End Bullying:
1) protect kids and shame bullies
2) make good kids strong
Japanese community centers have great judo classes.
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About Me
- Steven Barnes
- For the last thirty years or so I’ve been a lecturer, coach, novelist and television writer. For the last forty years I’ve been involved variously in the martial arts, and for all my life I’ve studied and enjoyed yoga. Not that I worked at it as hard and honestly as I should have—I’d be a combination of BKS Iyengar and Bruce Lee if I had. After publishing about three million words of science fiction (including the New York Times bestsellers The Legacy of Heorot and The Cestus Deception) and having about twenty hours of produced television shows (including The Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Andromeda, and Stargate, as well as four episodes of the immortal Baywatch), I’ve got opinions on the writing life. After earning black belts in Judo and Karate, and practicing the Indonesian art of Pentjak Silat Serak for the last fifteen, well, I have some opinions there, as well. And having struggled to live consciously since childhood...well, those opinions are probably strongest of all.
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12 comments:
I have to confess, Steve, (I am not especially proud of it, but I will not pretend my feelings are otherwise) that every time I hear about a schoolyard bully being murdered, I feel a wave, a thrill, of unadulterated joy. I have a hard time imaginig bullies to be fully human. This idea of shaming them sounds too much like Orson Scott Card's view, which I have heard him state, that shame and ridicule will prevent premarital sex and homosexual behaviour, etc.
My impression is that successful anti-bullying programs work by building a culture of "we don't do that here".
This means that extreme punishments of any sort are unlikely to be needed. I need to find out what the actual procedures are in successful anti-bullying programs, but I have heard that quick reliable punishment can be quite effective in general without needing to be severe.
"every time I hear about a schoolyard bully being murdered, I feel a wave, a thrill, of unadulterated joy. I have a hard time imaging bullies to be fully human. "
Having suffered bullying, I too admit to feeling a satisfying thrill (without shame!), when hearing that bullies are murdered, beaten, shamed, what-have-you. However, I refuse to indulge in the inane mental gymnastics of exorcising them from the human species. First off, insisting that an enemy's an inscrutable "other" sabotages one's capacity to understand them, which cripples one's capacity to combat the threat (Know Thy Enemy). Second, it's hypocritical, IMHO a worse offense that bullying. Everyone's guilty of using coercion (i.e. bullying), be it psychological, physical, or the overt or implied threat of harm, to achieve ends at some point. If you're a manager,supervisor, parent or mere older sibling, you've doubtless coerced others to your or their advantage (as perceived by you). Humans are hierarchical creatures, and hierarchies, human or otherwise are cemented through coercion. Playground bullies are merely would-be alphas who, through lack of skill in subtler manipulation, or lower inhibitions vis-a-vis violence, feel few scruples with brandishing or using naked brutality.
As for Orson Scott Card, he seems to think that permitting premarital sex and homosexuality will destroy his beloved Mormon Church. As someone who loves sex regardless of contract, favors enfranchisement of all sexual preferences, and HATES religion, Card's worst nightmare sounds like a triple win to Yours Truly.
Ethiopian_Infidel
Ethiopian_Infidel: I agree with most of what you wrote, although for me it is an exercise of mental gymnastics to regard bullies as human. My instincts are that they are not much different from rabid dogs and need to be treated similarly, though my intellect says this view is flawed. Probably thinking of them as psychiatrically untreatable sociopaths is closer to what I would argue.
And, yes, I agree about Card. I hear he is a great writer, but I do not read his fiction since I heard him speak before I tried any of it.
I do not hate religion, but I do believe we need to remember that gods and goddesses are concepts created by humans, just as are mathematical constructions like Banach spaces or differential operators. It is unlikely in the extreme that they have any bearing on anything outside the human mind. But I do believe that used the way Card, Palin, and others use it, religions are extremely harmful.
And my point was really that I don't think the approach Card recommended works well at all to control behaviour. However, it does cause psychological damage when it is attempted.
I always thought that the best remedy to bullying was direct confrontation. That's what I was taught anyway.
I can't say whether bullying is any worse today than it was 30 years ago.
But I know that there are all sorts of bullies in life. That won't ever change. It's a huge part of the workplace. So it's best to teach people how to deal with it when they're young.
"Probably thinking of them as psychiatrically untreatable sociopaths is closer to what I would argue."
