Sly and Arjuna

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I like Shelby Steele's article on "Why Conservatives can't win with minorities." I don't agree with some of his definitions and conclusions, but I'm looking for thoughtful opinions on what I see happening in America.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123716282469235861.html

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This might help answer some questions about whether that picture I linked to of Sylvester Stallone was photoshopped. Here he's getting ready for his new movie "The Expendables."

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http://www.aintitcool.com/node/40413

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ﾠﾠLord God, Billy Bob. And no, it ain't just chemicals. That, certainly, plus a phenomenal tolerance for pain, real understanding, and a work ethic that would put most pro athletes to shame (according to the boxing coach who worked with him for "Rocky Balboa")

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While I've started watching the political scene over the last few years, I've always been very clear on the fact of my vast and gaping ignorance on many, many particulars. Navigating such treacherous waters on the basic of general principles can seem folly...the only reason I suspect it isn't is my continuing positive results in the three major arenas of my life, regardless of what people howl at me from the sides. One of the things that seems to make sense is to look at principles that crop up again and again over hundreds or thousands of years. When they seem to align with both scientific and spiritual speculations, I take special note.

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I consider such things to be "wisdom" as opposed to "knowledge," and give 'em a higher priority. One such is the concept of multiple personalities. Whether a psychological or spiritual fact or a good way to look at the human spirit, I care not. Is there an "inner child"? Who cares? What matters is whether or not it is a useful construct (which I consider it to be."

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The Ericksonian "Parts Party." Dramatica's theory that a story is an argument in a "story mind," with every character a different aspect of the lead character. The "Internal community" of voices that a hardened criminal hears when he makes decisions.

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And a really, really interesting one from one of the earliest spiritual texts, the Bhagavad Gita. In the beginning of the Gita (which is an expansion of a longer work, the stupendous Mahabarata), Lord Krishna (symbolizing God) and Arjuna (representing the aspiring spiritual warrior) drive in a chariot between two opposing armies. Arjuna is appalled that if the war takes place, his friends and cousins and brothers will die. "It would mean destroying my own kinsmen!" he protests. "How can I commit such a sin?" Ultimately, the decision is made to commence the war.

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Now, there are as many interpretations of this mighty work as there are readers. A reasonably conservative interpretation is that the armies represent the forces of opposition within unenlightened human beings. All the "nafs" (in the sufic interpretation) that put kinks in our psychic wiring, preventing our "kundalini energy" from rising up the neurological wiring until enlightenment is achieved.

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This inner "war" between the aspects of our inner world, the warriors who fight on the inner battlefield, is not the only metaphor, but it is one that has lasted for thousands of years, and from my perspective, is therefore worthy of note. One must also, of course, be careful not to be limited by such a metaphor: otherwise one's entire life can devolve to a series of battles, both within and without. And I suspect that clinging too strongly to such a metaphor can actually increase the chances of war.

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But as a life-long martial artist, it is logical for me to accept that the Warrior is a totally valid archtype: as are the healer, the lover, the teacher. One thing I know is that if your people have anything desired by the outside world, unless they are protected by natural barriers you had better have mighty warriors. If you don't , you get wiped out or your people enslaved. I wish I could see a real exception to this, but I don't.

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Simultaneously, if all you have is this violent energy, you will have nothing
WORTH protecting left within your culture. How does this relate to the personal daily struggle?

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Well...the spiritual path lies ahead of me. Any of you can note how easily I get distracted from the path. Racial shit does it pretty fast, as does some kinds of gender warfare, class warfare, and so on. Why? Because I cannot retreat from the world. I have to be concerned about money-making, markets, customers, and social conditions affecting them. I care about love and sex and family and the things affecting them. I care about my physical body: fitness, health, longevity, functioning of my faculties and more...and the things that affect them. I am a "householder yogi" and have a completely different set of challenges than a person of my energy and focus who retreats to a cave or a monastery and concentrates twelve hours a day on spiritual growth.

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Can't do that. From my values, that would feel like a cheat: much was given to me, and to empty myself out, I have to give as much back as possible. Anything else feels dishonest.

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One of the things I have to do is make certain that all my sled dogs are pulling in the same direction, or at least pulling with equal strength in balanced, opposite directions. I can move closer to my true self, or sit very quietly and wait for my true self to tip-toe closer. Either works. I choose the more dynamic path.

