"Princess and the Frog" (2009)

I would say "Princess and the Frog" is Disney's best (non-Pixar) animated film in ten years, a worthy entry into the "Princess" category. Is it utter magic, a'la "Beauty and the Beast" or "Lion King"? No. But it lingers far longer than "Emperor's New Groove", "Treasure Planet" or "Brother Bear." We all know how culturally loaded this film was. Disney is an iconic organization, with emotional association FAR beyond that of any other studio, including Henson and Pixar (although Pixar is making up for lost time at mach speed). What the Mouse House does matters, all over the world.

And this tale of a Tiana, a simple New Orleans lass with huge dreams, fits right into the Disney mold, almost as if some OTHER film had been Disney's first to feature animated black folks as fully functioning human beings. How do they deal with race in this movie? As if it is class, instead of skin color. And New Orleans, famous for its mixed culture, is probably perfect for this. Add Voodoo, and the swamps, and Jazz, and the locale is just about perfect.

If the Randy Newman songs are hummable but not memorable, well, they're certainly as good as anything in "Tarzan." So I cannot in any way say that Disney didn't bring their "A" game. I was restless at times, unsatisfied at times, but dig it:

Keith David as the evil Dr. Facilier is brilliant. The art is wonderful, and the "living shadows" are just divine. The play of animals in the enchanted swamp is utterly typical, and I loved it.

Look: I would have been happier if Prince Naveen, her putative love interest, hadn't been vaguely Latin, but rather black. But they do the exact same thing with Will Smith--for some reason, Hispanics are kind of the Universal Sex Object, suitable for all races and genders. Is Naveen maybe vaguely Middle Eastern? I don't think do...the royalty trappings are all pretty standard European. So we'll assume Hispanic, and after the initial irritation, I approved. You couldn't have had Tiana's BFF Charlotte lusting over some African prince, now could we? And if Charlotte had been, say, black, then both little white girls wouldn't have had an image to cling to, but the insular nature of black upper-class society would still have limited Tiana: she can win, but only within the smaller world.

No. Disney actually plays this right, if not brilliantly, at least with massive skill, a real heart, and utterly charming style. "Princess and the Frog" is utterly worthy, an "A-" if not an "A+"--by Disney standards. If any other studio had done it, it would be thought an instant game changer.

##CAUTION! SAMBO ALERT!!##

Well...not so much. I am thrilled that Disney took this chance, and want to offer them mad props. This really IS the 21st Century, after all. I thought I'd be bothered by the extended sequences where Tiana and her swain are both frogs. Disney was accused of racism about this. I think it was both canny salesmanship, and a touch of genius. You see, Disney studios is quite, quite conservative in many ways. They know they play to middle America, and challenge nothing. There are a few sly winks at the racial divide, but they are subtle and well done, really--as if they actually sat down, thought about it, and (mostly) decided to fly above it. But they know their audience--the same audience their animators and writers came from, the same audience who made it financially wise to avoid animating black people altogether for seventy years of animated films. So, while actually giving Tiana a mother AND father (when have we seen THAT?), and building up a vibrant mixed-race community, they knew that they didn't want to push the tolerance for watching dark skinned people. And make no mistake: I sympathize, having sat in entirely too many almost all-white audiences and heard the groans if black people were presented romantically.

But Frogs? Ah, and this is where the touch of genius comes in. Think about it. An audience sits and for a half hour or more, enjoy the romance between two frogs. Then magic renders them human again. They kiss. Members of the audience who felt fine watching amphibians smooch suddenly feel...slightly queasy. Uncomfortable. And if they have any capacity for self-examination at all, they have to ask: "why can I identify with something OUTSIDE my species more than someone within my species, but of different skin color?" (The answer is the same for why aliens and robots are allowed more presence and humanity in science fiction than blacks--those animated animals are just externalizations of the creator's dreams and personalities. They cannot, and have never, competed for mates or resources, nor have they been violently oppressed. They therefore trigger no fear).

My suspicion is that Disney did a very good thing here. I have NO idea if they did it deliberately or accidentally, but I think it is sly as hell.

