More Racial Fun!

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Some good conversations about race, triggered by the racist publisher. My thoughts, in order, to the subjects raised?

1)I see no problem with Blacks assimilating as Americans. I DO see a problem with Whites considering this "White." In other words, they see themselves as the standard to which all others must measure themselves. Since they cannot look white (even if they try to lighten skin, get plastic surgery, straighten their hair (women) or shave their heads (men)) they MUST remain second-class citizens as a group. It is a subtle and insidious problem--and precisely the unconscious intent of the behavior.

2) I don't really "self-identify" as black so much as recognize, quite clearly, that that is how I am seen by others. It therefore enters my consciousness as

a) what are the problems in my life and career that I cannot understand unless I look at life through that lens?

b) What are the unique contributions do I have to give the world? Some of those deal with my rarity in the category of race: my life experiences, attitudes, and career choices would be rare for an "American" of any kind, but virtually unique for that section of Americans with African genetics. When I speak before a White audience, it has a powerful effect. When I speak before a Black audience, it is overwhelming. I have to acknowledge this. But I'm totally aware that I am of mixed genetics, and that my genetics aren't really very important, in the end. I don't wake up in the middle of the night thinking "I'm black". I do understand I'm playing a cultural game of chess, pogo-sticking through a racial minefield, and that that way is littered with shattered black bodies. My sister considers herself "Multi-racial" and that is actually a more accurate term for my genetic status. But it also avoids certain controversies which, I think, must be dealt with head-on rather than sweeping them under the cultural carpet for another generation to deal with.

3) I'm not at all offended if someone considers me more assimilated into American culture than most Blacks. That's fine. And it's true. The problem (and it often happens) is when people refer to whatever positive attributes they see in me as "White." That I find automatic, unconscious, and unfortunately. Inarticulateness is inarticulateness, not "Black." Logic, articulateness or neatness are not "White." When was the last time you spoke to someone of Irish (or whatever) descent who was inarticulate and thought "they don't sound White"? My guess: never. You aren't grasping the preassumptions in that--or the truly horrific results when and if the dominated group accepts that definition. That is EXACTLY like an abused child accepting that they are "ugly" and "stupid". America is not a White country, and never has been. White Americans are currently dealing with the trauma of coming to understand this, and it isn't pretty.

4) I've commented on the two-parent thing. You're right that there are far too many in the Black community who defend single-parent child-rearing. As there are many white feminists who argue that it's fine for women to deliberately get pregnant without partners. And I've made it clear I consider this to be poison across the board. Whites have a higher safety net, so that poison isn't as damaging. And the motivations are different, somewhat. In Black America it definitely represents a breakdown in social structure, economic realities, and statistics of black male-female incarceration and education. But since blacks in indigenous cultures (say, Kalahari Hunter-Gatherers) provide full support for their children, one cannot call this a 'black" phenomenon without annoting that it occurs only among colonized, oppressed cultures--in other words, is a SYMPTOM of massive damage, rather than an intrinsic aspect of the people themselves.

5) Oh, I'm far more assimilated into mainstream American culture than the average Black. Or the average White, for that matter. But that doesn't make me "assimilated White" no matter how comforting that idea might be for White people. Like Popeye said, I am what I am. What you think of me is none of my business.

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6) Shady Grady: of COURSE I would rather the publisher be honest with me. Are you kidding? That's like asking: "are you sure you'd want to know there are sharks in the water?" "are you sure you want to know where the land mines are?" What possible benefit would there be in NOT knowing? Then I know I'm not hallucinating when my books don't get reviewed, or are reviewed more harshly than other comparable books. If he was honest, there wouldn't have been the endless panels asking "why aren't there more Black people in science fiction" as if we are somehow different, don't have dreams and imaginations. We would KNOW why: because it is painful to be constantly excluded, killed out, denigrated by some of the best and most celebrated writers int he field. People would be able to make a conscious choice, rather than hallucinating that SF is somehow a harbor safe from "-isms". And I would have known what I was up against in the field from the beginning, and would have laid my plans differently. Grady: that's like asking if you'd like to know if an employee is stealing, or your wife is cheating on you. Hell, yes. One of the things I love about Jerry Pournelle is that he was honest and courageous enough to say, straight out, what he thought. That is honorable and non-problematic. Hidden racism allows people to do damage and then blame the victim.