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And hey...if there's nothing to get out there, if it's all delusion, what the hey? I'll still get as much out of life as anyone ever has. What the hell is there other than spending your time doing what you want to do, surrounded by the people you love, contributing to the causes and people you care about? Being healthy and happy and sensual and creative? Bringing more light into the world than existed on the day of your birth? To me, it's a no-lose proposition. Either way, I win.

Disgusting

Thank Suzanne for the following link: Raping lesbians to "cure" them in South Africa. Beyond vile.

ﾠhttp://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/1...pe-south-africa

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Understand that when I talk about stuff like this, I'm not trying to let the perpetrators off the hook. In fact, I would be happy to shoot the bastards in the head. But I always look at things in the context of "what the hell is going on, and how do we get to health?" From the obsessive perspective of balance, no, I don't blame this on "men" any more than I look at the fact that most of the art, science, and heroism has been done by men and think that there is something wrong with "women." No...my position is that there is something far more insidious and subtle going on. Understand that about me going in.

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So what do I look at when I try to understand something as hideous as the above events

1) "Core Transformation": every action is an attempt to come closer to the divine. OR: an attempt to unite with a loving force, or find a feeling of spiritual/loving connection.

2) The destruction wrought by colonialism, and post-colonial collapse.

3) The belief that our natural state is one of growth, self-discovery, and movement away from pain toward pleasure.

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With individuals, when I try to understand who someone is, I look at the three major aspects of their lives: body, mind/career, relationship/spirituality. Taking the position that any digression from a path of growth and evolution is evidence of damage, and that any act of violence is actually an act of fear, I've been able to psychologically disarm muggers and work with prisoners in the maximum security block. If psychology is quantum sociology, then the same principles should apply to groups.

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Viewed that way we have a culture yanked through thousands of years of technological development in hundreds of years, vast imprintation of negative self-imagery for generations, and tribal boundaries destroyed by lines drawn on maps. In other words, all of the processes that ordinarily take human beings slowly and (relatively) elegantly toward higher levels of social organization torn to hell. I remember being relieved when the Soviet Union fell apart, and violence erupted in former Soviet satellites. Why? Because I was SICK of going to cocktail parties and having white people (yes, mostly conservative) ask me what was wrong with blacks, why couldn't they stop killing each other in Africa, etc. etc. When white people started killing each other in similar ways in Europe, for some odd reason, they stopped asking me those questions. They got it. Oh...this was a HUMAN problem, not a "black" problem.

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I've been distressed by the degree of homophobia in the black community in America, but I feel like I understand it. Consider the popularity of black men dressed as women, black men portrayed as sexless, black women sexually available to white men...all of the imbalance of the natural balance of male and female energy. This creates literal fear, which leads to anger and projection of personal damage onto others.

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Black male fear that they ARE what their surrounding culture implies they are. (All humans do this, of course.) This leads to violence and self-destructive behavior (riots in communities where little of the property is owned by the rioters) on the social level, as well as violence in the home and the personal level. Sex substituted for love, "making money" for running an honest sustainable business.

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ANY time I see behavior that could not be sustained over many generations, I know I'm seeing dysfunction, regardless of how much people scream that individuals have the freedom to do whatever they want. What I see in gay-bashing is terror that the "evil" urges most men feel within their own sexual natures is walking in representative form in the outside world. Destroy the "evil" and you are safe. You prove that you aren't one of them.

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And men who attack and fear lesbians are, in my mind, men who are terribly insecure in themselves, in their sexuality and personhood. To think that a woman would be more attracted to another woman than to them is dangerous to an already fragile ego. In other words, when the world is out of control, when you don't know where you fit, when you are consumed with blind terror that you might be the non-entity that the outside world says you are...

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You fall back on whatever "security" can be found in social norms. Now, this is a form of Conservatism, but I don't mean it in the political sense normally used. More like: "what has worked? What did my grandfathers say and do?" There is security there...but also hideous abuse.

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The men who do these things are, in my mind, too damaged to be re-programmed. Personally, I'd rather they die, and I'd spend my time raising the next generation in a healthier fashion. They have reached the point of the "Internal chorus" singing in their heads telling them what to do and approving of violent actions. There is no known mode of social rehabilitation.

