ﾠ A good day yesterday. Finished our new spec script and sent it to our agent. All I'll say publicly is that it is a Dramady, and unlike anything Tananarive and I have ever done. And the timing of the completion is a hint. And we sent the script we just got back from Fox Searchlight to Angela Bassett and Courtney Vance. So there. ## Next week, I'm going to see my first karate instructor Steve Muhammad, working with him for four days on a video project. He is the fastest human being I've ever seen, a gentleman, scholar, and father-figure to three generations of kids. Elevated by an international MA committee to "Sijo", which is a level above "Sifu", and means one who has created his own system of martial arts. One of the three most important men in my life, alongside my father and Larry Niven. You can glimpse him playing Jim Kelly's karate instructor at the beginning of "Enter the Dragon." Damned video thing should have been done thirty years ago, but late is better than never. And I haven't wanted to talk about this...a little afraid to jinx it, but Steve and I worked out together two years ago, and he was not at all unhappy with my progress over the years. In fact, he told me two weeks ago that he intends to promote me to 4th Degree black belt. I was stunned. I've spent so much time in Indonesian, Chinese, and Filipino arts that I had completely lost track of where I was as a martial artist. My inner "pretender voice" tries to invalidate this, but can't find traction: Steve is notoriously stingy about promotions. I am humbled, grateful beyond belief, scared, and as happy as a little kid. It's like getting a PhD from Harvard--presented by your dad. I never thought this would happen. I'd rather have this than an Oscar and a million dollars, I kid you not. I just want to be worthy of such a singular honor. ## Watched "Martyrs" last night. This French film is not "torture porn" but if "Hostel" made you run from the theater, this one will peel the skin off your eyeballs. "Martyrs" makes most horror look like Bo Peep. It reminds me of what they said about "Videodrome": it's dangerous because it has a philosophy. NOT for casual viewers. But in its bizarre way, an art film, and a very fine film. Yow! It deals with a young woman who was hideously abused as a child. Fifteen years later, she seeks revenge, and along the way discovers the reason for the abuse. Dear God! This isn't for everyone, but honest to God, it has a deadly serious intent, and is ultimately as thought provoking as any movie I've seen in a year. Now...it's not perfect. I think that even at 95 minutes it's a little padded, and I think some of the violence could have been more restrained. But NOT the most intense portion, which comes at the last 20 minutes. It could have been a perfect episode of the "Masters of Horror" Showtime series. It is hard-core horror raised to the level of art, I kid you not. For those of the same twisted sensibilities I have, this is an "A-". For ordinary filmgoers, an F. For the art-house crowd...it's hard to imagine a film that would divide audiences more strongly. If you don't run for the door, you'll probably detect a thread of genuine brilliance here. ## Been playing more with Scott Sonnon's "Prasara" yoga flows, and as I said before, I think he's created something of genuine value. Now, a lot of the Rmax boys are treating it like gymnastics (did you know that kinestheologist Michael Yessis called gymnastics the world's toughest sport?), and I think that's fine, but not the real value. The value is in looking at the dynamic transitions BETWEEN poses as being as important as the poses themselves. This is the science of flow carried to the level of physical/spiritual union. To control your breathing, or rather let the movement control your breathing during the flow called "Spider Monkey" or "Tumbleweed" is to enter a meditative state that would laugh at most life stresses. Anyway, one intent of the five Prasara series "A" flows is to prepare you to create your own patterns, and that's exactly what I'm doing. A weakness in my own home practice is my abdominals. I like to work them in coordination with other body parts, rather than in isolation. But I also have enough vanity to enjoy being ripped when I lift my shirt. The other thing is that the five "A" flows are a little light on inversions, and the Headstand is one of the most powerful poses, sometimes called the "King of Asana" (the "Corpse Pose", complete rest, is actually considered the most important pose.) Any way, I'm working on a series called "L-Train" which combines the Ashtanga jump-through, the mulabandha anal lock, a gymnastic "L" position, and an inverted version of the 4-way stretch at the beginning of the Bikram yoga sequence. It's clumsy and stiff right now, but I've only played with it for three days, and woke up this morning with my Abs and core feeling "connected" in a way they haven't since I stopped practicing Ashtanga (I love Ashtanga, but you really have to spend 1.5 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, to be able to progress. Just don't have the time.) IF, and that's a big if, this works, then I have a yoga that requires about 20 minutes a day to get the same results, and can be performed in 3-minute chunks through the day. (Five Minute Miracle, anyone?) ﾠ Furthermore, because it is in motion, it teaches the muscles to sequence their movement so as to create a kind of coiling energy. In addition, sport power, whether the ability to swat a ball or deliver a right cross, is a matter of transferring energy from one section of your body to another, utilizing various levers and torques, "funneling" momentum through smaller kinesthetic apertures like water squeezed through a smaller hose nozzle, increasing velocity. To do this (as well as transferring rotary to angular momentum) creates not just power but tremendous sheering forces. Ask any Tae Kwon Do guy who has had his hips and/or knees replaced. Prasara allows you to really feel every half-inch of some exquisite motion sequences. When you run into a problem, you can put your body "up on blocks" with static Asana, checking in with your body at a level even Tai Chi has a hard time matching. Yeah...I think Scott's done something very special here. Love that guy.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Catching My Balance
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Faith, Atheism, and Death
The recent posts concerning funerals and faith opened the door to some interesting questions. I'm wondering about various traditions and attitudes concerning death. Watching a huge church service for a deceased child, I felt extraordinarily happy for the family that they had such support, and wondered what type of support atheists have in the same situation. In addition, there are a thousand non-Christian traditions from around the world, and I wanted to invite readers to comment on their attitudes or ceremonies surrounding death, burial, mourning, and so forth for those who are non-Christian. Comments please?