Look. "Princess and the Frog" is Disney magic, as made by the only studio that really has that quality. I wish Nicki was eight years old, and could have seen this in her development stage, before she had countless opportunities to learn that the dream of America didn't apply completely to her. But this is more than a good start. Feet in a very deep hole, "Princess and the Frog" manages the miracle of standing tall. I applaud everyone involved.

Love, Actually

I'll have my "race" hat on at the movies this season. "Invictus", "Princess and the Frog" and "Avatar" are all pricking my interest on this level. I can't wait to see Morgan Freeman's Mandela, one of the human beings I'd most like to meet. "Princess" I am rooting for...now that the "Old Men" of Disney animation are retired, I can expect more inclusion at the Mouse House...it's been painful to grow up without a single animated image in all the millions of character images in the Disney feature animation world...and to hear all the excuses made, or the current cries of "affirmative action" among the unwashed. "Avatar" I'm looking forward to as much as anything i a very long time...and keeping my fingers crossed that at least one black male character survives. Cameron seems to have a real problem along this line, but I love him anyway.

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On another front, can't wait for "Sherlock Holmes." It tickles me that Holmes purists complain that he is presented as a man of action, although that is very clearly what Doyle created. The fact that Watson never chronicled a really action-oriented story is irrelevant to me. What IS relevant is that Holmes was described as a stickfighting and sword expert, as well as boxing and a form of jiu-jitsu. He was also credited with remarkable strength and agility. Considering that Holmes knew NOTHING that he didn't consider critical to his major interests (remember he didn't know whether the Earth revolved around the moon or vice versa?), why in the world do YOU think he knew these things? He was said to spend serious time down on the docks in disguise, extraordinarily rough company at that time. Someone thinks that he didn't have serious opportunity to practice these skill that he himself thought he needed? Nonsense. Victorian stories were quite circumspect about things like sex and violence. Hell, Holmes could have belonged to the Hellfire club, and Watson would never have talked about it. Considering the dozens if not hundreds of different portrayals of Holmes (including a bumbling idiot in "Without a Clue") what in the world is wrong with one portrayal in which he has the physical skills to survive the problems he gets into?

And as for sex...yeah, right. Watson could be oblivious for years that Holmes even had a brother, but we're supposed to know whether he'd know if Holmes dipped his wick from time to time? What a load. Can't wait for "Holmes". But his deductions had better be slick!

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The subject of love comes back again and again. While a devotee of Sri Chinmoy, I learned the Heartbeat Meditation that is the spiritual heart of my teaching. And while I matured using the bottom-up approach, I would recommend the Heart centered path to most people, unless powerful survival imperatives are at play. But recent comments from people who are looking into their emotional lives more deeply tell me that I need to address, specifically, the need for self-love. I've had several comments to the effect that when people either begin the "Soulmate" path, or the path of deep introspection, emotional sewage gushes in, leading to a cascade of negative feelings, vile inner voices, convictions of helplessness or unworthiness, pain, fear, and loss of motivation.

This is the emotion you have been repressing. It is the sewage tank under that dream house you're building, and it's leaking into your basement. If you don't drain it, the vermin and stink will poison your life.

Moving toward any high-level career, finding love, losing protective weight...will shock the ego, and rip the cyst holding your unprocessed emotional crap wide open. All the doubt, guilt, blame and shame will pour out, and it will be SHOCKING if you have been in denial about your pain. So what do you do? Ignore the inner work? That is what most people do...and so the poison stays in your system, leaking up into your life in a time-released fashion. Again, its effects can be seen in lack of love, health, or success. Clearly, I'm speaking to those who want to walk toward their futures without being crippled by their pasts.

For those courageous souls, the path is to confront the demons on YOUR terms, in YOUR time, in a safe context: say, meditation and journaling.

What happens when you meditate? You will find out who you are.

1) Negative voices rise up. They were there anyway, so much a part of your background noise that you can't even hear it. Killing you softly with their song.

2) Negative images and memories. Again, they have been within you for years, and by stuffing them you don't deal with it consciously. That's like thinking that if you have a gas leak in your home, you hope you also have a head cold, so that you won't have to smell it.

3) You go to sleep. Guess what? That's what you're doing in everyday life: just going to sleep, totally unconscious about the very things you need to do most.