Even sociopaths are human, i.e. are capable of reasonable behavior, often act in their own self interests, and can be harmed or destroyed. I reject the unfortunate tendency to dehumanize those with "conditions" such as Sociopathic Disorder or Autism, who exhibit empathy deficits. IMHO, willful ignorance is more contemptible and potentially harmful than the misdeeds of Bullies or Bundies. It's far more useful and commendable to learn what's meant by the diagnosis than using it as a write-off. To clarify: My goal's to UNDERSTAND my enemy, not empathize with or "feel for" them. Unfortunately, intellectual comprehension is popularly conflated with sympathy. I'm talking tactics, not humanitarianism. Knowledge of the foe to the best of my cognitive capacity empowers me to neutralize the threat by any means necessary.
"gods and goddesses are concepts created by humans, just as are mathematical constructions like Banach spaces or differential operators. It is unlikely in the extreme that they have any bearing on anything outside the human mind.'
Mathematical "constructions" have been extraordinarily effective in facilitating our comprehensions of the Cosmos. To an extraordinarily degree, math appears synonymous with reality. Space and time act like components of a complex space-time surface a la Einstein, ecological and political machinations crunch gamesmanship matrices a la Von Neumann, minerals and molecules display the semblance of simple forms or solids a la Plato or Archimedes. As with everything perceived, these concepts are abstractions distilled with varying degrees of clarity or utility from the outside Universe. Equations, sensations, people, fairies and gods all exist in part or whole in the human mind as representations of facets of reality. Some representations match reality closely enough to be called real; others are grotesque distortions akin to delusions.
Ethiopian_Infidel
Interesting. I cannot imagine using "Autism" as a dismissal at all. I know enough autistic people of varying sorts that it seems clear to me that they are truly just differently abled. Many of them can do things I cannot. I suspect I tend towards Asperger's myself, which may make me preidsposed to this viewpoint.
Sociopathy seems to me something entirely different.
Anonymous, I think you're stretching the definition of bullying too far-- while it can include coercion to get something useful for the bully from the victim, the distinguishing feature is grinding the victim down for the sheer satisfaction of lowering someone else's status.
If you're interested in real-world sociopaths, they have a blog.
"I cannot imagine using "Autism" as a dismissal at all."
I have a friend with Asperger's, which provides insight into the characteristics and sufferings of those "afflicted". Because "Aspies" often don't reciprocate bonding-type social cues with standard "I feel for you" expressions, they're often mistakenly thought to be haughty, disinterested, or devoid of compassion. This contrasts with sociopaths, who are often adept at shamming commiseration, but in fact are totally egotistic. In both cases, the "sufferers" are often denigrated as "cold" or "inhuman".
"the distinguishing feature is grinding the victim down for the sheer satisfaction of lowering someone else's status"
That's the entire point, and grinding the victim into the dust DOES win the bully something potentially invaluable: acknowledged alpha status. Even if it's only a pack of two, the bully establishes in no uncertain terms that he's KING, which is the goal of most aspirants in hierarchies. In order to goad such potentially risky behavior (no guarantee the "wimp" won't prove the bully's match and give them a hard-knocks lesson), biology immediately rewards the bully with the euphoria attached to victory and power. While being king may pay long-term dividends, the bully consciously beats and humiliates for the immediate high.
Ethiopian_Infidel
The conundrum is that most schools nowadays forbid students from defending themselves when physically attacked. So, confrontations generally are decided in favor of the bully. If the victim responds in kind, both students are arrested without regard to the way things developed. I have a friend who is very large and very strong. He was attacked in high school by someone smaller who knew that my friend would not fight back. The bully hit him hard in the back with his fist, unprovoked. My friend picked the bully up by his coat with one hand and held him over his head against a wall and said "That hurt. Please don't do that again." This was the only possible effective response in this case, but it is a response that not one young man in a hundred has the strength to carry out. The others would be stuck with running away to avoid further injury.
"..schools nowadays forbid students from defending themselves when physically attacked."
Rather than let them be victimized as I was, I'd advise potential victims to hit back, and transfer out after if need be. However, encouraging retaliation posses yet another pitfall: having relished the thrill of power, the former wimp may become the new bully. My old Chicano compadre was bullied by White kids in CA and forced by his father to retaliate in kind. Into his 30's, he reflexively considers using violence to solve problems, and sometimes shamelessly humiliates those he disagrees with. To cite an extreme example: many historians cite Stalin's violent defense of his mother from her batterer husband as a pivotal instance when the future dictator learned the usefulness of using force to compel submission.
Ethiopian_Infidel
Transferring out is probably not an option. You would be sent to a juvenile correctional facility for assault. Self defense would not be an accepted defense. If it happened when you were over 18, you would be prosecuted for assault in a criminal court. There, at least, self defense might be a legal defense, if you have the few thousand dollars to hire a good attorney.
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