More Torture Thoughts
The question of torture and the war on terror certainly struck a nerve. Because I saw nothing but polite (well, ALMOST nothing) discussion on this incredible topic, I thought I'd add my two cents. ﾠ 1) First of all, it is impossible for me to think about this without imagining myself, members of my family, and friends in such a situation. You might think I have too much empathy, but there are things I am certain of, and one of them is that no legal system will ever exist that does not scoop up the innocent as well as the guilty. I am also certain, based on my life in this country, that when the penalties are imposed upon those who look, speak, or act differently, we behave as if they are less human, and that we have the right to define and control them. The insane disparity between the penalties for powdered cocaine ("us") and crack ("them") is a classic instance. Incarcerated? Killed or executed? Those things I can wrap my mind around. Torture? I don't think so. ﾠ 2) Does torture work better than other interrogation techniques? This is a critical question. The Straw Man version is: "torture doesn't work." I'm sure that people say this, which opens the door to saying "torture has never produced actionable intelligence" which is absurd. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. If you try to defend a comment like that, the opposition needs only find a single instance in which torture techniques have "worked" to invalidate your entire position. Easy. In my mind, the consensus is that torture is LESS EFFECTIVE than other techniques, as well as actually increasing the resistance of the enemy, and making their recruitment easier. This would seem to be obvious, IF you extend equal humanity to our enemy. On the other hand, if your position is that Islam, or Arabs, or Brown-skinned people are inferior, then of COURSE you mock this idea. "They" are all just subhuman death machines with no respect for human life. The rougher you treat 'em, the better I like it. Yeah, right. ﾠ 3) Does the inclusion of torture hamper or improve our attempts to make our nation safer? This is a better question. Remember that the end goal isn't breaking wills or bodies. It is making our country safer and freer and better. You don't protect America by destroying the very values most Americans hold dear. On the other hand, it is critical that we be able to protect ourselves, and accurate information is one of the tools we need. Another is the emotional image of America in the eyes of the world. If I'm a customs officer in, say, Egypt, and I suspect a crate has a nuclear weapon headed for America, and my cousin was tortured by the CIA, I think that I'd have to be a saint not to have an urge to turn a blind eye. ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ 4) If torture isn't efficient, why does it continue to be used? I think that you have a variety of reasons. Ignorance, vengefulness, honest difference of opinion. And simple sadism. What percentage of the human race enjoy the infliction of pain on other people? Five percent? Don't you think some of those people get into positions of power? ﾠ ﾠ 5)The ticking time bomb scenario. This is just the worst. How about this: "if someone put a gun to our son's head, honey, and said if I don't screw this blond he'll die...would it be O.K? Yes?" Citing the extreme example to justify non-extreme cases (there has, to my knowledge, NEVER actually been a "ticking time bomb" case) is just jerking the emotions of those who are easily frightened. Here's a better question: if there was a "ticking time bomb" that would kill your family, and you had a person under your control who could stop it, and you believed torture was efficient...why in the hell would you need the law to approve? Given that situation, I'd torture the hell out of someone. Throw my ass in jail? Fine. But I WOULDN'T WANT MY ACTIONS TO BE LEGAL. In fact, I would be less likely to want to protect, die for, be jailed for, a country that DID legalize it. 7) The natural human instinct for revenge, and the sense that "we" are more human than "they" is incredibly powerful, and mostly unconscious. I grew up on the wrong side of this one, in a world in which dark-skinned people were considered naturally more criminal, less intelligent, more disposable. All my life I've dealt with that, and still see traces of it. We'll never get rid of it completely. And if you don't take into account that the hissing, coiling horrors of the human heart can be marginalized but not destroyed, if you don't grasp that those monsters are waiting for good and decent people to say: "sure, go ahead", then you see a very different world than I see. And remember: they aren't going to say it. They will use the most reasonable arguments imaginable. But what they want is a reason to do it. If, and only if, torture was the only way to get quality information, it might be necessary to turn suspects (and remember that they are suspects. Torture advocates never, to my knowledge, say "alleged" or "suspected.") over to the men in hoods. To our shame. There is a story by Ursula LeGuin called "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" about the cost of paradise. If the cost was the misery of one innocent child, would you take it? That just isn't my idea of paradise. And remember: once it's on the books, it could happen to you, or your children. And if you don't think that's true, I can promise you that you aren't black, or gay. You'd know better. ﾠ 8) The most bizarre thing about politics is the "strange bedfellows" aspect. The fact that under the same tent you have Christians who speak of the sanctity of human life, and the primacy of morality, and those who