4) Wild distractions fly into your mind. Guess what? You distract yourself with the trivial or imperative in life, rather than doing what is actually important.

It's all there.

If we connect with the love inside us, we START with the sense that we are worthy, desirable, delicious, lovable, pure and vital spirits. These are the kinds of emotions people mistakenly think they will derive from actions or relationships. NO. This is your birthright, a fire already burning within you, and if you will take the time, daily, to clean away the debris, you can make the connection.

Every day. Every damned day I wake up and meditate, connecting with my heart, reminding myself who I am in this world, and my commitment, and what I must do to keep my feet on the path. Every day. I shudder to think what would have become of me had I not found a way to process the poison in my life.

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That said, I hate tobacco executives.

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That said, I will find love in my heart for Insurance Company execs if they adopt one modest proposal: if you drop a client for pre-existing conditions, refund every damned dime of their premiums, plus interest. Otherwise you are STEALING.

Evil as Disease

I think I view evil people as diseased tissue, which needs to be cut away, with dispassion and a touch of regret. Here's the trick: had I not found that balance, my anger over cultural inequities and hypocrisy would have poisoned my life. And to a degree, I think that was what I was "supposed" to do--to lapse into hopelessness, or accept whatever scraps life gave me, or be "grateful" I was allowed to sit at the table. None of those were satisfactory. I could armor myself with flesh or dead emotions, numb myself with drugs or meaningless sex (well...), elevate myself with afrocentrism or insulate myself with belief in a blue-eyed Jesus.

None of these appealed to me. All felt like letting the evil in others' hearts infect my own. Poison my family and life. What was my option? I looked around at the people facing similar challenges who were living healthy, productive lives and seemed to belong to themselves. And what I saw in common was that they came from a place of love, and REFUSED to allow anyone to move them from that space. Fought for dear life to maintain it, with their eyes on a spiritual place that I couldn't understand. My own search for peace continued until I saw the same reality, and there I have remained. I've put dogs down, and loved them completely. It was just time for them to go, that was all. No pleasure. Great regret. Still did the job.

Violence is a thing, an action. It doesn't have to reflect a state of mind. It is, by far, EASIEST to commit a violent act when accompanied by anger or hatred. This is why militaries generate "us-them " energy toward "Japs, Nazis, Ragheads, Rebs" or whatever other name substitutes for "human being." Hard to hurt human beings, if you believe they have your own inwardness, that they love their children too.

Note all of the insistence that "Muslims" don't value human life as we do during the build-up and early days of the war? Turning them into "Sand Niggers" makes it easy to kill them. They don't value life, love their children, are completely incomprehensible in their pagan, horrific beliefs. Turning human beings into "them." Their God isn't ours, they are barbarians who love war more than peace, and on and on and on.

Trust me: anyone who will maintain this stuff has other racial/cultural attitudes toward other groups. I have NEVER seen an exception to this. In other words, there are people who think "us/them" and there are people who think "us." And each has its place, no doubt. But what is necessary to motivate groups to drop bombs on babies isn't mandatory for individual human beings. Those people are asleep and having a dream of separation. All right, fine. I'm into being awake, and that calls for a different set of mental muscles.

Can an awakened person fight for his country? OF COURSE. Christ on the proverbial crutch, the Bhagavad-Gita is all about the obligations of an honorable and enlightened individual to kill, to fight in a terrible war, even though he will be slaughtering his cousins. But looking at the length of the argument, it is clearly easier to just hate. Always has been. But hate and anger are really just fear. And fear poisons your heart. There is another path, and it is the one I have chosen.

Love Wins

Wow. We've got a Game! Less than one month into starting my new coaching business, and I'm already cruising with great, committed clients. I'm doing it two days a week: Tuesday and Thursday. Might add Wednesday, once I figure out how to write around my client calls. Had two breakthroughs yesterday, real solid chunks of gold, and it absolutely warmed my heart to see people approaching their dreams. Life is good.