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7) I think all societies go through multi-ethnic phases, whenever two groups come together. There is strife, and then they assimilate each other's characteristics and become something new. To me, that's the only way it ever happens. To those who play the very typical human game of "we" are the "real" people and everyone else needs to become like "us" to be normal, this change is stressful as hell. So become "American"? Sure. But when black people call being studious, polite or articulate being "white" I consider that ignorant and poisonous. And think the exact same thing when white people say it.

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Oh...and by the way. Watch "Flash Forward"? I like it, but it fell into an interesting variation on a theme last night: a black character killed to prove to a white woman he never met that "life is good." And also comfort an Asian character that it was all right to embrace his black fiancee. What fun!

Soldiering On

Well, I had a telephone conversation with the person who had the actual information about that science fiction publisher with the little race problem. Yeah, it was true. You know, I look at stuff like this, and realize that the man was one of the most powerful people in the field. Some would say "most." And John W. Campbell, often considered the most important early figure in the field, had the same attitudes. And people wonder why there are so few black writers in the field. What a terrible, terrible joke.

Apparently, he didn't mind Oreos but didn't like being around "real" black people. Hope he was uncomfortable as hell around me.

I suppose I knew that the field was like this when I first got into it, but hoped that I'd be able to help it change. I get emails almost every day saying I'm right, I did change it, and am still a role model. All I wanted to do was to create images for the little boy inside me, and I've done that.

But...I remember when women were first coming into the field, complaining about objectification and second-class citizen status. And now it seems that the majority of editors are women, and (it seems) half the writers. And most of the viable black SF writers seem to be women, which suggests that there is a bit of Sisterhood Circle stuff going on there. Good.

But if I was a little boy again, I'd still be looking out there seeking role models, and pretty much unable to find it in my favorite genre. I wouldn't have to search QUITE as hard, but it would be tough to look at the rack in the SF section, see all those white people and aliens, and hear SF fans piously claim that there is less bigotry in SF than in the outside world. Simply isn't true.

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The trick is that bigotry seems hard-wired. All that has to happen for it to win is for people to remain unconscious. Point it out, motivate someone to do something about it, and you'll hear the closeted bigots whine about "Political Correctness." Women never complain "political correctness" when a woman is inserted into a story in a role traditionally confined to men. You only hear this when the role re-distributes a bit of unfair advantage. Whine, whine.

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What was this publisher's problem? He would probably protest hugely if someone called him a bigot. Here's what he'd probably say: that he understood, or acknowledged, some things about black people that it is politically incorrect to admit. And if it is true, it isn't racism. I've heard that countless times. But yes, it is racism, even if true...which means of course, that the concept of "racism" has been a bit demonized. The real problem is bigotry, defined here as TREATING people differently because of their race, especially when their individual characteristics are not taken into account.

And while I do think there is a great deal of what I'm calling "racism" on the Right, being a bigot is another matter, indicative of, well, being a dick. And there are no more dicks on the Right than the Left. Different dicks, perhaps.

This publisher was a dick. And people around him knew it, and no one isolated him or called him on it, he moved in the very highest circles of the field, everyone loved going to his parties and encouraging him to promote their work. Why? Because it was no skin off their nose, that's why. Because the damage was being done to the other guys.

I just happened to be the "other guy", that's all.

I remember Jim Rosenthal, who was the editor at Black Belt Magazine, and went over to Weider Publications, taking me with him as a freelancer. At this time, I'd noticed that there were never any black people in their ads unless they were hard-core champion bodybuilders. And I asked Jim about that. And Jim ruefully admitted that he'd been in an editorial meeting, and the art director was asked about it, and said that he wouldn't use black models because he "didn't find them attractive."

THIS is what I'm fighting against. The rare, rare instances in which I have access to someone who was witness, and will TALK about it to me have to be greatly outnumbered by the times people said nothing, and kept it to themselves. And so it goes.

I soldier on.