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Do I think that a technique like "Core Transformation" could help them? Sure, but I remember Jerry Pournelle did a qualitative analysis of different therapy techniques when he was in his psychology doctorate program. And the result he got, that I agree with completely, is that there IS NO DIFFERENCE in success rates. The difference is in the personal health of the therapist. In other words, if the therapist has resolved the issues, he or she can help the client resolve them. To put it yet another way, you have to want to grow up to be the therapist, in a manner of speaking.

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How many human beings are evolved enough to look at a man who has raped and/or murdered for the sake of cultural honor and personal fear, and see the love inside them? See what that little boy could have been, if raised by a loving mother and father and community and shown the doorway to excellence and joy, and made to believe that he was one with the force that created the universe? Taught to respect and love all of creation? I would say that most therapists suffer from the Optometrist Syndrome: Most Optometrists wear glasses. Most therapists seem to go into the field to heal themselves. In other words, they start out being MORE screwed up than average. Then they get lost in a maze of competing intellectual theories about how it all fits together. Waking up your kundalini backwards, anyone?

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Crap. So what is to be done? I would say educate the women of the world. Catch the rogue males and isolate or, frankly, exterminate them if necessary. Train little boys with both love and discipline to channel that critical destructive energy into protective and creative channels. Train little girls to respect themselves as keepers of the keys of civilization.

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And acknowledge that we can't help everyone, that some problems take generations to work out. I hate watching it happen, but this shit has been going on since the beginning of our species, and we don't seem to be killing ourselves off. I believe that there is less rape and child abuse than there has been in the past--but we HEAR about it far more. It turns our stomach, and so it should. We must never, ever be satisfied with the current situation.

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And more than anything else, we must root out the pain and fear and anger within ourselves, become as strong and successful as we can be as individuals, because individuals make societies, and societies can change the world.

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A Watched Pot

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It seems sometimes that Jason has, say, 100 points of discipline, and as we expect more from him, he has to take some from one area to apply it to another. He still wets his pants a little sometimes, and has problems pushing kids at school. When one gets better, the other will sometimes get worse. So I've trying to spend time with him every morning practicing yoga, teaching him to breathe more deeply and slowly, which is incompatible with flash anger. For the potty, I'm giving him a scale from 1 to 10. 1 is "you just went potty. Your body is empty." And 10 is "you're peeing yourself." The rule is that when you get to "4" it's time to go potty. It seems to me that he doesn't have a sense of urgency about urinating until it's too late. So he gets interested in doing what he's doing at the moment, waits until he's at a "9" and then heads to the bathroom...too late.

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So far, it's working pretty well. Not perfectly, but what is in this world? Pretty darned good is encouraging.

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I do wish that I knew more about economics, to have more of a sense of what is going on. Honestly, I just don't. However, I do know I thought it grotesque when Right-wing pundits were talking about "The Obama Recession" the day after the election. What asses.

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On the other hand, watching the chaos in Liberal talk radio, it is clear that something is wrong, but for the life of me, I can't figure it out. Needless to say, each side tries to interpret the failure of, say, NovaM and the implosion of Air America in a way that makes them look good. Here are some of the things said about it on the Right:

1) It's market driven. No one wants to hear Liberal ideas

2) It's boring--all data, no fun.

3) It's emotion, without logic.

4) Sheer business incompetance

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And on the Left

1) The stations are owned by mega-corporations that skew Right.

2) Even when they win their time slots, pressure groups sabotage their shows, get them removed.

3) Right-wingers are such failures in other mediums that they are defending their radio turf like cornered rats

4) The Right entrenched itself for decades in radio, and now have roots so deep it is hard to compete.

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Now, clearly you have self-congratulatory or blame game explanations going on. But SOMETHING is happening. If I take out the blame, howls of mirth, and self-justifications I might be left with some ideas about how one political tendency denotes a brain that sorts for the visual as opposed to the auditory. I really don't know, but would be interested in seeing some serious, non-politicized speculations. Of course, it could all just be a very temporary statistical blip. But somehow, I don't think so.

