Healing Emotions #9--Don't let victory defeat you!

Healing Emotions #9--Don't let your Victories Defeat You!

Briefly the idea is this: If you don't soar too high, you won't fall too low. In other words, seek equilibrium. In the process of healing your wounded emotions, you are very likely to cycle between depression and exhilaration. In BOTH cases, it is useful to attempt to maintain balance.

When you are "up" you are in bliss, but not survival, and therefore it can be easier to gain perspective (survival fear creates "tunnel vision" like nobody's business. It can be almost impossible to interrupt that pattern without enormous effort). What you want is to avoid violent swings of the "wheel" of your emotions right or left. It is much like driving--when we first learn, we're likely to swing wildly. With time, we make tiny course corrections left and right until we appear to be traveling in a straight line.

The same thing is true of walking, a process of throwing your body out of balance...and then regaining...and then repeating the process again and again.

Not too high equals "not too low." People become literally addicted to the "swing" of their emotions, and it can tear them apart, lead to substance abuse, and open them to inappropriate relationships just because someone emotionally or sexually pushes their buttons.

Take control! Develop the capacity to sit slightly back from your emotions, witnessing them. If they are too extreme, detach a bit. If they seem healthy, jump into the flow and enjoy. You have this ability, but it must be practiced to be useful. In time, it will become automatic.

The very best way to change or "balance" your state: focus on your breathing. Hyper-excited breathing is simply different from balanced, happy breathing. Learn the difference. Tie it into your "Five Minute Miracle" practice.

You WILL have victories...but don't let them defeat you!

Steve

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Healing Emotions #8--Faith

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”

Patrick Overton

A tricky subject that we'll try to unsnarl. Let me just say it plainly: you need faith. It doesn't have to be faith is an old man in the sky, or Gaia, or Universal Energy, or any trans-Natural force.

But it needs to be Faith in something beyond your own ego. Why? Well, in terms of healing your emotions, loss of love, betrayal, failure, disappointment, crushing depression...all of these things damage your sense of self-worth. Your ego concept "cracks". If you then attempt to rely on the ego to get you out of an ego trap...wow. That's like trying to sprint on two broken legs. You are trying to use the very tool that no longer functions, and will spiral deeper into the abyss.

This is no joke. Do a little research, and you'll find very, very few champions in any field who say that they accomplished what they accomplished "for themselves." No. It was for their family. Their school. Country. Team. Nation. God.

Fascinating. Look back into your own past, at your greatest challenges, and you will see that again and again you plunged into the depths of despair, and somehow, somehow, made it out the other side even though at the time you felt there was no hope.

Your old identity is like a sub-routine your brain is running, and it has the temerity to believe that it is you. And when it is damaged, it can literally die. In fact, EVERY time you move from one level of your life to another, every time you actually grow in a substantial way, your old self-image explodes, shrivels, disintegrates. And it will scream in terror. In fact, and pay attention to this: IT DOES NOT WANT TO DIE ALONE. It will literally destroy your body to preserve itself. If you identify with your ego, it will be impossible to progress consciously. Only the random overloading happenstance of life will take you to the other side.

So...what shall you have faith in? There are three things:

1) Your deep self

2) Your companions (allies and teachers)

3) A higher power.

That's it. One of the three. I know no others that cannot be subsumed in one of these three categories. Find one...or frankly, all three if it is within your belief system. There is NO way to avoid the bumpy road ahead. That is simply life. But what we can do is be stronger than our challenges.

Don't trust your ego. Go deeper. And wider. And truer.

See you on the other side!

Steve

Taking the Next Step

I'll continue on very soon and continue the process of emotional healing. What I wanted to do was to look again at what the entire process I've been working on since Lifewriting was still invented.

1) The first step was the realization that storytelling and human life are inextricably intertwined. That the structure of "story" represents the village elders telling the young people of the tribe "this is what your life will be. Therefore, it is possible to look at the structure of story and use it to sequence the resources you will need to accomplish any goal.

2) The second step was realizing that the Yogic Chakras represent a model for the path of growth toward becoming an awakened adult human being.

3) The third piece was the realization that the Hero's Journey could be viewed as the "path" between chakras--that as you finish one journey, you move to the next level and begin the next. While not an exact model of human growth (nothing that can be put into words can possibly be) it is pan-cultural, maps over with both ancient and modern thought, and offers a glimpse of an extraordinary dynamic process.

4) After spending twenty years grouping resources and varied philosophies, I've yet to find a major religion or philosophy that doesn't seem to be addressing the path formed by the intersection of these two models. Working with thousands of students over that time, the core concern seems to be finding a life of meaning while navigating this path.

5) You can walk this path from "the bottom up" (meaning--begin with a physical practice) or from "the heart out" (begin with a practice that concentrates on love, or the reduction of fear) but never, ever begin from the "head" down. In other words, intellectualization or purely spiritual practices don't work if they aren't anchored either in love, or physical reality.

6) The simplest way I've ever found of expressing the most useful thread in this path: imagine a line stretching from your childhood to your deathbed.

a) remember your childhood dreams.

b) clarify the values people actually hold on their deathbeds.

c) conduct your daily affairs in a manner to align with both of these.

