Second Chakra stuff

Over the last days I've gotten bunches of comments back about the whole sexual transmutation thing. I'm out of town, in Quincy, Florida for a family vacation, but wanted to say something.

Looking at things from the perspective of Human Adulthood, and the comment Steve Muhammad made that a male doesn't become a Man until he is married, I thought that a direction can be suggested. If Adulthood means taking responsibility for your own life, then clearly a powerful maturation factor is any responsibility we cannot walk away from. Marching up the chakras, survival comes first. This would be putting a roof over your own head, food on your table, and both within the rules and laws of society. Without this first step, it is quite easy to remain a child indefinitely. But sex complicates the situation. Satisfying your sexual needs in an ethical adult fashion demands several different things.

1) The ability to attract partners who are attractive to you. There is nothing worse, or sadder, than people who are sexual with people they don't respect, or admire. They lose much of their sense of personal integrity, at the very least.

2) The ability to seduce ethically. Without lying, cheating, or relying on intoxicants to induce people to behaviors they would not otherwise tolerate. This means finding the part of you that is attractive, and learning to project it. To be honest and philosophical about our own failings, still seeing the beauty within us, gives us the ability to look beyond the superficial in others...and be genuinely attracted to them even if they are not "perfect." No one is.

3) To have resources sufficient to build a nest. This is critical for men, especially. Women have reported that a man who owns a house is about three times as attractive as the same man without one. (They never mention this when complaining about how men like slinky, sexy young women. Imagine that!) The trick here is that you need to be able to support yourself, AND a woman and child. A man who has these resources is playing a completely different game. He is prime mating material (in the material sense) and will find his options far more interesting. And if he is physically attractive as well? The sky is the limit. The trick here is that whenever you engage in vaginal intercourse, the hind-brain says "we're making a baby!" and everything in the relationship is re-evaluated. Even if both people are on birth control, have been "fixed" and have no urge to reproduce or pair-bond, thousands of generations of hard-won reproductive rights can't be overturned with a little social conditioning. I mean...if she does get pregnant, there are limited options:

a) abortion. You should both be adult enough to discuss the option, if necessary fund it, and support each other through the trial.

b) Have the baby and adopt it out. Again, support and finances enter in, even if the child is put up for adoption.

c) Have the baby, and keep it. Single mother? Both financial and social resources are critical. Will the father be involved in the raising? I would say that if you are talking about two mature adults, yes. I hear a lot of "he's crazy!" or "she's crazy!" as an explanation for why there is no drive to provide a two-parent family. Perhaps a bit more choosiness in sexual partners is called for.

d) Get married and have the baby. Well, now you are right into the main line of social conditioning; a relationship between two adults exists to provide a safe channel for the nurturance and raising of a child. Any society that does not provide sufficient protection for children to allow the basic social memes to be passed forward...will die. Even a couple with no intention of having a child will find themselves dealing with rule designed for couples who do.

And this is where the line of energy passes from survival to power and ultimately to emotion--the passing of the genetic torch takes precedence over individual ego needs, and forms of relationships other than reproductive heterosexual find themselves fighting for scraps of validation.

The question of non-reproductive relationships isn't the core here. The core is looking at how the sex drive can be used, perverted, scrambled, poisoned, or amplified for good. It is insanely powerful, and harnessed properly can produce something close to genius. After all...if one definition of genius is simply "focus until the job is done" if you can use your sex drive to remind you to think of your goals, that is powerful juju.

What is really sad is the splintered emotional/sexual drives found in men and women who have been abused. I don't have time to go into it now, but it just breaks my heart. The inability to see oneself as beautiful and desirable, to believe it is safe and right to express that power in an ethical way, the ability to create through discipline and focused balance a safe harbor for any children who might be created through its expression...tragic. Women who carry 100 extra pounds of flesh to obscure their sexuality...men afraid to express their power through command or accomplishment...I see these things as equivalent tragedies, often resulting from pain and fear associated with sex and marriage. What we saw our parents doing, we will either do, or struggle against. If sex was a trap and a snare rather than an ecstatic union between equals...that is horrendously destructive.

Truly, our sexual needs can be one of the most powerful maturing forces in our lives...if we take responsibility, care about our partners, build our nests (whether or not we choose to have children or be married) and are both honest and compassionate about our attractions an desires. And...learn to channel our yearnings into the actions that can bring those dreams into reality.