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http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-10-31/is-ultimate-fighting-gay/

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Is Ultimate Fighting gay? The above link is an only slightly tongue-in-buttcheek article about the growth of both gay and female audiences for Mixed Martial Arts. It suggests that the promoters are actively welcoming gay audiences and athletes...which would be kinda cool. Considering that most of the sports stereotypically associated with gay audiences tend to be subjective rather than objective (figure skating, for instance) this is something a little different. I suppose in general, gays would be interested for the same reason that men like watching Hot Oil Wrestling, except that this isn't mere display. The skills and applicable physical attributes are awesome. Boxing is in trouble: one of the reasons boxing was so popular is that a case could be made that a boxer of a given size could defeat athletes in other sports in hand-to-hand combat...and make no mistake, a major element of sports is the sense that "our" warriors are thrashing "their" warriors. But boxers have trouble with wrestlers in general. In the thousands of rounds of boxing I've seen, only one time have I ever seen a boxing match end before the first clinch (Gerry Cooney bombing out Ken Norton before he could even get out of his corner!). That means that if a wrestler covers up and closes, he's got an excellent chance to take even a superb boxer. And MMA takes that to another level, incorporating boxing and kick-boxing into the mix. That's about as close to a street-fight as you'll ever get in a sport, and therefore hits the "who's toughest?" button quite handily. Yeah, it's rarely pretty (watching the real Brazilian Jiu Jitsu experts has a physical/intellectual poetry to it, however), but then much of the grace and poetry of traditional martial arts would dissolve if they were really evenly matched and trying to hurt each other. It's easy to look pretty when you're not in pain.

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MMA also clearly selects for young brawlers, not just Alpha males, but those who actually release endorphins when hit hard. That is a scary friggin' thought, let me tell you, and as more of these behemoths walk the street, the idea of aiming blows at anything other than eyes, throat, groin, knees, and insteps goes the way of the dodo. All this to say that if gay athletes and audiences become a larger part of the MMA equation, the aspect of gay-bashing that arises from the notion that homosexuals are more feminine and therefore less efficient warriors will die. At that point, something very interesting could happen:

1) Fewer rational reason to object to gays on the basis of "they're weak." This actually IS a rational reason. It's just incorrect. But if homosexuality weakened men, almost any culture would fight against it.

2) An actual reason to be happy with the increase in gay men: less competition for women. There are few things in life as delightful as being the only straight guy in an aerobics, dance, or yoga class. Yum.

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Of course, this would be balanced (one presumes) by a proportionate increase in gay females, so the competition would be different. Women tend to be more flexible about these things than men, for reasons I'm not sure of, but have plenty of whacko theories about.

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One thing's for sure...the future will have some significant differences from the past, and it's gonna be both frustrating and amusing to watch people trying to rationalize their prejudices.

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Omega Men

"What about the Omegas?

It may sound flip, but it's a serious question. Especially with the Alpha/Beta paradigm, I imagine it would be hard to ignore the people whose lot in life is to be abused by the Alphas and the Betas (strangely appropriate to the blog title, eh?)

It seems to me that this is a group that is in desperate need of instruction on how to get out of the hole they've found themselves in."

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I am unfamiliar with this term. If the writer will explain, I'll try to see how it fits into my world view. The intent of the project is to create a road-map for anyone who wants to become an adult. My take on it is that in most cases, this will automatically create the "Man" or "Woman" vibe. But I still want to slant things in the "man" direction because I've simply seen too little of what seems honest advice in this direction. It is either knuckle-dragging, smirking chauvenism or weepy-eyed "let's all share our feelings" "women are right, men are garbage" nonsense. Seen far too many men who are afraid of their own power, terrified that they might turn into an abuser. And others who are afraid to tap into their feelings, or even to love deeply. Confused about what they need to do or be to be attractive to the women who attract them.

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This just isn't necessary. And if people don't like the role models I've selected--who cares. What they'll also have a chance to do is see HOW I"m modeling these men. Don't like mine? Choose others, and model away.

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To reiterate, I'm taking the position that a healthy human being can either lead or follow, depending on the circumstances. Natural Alphas find themselves in (or seek out) the leadership positions more often. Natural Betas seek out positions where they can follow an effective leader. But within any hierarchy, only one guy at the top isn't following others (and doesn't he have to be aware of the feelings of stockholders?) and Most "followers" except those at the very bottom have followers of their own. So anyone "stuck" at either position is a potential problem. People with skills and ability who won't "step up" are, in essence, stealing from those who taught them.

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There are a dozen conversations I've had over the course of my life that have changed me. One of them was with a lady named Jamie Charles, who looked me dead in the eye and said: "if the Alphas of the tribe don't take responsibility for leadership, the tribe suffers." I can see that. More clearly, the older I get. None of us become what we are in a vacuum. And the best way of repaying our teachers and mentors is to teach and lead.