Doing this seems to create a life of meaning, contribution, happiness, health, love, balance and success.

I invite you, as 2011 comes to an end, to address the three aspects of part 6. Journal about them. Look at your life, your career, your family and physical energy and work to align them in this way. You will have gone as far as you can go, at this moment in your life, toward wholeness and health. Take a step. As you do, you will see a little further. And that is all you need to do...take each step consciously and carefully and lovingly, in integrity with your fondest dreams and deepest values.

See you on the mountain!

Steve

Want An Audiobook Sale?

Yesterday I got the following email (some information edited) from my agent, the wonderful and super-efficient Eleanor Wood:

Dear Steve:

I have an offer from Audible.com for world English audio rights to DEVIL'S WAKE and DOMINO FALLS. The advance, payable on signing, is XXXX per book -- total XXXX -- against royalties. (I'll try for 15%, but I may have to take a slightly lower rate -- that hasn't been discussed.) The term of license is 7 years.

Audible pays royalties quarterly, which, if the audio edition does well, keeps money coming in...

Best wishes,

Eleanor

###

I love this, of course. Free money for a pair of zombie novels I had a great time writing! So here are the things you need to know to get an audiobook sale:

1) Have fun writing it. If it was fun to write, it will be fun to read.

2) Read your book aloud. Does it flow? Can you hear the characters' voices in your mind? Is the narrator's voice strong? Simply reading it aloud can make a gigantic difference--you won't believe how many mistakes you'll catch. Or how much more attractive your book will be to the Spoken Word people.

3) Most importantly: Write a good book. That's so simple, and people forget that basic truth. Do this FIRST. You'll learn all the skills you need to accomplish this in the FREE Lifewriting tip list. Come on, people! What are you waiting for?

http://tiny.cc/17t3w

http://tiny.cc/17t3w

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Come--share your stories and skills.
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Heal your life, heal your heart
Self-love means love for everything and everyone.
Step #3:
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Healing your heart: you deserve love, happiness, and wholeness
Step #3: Take Responsibility
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The Beatles Were Right!

I love my life. I get to actually give back to the world, on a daily basis. What could be better than that?

Last night, I got this email from a new student:

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My name is, T. and I am in desperate need of your help. I currently have an 8 month old daughter whom I love very much. My boyfriend has always been a positive influence in my life, and is also the father of my beautiful daughter. I have a great family support sytem but am missing one thing in my life, HAPPINESS! After having my daughter I was put on Anti-depressants, because I had post-partum depression once my daughter was born. I am currently over-weight and have been working out everyday to try to make a positive change in my life. It just seems like no matter how hard I try to make a positive change, something negative in my body always brings me down and keeps me staying unhappy. I am very aware of failures in life and feel like after failing so many times, Ive never gotten back on the horse and encoraged myself to keep going; that's where you come in. At this point in my life I don't have alot of money, but I would like to take one of your programs listed on your website. I wanted to ask you which program you feel would fit me best? I need alot of spiritual enlightenment, and I need a lot of help in not letting fear get the best of me. Please let me know what program you recommend so that I can start on the path of actual living a happy successful life. I need balance, encourgaement, career success, inner happiness, ....... I overall just need your help. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear back from you soon.

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I want to answer this as bluntly as I can. While I love making money, these messages are not ABOUT that.

1) You start with love, T. A daily practice of heartbeat meditation (sitting quietly, listening to your own heartbeat for 15-20 minutes a day) is calming and healing.

2) Journal daily, re-writing your goals daily WITHOUT looking at the previous day's list. Remind yourself what you are fighting for.

3) Visualize your beloved daughter as you meditate. Your own "child" essence is every bit as precious. See yourself, as a child, safe within your heart.

This, plus the free information in these notes, is a lifetime of work. You can accelerate this process by following the instructions in the 101 PROGRAM, or MASTERING F.E.A.R.

But I'm going to be honest: you don't NEED them.

It's like the Beatles said: All you need is love.

Doing for others, doing for self

One of my writing students is having a hard time staying on track, and I encouraged her to break her goals down into smaller chunks. Her reply:

##

Okay. I'm not sure how much easier it can get than a two to three page story every other week, though. I know I need to more diligently set my boundaries re: work and my personal life, that's really the crux as I see it. I'll work like the dickens for other people's children but neglect my own things, lose sleep and squash my momentum. It's an old story. The issue is always, how do I do what I need to do for myself (i.e. write and read) when there is so much to be done for the children (and not enough time at work to do it). Because these are people, children, I feel the weight of my responsibility towards them. It is a quandary that has continually frustrated me. I could quit, but desperately need the cash right now - my back's all up against the wall yada yada. My goal is to make this situation very very temporary, but in the meantime…. I guess I'll have to keep my eyes on the prize and do what I can.

L.

###########

Dear "L"

it isn't a matter of forcing yourself. It is a matter of clarifying your values. YES! You are teaching them. But WHAT are you teaching? To sacrifice their own lives? To kill their dreams? Or to soar? There is only one way to teach--by example. I encourage you to do for yourself what you are asking them to do: keep commitments, hold onto their dreams, fight frustration, take small steps until they cover large distances.