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And that brings me to another thing. Nancy shared some very strong emotions, and indicated feeling at a dead end. Nancy, I believe in love, I really do. It's not too late if you are willing to do Whatever It Takes to move yourself to a position where your Soulmate can find you--so long as those actions are not in conflict with your core values. The voices in your head are loud, but I'm willing to add mine, if I can be of service. I try not to talk about direct business things on this blog, considering you guys Family, with whom I can just vent. But my "Free Coaching" offer I've made to my other lists is open to you, too. If you would do me the honor, Nancy, I'd be happy to speak with you. Email me your phone # and best contact time at LIFEWRITE@AOL.COM, and I'll get to you just as fast as I can.

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That goes for the rest of you guys, too. If ANY of you have been looking for a coach, I recommend it. And like the candy man says, the first one is free. Heh heh.

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Ethiopian Infidel:

I understand your point. But stand by my point. I love my enemies, those who have hurt me in the past, those who tried to destroy my career, those who may confront me in the future. Because I have no fear, no doubt, that I can love someone and put a bullet right between their eyes. I can love the sinner and hate the sin. Loving an evil person would be tinged with sadness for the loss of potential...and perhaps even the commitment to help them by removing them from the world before they can further despoil their potential.

By loving true enemies I risk condoning their violations? Really? Not if your values are clear. Not if you love yourself as I love myself...or even more specifically, love the little boy inside me, and have sworn to him on pain of death that I will NEVER allow anyone to harm him again. And that includes making actions that are out of alignment with my values. It ain't that kind of party. My body is not real in any ultimate way. I am an interference pattern of genetics, energy, and information, here for a little while before it disperses...and all that will remain is the One who has watched the "I" do its dance. If I feel that way about MYSELF, how the hell easy do you think it is to feel that way about others? Even those I love most? And if I feel that about those I love, how easy do you think it is to feel that way about people who mean me harm? Violate the values I think make this Dream worth dreaming?

No. My heels are dug in. You can kill me, but you can't move me. I will stand up for those who want to communicate, tell the truth, build an accurate map, have health, love, success--even if some of the things I say are controversial. No, I've never backed off believing the Beauty/Power equation is a valid way of looking at the universe. But just as aircraft engineers are empowered rather than weakened by their knowledge of gravitation...and can use it to produce vehicles that the ignorant would think in defiance of basic principles, so having genuine clarity about the way the world works can allow you to "cheat" around the edges. Find a way to your goal even if you are dealing with massive damage. YES. I can love someone and stop them, hurt them, kill them if necessary. Anger is interesting, but what that really is is fear that you will be hurt if you drop your guard.

Friends, my guard is ALWAYS up. I am perfectly aware that I've lived my life surrounded by people who considered my group sub-human. In frickin' FIRST GRADE I was shunted into the slow reading group on the basis of race alone. My eyes were opened quite young. But if I let them make me afraid...and if that fear turns into anger...then my enemies win. And they will not. I stand for love. Period. For seeing the potential in human beings even when they themselves do not. Period.

And I've made a commitment to make the world safer for children. Period. That any child, any time, is safe in my presence, that I will place my life between them and harm. Hell...I gonna die. Might as well die for something. And that means the child within us all. I have no taste for allowing the assholes of the world (love 'em!) to crap all over the good people, the people who have learned to express their God-selves, or the inner child that cries in the night, pleading with inner Mommy and Daddy to unite and protect.

I have a limited amount of time to play in this worldly game, and will not allow anything to stand between me and having the best, most hysterically fun time I can while I'm here. Love and fear compete for the same place in my heart.

Love wins. Period.

Root or Heart?

One thing is often said of me: "Steve advises X because X has worked for him." And I don't believe this is true. My position is that I advise X, whatever X may be, because

1) I have heard countless people say that they didn't care about X, only to have them admit later that they were lying...to me or to themselves.

2) I have watched lack of X destroy the dreams or lives of countless people, directly or indirectly.

For instance, to someone who is unphysical, it might seem that I am "obsessed" with exercise and health. This is interesting, considering that 90% of my time is spent in emotional, intellectual or literary pursuits. As a result, I interpret this as merely being hyper-sensitiv to a damaged area in their own lives. My obsession is with balance, and however someone else is IM-balanced, that is where I will irritate them. I can live with that.

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A reader said that reading my words about relationships makes her think of suicide. First, I take that very seriously, and suggest professional counseling, as well as a circle of loving friends.