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It's pretty clear that I've reached the end of one whole way of being. I really don't seem to be able to make progress in any arena without running into serious, deep-seated emotional obstacles. How interesting. So...I have to assume that the right way to deal with this is to simply be ultra-clean and ultra-responsible in any arena in which there is work that CAN be done. The rest of it is a matter of continuing to center myself and do the very best I can, and assume that the next family of change will be totally out of my conscious control.

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I remember fifteen years ago, living up in Washington, being at the end of my rope. I was broke, alone, and my marriage had just self-destructed. I had no idea what to do, or where to go. And I remember praying for guidance, for any kind of clarity. And I finally said something very much like: "all right, God. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do everything I can to move forward and stay centered at the same time. I will blame no one for my problems, and take full responsibility for my life. I'm jumping off the cliff, into the cloud. Catch me, God...or, if you won't, let me hit the rocks without knowing they're coming."

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Yeah, I said something very very close to that. Giving up all hope while still working as hard as possible. And out of that, I've built the life of my dreams.

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Things are great now, but I have run into walls as firm as those old ones. They do not confine me in a negative space...sort of a gilded prison, in some ways. But a prison, nonetheless. I have to accept the limitations of conscious action, and grasp that the changes I seek will happen in their own time, in their own ways, and I have to be slightly emotionally disconnected from the process. Hard for me. I want so much to DO IT! But...it doesn't seem to be that kind of party. So: work, meditate, love my family, work out...and turn my back on the bubbling pot from time to time. The soul is shy.

Watchmen (2009)

Well, Alan Moore's "unfilmable" graphic novel has been filmed, and very well, I think, by Zack Snyder. I predict it will make a bare profit in theaters, and then live forever on DVD. And ten years from now, we'll get another version.

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I read the twelve issue limited series when it came out in 1985, and was instantly entranced with this tale, which asked "what would the world be like if superheroes really existed? What would the superheroes themselves really be like?" And Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons (writer and artist) answered those questions with a multi-layered alternate-universe story with a great deal of psychological realism and minimalized superhero action. It was a book of thought, with a few outbursts of intense violence. A meditation on identity, politics, existential philosophy, and much more. It was also fiendishly clever, and its clean, classic comic-book graphics (the kind that I love most), made it a meta-comic, a comment on the nature of the readers as well as what they are reading.

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Immediately, scribers like Sam Hamm (who wrote the first Batman movie) tried to turn it into a movie. I read the script, and it sucked, missing almost everything that made the comic work. The truth is that there have been hundreds if not thousands of good, solid comic books over the years--the iconography is established, and "Watchmen" depended upon that shared cultural history for its impact. In comparison, in 1985 there had been maybe two or three decent superhero movies. There was just nothing to draw on. Now, in 2009, there have been maybe twenty superhero movies that are really solid stepping stones to draw from thematically or visually, and a Watchmen movie had a bare chance of navigating the creative waters with success.

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This story, of a group of disbanded superheroes living in a world approaching nuclear armageddon, in a country where Nixon is serving his fifth term, is at its core a murder mystery. Some killed an aging hero named The Comedian, and another hero, the borderline sociopathic Rorschach (the film's best performance) plays detective, trying to bring the hidden "mask killer" to justice, simultaneously realizing that it's all hopeless....the nuclear bombs will be flying soon, and as "Smartest man in the world" Ozymandias says, even big blue walking H-Bomb "Dr. Manhattan" can only stop 99% of the missiles, leaving just enough to destroy all life on Earth. Against armageddon are the sub-Batman "Night Owl" and his crush, "Silk Spectre 2", who was raised to be a superhero by her mom, the original Silk Spectre. These two represent "normal" people at the center of events beyond their control.

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But the death of the Comedian turns out to have ties to the nuclear threat, and in 2.7 hours of often dazzling, occasionally underwhelming filmmaking, their histories and psychologies are stripped bare, and we learn the truth. WOW this was fun, but the "R" rating is seriously earned, both for sex and violence. When Night Owl and Silk Spectre try to get it on in their normal identities, he can't get it up. (She's been Dr. Manhattan's girlfriend...kind of intimidating to follow THAT up! Wonder if Joseph had any performance problems with Mary. After all, her first boyfriend was God...but I digress.)

