The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter


Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Soulmate's Commandments #1:Thou Shalt Define The Term “Soulmate”...

1. Thou Shalt Define The Term “Soulmate”  So That Thou Canst Succeed!

Part of the attraction of teaching the “Soulmate” teleconference was the need to condense over six hours of material down to an hour.  To do this, we used a very simple structure that covered the basic aspects, and would help people understand what we are up to.

So I used the “Secret Formula” structure, as well as a “Ten Commandments” structure for their simplicity and resonance.    The first step is to define the term “Soulmate” itself.    You MUST define it in a manner that it makes sense to you, appeals deeply to you, and gives you the opportunity to win, to actually achieve it.   I remember coaching a famous television actor, now well past fifty and never married.     His definition of a soulmate was someone with whom there would never be conflict. She would look at a sunset and think and feel the exact same things he thought and felt.  She would laugh at the exact same things in a movie, and know what was on his mind without him saying a word.

In other words, he wanted a psychic clone.    And that childish, immature, unrealistic view of what relationships are explains perfectly why he has never married.   I mean, get real—you don’t have a relationship that deep and conflict-free with YOURSELF.   We lie to ourselves, disappoint ourselves, break promises to ourselves, and change day to day.    Wherever he got that definition, someone gravely misinformed him.

But…what is it, really?    The first definition I ever heard that made sense to me was that a Soulmate was someone who, when you meet them, you can feel and see the door to your future opening before you.  Here are a few thoughts on the subject—but whatever I or anyone else says, you MUST have a definition that makes sense to you, turns you on, and is possible to achieve.

1) A soulmate must appeal to you on the basic levels of mind (values and goals), emotions (similar or complementary emotional nature) and body (you guys should have similar energy levels, and standards of attraction)
ALL THREE.  Any two will probably make a decent relationship…but we want more.

2) We have more than one.  For goodness’ sake, how unfair would it be if there were only one such person in all the world? What if she was in Outer Mongolia?   Based on our surveys, I suspect that about one out of every ten thousand people could connect with you in such a fashion, on average.  And no, that doesn’t mean ten thousand speed dates.   When you “put yourself out” in the world by following your life path with intensity, it is amazing what happens. 

3) If you are only six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon, I’m going to guess you are only about three from someone who fits our definitions…and is available.

4) A Soulmate, to be clear, is someone who can share your love, passion and life.  Someone who will support and encourage you to be the very best you can be.   Someone for whom you need not “change”…but WILL have to continue to stretch and grow and tell the truth about who and what you are.    Your energetic gender-appropriate “mirror.”   

5) You must resolve the dualities: “water seeks its own level” and “opposites attract.”   The core values must be similar enough to sustain a relationship, but given that, the more differences you can embrace and connect across, the more “energy” and dynamism you will see in that relationship.  The greater the “gap” the spark has to jump, the fatter the spark. 

6) But there is a gap too great for the biggest spark, and that limit can only be determined by judgement.  And judgement is the result of experience. And experience is the result, quite often, of bad judgement. There is an irreducable amount of pain involved in learning anything profound.  A course like “The Soulmate Process” gives you the tools to shorten the learning curve and reduce the amount of pain…but no matter what, life has bumps.  Get ready, grit your teeth, and enjoy the ride!

The SOULMATE PROCESS is a fantastic Christmas gift to yourself, the gift of a new life for the new year, available at a special reduced price until December 31st.  Check it out today at: www.soulmateprocess.com!

Namaste,
Steve

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