And if we had bad teachers, bad examples? If we are to be adults, we have the obligation of seeking out positive ones, and modeling their behavior, attitudes, strategies and emotions.

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Of course, you know my answer to: "how do I know I've found someone to model?" You look for balance: a healthy body, healthy relationship, and healthy career. Some of my chosen models are only "o.k." in one of the three areas, but make up for it by being STELLAR in the others. That works for me. But I won't model anyone who is "blown out" in one of the three, unless that problem is genetic or beyond control of conscious action.

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I'm asking my role models a series of questions, and their answers will help me refine the questions. There are eleven questions, some of which are compound, and the first is:

"WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF MANHOOD? ADULTHOOD?"

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Rites of passage

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"I think few men, or women, really, are across the board alpha. Most of us are situationally alpha at most."

This actually touches on what I believe, and am verifying through interviews (and those interviews have been fascinating!) is that a HEALTHY person can play either Alpha or Beta, depending on the situation. But the term in general applies depending on the percentage of time that the person is in one or the other role. A "pure Alpha" who is healthy can still play Beta--for instance in a military or other hierarchical situation, it is necessary to follow for the good of all. In other situations, it is necessary for someone to lead, and a "pure Beta" who is healthy could still take that position if, for instance, they have specialized knowledge that makes them the natural person to decide.

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From this perspective, an unhealthy version of either is "stuck" in either being "in charge" or pathologically avoiding leadership positions. Bad. Alphas are no more intrinsically unethical than Betas--both will lie or cheat to achieve their aims. It might be said that Alphas are more likely to force their aims through intimidation, Betas through undermining and back-stabbing.

Every Alpha I've talked to so far has zero problem being a follower--if the leader is a real leader. So that would be my sense of a healthy human being--able to switch back and forth depending on the situation. But in some senses a Beta is a "dialed down" Alpha, and I feel like more useful information on Maleness is revealed by studying the latter than the former.

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Clearly, these definitions are very flexible, but everyone understands them (kinda roughly, perhaps) so they are useful, and that's what I want--a useful perspective. I've noticed that many Betas seem to be retreat from leadership or conflict because of specific pain lessons gained along the course of their lives. And Alphas are what they are at least partially because of positive feedback from family or environment. I'd bet older brothers are disproportionately Alphas, just due to birth order.

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Another thing I've seen is that women who have been hurt in one relationship by a dominant Alpha will often seek Betas for their partners thereafter. Makes sense to me, but we have to factor that in when we solicit opinions. And I'm delighted to hear the comments about Alpha females finding Beta males attractive. Good.

Can't forget a comment I got from an Alpha female of my acquaintance. She basically said: "what I'd really want is a man who would stay home, do the cooking and the cleaning, and then when I come home he'd throw me on the bed and power-#$%$ me."

I had to shake my head. I sincerely doubted she would ever find such a thing. Make sweet gentle love to her, perhaps. But she wants a man who is a Beta in the kitchen and an Alpha in bed. That is pretty freaking unlikely, and she never found it. She is, on the other hand, currently involved in a gay relationship. Maybe she managed to find what she was looking for, after all. Have to ask her one day.

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Clearly, the ability to un-program the negative lessons is critical to being a healthy human being, not just male or female. That has to be addressed, there is no question. I've simply met too many men who aren't sure what being a man is, or if that's what they are. And I blame it on the lack of strong role models and a lack of rites of passage. On THIS side you're a boy. On THAT side you are an adult, and may marry, have children, and sit in the council of men.

Men, traditionally, are taught to repress their emotions. When you're hunting a tiger, no one cares how you feel. Only what you will or won't DO when the tiger charges. Scott Sonnon said that he's traveled the world seeking martial knowledge, hoping to find that levitating master of legend. And all he has ever found (and the man has moved in extremely elevated circles) is earnest, scared young men doing the best they can. We have the fear, but are discouraged from showing it. Or loneliness, or doubt. This, I think, is one of the reasons women are getting ahead of men in terms of understanding themselves and evolving--they actually share how they feel and allow their friends to touch their hearts.

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Back in the 70's I remember some "men's movement" stuff that tried to take the iconography or external aspects of male behavior in traditional cultures, like drumming circles. Or providing "rites of passage" for young men. There is a problem here--unless these things are tied into actual performance or privilege, it rings a bit hollow. If we, as men, drum in a circle to synchronize our breathing and movement before we go on a hunt, that makes sense. If we do it before we go back to our cars and drive in a dozen different directions..? Not so much.