You can't fake it, hon.

Steve

New Video:
Healing Emotions #2: Admitting Fear
http://ping.fm/uuoft

Healing Emotions #7: Collapsing to the Center

Healing Negative Emotions

7) Dark Night of the Soul--Collapsing to the Center

This is a delicate topic today, and I want you to consider carefully:

If it is inevitable that we suffer defeat, and that the approach to any major goal will cause a defeat that puts a crack in our ego shell, and WE KNOW THIS IN ADVANCE...

Then it behooves us, as aspiring adults, to arrange our lives so that these blows smash us in productive ways. This is one of the reasons why we encourage you to take responsibility for goals and results in the three major arenas of your life. BALANCE.

Ever see a movie like "The Manhattan Project"? Where the kid is constructing a home-made atomic bomb? The goal is to create a critical mass of fissionable material. That requires plastic explosive to drive all of the U-238 inward into a sphere at a single critical instant, triggering the desired *boom*. Just a fraction off in any direction, and you don't get that bigger explosion.

Now, it's not very likely that you're going to have a critical "breakdown/breakthrough" in all three arenas at the same time, but the implication here is that if you did, you might be able to trigger one of those "Saul on the road to Damascus" spontaneous enlightenment moments. While I hav no idea how to trigger that, or even if it would be desirable, or if there is any discipline in the world that attempts to choreograph breakthrough in all three arenas simultaneously, there IS wisdom in aligning yourself so that breakdowns will, over the course of a year or so, proceed in a balanced fashion.

It is popular to blame relationship issues on social factors, pointing out the high statistics of divorce. It is popular to blame "the economy" for our finances. And it is popular to blame factors outside our own behaviors for our weight problems. Plenty of agreement for all three. The doorway to the Pity Party is right over THERE.

But...if you take the short line. If you reject the notion that your life is out of your control, ah...that's very different. And extraordinarily powerful. One of the reasons we perform "Inner Child" meditation is that we often cannot take such responsibility for ourselves. We simply don't love ourselves enough. But most of us CAN rise to the higher level when our families or children are at risk: that's how we're wired up.

By creating an image of ourselves as a young, helpless child, it becomes easier to see that we simply cannot continue to blame things outside ourselves for our life situation. If we do, our "children"--our dreams, our hopes, our intentions in the world--will suffer horribly.

If you have committed to giving 100% of your effort to protecting that spiritual/emotional essence, that innocent core of your being. The "child" wants to look at the external factors and blame them for everything wrong: "a dog ate my homework!"

The "adult" knows that someone, somewhere, must be the bottom line. You have to be willing to hurt, to bleed, to cry, to really feel the pain of letting yourself down...but simultaneously identify with that precious, perfect child within you, always filled with love and hope. It is a tricky balance to maintain. Most of us can maintain one or the other, but only a lucky, gifted, or committed few can handle both.

See it as concentric circles, or spheres. The outer toughness, the inner heart. Think of it as male and female, yang and yin, adult and child, any other metaphor that works for you--they're all just labels to help you grasp the ineffable. Choose your goals in balance, and when failure comes, "collapse to the center"--inward to your beloved child, where you are prepared to give your life to protect what is most precious.

Bare your teeth. Put your back to the wall, that precious essence protected behind you. You are the bottom line. You would go into a burning building to protect your infant son or daughter, wouldn't you?

You owe yourself no less. The Dark Night of the Soul will come. You have to find something worth fighting for, worth living for, worth dying for...if you would survive it.

Your dreams, your love, your heart...can and should be that "something."

Steve

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Healing Emotions #6: Expect Failure

There is never, ever a straight line to any worthy and challenging goal. This is one of the rules we learn in childhood, and then arrange to forget every single day. Why?

Well...the "Hero's Journey" details the not a circular path (ending back at the beginning) but a four-dimensional spiral traveling through time, space, emotions and personal evolution. A true journey ends with the person NOT back where they began, but beginning the next level of their development. They may "return to the village" but the very act of bringing "the elixir" changes their status, and therefore the nature of challenges and opportunities they will face next.

And this is where it gets dicey: the ego perceives change, either positive or negative, as "death" and will fight to maintain homeostasis. That means that if you attempt positive change, it will work to sabotage you, UNLESS that change is in alignment with your self-image and pre-existing belief patterns and values. Ever wonder why it's so hard to lose weight? Increase income? Improve relationships? There you go.

And in terms of healing your heart, you'd better grasp that if you have a pattern of self-harm, or attracting and accepting people who harm you, some part of you is getting off on it. Believes that this is what you are worth. An ugly, ugly truth.

And that part, that does NOT want you to change, will make you forget that this pattern of growth is always, 100% of the time (for all practical purposes) accompanied by failure. Look at any skill you've ever acquired: walking, talking, riding a bicycle, whatever...and realize that you failed again and again. Fell down. Bruised yourself.

