuse, murdered and stripped of their masculinity. Don’t be fooled by the contemporary music extolling their mighty penises and fearsome Glocks. They are scared to death that they will be crushed by the odds—and have good reason to be. Love them. Let them cry on your shoulders, while whispering in their ears that they are, in your eyes, the mighty warriors who will lift their people back to their rightful place. And that you do not blame them for the terrible position in which you find yourselves.
16) Remember that you are, in every way, the equal of any people who have ever walked this planet. No one is better than you…and you are better than no one. Only this position is unassailable. All else is built on ego, and will crack under pressure.

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Just a few thoughts of what I’d say. If I was the king of the world, what would I DO? Not sure. But thanks for letting me clear my thoughts.