approve of torture. The "who would Jesus torture?" question is a valid one. Now, the left has just as much hypocrisy, but in all honesty this one really gets to me. If you want to be utilitarian about it, so be it. But to hear some of the same people claim moral superiority and simultaneously stump for something every civilized country condemns...this is loathsome. ﾠ 9) All my life, I've heard dictatorships and fascist states justifying their grotesque treatment of the helpless as state business, what they needed to do to protect themselves. And rejected those arguments. And my teachers, politicians, preachers, and everyone else ALL condemned what they said, and said it was cowardice and subhuman. And that that was one of the things that made America great. And that distinction was and is one of the things that made me think that, yes, this country was exceptional, and worth dying for. And now, just because we got bitch-slapped on 9/11 we're supposed to throw all that away? Do we now say "oh! I understand why Nazis did what they did! We were wrong to persecute those Japanese!" No. It's different because we NEED to do it. We're not just like every other empire or country or Mafia don who needs to extract information from the unwilling. Not at all. And by the way...if you think that the only techniques we use are the ones we've admitted to publicly, you are, not to put too fine a line on it, lying to yourself. ## ﾠ So there are my thoughts. A country has the absolute right to defend itself. Torture is less effective (but not non-effective). It is also corruptive, and aids recruitment efforts. Some say that people who flew planes into buildings to kill innocent people don't need reasons. That strikes me as being such a basic misunderstanding of human nature that I have no words, but here are a few anyway: a) The people who flew planes into buildings are DEAD. What we have to deal with now is the people who might do it in the future. b) If you don't think that the suicide bombers had reasons to do what they do, you are probably harboring negative feelings about the entire class called "Arabs" or "Muslims." "They" are just crazy and evil. You need to announce your beliefs honestly and clearly. The natural people for you to speak to are Arabs and Muslims who believe that Europeans and Christians are naturally evil. You guys should all go into a room together and lock the door behind you. You're basically the same. The rest of us, white and black, Christian and Muslim, who believe that human beings everywhere are basically the same and that those who believe in both strength AND compassion will work it all out--but radicals on both sides have to be marginalized first. ﾠ And frankly, the people who think "they" are less than us overlaps strongly, STRONGLY, with the group that believed blacks were inferior. That gays should be denied basic human rights. Octavia Butler believed that there were two things that could doom the human race: 1) The tendency to believe that humans are arranged into hierarchies of basic quality. 2) The tendency to believe that we and those who look/think like us are higher on the hierarchy. ﾠ It is the seed of bigotry. If it was absolutely necessary to open that door to protect our children, I would regretfully open it. But I see no evidence that it is "absolutely necessary." I think that the good and decent people who support the use of enhanced interrogation should be very aware that there are monsters who are delighted with their decisions.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Dillan, we hardly knew ye
My little cousin Dillan Cade died last week. Only eight years old, he'd been battling a rare form of cancer, and was on his last chemo session, his very last, when his heart failed. I found out about it just days before I was due to drive to Phoenix to visit my aunt Margaret, who is 92 and very frail. This was all after a major upset with another person in my life, and frankly, I was pretty tapped out after driving to Phoenix on Friday and back on Saturday (Nicki did most of the driving on the way back). Sunday was a blur, thankfully all Jason wanted to do was swim and play Playstation. I woke up feeling like hell this morning, drove Jason to daycare , then took Nicki out to UCIrvine, then turned around and drove to the funeral. There is just nothing, nothing in the world worse than the funeral of a child. ﾠ The church was packed wall-to-wall, and the service was wonderful. Family had flown in from around the country to support Beverly Cade, daughter of Oliveen Clavon, one of my very favorite people in the world, and daughter of my mother's uncle. This was the kind of church service where people shout, stand up, raise their hands, testify, and let their emotions flow over them in a healing river. ﾠ We've brushed on questions of faith and atheism in this blog, and this is all I want to say: I would wish anyone the kind of supportive community that the Cades had today. I would fear for anyone who felt their child had simply fallen into an endless abyss. The atheists I know are, in general, the same kind of good people that my Christian friends tend to be. I don't know how they grieve, I really don't. I hope that they have their philosophies and attitudes and supports in place before the unspeakable strikes. Life can seem so savagely cruel at times, and it seems sane to take solace where we can. ﾠ Dillan. I saw him in passing at family holidays, and only really remember him from last Thanksgiving, when we had everyone to the house. He was a quiet child, beginning chemo, who finally opened up and started playing with Jason toward the end of the evening. He didn't really rip and run with the others, or play Rock Band or whatever. But he was an intelligent, gentle boy with wise eyes and tremendous courtesy. And now I'll never know him any better. Never...oh, crap, I'm tired right now. Just a little much in too short a period of time. ﾠ I don't know about anyone else, but right now I'm quite happy for my certainty that the universe makes sense, even if I can't understand it.