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After sneaking out to rescue a burning building filled with trapped civilians (superheroes have been outlawed in this world, much as in "The Incredibles," which was basically Pixar's riff on the Watchmen) they have quite the tryst up in the clouds. For fifty years and more, I've been watching the super-powered men and women in tights, and Watchmen gets right into the kinky questions everybody else has always avoided...mating rituals, the emotional scarring, the actual impact of such skill and power on the bodies of their sparring partners...as well as the way the world might have been altered had folks actually donned hoods to fight crime.

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Oh, it's all glorious fun, probably the most literal translation of a book to the screen I've ever seen. The cuts and changes Snyder made I (mostly) approve of, including the notorious Squidless ending. His new ending plays far more elegantly than the one in the original Graphic Novel, which had Moore winking rather frantically at the audience. I also enjoy the way Ozymandias is clearly gay (to the point of hanging with the Village People, in the brilliant opening montage). What a hoot. I had just so much fun.

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BUT...believe this. It is very very R rated. Probably my favorite superhero movie ever.

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WARNING: MILD SAMBO ALERT

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Actually an anti-Sambo alert. One of the changes Snyder made was to remove the home life of the prison psychiatrist who examines Rorschach. In the graphic novel, his encounter with the damaged hero triggers depression and impotence. Now, this guy is the only fleshed out black character in the book...and he is doomed, fat, and impotent to boot. Thanks, guys.

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In fact, the howling of the fanboys about how "realistic" the Watchmen is was, from that vantage point, always bullshit. It was a typical 1985 white fanboy fantasy, in which superheros bound around in tights, and all of them are white as the driven snow. Comic books were mostly still like this back then, and to this day, most dark faces are either members of teams or guests. I remember a major editor for DC telling me that if they changed the race of the character on the cover--nothing else, not artists, not writers, not distributers, not ANYTHING...if they made the cover character white or Asian or an alien, it was cool. But if they put a black man on the cover, sales dropped. But that's just that old desire for our fantasy heros to resemble us as much as possible. Nothing personal.

ﾠBut if we're talking about the real world, don't tell me that black people weren't capable enough, or motivated enough, to put on capes and masks and tights. We're just as crazy as anyone else. But just as in its era's comic books, everyone shown in "Watchmen" (in the context of a VERY white New York...except for the prison, of course) in costume is white. Pure fantasy, and the accusation of "realism" automatically stinks to me, but that's just me.

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Anyway, granted that, showing the black shrink unable to make love to his increasingly shrewish wife just struck me as Moore being a typical human being: his color is the only real color in the world. Removing those scenes didn't hurt the movie a bit.

Unfilmable?

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I really like a note that Erich sent me, and wanted to share it. It regards a comment I made about "Religulous."

He quotes me:

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I recently watched Bill Maher's "Religulous" and he is certainly
attempting to slay sacred cows.

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And he says:

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I can't help thinking that Bill Maher would find it a lot harder to
take on something that was considered a genuinely sacred cow *by his
social peers*.

Want a real-world example of somebody successful in Hollywood
risking his social status by outraging his social peers? Then it's
not Bill Maher criticizing orthodox organized religion! Maher's
peer group isn't in rural Texas; they're in Hollywood! Do you
really think that making "Religulous" cost Maher anything that he
really wanted? A single dinner invitation? A single job interview?

But I can think of two celebrities who do qualify:

Mel Gibson, making _The Passion_.

Michael Crichton, writing _State of Fear_.

Remember the reactions *those* got?

Thinking of them, I'm put in mind of three quotes on the difference
between easy, safe "sacrilege" and hard, risky sacrilege:

1. "Make people think they're thinking, and they'll love you; make
them *really* think, and they'll kill you." --Harlan Ellison

2. "In every period of history, there seem to have been labels that
got applied to statements to shoot them down before anyone had a
chance to ask if they were true or not ... We have such labels
today, of course, quite a lot of them, from the all-purpose
'inappropriate' to the dreaded 'divisive.' In any period, it should
be easy to figure out what such labels are, simply by looking at
what people call ideas they disagree with besides untrue. When a
politician says his opponent is mistaken, that's a straightforward
criticism, but when he attacks a statement as 'divisive' or
'racially insensitive' instead of arguing that it's false, we should
start paying attention." --Paul Graham

