On being relaxed and erect...

In generating and channeling sexual energy--or all life energy, the key is to identify the most critical aspects of our personality. My greatest meditation Guru, Sri Chinmoy, taught that we can awaken our "internal energies" (again, don't attach too much to the language) from survival "up" or from the loving heart center "out" but we CANNOT do it by building a mental model of the world and then trying to twist our experience to fit it.

Survival drives are critical, and trying to operate in opposition to them is pretty futile. But unless we are experiencing love our lives are filled with fear and hopelessness.

Every day when I write these notes, I look at all the letters I receive, the email, the phone calls and posts, and try to find ways to address as many of these things as I can in the two hours a day I give myself for these communications (hey! I have another life, y'know.)

Here's what I know. When you betray yourself, cut yourself off from your own heart, you will give yourself away to others in the fruitless quest to fill the hole in your chest. You will give and give and allow others to take. You will attract predators and wounded desperate people instead of healthy, self-directed human beings, and be disappointed every time. And ultimately you will become embittered, believing both that love is an impossible dream and that the world is filled with horrible twisted people.

The bitterest people are the ones who began with hope, but not the self-respect required to say "no" to those who will not treat you with love and healthy regard.

So your quest for power, for control of your life, for a healthy and dynamic expression of all your energies MUST be based on aligning your survival drives and your love of self and life. When you "anchor" those two point, and then be certain that your sexual needs are being satisfied in a healthy, ethical way that aligns with survival (safe sex, or sex within a bonded relationship) and your emotions (respect, affection, responsibility, honesty, non-coersive, not desperate or needy, etc.). At this point, you have created the base for the generation of phenomenal energy that can propagate through the rest of your life and empower you in ways you may not have ever experienced or imagined.

So...you've experienced the "flutter" of slowing your breathing. You've also begun to notice the internal shifts that precede orgasm. Now combine the breathing with an exploration of your relationship with love and fear, by using "Heartbeat Meditation."

Heartbeat meditation is, simply, to sit quietly and "listen" to your own heartbeat. Keep your finger on your pulse if necessary, but as you balance your body (sit relaxed but erect, with your head held as if by a string from above) and let the tension go, you will begin to feel the "tremble" of your body with each heartbeat.

Now...and this is no joke: note the phrase "relaxed but erect." Consider that Viagra works at least partially by allowing relaxation of smooth muscles, enhancing capillary response. Consider that stress is a major trigger for impotence. Read between the lines, please: the ability to focus without fear is a route to enhanced performance across the board...and across the bed.

So take 15-20 minutes and practice Heartbeat Meditation. Your mind will jump and squirm in a thousand directions--this is totally natural. Then, you might find yourself going to sleep, nodding off. All of this is nothing more than the ego trying to protect itself. Love yourself enough to be ruthless!

Steve