The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Three Weeks two days?

I have a client who feels that she has totally destroyed her life in some critical ways. Much of this relates to childhood trauma--being forced to take on too much responsibility, too soon...leading to resentments when she married and had her own family, leading to the breakup of hat marriage and estrangement from her children. She lives as a consultant, intelligent woman, making just enough money to support her lifestyle, almost a hundred pounds overweight and suffering from a sense of no goals, no direction, nothing but floating in an ocean of pain.

Well...I've begun teaching her the ANCIENT CHILD meditation technique, and of course the tools in the 101 PROGRAM. I am SOOOO happy I created these programs, because they forced me to get very very concise about processes I've gathered over forty-odd years of searching for the best techniques from around the world. I was able to tell her the following:

1) Start with the Five Minute Miracle: breathing breaks, every 2-3 hours.
2) Begin to listen to your HEARTBEAT during one of those breaks, expanding out to 15 minutes.
3) You don't have goals? Now you do. Your goal have clear goals.
4) Begin to move her body. Every day, starting with gentle yoga.
5) Forgive herself for not being perfect. Remember that she has done the best she can with the resources she has.
6) Visualize light inside her body. Form that light into a child, of whatever size and age is appropriate for the amount of light she finds. Begin the work of healing this internal relationship. (A critical step in the Ancient Child process)
7) Keep a journal. Write the "Childs" thoughts with your non-dominant hand.
We talked about where the energy and creativity of her childhood vanished in a mire of adult responsibilities, and the way out of the nightmare is becoming an Awakened Adult. Years of work for her...but with VERY rapid results if you actually do the work (isn't that always the catch?)
Within a single week after I gave her this homework, she was excited and burbling with joy. The "Ancient Child" had made her first connection: normally, she said, the "editor" in her head makes her hunt and peck on projects, and she is paid by the report. But rather than agonizing for weeks as she usually did, she generated a report in TWO DAYS. Two days. About ten times faster than her usual speed. All because the little girl inside her was enthusiastic because "mommy" was talking to her. Loved her. Was proud of her, and promised to take care of her.

You have to understand the power of internal symbols. And the degree to which our core personalities are formed in childhood. And...the degree to which all of our creativity, joy and flow relates to finding a way to connect our childhood dreams and our adult needs. This is the foundation of a "Zero Strain Life"--there will always be stress. The trick is not "driving with your brakes on" which is what happens when we ignore our needs, values, and emotions.

She was so grateful to me, but I don't want that. I want her to be grateful to HERSELF for having the courage, clarity and self-respect to begin the healing process. Grateful to the Divine, however she represents that, for giving her everything she needs to thrive and grow, right now, the instant she begins to walk the Thousand Mile Road.

We all have all we need, if we only begin to access it. I am proud to be a coach, but that's all I can do. I can point to the mountain, but SHE has to climb it. I can lead you to the track, but YOU have to run the laps. Tell you of a book, or technique, but YOU have to read it and practice it.

Everything you need, in the last place most of us want to look. Within our own hearts.

Submitted for your approval...


Anonymous said...
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Steve said...

Interesting post. As I was reading it I was wondering how she managed to stay motivated enough to do the necessary work to see the changes?

I am constantly struggling to do enough work, consistently enough, to see positive changes in my life. When ever life gets hectic, the first things that suffer are my sleep, exercise program and any improvement work I am doing (like the 101 program). I would love to read a post sometime, when you are inspired, about how you stay motivated or get others to stay motivated.

Regardless of whether you post anything about that, I love your blog and thank you for sharing what you do.

East Coast Sista said...

Hmm she sounds like me.
OK I'm signing up for/ buying both the ANCIENT CHILD meditation and the 101 PROGRAM.
BTW love the new South by Southeast book Steve!

Steven Barnes said...

The easiest and best way to stay motivated is to have a hundred reasons to do it. If you've only got a vague sense of "I should" it will be overwhelmed. But when you see how every action you take creates your dreams, validates your existence, serves your family and the whole of humanity, praises God and expands your pleasure and passion...WOW! So take your three major goals (body, career, relationship) and be sure you have TWENTY reasons, minimum, to do each of them. Then understand that temporary setbacks are 100% predictable, and forgive yourself...and move on. One step at a time.

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