But you got back up again, and kept trying, or you never would have learned. We lose this as we get older--our ego shells are thicker, less flexible, more convinced that we "know" who we "really are." So when we resolve to change, then take action, and begin learning new skills, it is inevitable that we fall on our faces. Depression returns. The inappropriate relationship resurfaces. We pick up a cigarette. Break our diets. Get writer's block.

And if we interpret this as signifying that "we can't", "it's hopeless", "I can't do it" and so forth, your ego has fooled you into believing that you ARE your internal images, beliefs and values.

Once again, ego wins.

But if you take the long view, look at what the Elders of the world's villages have been saying about the path of life (and have been saying it for at least 10,000 years of recorded storytelling) you will get the joke. Realize that "failure" is just a sign that you were one of the very few with the courage to step up to the plate, and take a swing at the ball.

Celebrate your courage. Pick yourself up. Get back on the horse. You are bloodied, but unbowed. "Failure" is just a part of the process. Re-commit to your values and goals. Remember that you are the only one who can set yourself free.

Keep going. Never quit. If necessary, cycle back and get more allies, more resources. Believe in yourself. Love yourself like you would love your own most precious child.

Understand, before you begin, that YOU WILL FAIL. Understand also, that if you pick yourself up and keep going, YOU WILL WIN. That is the message the village elders have been telling you. Life is a bumpy road. It is tough.

Be tougher, dammit.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. Every day is a new chance. But there is no time, no room for self-pity.

Love yourself without mercy.

New Blog post: healing emotions #5:
resources and allies
http://ping.fm/pbUWN

Healing Wounded Emotions #5: Allies and Resources

First, a recap of the first four steps:

1) Acknowledging that there is healing to be done.

2) Dealing with the fear and pain of that acknowledgement

3) Accepting responsibility for change

4) Creating a daily ritual of action

One important thing to do in accomplishing any goal is to grasp that, if you aren’t doing something, you may not currently have the resources to do it. We resist this, believing that we can accomplish anything if we just try harder. Or conversely, we fear that if we admit that we aren’t currently accomplishing something, it means that it is beyond our ability completely. There is a middle path—which is simply to take the position that we have the innate capacity to do something, but must gather new skills or allies to fulfill our potential.

Take a hard look at the skills and resources you currently possess. Then, by modeling the behaviors and lives of people who have accomplished what you are trying to do, determine what is necessary to reach your dreams. Subtract what you currently have from what you require, and what remains are the skills, attitudes, resources and allies you must gain in order to hit the mark.

In terms of healing your emotions, this might include (but is not limited to:

1) Support groups

2) Meditation techniques

3) Journaling or dream-journaling

4) Therapy

5) Joyful activities

6) New attitudes

7) New beliefs and means of implanting them (hypnosis, NLP, etc.)

8) Spiritual community.

9) New friends and associates

10) New mentors and teachers

It can be especially painful to admit that current associates and relationships can be negative or damaging. We sometimes feel that if we walk away from what we have, or demand respect and support from our intimates, that we will be alone. But if we are not willing to stand up for ourselves…no one else will.

Remember Step #3? Accepting responsibility for our healing? Well, I’m deadly serious about that. You have to DEMAND support and respect, or have the self-love necessary to go and find the resources you need.

If you don’t have resources outside yourself, then you have to find them within. Journaling and Heartbeat Meditation require no outside help, and can, over time, accomplish miracles. Start with deep, unquestioning love for self…and if you can’t manage that, start with the COMMITMENT to develop a deep and unquestioning love for yourself. It is critical to your survival as a spirit, and as a human being.

Settle for nothing less.

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If you have no healthy community, and lack resources, PLEASE feel free to join the free 101 DISCUSSION BOARD:

http://route101.proboards.com/index.cgi

Steven Barnes

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Blog Post: healing emotions #4
http://ping.fm/Ib1Nv
Video: healing emotion #1
http://ping.fm/ZiiZX
no fear!

Healing Emotions #4: The Daily Ritual

Healing Emotions #4

Take Constant Action: the Daily Ritual

Damaged emotions, especially lost love, guilt and shame, can lead one into a spiral of depression, ending in literally curling into a foetal ball under the covers and wanting the world to go away.

Once this pattern has begun to assert itself, it can be absolute hell trying to break it. You don't have the energy, will, self-love, or resources. The answer is to

1) Have a technique that will break the spiral once it has begun.

2) Have a ritual you perform EVERY SINGLE DAY, rain or shine. This should be such a small investment of time and energy that if you don't do it, you KNOW that you are letting yourself down.

The "Five Minute Miracle" fits this bill perfectly. Learn it at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ2mWWz_p6M

It is

1) Quick

2) Effective

3) "Load"-able (in other words, you can deepen the practice by learning breathing techniques from other disciplines, or increasing intensity by extracting lessons from running, weight training, yoga, martial arts, etc. You can practice Heartbeat Meditation as you breathe. Visualize your goals and intentions. Visualize white light. The possibilities are endless)

4) Customizable. In the case of damaged emotions, I suggest that FIVE times during every day, during your "5MM" sets, you look in the mirror (or imagine yourself speaking to your "inner child") and say "I love myself." If you have any issues with self-love, you will hear voices saying crap like: "this is stupid" "it is wrong to love yourself" "who are you kidding" and so forth. Ask yourself this critical question: WHOSE VOICES ARE THOSE? Write the answers in your journal.