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If I take a group of boys out into the woods and have them perform rituals, and on the other side of those fearful doings they can court a woman, or join the hunt, or build a house...great. But if the kids drive to the camp in their jeeps, they are already having sex, and they don't have to get jobs or apartments until they are 25...not so much. There's no "there" there. Nothing real. I think this is one of the reasons why so many guys are saying that they became men while actually DOING SOMETHING: building a house with their uncle. Training in the military for service. Working in a church with the deacons. Earning a black belt. Helping their wife give birth (!). Teaching in the inner city. Helping Mom and Dad run a business. Nursing ill siblings.

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Doing something. Actually contributing to the flow of life, participating in their own maturation, learning who they really are, dealing with fear and doubt. Under stress, who you really are comes out, and under stress our fears and considerations just stop mattering so much. The voices in your head begin to quiet. And what often emerges is something you've never met.

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Frankly, a lot of the "Betas" I've met have been crippled by such considerations. That isn't what they were born to be. Of course, we need more followers than leaders, but that's almost a different thing than fear to face confrontation, speaking your truth, facing your fear.

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Human beings who reach the age of sexual maturity, and have any sense of the actual effort it takes to raise a child, and have reached the age where they realize their parents are aging...for such people, maturation into an adult is a natural thing, and the LACK of such maturation is a sign of dysfunction in the social fabric. We aren't providing leadership. Men and women strike me as damned close to each other, and I think we exaggerate male and female characteristics for the same reason assembly lines are more productive than individual craftsmen making a BMW from scratch. It gets more done, provides a higher standard of living for everyone if we specialize rather than generalize.

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But men can raise daughters, and women can raise sons...especially if the community helps.

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Would it be possible to create valid rites of passage for young people, to help them make the passage from child to adult? I suspect that those who have really taken responsibility for their actions and emotions, and understand life is finite, who are in those senses "adult," are automatically what most people would consider "Men" and "Women". The traits have to be innate, woven into our genetics, since the same patterns have re-emerged again and again, around the world, throughout all history. So what would it take? Is it necessary or even desirable?

Revenge of the Nerds

Facebook is so much fun. Had a series of messages with an old friend who used to be a managing editor at a major, major SF magazine, arguably the leader in the field. She asked if I'd had any problems with the magazine, and I said that we'd been frustrated that we couldn't get reviews for GREAT SKY WOMAN and SHADOW VALLEY. She said that she had recently attended an SF convention, and ran into a staffer on the magazine, and in conversation, the topic of the Publisher's "enemy list" came up...and I was on it.

Seems that years back, the former editor and the Publisher had a difficulty, and he was...hmmm. Let's say ungentlemanly about it. He was rude to her in front of me, and much like Hannibal Lector, I abhor discourtesy. Standing up for her was apparently the wrong move career-wise, and he refused to review my books from that point. My my. I won't say more, 'cause I can't without revealing identities, which is not my intent. Besides: most of you who are "in the loop" can probably guess the names anyway.

That's messed up, but human beings do crap like that, always have, and that's just the way it is. Pick your enemies carefully, children.

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I got email from a man and his wife who complained that my proposal for the self-improvement project for men (still no title. "The Man Project"? 'Manhood: A Beginner's Guide"? Several interesting ones, but I want to make sure that they really fit both the project and my own personality.) included techniques to help Betas deal with Alphas. They maintained that such a thing isn't possible. I find that a little limited in thinking, but am actually happy to hear it: that means I know interesting stuff that some potential purchasers don't know. Money lies down those paths. Specialized knowledge is often valuable.

I won't comment now on the perspectives and techniques such Betas need, but there was another comment that I did want to put out. It was the comment that Alpha males can't marry Beta females. Not only do I disagree with this, but am of the opinion that much of "traditional" marriage was designed to create structures in which just this could happen. I'm not suggesting it at a model--I much prefer relationships between equals, "Soul Mate" unions. But I've simply seen too many long-lasting relationships between dominators and submissives, where at least from the outside, the situation seemed satisfactory to both partners. Not ecstatic, perhaps, but satisfactory.