But second, and more importantly, you must love yourself. There are two safe ways to approach growth: from the root up, and the heart outward. Either works beautifully, although they ard a bit different. What does NOT work well is "from the head down"--building an intellectual model of the world and then trying to force the world to fit our model. As I've said, I think that Communism originated this way: "wouldn't it be a good idea" even if there are no role models for its success. I consider Libertarianism to be pretty much the sam thing. But I digress.

Heart or root? Safest above all might be to ground oneself from the root up. In other words,

1) Gain survival skills.

2) Learn to ethically satisfy your sexual needs and desires.

3) Learn to create a healthy hunter-gatherer body. Provide sufficient safety and security to raise a family (the ability is crucial, even if you decide against actually having one).

4) Learn to love and be loved, and deeply love yourself.

That pattern works just fine. The gentler one, and a pattern that works beautifully if you have an economic safety net, is to work outwards from the heart center:

1) Love yourself, and extend that love outwards to your primary partner and family, and from there to your community and the world.

2) Learn to express power in a loving, balanced way--not using or dominating, but protecting. Simultaneously, learn to speak your truth in the world. Love your body enough to discipline it healthfully.

3) Combine love with sexual heat. And develop a map of the world that explains history and current events (including politics) from a loving, balanced place, without needing to denigrate those who disagree with you.

4) Radiate love into your daily survival/career plans and actions. Live your life in the awareness of your own inevitable death, and strive to make the world a better place for your family and community, with values that will survive you.

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Either of these patterns work, and work damned well. I personally used the second, heart-centered approach--there were simply too many obstacles to creating the career I desired, and would have experienced too much fear--and therefore anger--had I tried the route of direct growth. I had to learn to love my "enemies." Took years, but I made it. And if I can, so can anyone else.

Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright...

Do celebrities deserve their privacy? Well...yes and no. The recent debacle in Woods' life raised that question once again. And while individual human beings and families deserve the right to work out their foibles out of the glaring light of tabloids, people like Woods were happy to trade on the fame to make hundreds of millions of dollars. He's a billionaire NOT because he is the greatest golfer in the world, but because he is (or was) considered a role model. It was his endorsements, coming to him as a world-wide brand name. Now, if he was only endorsing golf clubs, balls, carts, and shoes perhaps a case could be made that he was just extending his physical skills into the market, and appealing to people who wanted to PLAY like him, not BE like him. But I couldn't begin to list the number of products he represents. And that means that he is a role model, and if he didn't want that, he shouldn't have taken the money.

Strangely, when it was cheating with one woman, both men and women were kind of "oh, Tiger...we're disappointed." But now that it's coming out that there are as many as eight different women, there is an odd mythic quality to it all, with women reacting as if they just stepped in something stinky, and men often revealing a queasy admiration. Maybe he can get an endorsement deal with Trojan. Or Extenze.

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Strange little political tidbit. KFI in Los Angeles is very conservative, KPTK (internet) is very liberal. The liberal talk-show hosts have been split on Obama's performance, praising certain things, criticizing others. The hosts on KFI universally attack, but it's a little strange...last night I heard one attack him because he wasn't aggressive enough on health care's Single Payer option. What? That's strange...it's as if KFI has made a decision that you can now be either liberal or conservative...as long as you savage the Democrat. That was a little disorienting.

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Experience is not what happens to you.

Experience is what you DO with what happens to you.

--Aldous Huxley

This is so incredibly important in growing up and getting on with your life. You may not be able to control what happens outside of yourself, but you have the ability to control everything you feel and do. Not that we often TAKE that control, but the potential is there. And it is vital that we engage with this internal mechanism, and daily work to cleanse our perceptual mirrors and react from mature emotions. Yes, we all have experience, but our past needs not control our future. And while it would only be a fully enlightened being who is never controlled by outside circumstance, all of us have experienced having very different reactions to stimuli than those around us (apparently) experiencing the exact same thing.