5) Requires no outside assistance or cooperation.

6) Perhaps most importantly--TRAINS YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND TO INTERRUPT THE NEGATIVE CYCLE AUTOMATICALLY.

Remember that by the time you NOTICE you are depressed, you are in the "Abyss" and it can be too late to voluntarily stop the cascade of emotional, psychological and physiological torment...you just have to ride it out. But if you re-train your breathing, it is possible to create a Pavlovian stimulus-response loop between negative input and positive, generative response.

Magic.

This five minutes can be the most important time in your entire day. You can spend more time, of course: add meditation, exercise, joint mobility, Five Tibetans, journaling, hugs, whatever else you want, until you have expanded upwards to a "Diamond Hour" of daily work.

The trick is that you do at least five minutes DAILY. No one lacks five minutes to save their own lives. If you can't carve out that time, you have effectively defined a major problem in your life. Make a commitment: after you spiral back up out of the depression (you probably will), find the resources and allies necessary to help you through the NEXT time you are depressed. You'll be there again.

But if you follow these suggestions, and treat yourself gently...the next time, you'll rise as fast as you fell.

Onward!

"The questions we ask determine the quality of the answers we get."--Charles Johnson

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Winning all the marbles.
New Blog Post
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All The Marbles

The following was posted on the 101 Board this morning, by LaVeda, who is an angel. I wish I'd had this to send to you for Thanksgiving...so just consider this my way of thanking all of you for being a part of my life. (And join the 101 Board to ask any questions about body, career, or relationships! route101.proboards.com)

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I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes... I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. 'Hello Barry, how are you today?' 'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good' 'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?' 'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.' 'Good. Anything I can help you with?' 'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.' 'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller. 'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.' 'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?' 'All I got's my prize marble here.' 'Is that right? Let me see it', said Miller. 'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.' 'I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked. 'Not zackley but almost.' 'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy. 'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.' Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.' I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles. Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could. Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket. 'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt.' 'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho ...' With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

You and The Walking Dead
New Blog Post! This one's a no-brainer...
http://ping.fm/BPmcw

This morning, the dead rose...

As they do every morning

As I sat in meditation, all of the corpses of past dreams, beloveds, concepts and shattered goals rose up, shuffling toward me with their rotted fingers reaching for my flesh...

I concentrated, finding the light within, blasting them as they twitched and moaned and begged me to join them in their death-march, but again, I chose life.

Always, life. Every morning they seek my flesh, and the flesh of my loved ones, my current dreams. They have no pity, no soul, no mercy. They never stop, ever. They whisper lullabyes from their rotted lips, soothing me to sleep. Shhh...don't worry. Don't strive. Don't seek the light. Don't re-commit to your deepest values.

Stop seeking the dreams you held in childhood. Give up. Death is inevitable. Why try...?

Because I live another day. Because I have sworn to make this a better world for my children, and my children's generation. Because it is my nature to be a warrior, and I do not know how to lay down and die.

They come at me in endless waves, but so long as I remember that this day, this moment in time, is all I have to live and love and remember the gifts I have been given...I see the light. And in the full force of that light, all those fears and shadows and fallen yesterdays are revealed as the mouldering ghosts they are.

Braaaains...

Yeah, well...eat this, if you know what I mean.

It was a damned good morning. Heck...every day above ground is a good day.

###

I tried to keep those old prices down. I really did. Shot them in the head and heart, but all I could do is put them down for about 72 hours. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up at 6:30 est, stumble to my computer and I'll have to let them loose once again. So go to my store NOW and claim your prize...this one is a (cough) No-Brainer!

New Blog Post: the door to Awakened Adulthood
http://ping.fm/tJlgk

The Thanksgiving "Black and White" sale on writing and self-help courses (including "Mastering FEAR" ends tomorrow http://ow.ly/7FJt5

Black And White Sale

Just through Sunday Night, 50% off almost everything in my store:

The 101 Program...formerly

49.95, now only 29.00!

The Ultimate Lifewriting Bundle

(Lifewriting Year Long plus "Focus and Flow"

...formerly 169.95, now only 99.00!)

Tananarive Due's "Secrets of a

Writer's Life"...formerly 29.95

only 19.00!

The bestselling "Warrior Sleep"

program...formerly 19.95...

now only 9.00!

The bestselling Lifewriting

Year Long program...formerly

149.95...now only 89.95!

Hero's Journey program...

formerly 139.95...now only 69.95!

Mastering F.E.A.R....formerly

49.95...now only 29.95!

Right now! Either click the

link below, or cut and paste

it into your browser. Do

yourself a HUGE favor, or

stock up for Xmas presents.

http://store.payloadz.com/results/results.asp?m=149860

Don't miss it!

Door to your future

I spent an hour this morning meditating, trying to dig down to some older "circuits" of my personality. My family needs me to expand my definition of myself, and it is hella hard to change patterns that have been generative, and healthy, and productive for decades.