And this is important, I think. If I'm right, and Alpha males have been able to marry Beta females, then we also have a need for Alpha females to find Beta males attractive. How to accomplish or increase this? I have no idea. But as more women fight their way to the workplace and up the power ladder, if Beta males sense that they will have LESS access to sex if women advance, they will fight like hell, back-stabbing every step of the way. I've seen it, and don't know what the answer is. Both Beta and Alpha females are attracted to Alpha males. Watch those Betas. Don't frighten them. If you do, they might not review your books.

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ﾠAny opinions?

The Man Project

Intelligence. Support. Honesty. Fierce love, emotional openness...these are the things women (all, I believe, over 20) have been saying they want from men. All we need to do, then, is coordinate this with what younger girls say, and see where the two overlap--this will be the generative material to attract women all your life.

Comfortable in their physical bodies. Prepared to defend their ideas and principles. Unafraid to be honest and open. Capable of total intensity, and total relaxation. Deep self-love and self-acceptance, enough to spill over to all those around him. Can walk with Alphas without intimidating Betas.

So secure that he has no need to dominate others...but God help you if you try to dominate him, or hurt the helpless. Polite to a fault, but capable of being a total kid at times.

Highly sexual--no guilt or pain in this arena. Capable of controlling and guiding those sexual urges (CRITICAL if you want to have a successful marriage. Hell...if you want a successful LIFE! Note "The mystery of sex transmutation" from "Think And Grow Rich").

Unafraid of his power. Unafraid of a powerful woman (and in fact would settle for nothing less!)

Talking to both boys and men, sons, fathers and grandfather and seeing what they ALL agree upon, will provide the generative material to gain the respect and admiration of men.

WHERE THESE TWO CIRCLES, MALE AND FEMALE OVERLAP is the generative material for a mature male human being, capable of sustaining a healthy relationship with a mature adult human female, and raising and protecting children.

Note: what does this mean for gay men? Or those who don't wish to have children? Separate from some social rituals, I can't imagine why the basic truths don't apply. Women seem attracted to most of the same characteristics that gay men are attracted to. And even if you don't WANT children, one or two of the little monsters should be safe in your care.

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For the last year I've been canvassing the real MEN I've known. This means both searching my memory, histories and autobiographies, and making new interviews. These would be the kind of men boys want to be when they grow up. When they walk across a playground, the kids follow them.

When they drop their kids off at school, the mothers check them out. Little girls like to sit in their laps, and are totally safe doing so. They will be responsible financially and personally--they don't hurt women (although they are VERY much catnip to the ladies), are capable of long-term relationships. They don't lie to get laid. Ass-kickers but don't start fights. Have faced life-and-death conflict without becoming brutal or brutalized. Take responsibility for the children they have created. Are intelligent to a fault (although not necessarily intellectual). Most will be over fifty--I want men who survived the teen testosterone flush, have raised families, and are often grandfathers--these are the ones who understand what the Game of life really is, from a masculine perspective. Most of them have lost their parents. THAT grows you up pretty damned well. All are self-supporting, all generate enough income to support a family.

ﾠTheir lives should be reasonably balanced, and they should have physical and intellectual discipline, even if only moderate.

ﾠThey should be capable of being intimidating. If not physically, then intellectually or morally. They must be kind and loving. VERY sexual (if married, I should be able to SEE the air shimmer between him and his lady, and her eyes should get slightly smoky when she talks about him,)

His face should soften when he holds a baby, and must be perfectly comfortable changing diapers and playing silly games. They should have MASTERED at least one discipline. Not "good". Not "excellent." MASTERED, dammit. Life is too short for mere excellence. The price we pay at the end of it is one death. I can think of no level of success that is more than we deserve, so long as it does not impose on the rights of others. They should be teachers, or have taught men who follow him willingly. Preferably, he has raised a son to be a good, strong, gentle man. Either an Alpha, or someone who can deal with Alphas handily.

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In other words, a worthy mate for a Beta OR Alpha female. Either, helpless and pregnant, should have confidence that Her Man Can Handle It, or will die trying.

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These are the things I'm looking for, as I sort through the hundreds of teachers I've had. I'm creating my list now. This will be easy: I was so wounded, so hungry to understand what I was, to find a way to draw out my own masculine energy. All my life, when I've met men who struck me as being both balanced and MALE (and that means being capable of being threatening: either physically, intellectually, spiritually, and/or financially. If you can't scare/fight the wolves from the cave door [or maybe know how to Build A Better Door], the children are not safe.)