Friday, April 24, 2009
State of Play (2009), Oldboy (2003)
State of Play (2009) Was in a bad mood last night, and went to see this Russell Crowe/Ben Affleck vehicle, and it was just what I needed to take me out of myself. This is one of the most serious films I've ever seen, while simultaneously structured as a crackerjack (showing my age there!) thriller about the death of a Congressional aide, and how it derails the investigation of a Blackwater-type "private security" firm. The movie simultaneously warns a) of the growth of these mercenary organizations (who was it who said that a country is dying when it hires soldiers rather than recruits its own citizens?) and the way they can be used to circumvent posse comitatus. b)the death of newspapers and the growth of irresponsible blogging. ﾠ Trust me: the entertainment value here is almost as high as "All the President's Men." It has action and genuine suspense. But, adapted from a six-hour BBC production, "State of Play" (and I still have no idea what that title means) is concerned with forces that could actually destroy our nation. Doesn't get more serious than that. ﾠ Now, as for blogging versus newspapers, I think that eventually this will be moot. Print isn't frickin' sacred. The real advantage newspapers have is a traditional structure for error-checking, collaboration and mentoring. And blogging will eventually develop the same thing. There will be sites with the reputation of the New York Times, and they will link to, or stream (I don't know the right term) blogs that have been proven trustworthy. The future isn't as hierarchical, but in many ways that egalitarianism, once tamed, may be a force for good that is absolutely mind-blowing. At least, that's my take on it. "State of Play" is a B+ as a movie, an A+ for intent. ﾠ Oldboy (2003) ﾠ I hear that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith want to remake this Korean suspense film. All I can say is that it is WAY out of the zone for both of them, and I have a hard time imagining what in the world they're thinking of. Supposedly, they want to film the original Japanese Manga, not "remake" the movie, which apparently added some (no spoilers here) rather controversial elements to an already bizarre premise. ﾠ Here it is. An alcoholic businessman is kidnapped and locked in a hotel room for fifteen years. Yep, you read that right. Then he is finally released, and given a limited period of time to figure out what the hell happened to him, or even more terrible things will occur. Violent, funny, sexy, suspenseful, existential, filled with bravura filmmaking (CNN called it one of the 10 best Asian films ever made) and heartbreaking almost beyond belief, "Oldboy" isn't like anything else you've ever seen. I don't want to say too much, except that it does all make sense in the end. And at the end is one of those choices no one should ever have to make. Lord God, Billy Bob...what a movie. Oh, and at least one octopus was DEFINITELY harmed in the making of this film. An "A." Strong, strong stuff, but if you enjoy bizarre suspense, or Asian cinema, or wonder what Spielberg is smoking these days...here's your answer. Yow. Think I need some mental floss ### Does anyone out there know a "crazy maker"? This is a person who cannot get their life together, and if you associate with them, their nuttiness starts creeping into your life. Even worse is that they have belief systems or world-views that are toxic, or distorted. Buy into them, see the world from their perspective, and your life stops working. Getting into a relationship with a CrazyMaker can be intoxicatingly exciting...at first. But it can make you question your own reality after a while. It's worse if its a member of your family, someone like a mother or father who you want to please and connect with, but who is just flat toxic. Seems to me that about the only thing you can do is center yourself, and refuse to be defined by their emotional outbursts. Anyone know someone like that? How did you hook up with them, and how did you deal with it...or are you still dealing with it? ##f As the torture memos come out, I feel a need to say something that I really believe to be true. The experts seem to be unanimous that torture is less effective in extracting valid information than other interrogation techniques that require building rapport. But there is a catch here: to build rapport with someone, you have to respect them. You have to be able to see their essential humanity, and not place yourself above them. Torture basically strikes me as the attempt to wring information from the body of someone for whom you have absolute contempt. To the degree that I am right, then it makes sense that those who think Islam is inferior to Christianity, Arabs are inferior to whites (or "Americans" as it is politely put), etc., would gravitate in that direction. If there is anyone who supports the "enhanced interrogation" techniques who believes in equality between these groups, please stand up and correct me. But the same radio shows where torture is supported has equal numbers of calls explaining why Islam is horrible. They really do seem to go together. ﾠ Again, please...if there is someone who can offer a dissenting opinion on this, I'd love to hear it.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Can we control our lives?