3. "True dissent doesn't feel like going to school wearing black; it
feels like going to school wearing a clown suit." --Eliezer Yudkowsky

--Erich
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I disagree about Gibson and 'The Passion." He was mostly criticized for using his own money (you NEVER do that!) but Hollywood isn't any more Godless than any other major city I've been to. It certainly has that reputation, but I think that's because its primary industry is a fantasy machine, and some of those fantasies cross some people's lines. But the town is chock-a-block with churches and Temples that are notorious for being the regular worship place for executives and stars all over. Yes, they're more tolerant of atheism than most, but also Buddhism and Scientology. You might say that the search for God is an obsession in Hollywood, even if they end up turning over some odd rocks in the process.

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Crichton? Maybe, but I don't know. I'm not really sure what his social circle was. I did think that "State of Fear" was a bit disingenuous...he very clearly was against the idea of global warming, and thought that the environmental movement was full of whackos (and took great pleasure in killing them painfully). But then in the afterward, he claimed he hadn't made his mind up. That kind of soured the book for me. That just wasn't honest. But... I don't think it cost him dinner invitations. I would bet that he got LOTS of dinner invitations from people who wanted to debate him. That said, I agree with you that "The Passion" was WAY more courageous than Maher's work: Gibson put it on the line for what he believed.

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My neighbor is a Kenyan civil engineer, who has an interesting measurement of the current recession: the number of metric tons, or cubic meters, of trash going into the landfills. Apparently, it's decreased by about 25%. Also, the water has a higher percentage of various toxins, but fewer gallons of water are passing through the system. This suggests that people are taking shorter showers, washing their clothes on the water-saving cycle, etc. And the landfill situation implies that people aren't buying as much, or aren't using as much disposable tableware and paper towels and so forth. Makes sense.

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Well, the "unfilmable" Watchmen opens tomorrow. Currently 65% on Rotten Tomatoes, that number masks the fact that most of the major critics have given it a Thumbs Down. Ouch. Well, I'll see for myself on Saturday. My guess is that Zack Snyder walked an incredibly fine line, wanting to translate this fantastic graphic novel to the screen as faithfully as possible, but trying to avoid being trapped. There is, to my knowledge, no such thing as an utterly faithful adaptation of a literary work to the screen--even when the author himself writes the screenplay. Books and movies are different things, and what works on the page doesn't necessarily work on the screen. Even more, the author himself is a different person when he writes the screenplay, and I would suspect that he will see new and better ways of expressing a thought. Can anyone out there remember a completely, utterly faithful adaptation of a book?

A Meteor Will Hit Your Dog

Why don't I do a "Sambo Alert" for Tyler Perry? Largely because I've only seen one of his movies ("Family Reunion") and I saw that what he was doing with Madea was, very specifically, gender-bending. That subtextually, he was creating a Matriarch who was also the Patriarch, playing to a scrambled aspect of black culture that struck a serious chord with, especially, older black women (his core demographic). Cartoony and sometimes amateurish, he is nonetheless doing something very, very right. I don't entirely "get it." But this is not the denigration of black people for the delight of white audiences. Far, far from it. He has built a studio and an empire, hired hundreds of black actors, and is playing a fascinating game. I love watching Hollywood trying to figure out why what he's doing is working.

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A letter from one of the 101 Students bears re-posting. All identifying material (possibly including gender) has been removed or altered.

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Dear Steve,

I've been trying all day to figure out a polite way to post this to the 101 group, but I think it's the sort of thing that's better kept anonymous. Well, except that I'm sharing it with you and if you can figure out a way to make my crazy useful to others feel free. I've been more or less good, following the program but I'm back to the early phases, doing the fresh fruit/veggies alternate days and the 5T and the 5mm and getting my ducks used to my hiding in their pen for 20 minutes a day of meditation. I've been journaling and dancing and going for long walks under the stars. Great stuff. It's been like an exhilarating upstream swim in cool water at the end of a hot day. So here comes the universe with its special talent for tumbling me back over familiar rocks.