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Boys want to know how to obtain and handle power. To "raise it" through all seven chakras, and "run it" through the ten steps of the Hero's Journey. To attract the kinds of girls who attract them. And to be respected by the boys of their tribe. Later, to be responsible adults without losing their childhood aliveness. And to be able to attract and hold a good woman in an honest, mutually supportive relationship, and simultaneously have the respect of men. And frankly, if men are just a little wary of him, that's fine with me. A touch of the predator is all right, if it's under his mental/emotional control. The most attractive, intelligent, and powerful women often have that "lioness" energy. What a lioness needs is a LION, not a damned dog.

I've been blessed to know a number of men who fit these conditions. Not all have had children. Not all are physical paragons. Not all are drop-dead brilliant. But all are good, and strong. All have made their mark in the world. All have taught boys to be men, one way or another. All are catnip to the ladies. All can laugh, and cry. All would stand between a woman and harm, in a heartbeat.

None apologize for their lives.

Martial Artists. Soldiers. Teachers. Therapists. Writers. Lawyers. Doctors. Business people. In traditional societies this would have been a CIRCLE OF MEN: fathers, uncles, grandfathers. When the young men of the village wanted to know what a man was, they needed look no further than the Men's Hut.

Now? Thirteen year olds get their advice from fifteen year olds. They watch cinematic images and mistake them for real life. They follow sports figures who are NIGHTMARES as men, but have advanced motor skills. Whoopdy do. That's like expecting Woody Allan to be a role model because he is a brilliant writer/director. They think sex equals love, and money equals maturity. That fear equals respect. That making a baby makes them a man.

They are wrong, and they are swarming our streets.

ﾠ have been BLESSED. God knows I needed role models like roses need rain. And I'm going to take what I learned from them about sex, love, life, and power, fitness and intellect...overlap those models, overlap that with what women of all ages say they want, and what I'll have is something I would be proud to give my son.

And if I love it, my son would love it, my teachers and mentors love it, and...well, not to put too fine a line on it my WIFE loves it...

ﾠI have the right to share it with the public. And only then.

Is there ANYTHING I've said here that raises alarm bells for anyone, male or female?

Teen versus mature values

Suzanne posted an excellent list of characteristics attractive in a man. A question: how does this compare to the list you had at the age of 15? 20? 30? The reason I ask is that unless adopting these qualities will increase their popularity with girls in their own age group, most won't do it. Or at least, the boys and men who most need a code of honor or directed values will not pay attention. The trick will be to see where the qualities younger AND more mature women overlap, and nurture those.

Other ladies (and maybe gay men?) out there: what is the contrast between the qualities you were attracted to in your teens as opposed to the ones you find attractive now? Which have changed? Which remain constant. This, I think is an important question.

"This Is It" (2009)

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This Is It (2009)

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Nobody cares who directed this, and certainly no one "wrote it". There is only one star, and one reason to see it: the final performances of Micheal Jackson. If you can't separate the man from his art, or can't find it in your heart to look beyond the tabloids and wonder who this human being was, stay away.

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But for the rest of us, those who grew up with Micheal's music (he always felt like a little brother to me), watched him rise to the level of the first black man to escape the bonds of race, and become the arguably most popular entertainer in the history of the planet...This is definitely It.

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I have a theory that even Micheal knew he couldn't do fifty shows. That, in essence, he was actually performing for this documentary. I'm not sure I mean that he knew that consciously, although it is certainly possible. There are moments when you can palpably feel his fatigue, and my sense is that it wasn't just physical fatigue from the last hour's performance. More soul-deep, the awareness of someone who grasps, quite clearly, that he somehow lost his way in life, and cannot reclaim what once he was. Just a few.

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But other than that...wow. Watching someone, anyone, in any field, who is as much a dominant force in their discipline as Jackson was in his is qualitatively and quantitatively different from watching the rest of humanity. There is a precision of thought and action that is simply beyond what other people experience or express. There is a quality of synesthesia, the ability to interpret stimulus in unusual ways, that simply suggests such marvels see more colors, hear more sounds, fracture time into smaller slivers, make their choices from a palate far broader than that the rest of us enjoy.

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"This Is It" is about as close as we've ever been to him. He is interacting with his musicians, his dancers, his singers, and in every case, in every moment, he is telling them EXACTLY what he wants, and they are struggling to give it to him because they LOVE him. It is a simple reality, perhaps difficult for cynics to grasp. These people came from all over the world for even a chance to work with him, because they believe that it was his energy that inspired them to move forward in their lives.