Marty S. said: "Steve: We have less control over our lives than we like to think. Today we found out that our 6 year grandson has a potentially devastating leg disorder. He may have to be hospitalized and put into traction. The disease could leave him wheelchair bound by age forty. No amount of knowing yourself or balance can prepare you for dealing with something like this." ﾠ Marty: I respectfully disagree. No amount of knowing yourself or balance can stop terrible things from happening in the world. We all die. We lose everything we love. Meteors hit our car. That was the deal from the moment we were born, and we have no control there. But we DO have control over the way we react to the things that happen, and the way we react influences the way we deal with things. In your case, your grandson needs people to help him place his disease in context, so that he can live a happy life. Most of the world's spiritual philosophies, at least those that have endured, have encoded within them the way to deal with tragedy, death, famine, war--horrible things that one might easily say: "how can we have any effect on what happens to us, or how we react? We have no power at all." ﾠ Sorry, but no two people react to an emergency, disaster or tragedy the same way. And the ones who don't lose their heads, who remain powerful and centered in the midst of chaos, are the ones who lead the rest of us out of the woods. ﾠ I have a relation who is always over-stressed. He gets overwhelmed, and panicked, and my core suggestion is to meditate. He won't do it, saying that he just needs an answer to the problem right now, and that "there is no answer." But his very stress reaction prevents him from seeing all the possibilities extant in the moment. And those same stress reactions make it certain that more problems will happen in the future. ﾠ Your grandson needs your strength and centeredness and self-knowledge, your understanding that the physical body is just a vehicle, and not the essence of who and what he is. Raised with that clarity, he will be able to deal with whatever happens with joy and even gratitude. To put it more simply, staying calm doesn't stop your house from burning down, but it does enable you to take the most efficient actions, which may well lead to reduction of damage and/or loss of life. ﾠ We have control over the filters through which we perceive reality. We have control over our reactions. We have control over our inner worlds, if we have the courage and strength to take it. Most don't. I'm committed to surfing the waves of stress in my life--I can't control the waves, but if I stay centered, and bring all of my skills to the fore, I have a hell of a ride. ## Please understand when I talk about the weight issue: no one should jeopardise their health to try to fit a cultural model. Some people will find it impossible to healthfully lose weight because of very real metabolic and joint problems, or other, deeper issues. But that is, according to data I've seen, only about 5% of those who are obese. The rest got hit with massive changes in the way we earn our living (a desk job as opposed to cutting trees?), changes in eating patterns (supersize that!), the decline in active entertainment (Playstation, anyone?), the desperate need to work multiple jobs just to stay afloat, emotional stress stored in the physical body, and so forth. I speak to those people. ﾠ "Fat Acceptance" is excellent if it guides us to being humane, loving, non-confrontational, etc. I think it's absurd when it argues the right of the obese to have two airplane seats, though. But they are no more absurd than other advocacy groups: every group seems to want special rights and privileges. When it becomes a place where people can hide from the truth about themselves, that is when it turns ugly. Civil Rights organizations that demand its members have the same rights as everyone else is one thing--but when I heard black people trying to blame whites for decisions they themselves had made, I had to retreat from such childishness. I've seen no political group that doesn't do this, so I'm not singling out round folks. As I've said many times, my only interest is in speaking to those who are looking for a way out of the boxes they find themselves in. And yes, I do believe that fat can be a box, once there is enough of it to diminish ease of motion, energy, or attractiveness. As I've said many many times: if you're happy, really happy with where you are, I ain't talking to you.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Cuba and Calibration
I'm trying to stay away from political stuff now, but I do have a question for someone knowledgeable: what in the world is the purpose of our non-engagement with Cuba? I mean, it can't be that it's a dictatorship. We do engage with dictators. Is it just to satisfy the last generation of Cuban-Americans in Florida? I mean, there is no evidence that the embargo has hurt Castro at all. He and his brother are said to be two of the richest men in the world. Then what exactly does it accomplish, other than hurting Cubans? When you try something for thirty years and it has no observable effect, what's wrong with trying another tactic? Do we engage with China because we need their resources? In which case our attitude toward Cuba would be simple bullying: we can do it, so we do. I really don't get it. There's a part of me that wonders if forces that be hold Castro responsible for the JFK assassination (it would make