I bring up weight issues so much because it is a common cultural touchstone, and also, of the three major arenas, the ONLY one under our (almost) complete control. In other words, your behaviors cannot ever, ever control how another human being feels, so relationships are not under our control. And our financial success depends upon dozens, or thousands, of relationships, so that is even more dicey. But weight has to do with our behaviors. And for goodness sakes, listen to the excuses people make, the reasons they come up with, the lies they tell to avoid the guilt, blame, shame or fear. The straw man arguments. It's horrifying when you realize that the EXACT same thing is happening in the other two arenas, but because you can blame "him" or "her" or "the economy" or "my business partner" or "my boss" or "my employees" it is ten times harder to nail down the perceptual fog or negative internal menagerie that stands between us and a clear, vital expression of self.

Look at it. This is what it is to be a human being, lost in the dream of powerlessness. The sad thing is that most of us would not accept such excuses and lack of clarity in our children. We would tell them to do their homework, even if they want to play. To eat their vegetables, even if they want the ice cream. To be polite even when they want to scream. There is NOTHING we ask our children to do that does not have an analogous relation to our adult lives. NOTHING that we do as adults that does not have its root in what we do as children. How dare we ask our children to have discipline when we ourselves do not. No wonder children do not obey--they can damned near read our minds, and they know when we're b.s-ing them.

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I just got back from Florida, visiting with my in-laws. The available radio in Quincy Florida isn't very broad, but it does have the usual top-40, and Country-Western. And so I listened to both, and narrowed in one of the feelings I have about Rap music. And here, I'm talking about Corporate rap, and Top-40. Although most of the stuff I hear blaring from CD players in cars (I know it ain't commercial radio from the cursing) is even worse. Here's the thought: Rap sounds like the music of young men with no fathers. They have no perspective on life, on childhood, on their hungers for power and sex. They just don't understand how it fits into the overall structure of life. I contrast this with any other era of black music, or most other types of music. No opinion about Death Metal or whatever. But Country Western constantly impresses me with its storytelling. I can listen to a C&W station for an hour and hear stories about childhood, falling in love, working, marrying, struggling with family and finances, even growing old. Rap consistently represents a very narrow range: the high-testosterone 15-25 year old period when it seems as if acquiring money, power, and sex is all that life is about. Never heard one about parents growing old. Damn near never heard one about raising your own kids with responsibility. And where are the comments about relationships with fathers? Almost non-existent, while mothers are deified, and women treated like disposable sexual Handi-wipes, where getting a lap dance at "the club" is roughly equivalent to going on a date.

And this plays directly into that original thought. "My God," I thought after listening to the fifth homage to drugs and goin' home with somethin' "to poke on." (There's a charming, affectionate phrase. Would they want someone talking about their sisters that way? Their mothers? Sheesh). I thought: "These young men have no fathers. No uncles and grandfathers." There is no circle of men who have passed the Testosterone Flush phase (and trust me--that is an intoxicating hormonal brew. Sex and power and a direct electrical jolt to the emotional balls.) Without perspective...well, it seems that life is short, "sexual transmutation" is a voodoo dream, and the idea of only having sex with a woman who you would be willing to be with for twenty years, until YOUR sons are men...well, that seems absurd, simplistic, and terribly terribly out of touch.

I'm going to listen to more in the coming days, and see if I can disprove my thesis. But let me tell you...there is almost nothing more dangerous than swarms of young males who think they are men...and are not.

I remember hearing some asshole talking about how if you wanted to drop the crime rates, abort black babies. How true how true...statistically. But if you REALLY wanted to drop the crime rates, abort 99% of male babies--black, white, brown or yellow. NOW you're really having an effect. Odd how no one makes that suggestion. I wonder why?

Second Chakra stuff

Over the last days I've gotten bunches of comments back about the whole sexual transmutation thing. I'm out of town, in Quincy, Florida for a family vacation, but wanted to say something.

Looking at things from the perspective of Human Adulthood, and the comment Steve Muhammad made that a male doesn't become a Man until he is married, I thought that a direction can be suggested. If Adulthood means taking responsibility for your own life, then clearly a powerful maturation factor is any responsibility we cannot walk away from. Marching up the chakras, survival comes first. This would be putting a roof over your own head, food on your table, and both within the rules and laws of society. Without this first step, it is quite easy to remain a child indefinitely. But sex complicates the situation. Satisfying your sexual needs in an ethical adult fashion demands several different things.