The kid inside me wants martial arts, family, and writing. And when I look back over my life, despite a sometimes bumpy road, those three things have been constant, and I've exceeded my original specifications for success many times. Good going, kid.

But now I have to change that, to provide not just physical security, but to be certain that I am remaining true to my dreams, my ultimate values, AND the demands of the current situation. And this is where it gets funky.

Tried to lose weight when you attach your core identity or survival needs to the flesh cushion? Ever wonder why you can't stay on a "diet" or exercise program? Hah.

Tried to improve a relationship, or find one, when everything in your heart says it will lead to pain, it is too late, there are no good men/women, or that you have nothing to offer? Watch yourself sabotaging efforts and rejecting "nice" people while being attracted to bastards and bitches? Hah.

Tried to master your finances when everything in your heart tells you money is evil, that you mustn't exceed your father's success, that money makes you a target, or that it "takes money to make money"? Watch yourself neglecting to balance your checkbook, knock on doors, make calls, find yourself hallucinating that buying a lottery ticket is an "investment"? Hah.

We're such silly creatures. But these are not "flaws." They are evidence of survival wiring, and as such you need to go deep. DEEP inside, find the fears, and de-inhibit them slowly and carefully, like defusing a bomb or charming a nest of snakes.

I compare it to overhauling your car while driving on the freeway. Without stopping.

There is nothing easy about this. There has never been an owner's manual. I believe the secrets related to how to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit were specific to our original tribal lives, but recreating them for a more dynamic world is driving us crazy.

I also believe that the answers are there--but you must be careful in winding together the disparate strands, which can be found in pieces from cultures around the world. The secret is that you must center your learning EITHER around healing your heart OR strengthing your body. Either is generative, and will lead to growth in other levels. If you try to sort through this stuff head-first you risk falling into a pit of ego-vipers.

Heart: heal your emotions, strengthen your spirit, form a healthy romantic/sexual relationship with a mature human being and build a life together.

Body: Master your body (any discipline will do), then learn to take that energy into expressing healthy sexuality, building a career, and finding a healthy relationship.

Either approach will do. Find the rules in the culture, religion, philosophies that appeal to you. Seek the answers that "cluster" around these two points, and make them yours. Discard anything that doesn't speak to these--trust me, if they are valid, you will re-discover them as you grow.

Trust your own experience. When it is in alignment with modern theory and ancient wisdom, you've found your way. When your way is in alignment with your childhood dreams and your deathbed values...

You have found the door to Awakened Adulthood.

Open the door. The friends you'll make on the other side are remarkable spirits indeed.

www.diamondhour.com

New video: finding your soulmate
http://ping.fm/jdmRU
#love, passion, and friendship...all start with
honesty and self-discovery

Catch a "Brick" on Black Friday!

Catch a "Brick" on Black Friday!

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him." -- David Brinkley

Everything that I teach arises from one basic concept:

What happens if you write, or live, as if the interaction of the Hero's Journey and the Yogic Chakras define what it is to be a human being?

Everything else is either a tool placed in proper sequence, a map of the territory discovered, or a comment or observation by a fellow-traveler on the road. Everything. And its getting more exciting as you dialog with me, and let me know what you want, and need, and how you've used the technologies and perspectives we're sharing at Diamond Hour (and yes, the entire Diamond Hour concept is "merely" a way to cut away excuses--you can actually create a new, better life in all three arenas in only an hour a day! And yes, I routinely coach writers to that critical "2-4 stories a month" threshold even if they only have 60 minutes a day!)

Immediately, this means

1) The Chakras suggest examining your life on seven different levels (survival, sex, power, emotion, communication, intellect, and spirit). A minimum configuration would be body, career, and relationships.

2) The "Hero's Journey" suggests a syntax of action and resource organization. An issue presents itself at one "energetic level", and the resolution thereof frees you to move to the next level.

Combining these two should give you a hint, just a glimpse, of an entire life-time of work, clearing, growing, learning, loving, changing, evolving from the bottom to the top of Maslow's Hierarchy. In truth, we jump around and also play these levels simultaneously. But this model can help un-tangle the threads.

I absolutely love the model...it makes sense of everything I've ever learned or observed.

But remember...it's only a model. Life itself is far more complex and wonderful than any words could ever be.

Enjoy!

Steve

(p.s.--everything in my Diamond Hour store is on sale for the next day or so. Enjoy!

http://store.payloadz.com/results/results.asp?m=149860

writers, stress-busters and self-improvement folks--everything at the Diamond Hour store is 50% off on Black Friday!
http://ow.ly/7EWDL

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him." -- David Brinkley

Don't be the Turkey at your own Thanksgiving!

Hey! Thanksgiving is almost here

with Christmas and New Years right around

the corner. The most wonderful time

of the year, but also, for many of us, killer

stress. Let me be painfully honest: about

27 years ago, my mother died, right exactly

between these holidays. Every year is a

struggle between joy and pain. It is critical

for me to support my family in experiencing

the greatest happiness it is possible to

provide--those childhood memories must last

a lifetime.