sense: after all, we tried to kill Castro multiple times. Would make sense for him to retaliate.) and we can't ever tell anyone, 'cause we'd have to go to war with Cuba and its puppet master the U.S.S.R. ﾠ Which doesn't exist any more. Damn, I'm actually confused. I just don't understand what all this is about. Can anyone help? ## I've received email from three different people over the last week or so, from people trying to justify their belief that their bodies disobey the laws of physics. In other words, that they can decrease their caloric intake, maintain the same caloric output, and not lose weight. This is important to consider for reasons that have nothing to do with weight loss. It goes to the very heart of why human beings can have so much difficulty getting to their goals. Let's get to it: I take the position that physics supersedes biology. That you simply cannot reduce calories below caloric output and not lose weight. Cannot happen in a universe that obeys the basic laws of physics. Anyone who honestly believes they can should present themselves to the local biophysics lab at the local university and collect their Nobel prize. Here is what's true: it seems that way. You reduce calories, keep your activity level apparently the same...but don't realize your body is slowing down to conserve energy, believing that you are in a famine. Wouldn't you realize it? No, not if your mind is affected the same way. It's kinda relativistic, in the same way that if you're in a sealed airplane traveling at a constant rate, you can't tell you're moving. Or, you aren't conscious of the calories you're taking in. Considering the number of times I've watched people munching their way through the day and then claim that they ate only at meals, I think that this is a very very common human flaw. ﾠ And a flaw it is. Because any hole that gapes in one arena should be assumed to gape in others as well. While the body responds to basic physics (losing weight is difficult because of the physiological, cultural, economic and psychological factors, not the physics) the other two arenas are much more difficult to nail down. The Beauty/Power axis isn't physics. Beauty isn't quantifiable, and neither is power, really. But still, I believe that if you have a little conceptual flexibility, you'll see how this impacts relationships, and can open the doorway to personal growth and success in love. It isn't an absolute, but about 90% of relationships fall right into it. ﾠ Finances are even trickier. Remember: losing weight requires your action and resolve, and you can do it with zero cooperation from anyone else in the world. But you simply CAN'T have a relationship without the cooperation of at least one other person. So whatever tendencies we have to delude ourselves, to ignore what we know to be facts (I've had people with degrees in math make the same mistake in relation to biophysics) are DOUBLED, if not squared, in a relationship. Two people, each with their own agendas, their own wounds, their own hidden value structures and negative emotional anchors. If a serious percentage of intelligent, educated and otherwise perfectly sane people can believe something that is disprovable with a calorimeter, no wonder relationships seem like Chinese algebra. ﾠ Making money requires the cooperation of dozens of people. Sometimes hundreds or thousands, each of whom has his or her own agendas, etc. ﾠ So: body is easiest, then relationship, then finances. The basic building blocks of perception, discipline, passion, ability to force yourself to do things that aren't fun (balance the checkbook, anyone?) and so forth are similar from arena to arena. You want to be very, very careful: if you find yourself believing something that logic says cannot be true, then the only thing that makes sense is to assume you do it in places where you HAVEN'T found it yet. That whatever creates that one little brainfart is going to spread to other arenas, and breed in the dark. ## There are only two things to write about. Maybe only two things to really think about: what is the world? Who am I? ﾠ Cosmology. Epistomology. Deep identity. How do you know what you know? How do you check for errors? The calorie thing is fascinating not because everyone should lose weight. No. If you're happy with the results you're getting in life, GREAT!!! But relationships and finances are incredibly complex in comparison. Look at the simple arenas, where you can see basic math at play, and can't blame your results on the economy, other people, whatever. And you'll see that even with that minimum level of outside interference (in comparison) we are not a species that is honest with itself. Maybe that's the cost of consciousness. Meditation is important because it forces us to ask the question What Is? What Is? Over and over again, digging deeper and deeper, throwing away comfortable excuses, until we reach bedrock. ﾠ This is one of the foundations of thought, maturity, evolution, human communication. What is true? First, look at the beliefs you hold that simply aren't accurate, and ask yourself why your perceptions are flawed, why we live in illusion, why our emotions subvert our intellect. This is serious business, people. Your ability to reach your goals depends on having an accurate map, as well as an accurate compass. ﾠ Use body, relationship, and finances to calibrate, and you can find your way out of the woods.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Letter from a reader