1) The ability to attract partners who are attractive to you. There is nothing worse, or sadder, than people who are sexual with people they don't respect, or admire. They lose much of their sense of personal integrity, at the very least.

2) The ability to seduce ethically. Without lying, cheating, or relying on intoxicants to induce people to behaviors they would not otherwise tolerate. This means finding the part of you that is attractive, and learning to project it. To be honest and philosophical about our own failings, still seeing the beauty within us, gives us the ability to look beyond the superficial in others...and be genuinely attracted to them even if they are not "perfect." No one is.

3) To have resources sufficient to build a nest. This is critical for men, especially. Women have reported that a man who owns a house is about three times as attractive as the same man without one. (They never mention this when complaining about how men like slinky, sexy young women. Imagine that!) The trick here is that you need to be able to support yourself, AND a woman and child. A man who has these resources is playing a completely different game. He is prime mating material (in the material sense) and will find his options far more interesting. And if he is physically attractive as well? The sky is the limit. The trick here is that whenever you engage in vaginal intercourse, the hind-brain says "we're making a baby!" and everything in the relationship is re-evaluated. Even if both people are on birth control, have been "fixed" and have no urge to reproduce or pair-bond, thousands of generations of hard-won reproductive rights can't be overturned with a little social conditioning. I mean...if she does get pregnant, there are limited options:

a) abortion. You should both be adult enough to discuss the option, if necessary fund it, and support each other through the trial.

b) Have the baby and adopt it out. Again, support and finances enter in, even if the child is put up for adoption.

c) Have the baby, and keep it. Single mother? Both financial and social resources are critical. Will the father be involved in the raising? I would say that if you are talking about two mature adults, yes. I hear a lot of "he's crazy!" or "she's crazy!" as an explanation for why there is no drive to provide a two-parent family. Perhaps a bit more choosiness in sexual partners is called for.

d) Get married and have the baby. Well, now you are right into the main line of social conditioning; a relationship between two adults exists to provide a safe channel for the nurturance and raising of a child. Any society that does not provide sufficient protection for children to allow the basic social memes to be passed forward...will die. Even a couple with no intention of having a child will find themselves dealing with rule designed for couples who do.

And this is where the line of energy passes from survival to power and ultimately to emotion--the passing of the genetic torch takes precedence over individual ego needs, and forms of relationships other than reproductive heterosexual find themselves fighting for scraps of validation.

The question of non-reproductive relationships isn't the core here. The core is looking at how the sex drive can be used, perverted, scrambled, poisoned, or amplified for good. It is insanely powerful, and harnessed properly can produce something close to genius. After all...if one definition of genius is simply "focus until the job is done" if you can use your sex drive to remind you to think of your goals, that is powerful juju.

What is really sad is the splintered emotional/sexual drives found in men and women who have been abused. I don't have time to go into it now, but it just breaks my heart. The inability to see oneself as beautiful and desirable, to believe it is safe and right to express that power in an ethical way, the ability to create through discipline and focused balance a safe harbor for any children who might be created through its expression...tragic. Women who carry 100 extra pounds of flesh to obscure their sexuality...men afraid to express their power through command or accomplishment...I see these things as equivalent tragedies, often resulting from pain and fear associated with sex and marriage. What we saw our parents doing, we will either do, or struggle against. If sex was a trap and a snare rather than an ecstatic union between equals...that is horrendously destructive.

Truly, our sexual needs can be one of the most powerful maturing forces in our lives...if we take responsibility, care about our partners, build our nests (whether or not we choose to have children or be married) and are both honest and compassionate about our attractions an desires. And...learn to channel our yearnings into the actions that can bring those dreams into reality.

Sexual Transmutation

I"m having a bit of a problem with some of the response to Obama's speech last night. I mean--during his campaign, he promised to move our troops our of Iraq and concentrate on Afghanistan. Then when he seems to be keeping his promise, people act as if he is betraying them. That is freaking weird. I can understand that if he BROKE his promise, but what is this? I've been staying away from politics, but would appreciate some feedback on the way you guys feel about this. I see no easy choices here, and the fact that folks on both the Left and Right complain suggest that he is still doing what he has always done--try to find the middle path. Those who thought he was radical were mistaking the FACT of his candidacy for the philosophy of the candidate. Very different things.