So I have to deal with the negative

emotions in the healthiest way I can,

and never let them intrude on the

celebration. I wanted to offer to all of

you one of the most powerful tools I

know, and created the following video

to teach the basics:

http://youtu.be/eQ2mWWz_p6M

This technique, taking only five minutes

a day, can help you wrestle that

stress to the ground.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Steve

Master stress, anger, grief, guilt in only five minutes a day!
new "Five Minute Miracle" video:
http://ping.fm/eQ6Ku

Video review of Eastwood's "J. Edgar."
http://ping.fm/PcLD1

New Youtube video: Attention slobs! Clean your house in five minutes!
http://ping.fm/txlEt

Clean your entire house in five minutes?
http://ow.ly/7ByHm

Clean your whole house in five minutes?

Well, no. But...and this is important...if you choose ONE major area of your house, say, your dining room table, and keep THAT totally, spotlessly clean, neat, and cleared...

You'll be amazed. You'll begin to keep the area AROUND the table clear as well. You'll start putting things away automatically, to keep that table clear, and it will propagate. You'll consider having just ONE clean area in every room of your house.

And before you know it, your whole house will be cleaner, almost automatically. Because you cleaned one area.

That's called a "generative" change, a "difference that makes the difference." What we try to do in the Diamond Hour is seek "trigger points", small changes that can make big differences. Say...balancing your life between body, mind, relationships, and finances. That single change, admitting that you want abundant health and energy, loving passionate relationships, a sharp focused mind and the ability to consider money a tool rather than an obstacle. Just admitting you want them, then progressing toward them, will teach you everything you need to know...but you have to tell the truth.

Telling the truth in one area of your life begins to change everything. Just like cleaning one surface in your house can make a stupendous difference in overall neatness.

###

New movie review: "J. Edgar" on Dar Kush blog:
http://ping.fm/P1PsY

J. Edgar (2011)

The new Clint Eastwood-directed, Leonardo DiCaprio-starring biopic of the late creator and director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation is a "close but no cigar" proposition. It wants to be great, it flirts with greatness, but ultimately Eastwood's respect for his subject subvert growing thematic thread, and steals critical emotional juice from the film.

On the one level, "J. Edgar" is the respectful story of a man obsessed with protecting his country and his legacy, building a modern crime-fighting instrument at a time when the Tommy gun was the ultimate tool of both law-breaking and law-enforcement. He served through eight administrations and was clearly a brilliant and brittle man, canny at self-promotion, who shaped our country's attitudes about Communism, crime, civil rights, and more. Perfectly capable of bending or breaking laws to fulfill his chosen purpose, whether he was a "good" or "bad" man depends partially on one's own political persuasion, and view of human nature.

(slight spoilers ahead)

On the other hand, the film is virtually a gay love story between Hoover and Clyde Tolson, employee and companion for decades, and, so suggests the filmmakers, a relationship never quite consummated: Tolson would have been all for it, Hoover was too inhibited to quite set himself free to follow his heart.

There are two directions this could have gone in: either fully allowing Hoover his sexual expression, or specifically investigating the conflict of a man supporting a social value structure that denied him his own humanity. Either would have been fascinating, but probably still too dangerous, thirty years after his death. Says something about the man's power.

The fabled Hoover Files, filled with blackmail material on the high and mighty, could easily be seen as preemptive protection against being outed, and ousted, for his sexual proclivities. There's a thread that could have been strengthened. And his obsession with Martin Luther King's sex life would have been more deeply investigated, as jealousy for a man who would not be blackmailed (Hoover is presented as threatening MLK with exposure if he accepts the Nobel Peace Prize) away from his chosen path. There's a thread. Could have been powerful as hell, and they flirt with it but don't really pull it.

But no matter which way they went, clearly this aspect of the man was of critical importance to understanding him. Whether gay, straight or asexual, there is no way this aspect was of "null" impact on his world view and behavior. Personally, I think there is no reason not to assume he was gay, and that all protests against the idea are simply relics of a time such behavior was considered derogatory. But if it has no more "good" or "evil", "right" or "wrong" connotation than whether you like tacos or hot dogs (so to speak) then it becomes torturous to construct a personality void of sexual expression. In my opinion.

But in that case, there is a major omission. At one point, they imply strongly that Hoover had been dating, and having an affair with, actress Dorothy Lamour (the "Road" movies). And all they do is TALK about that. Excuse me? No matter how you slice that one, that's something we should have seen, not heard about. It's flat absurd not to show us his interaction, even if they left certain details artfully or discreetly vague.

Strange. This creation of a thematic thread (denial of identity leading to psychological or social dysfunction and obsessive-compulsive behavior) could be viewed as a "Hero's Journey" model:

1) Hero Confronted With Challenge: to be a great man, protect his country, and restore his family name.

2) Rejection of challenge. He knows that his sexual leanings would destroy him, if known.

3) Acceptance of challenge. To serve his country and forever repress his sexual proclivities.

4) Road of Trials. Establishing his agency, fighting crime, integrating new scientific methods, trying to navigate a social life that allows him to maintain a public face while simultaneously satisfying his emotional needs.