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We all know that Fred Astaire, the greatest dancer of his time (according to Baryshnikov) declared Jackson the greatest dancer of his. We don't need to debate this: such people are more than entitled to their expert opinions. I tend to agree if we limit the pool to western entertainers---I simply don't know what the rest of the world was doing in this sense. Singing? Something about his voice and personae cut across cultural lines like nothing I've ever seen in my life. Never ever saw an entertainer who seemed to be so loved by all quadrants of humanity. Not even sure who comes in second. And if I was/am irritated that in order for him to accomplish that he had to have a near-falsetto voice and walk so close to the edge of sexlessness that he had to constantly grab his crotch just to make sure there was still something there, well...that's my stuff. Life is what it is, and consciously of unconsciously he chose a form of protective coloration that gave him the ability to slip past the masculine sexual competition thingie that should have limited his appeal among white males. Strange. Clearly, he was operating on an energetic level above my own, and I can acknowledge that without a hesitation.

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Whatever music he heard, whatever strange sun warmed that pale skin, this man was cut from the same cloth as many of the most legendary and influential artists the human race has ever produced. I like Wanda Sykes' take on what happened to him: "Micheal Jackson happened to Micheal Jackson." He had grown women throwing their panties at him at the age of EIGHT. There is simply no way he could have grown up "normal" with that. Add to that the particular time in American history, the cultural change, and you have the recipe for a talented young boy to get totally warped, without a protective family around him. We don't have to comment further on that.

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What remains is a marvel. What a concert it would have been, if he'd been able to pull it off. Because his art is one you can actually watch evolve moment by moment, this is actually an important document for those of us interested in human excellence. Wounded excellence. Damaged excellence. But this level of commitment, clarity, energy and focus, applied to any discipline at all, would have produced mastery. I wondered what he had left as a dancer. Had heard that he practiced an hour a day, and personally doubted it: he seemed too frail the last decade or so. But apparently I was wrong. The quality of motion on display is almost superhuman, honestly. For a fifty year old man, his level of muscle control and separation is startling. I've never seen such a thing in a Westerner.

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Look, "This Is It" is cobbled together from two hundred hours of rehearsal footage, and they struggle to find coverage of several of the numbers. He isn't singing or dancing at 100% most of the time. But what is here is like getting a CAT scan of Mozart as he composes, or Harlan as he writes, or Ali as he dismantled George Foreman. "This Is It" instantly becomes one of my favorite movies, one I'll watch a dozen times just to watch his feet, or his eyes as he plucks notes out of the air with his fingertips. What a horrible waste. What a phenomenal talent. I can't wait to see what the human race generates next...and I hope that whoever that next breakthrough performer might be, that he is better protected by those who hold his heart in their hands.

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Saw an "Avatar" trailer before the movie, and for the first time felt excited. I finally have a sense of the human story inside the spectacle: a crippled ex-Marine given a chance to have a whole body again...a cloned alien body, an Avatar if you will, with which he will gain the trust of an alien tribe so that Earth can steal their goodies. Imperial Marines indeed. And apparently, he begins to empathize with the aliens...

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"A Man Called Horse" and other films come to mind. There is a bunch of science fiction novels that play with this territory as well. But by letting us feel the excitement of a warrior given a chance to regain his physicality, paring it with an exotic love story and a tale of redemption, for the first time I can see the beating heart inside the Swiss watch. NOW I give a damn about the half-billion dollars of effects and next-generation 3D and CGI. Now it's starting to look like a potentially great adventure film, where the science that creates the images is a subtext for the future technology presented. I've heard it said that Cameron is the most technologically sophisticated director in the history of the medium. I don't know. I know that when a helicopter broke down on the set of "Abyss" he just grabbed a box of tools and fixed it. That he devised the underwater cameras and gear personally. That Jerry Pournelle said Cameron knew more about the space program than he did. And the guy knows writing. Yeah, I know--almost every writer "knows" they could have written a better script for Titanic, and many of them are right: but they wouldn't have had a prayer of holding the entire project in their minds: designing effects, designing shots and sound design, writing the script, working with the actors, handling the staggering logistics of a two hundred million dollar film...just boggles the mind. Cameron has given me multiple Moviegasms, broken the mold, pushed the edge. In his way, he has a place in my heart as dear as Kubrick. And after a decade, he's back.

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I'm 100% ready to slap my money down.