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Having sushi for breakfast. Left over from last night, of course. Wonder what my stomach thinks about that? Feels a little weird, but can't think of a big reason not to.

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Met with some very nice people yesterday, seeking new representation out here in Hollywood. Have a manager, but no agent (and the subtleties of the difference between the two sometime escape me.) But I want to do more animation and television, and just can't make the connections by myself. Need an ear a little closer to the ground.

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Actually, the idiots who crashed the White House dinner did us a favor. I'd bet anything that the Secret Service is closing loopholes like crazy right now. If I had bad intentions toward the Prez, I'd be seriously pissed off and discouraged

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The questions of sexual addiction and sexual transmutation fly thick and fast...one of the 101 students applied some of my techniques in this arena, so I thought I'd share them. The basic thought is that we (guys, especially) think about sex many, many times a day. There are guys who feel deprived when they see a sexy woman walking down the street, and are hit with a giant urge to follow up, become angry with their wives, and sometimes ruin their entire lives chasing tail.

I remember Oscar Brown Jr.'s song "Lady's Man" which was about a cocksman who looks up at the end of his life and realizes he has nothing, not even his virility, and certainly not any of the accomplishments he might have achieved. "What tricky trade might I have tried/had I not lain preoccupied/but then, who's ever satisfied a Lady's Man." Ah the humanity.

One of the brilliant things about Think And Grow Rich, an aspect that it was far ahead of its time, is the entire chapter on Sexual Transmutation. The ability to convert or channel the sex drive into creative avenues seems to have been a consistent pattern in all of the highly-achieving men and women he interviewed over thirty years. Several of them said specifically that when they had an important decision to make, they would postpone the decision until after he had gone home and had sex with his partner.

Let's take a look at some of the reasons:

1) Your Mastermind's "bottom line" is your life partner. You must be totally aligned with this person to create a sort of higher-mind unity that creates genius. Sex aligns us beautifully. It opens our hearts and opens the door to a possible future. Sex tells our hind-brains that we are making a baby, and instantly things get more serious. You aren't talking about ego anymore--you are touching the edge of Forever.

2) The intensity of an orgasm is in direct proportion to the amount of your ego you release at that moment. In other words, if you can remember your name, it wasn't good sex. Your ego wants to believe it is the most important part of your personality. The truth is that it is slow and stupid in comparison to who you really are. You are diving deeply into your essence.

3) Risk of reward means risk of failure. You need to know that there is someone who understands that you are pushing yourself into unknown territory. The unspoken question: will you love me if I fail? If the answer is: "I will love you always" then we have the confidence to move forward. Good sex feels like you are falling in love. It is an affirmation, an embrace, on the deepest and most physically profound levels.

4) Love and fear compete for the same place in your heart. Fear is a paralyzer. When you feel that endorphin rush, it can help to give us courage to act.

There's more...so much more that I could easily do a week-long workshop on the subject. But for those who have the sexual addiction problem...either thinking about it or doing it inappropriately, I suggest that every time you think about sex, deliberately shift your breathing into the spot below your navel, and think about your goal. Be sure that your goal is in alignment with your values and beliefs. See the house, the graduation ceremony, whatever you desire most deeply. Drop your breathing and raise your energy. That sexual urge is a monster if it is inappropriate.

One of the problems is for people who feel trapped in their lives. Another sexual partner is like opening a door to a different reality. Who would I be with Him? Or Her? Especially when people don't take responsibility for their lives, or don't understand that their current partner is a mirror of their own essence. Surely, if they can make physical union with that desirable other, it will mean that they themselves still have hope, and potential. A new lover doesn't see our flaws. They laugh at our jokes, they don't know we can't balance our checkbooks. Finding a new lover is like avoiding actually digging through the debris of our relationship to make it new again.

It is avoidance of adulthood, death, responsibility. And ultimately, an avoidance of life, substituting the illusion of passion. It is tragic. Listen: I've made that mistake. I'm not pointing fingers. I am saying that dreaming about great sex is the best way to avoid actually having it. Whether you are in a relationship or not, channeling your sexual energy rather than allowing it to dissipate into daydreams or worse, betrayal of your heart and vows, is one of the most intelligent things you can do.