5) Allies and powers. Fierce intelligence, drive, and commitment to his country. Tolson, his secretary Helen Gandy (Naomi Watts), partner/assistant Clyde Tolson, agents, scientists, politicians, etc.

6) Confront Evil-defeated. The suggestion is that he was challenged to fully integrate his public and private lives, and this eluded him.

7) Dark Night of the Soul. The sense that he would never be a great man, because he could not accept him self, and demand that others accept him for his actual truth.

8) Leap of Faith. He was unable to take it.

9) Confront Evil--defeated. Unable to help his nation to a higher level of "integration" and acceptance of 'the other'--heaping civil rights (including sexual rights) in the same heap as crime and Communism.

10) Student Becomes The Teacher--true greatness eludes him. Whereas, MLK is considered "great" despite what (Hoover saw as) gigantic character flaws--but a personality far better integrated, and therefore capable of generative social change.

###

Despite my sense that greatness eludes this film, as perhaps it did its subject, this is more than an honest effort. It is a great filmmaker attempting to grapple with a great subject. It might have been better to wait another decade before attempting it: we are not yet free enough of our sexual provencialism to really look at this Gordian knot with clarity, or it would have taken a man younger or less Conservative than Eastwood to view the world without roots in a specific way of thinking and being--Eastwood was far too comfortable with snarky gay jokes in his early movies, and despite his admirable current philosophical stance on the subject, there is no way I can believe there isn't emotional "heat" there. Human beings have limited flexibility.

But he is a master, worthy of deep respect, and if "J. Edgar" fails it is partially our failure. There is simply no way to present this story without offending someone. Di Caprio delivers an Oscar-level performance, while Eastwood walks a tightrope between perceptions, social conventions and artistic obligation.

A high-wire act, indeed. Give it a "B." But it could have been so much more.

Or less.

"Star Wars" and the Hero's Journey. New video, teaching Lifewriting core principles.
http://ping.fm/Y8XMC

New videos: "Ten steps to healing emotions"
http://ping.fm/6mJ11
http://ping.fm/QI2Gn

Healing Emotions part B

Healing the Wounded Heart part A

Healing the Wounded Heart

I've received so much positive feedback

for this series that I've decided to speed

up the pace at which I can relate it to

my students:

So here you have TWO VIDEOS I've created

for you. Watch them today, and begin your

healing tomorrow.

Writers: this is your cue to damage your characters,

and then begin the process of healing them!

(Part One)

http://youtu.be/RtzlACXiy8U

Sat, Nov 19 1 PM Pac (4:00 PM East)
Diamond Hour--Spiritual Intelligence
Cindy Wigglesworth
http://ping.fm/Syd6p
(724) 444-7444

New Diamondhour Youtube video
http://ping.fm/POL5T

Healing Emotions #3: Taking Responsibility for your own happiness

Healing Emotions #3: Taking Responsibility for your own happiness

One of the easiest ways for someone to control you is to hold you responsible for their happiness. Conversely, believing that other people, or for that matter any things outside your own mind, are "causing" your happiness is missing the relationship between mind and emotion.

Grasping that you have responsibility in any past negative relationships can be a healing, empowering thing--so long as you aren't paralyzed by guilt. And grasping that you, more than any other person, are responsible for making yourself happy, is liberating.

Yes, there are people who will attempt to tell you you are selfish if you seek to reference your actions to your own values and pleasure. It might be useful to ask yourself how often they neglect their own. In general, people who insist you put their wishes first have gotten in line before you to worship at their own image. It is a con game: "I take care of me, and you take care

"Run" for your life: a master speaks...

This last weekend I was in Oregon for the 2011 Orycon SF convention, one of my favorites of the year. And while there, it was my pleasure and honor to share a panel with the great William F. Nolan, co-author of "Logan's Run" and more books and television scripts than I can count. It was the second time I'd met him--the first was when he was a guest on "Hour 25," my radio show in Los Angeles.

As before, he was filled with valuable insights as to the craft and business of writing. One of the best had to do with the craft of adaptation, that is, converting a novel to a movie. He told the story of shepherding Peter Straub's novel "Floating Dragon" to the screen after multiple other writers had given up, considering the story (involving supernatural entities, vast clouds of poison gas, and more) beyond simplification.

Nolan's approach is to read the novel, and then extract the essential scenes, setting all others aside. In the case of "Floating Dragon" that meant actually setting aside the titular cloud of vapor, and adjusting a secondary supernatural phenomenon so that the title of the piece still applied.

This is clearly more "art" than "science," and it is difficult to guess whether fans of the original book might have taken offense. But this is the business. Few books make it to the screen unchanged, and all you can do is try to tease out the very best story...make the very best film...imaginable.

##

The key to success in any arena is to have a simple, replicable pattern of action from day to day, one you can slowly and surely modify as you learn more about yourself, your craft, and your business. The LIFEWRITING YEAR LONG course is the only writing method that connects the inner world of the writing with your life and career. YOUR next career leap is in your hands. Order your copy today!