I do not get the affection I desire from my husband. Alright, not ideal, but I'm trying to work with what is. So I think I've been making really good strides in holding myself responsible for giving myself the love I need. When I'm feeling hurt and lonely and rejected I think to myself "What do I want from that person, that I feel like they aren't giving to me?" and then I figure out how I can give myself that core experience. I need to love myself until love becomes as fluent to me as my native tongue or any love other people give to me is just going to get lost in translation. I can enjoy my sensuality in my physicality and dance, and cooking and in mindful eating and in gardening and stargazing and giving platonic affection like hugs and kisses and massage to those who are willing to receive it. I give myself my own approval and am honest with myself about what kind of effort I put into something and whether what I say are my priorities are reflected in how I dedicate my time and energy. I'm doing a lot of things right. So I'm feeling really good about this decision to embrace my abstinence with a deep degree of self-sufficiency.

But I tell you what, if you think skipping food gives a person an introduction to the voices, try a long sexual fast. I can get myself off, but I can't experience that glorious dance, the push and the pull of a real sexual experience, because I promised monogamy to someone who ain't interested. So I am trying to be good, not just tolerant, but really rising above. So what happens? Men who are not my husband are making themselves all too available. X and I have fooled around off and on, not enough to satisfy me or to freak me out, so his recent friendliness is one of those perennial blooms, but I've got old lovers who haven't touched me in thirteen years writing me with detailed memories of experiences we've had naked together. Now Y who lives in Z and had been nothing but a gentleman while we were hanging with friends every (day of the week) is back in town and trying to get me to go driving with him, alone with him, not this cluster of friends stuff we usually do. And he's got a real pretty rationalization for it, but I can hear it in his voice, he's hoping to do more than just shoot the breeze. And I'm sure he can hear it in my voice that on some level I am all to flushed and eager. I wish I could bottle this and save it for sometime when I am on the market. 'Cause I can't seem to commit myself to fast without a feast showing up at my door. And I know what to do, I'll hang out with Y with friends, but I ain't taking that ride, because I want to go for a ride so bad it makes me shake, and I know better.

The thing that makes this your business is that I swear there's a connection between trying to go through something as transformative as the 101 and getting stuck on Pleasure Island as soon as I leave the puppet shop to become a real boy. Sex is my favorite candy and that's what the universe is trying to offer. And if I take it I'll go back to looking into somebody else's eyes begging them to tell me I'm still here. I'm not taking the bait. Out of respect for my highly resistant husband I don't want to post this is in a public forum without anonymity. But I'm sure I'm not the only person whose discovered a lot of temptation on the path. The people I spend time with I can chalk it up to a difference in how I carry myself, but Y has been in Z, he had no way of knowing and he's being much friendlier than when he left, calling me his first night in town and asking me out. The universe conspires at times like these.

Having nothing to do with any of that, you say the kindest, sweetest most encouraging things on your message board. I practically glow all day after reading them. Thank you so very much.

Love,
B.

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Here's the reason that I posted this. Back when I was promoting Dawn Callan's "Awaken the Warrior Within" workshops, I noticed that if people signed up, they canceled at a bizarrely high rate, and their reasons were simply qualitatively different from the reasons people give for not coming to a dinner party. It was as if their entire universe conspired to keep them away from a transformative experience. The way I put it was "a meteor will hit your dog."

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One of my students is a lady carrying about a hundred extra pounds. She was terribly abused as a child, and this is clearly her subconscious trying to protect her from further pain by obscuring her sexual characteristics. It is safe for her to lose, say, twenty pounds, but anything beyond that triggers her inner alarm buttons. Now this lady is a tiger, and if you put an obstacle in front of her, she'll do her damnest to vault it. So I figured that if she ever got onto a REAL weight loss program (both diet and exercise, slowly reducing calories and ramping up the intensity of the exercise until the desired weight loss is occurring) her subconscious would distract her by throwing career opportunities at her. Travel, authority, creativity, lots of extra money...and all she has to do is ignore her body, and she can have all of it.

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EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN as you approach any major threshold in your life. Whatever your weakness is, this is what your Ego-self will throw at you to slow you down.

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Now, "B" is trying to create a healthy relationship, a healthy body, a healthy relationship with money. And as she begins to make progress, what happens? Her husband, who mirrored her before her changes began, is disconnected from his own sensuality, and B. is one seriously sensual lady. Old lovers are appearing from her past, offering her sexual goodies, if only she betrays her marriage.

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Totally, 100% predictable. It WILL happen as you grow. Might be disasters, might be blessings. But what all of these things boil down to is temptations to step off the Thousand Mile Road, betray your values, and go after the goodies. Don't take the bait: the instant you do, the goodies will evaporate. You'll look around and realize you don't know where the road is any more, lost in darkness.

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The path, and forward movement along it, is far more important than any specific gain along the way. They are secondary to moving closer and closer to your true self.

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Accept no substitutes.

Square Root Day!

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Today is Square Root Day! 3/3/09. Only happens nine times a century. Enjoy!

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I'm juggling enough different projects that I'm definitely in that "low-geared truck climbing a steep grade" place. The voices in my head love pointing out the sports cars zipping past, not bothering to remind me that they aren't carrying the same load.

Maybe.

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Only three more days until Watchmen. I've been waiting twenty-three years for this. 76% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I'm enjoying reading the most negative reviews--don't want to get my hopes up too high. Hell...I even enjoyed the limited motion animated series they put out on iTunes (although I only watched episodes 1-9. I want to forget as much as possible about the end.) And what I've heard about the changes at the end actually make more sense than Alan Moore's original idea. But the Squid sure was purty. I think it was the Watchmen that woke me up to what was actually possible in comic books. And I'm hoping I have a chance to write a graphic novel at some point in the near future.

3#

T and I are working on a script. Secret project, but let's just say it was inspired by the Obama Inauguration, and because of her familiarity with the Civil Rights movement, she has to write the first draft. Honest, that's the reason. Really.

#

"24" is still my favorite show, and last night's 2-hour episode was killer. So this African general storms the White House. I sat back, thinking about the metaphorical, unconscious aspects of that image, and had to laugh.

#

I wrote something longer about this, but decided against publishing it on el bloggo. The question was one of blacks voting Republican. I think that the only smart thing to do is assume that people vote their own self-interest. I see no reason that more minorities can't be recruited to the Right side of the spectrum, especially considering that almost every successful black person I know personally has MANY Right-leaning attitudes. What Republicans need to ask themselves is why more of them aren't--without the snarky implications that blacks have more tendency to vote by automatic programming than whites have. Historically, conditions that affect us, as blacks, often have more to do with our visual appearance than our education, finances, political leanings or whatever. So there is a tendency to react as a group...because things have affected us as a group. Just keep your eye on that ball, rather than trying to figure out how we're different. And...be as eager as Liberals to jump on racist humor and ideology. Do those two things, and I see no reason at all that Republicans can't appeal to more non-whites.

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Watched "Pineapple Express" the other day. Wow. Pot comedies have come a long way since Cheech 'n Chong. While it was totally aware that people smoke their lives away, it also was quite the little celebration of hemp. I am SO happy that the Obama administration is ending Federal raids on pot co-operatives. That's just nuttiness.

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Cracked me up that Micheal Phelps was more criticized for smoking pot, in someone's home, than he was for DUI. I mean, he wouldn't have been pulled over and tested unless the police detected some erratic driving patterns. So here's a guy under diminished capacity, driving a multi-ton vehicle at speeds sufficient (in all probability) to create lethal impact...actually putting people's lives at stake...and THAT is less problematic than sitting in a party smoking pot. That strikes me as just insane. But I remember a heavy drinker who had an SUV, and laughed that if he got into an accident while driving drunk...he'd win. He'd win. Dear God, what in the hell kind of joke is that?

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I really think that a lot of the anti-pot sentiment is from alcoholics who project their own guilt onto others. I'm happy to think that this madness might end in my lifetime. How many billions of dollars and millions of lives have been damaged by the utterly misguided "War on Drugs"? Ugh.

Today's My Birthday..

And I'm probably going Miniature golfing with the family, and chillin' most of the day. Maybe breakfast. Damn, I survived another year. Who knew?
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Paul Harvey died yesterday. Maybe Friday. I remember listening to him when I was a little kid. My mom loved him, and I've always respected him as another reasonable voice from a political position I did not share. He always seemed sane, and kind, and wise. I'll miss his voice, I really will. He was one of the last pieces of my childhood left. And he's gone.
Now, he really DOES know the rest of the story. Good day, Paul. I'll miss you.