I think that in one sense the "Power" of human beings is in direct relationship to the degree to which they identify with spiritual forces rather than anything operating on the normal human level of existence at all. But in terms of relationships, in 99% of the cases I've seen over the course of my life, if men gained more financial stability and/or wealth, women found them more attractive. And as women gain more of an hour-glass figure, THEY become more attractive to men. So when I encounter people who are lonely, or wondering why they can't attract the people they themselves are attracted to, that's the first prescription. Nothing, of course, works every time, and simplifications are just that--simplifications. But it's a lot like: "are you taking in fewer calories than you are burning up?" in that if you haven't handled the basics, it's not surprising that you aren't getting the result. ﾠ Why do I believe this so strongly? Because it's most of what I see. Because statistics show that the best thing a guy can do to improve his chances with women is own his own house. Because of the dozens of women who have told me that for various reasons they wanted to reduce their attractiveness to men--and gained weight to do it. And that they became invisible. I can only hear those stories so many times before I begin to factor that in. ﾠ I'd guess there were more cases of women who found MORE men attracted to them as they gained weight than you'll find guys who believe they are more attractive when they are broke. But don't bet on either state increasing our attractiveness to the opposite sex, if your happiness and emotional health are at stake. It's a sucker's bet. Now, the more evolved will simply walk their spiritual life path, finding partners along the way. That's great, and a pretty high-level performance. Graduate school in life, where too damned many people never made it out of junior high. ## ﾠ As for the feminists who said that all sex is rape--that's just pain, rage, frustration, and sheer manipulation of naive and guilt-ridden males. It is simply asinine to suggest that no woman is as powerful as any man. The AVERAGE woman has less Yang power than the average man. And the ignorant can be persuaded not to look at the other forms of power. In essence, they are blinded and intimidated into believing that men control everything, have everything, and are engaged in some bizarre conspiracy to control women. ﾠ The funnier thing was when some of these women wanted me to believe that, as a man, I was personally responsible for this. Odd how they, as white people, weren't personally responsible for racism. They are just using the weapons they have to try to dominate the discussion. Like everyone else. Women who want to dominate men seem usually to use guilt. Like men who want to dominate women generally use fear. (And when women are larger than their male partners, physical intimidation does indeed seeem to creep into the equation.) It's equal bullshit. It's been my experience that most "feminists" I've met don't actually believe in equality of the sexes. They believe in female superiority. What I mean by this is that I found it absurdly easy to lead them into enumerating why women were superior, as long as they didn't realize that's what I was doing. This is opposed to women who are successful and powerful who don't particularly take a political position about gender. It is equivalent to most of the "black power" folks I knew. They weren't interested in "equal," even if that's what they talked publicly. Get them in private, and they'd laugh about how blacks are smarter, more spiritual, better athletes, better lovers, etc. ﾠ I personally think that happens whenever you find someone who has a political bent--they have staked out a position and believe their position is superior. And use either guilt or fear to try to get their way. I guess what this boils down to is that I just don't like politics much. I think it warps perception just as much as religion: there has to be a "right" and "wrong", something to push against, and the establishment of just who is which always seems to make winners and losers, forcing black and white value systems into very gray zones of human behavior. ## Jason Statham fascinates me. He really is a B-movie throwback. I try hard to appreciate him without letting the little pixies in my head wonder how, with fewer martial arts skills than Jet Li or Jackie Chan, he's turning himself into a bigger action star. I still think Wesley should have had his career, but while there is room for justification of this attitude, it also doesn't take into account that every actor is a unique package of qualities. In my mind, Hollywood isn't looking for "the next great action hero." They're looking for the next great action hero who is the same skin color as most of the audience. Different thing. THAT hero can be powerful, sexual, smart...the whole package. And that is the role Statham is easing into, and he fits it very very well. Looks great with his shirt off, too. ## Great note today on beauty and power from a reader who can identify herself if she chooses: ## (All names changed) The reader said: "I don't, really, think women have it worse than men, or have less power, or But what I do think is: If I look back at my own choices, any "power" that I Now compare that, not necessarily to what men actually want, but to what Of course, if you're coming from the perspective of someone like Andrea ## First, I think this is all very sane, and points to a problem with the way human beings sort information. In general, body, power, and emotional balance are the basic human qualities we offer each other in relationship. They are also what we bring to our careers (physical energy and appearance, motivation/focus/clarity, and ability to bond and empathize) and the determiners of our physical fitness. So it is hardly surprising that these factors are so controversial and misunderstood. ﾠ In general, I think that our bodies hold the animal energy, our emotions and intellects are our human space. The illusions that women buy into (be as skinny as an anorexic model) are great for the diet industry, the fashion industry, and anyone who doesn't want to compete with a juicy hourglass-figured body. The illusion that men buy into (be rich as the only way to attract women) is great to keep society's grindstone moving. However "rich" is measured in a given society, I promise that only 1% of that culture can actually be "rich." Which means that about 99% of the men who believe this myth see themselves as failures. ﾠ So women diet and stress themselves to death, men work themselves to death, both sides think the other has the best bet. I think that the belief that men are in control is used to motivate men to higher and higher levels of aggression and work, even if it kills them. Both men and women promote this idea, just as both men and women collaborate in the projection of illusions about what men find sexually attractive. ﾠ It really is sick, and all I'm trying to do is to discuss what the world looks like from the position of: nobody is in control. Men and women are being used by our genetics, and societies are mostly the product of our unconscious drives writ large. That "calorie in/calories out" is roughly equivalent to "beauty/power" or "make more money than you spend" in terms of basic rules for managing wide aspects of body, relationship, and finance. That until you have these handled, or at least taken into account, chances are very very good that you are running in circles. If your car isn't running, it may be true that your plugs are out of timing, or your oil is low. But if your tank is freakin' empty, look at that FIRST, before you worry about the brand of gas, the octane, or whatever else. ﾠ These things are basic. Ignore them at your own risk. If you ignore them, and you're happy with your life, GREAT! But if you lack energy, love, freedom, or joy, and one of these three is out of whack? Before you look for more complicated and oblique answers, let alone a quick-fix, please look here. ﾠ And never, ever, ever take a course of action designed to "attract the opposite sex", "lose weight" or "make money" that conflicts with your values and core identity. It is my belief that our animals selves, human selves, and spiritual selves can all work in harmony. And I believe that you do NOT have to sell yourself out to make anyone happy. You have responsibilities to the child you were, the adult you are, and the old man/old woman you will one day be. ﾠ Anyone who tries to get you to put them first is automatically unworthy of the honor.
anything, if I confine my analysis to who has the most dating and
relationship choices, in countries like the US where there's relative equality
(as opposed to places where women's families arrange their marriages, and
sometimes men have more choice over what gets arranged for them). At
most I think that some men have the delusion that women hold all the cards
and have all the sexual power, and need a reminder that the ability to say
yes or no isn't more power than the ability to pursue or not, etc.
looked for wasn't *that* much. I never demanded that a guy be tall; the
Mark I actually married is quite tall, but the Mark I didn't marry, and Jim,
were only my height, which is short for a man. I never demanded he be
strong. Pete worked out, but the Mark that I didn't marry was a computer
nerd who did no visible exercise (and was young enough to be thin
anyway). I didn't insist that they come from money, or be headed toward
obviously wealthy lines of work; guys who were taking a chance on a
creative profession were fine by me. What I did make my bottom line was
that the guy have or be headed toward a decent college degree, that he not
use drugs or alcohol to excess, or that he have *some* ambition
(professional, creative, activist, whatever) that I respected.
women get told men want. The pretty super skinny models, the articles by
one set of people that urge you to get married right away in your twenties
because you're chances will fade almost instantly, the articles from another
set of people assuring you that men want your body but never your heart,
the articles from yet another set reminding you of some imperfection in
your appearance that you absolutely must lose, and the ones which urge,
not win/win beauty ploys that will also make your body healthy and strong,
or even win/meh ploys like make up, that don't make your body strong but
don't hurt it, but weight or shoes or whatever that actually *aren't* good
for your health and comfort. And, if you do the comparison *that* way, it's
easy to come away thinking women have it way worse in the relationship
department.
Dworkin, who was raped, suffered domestic violence, and was an exploited
prostitute for a while, then there's quite a different set of reasons to see
women as having it worst, but I'm not really talking about those reasons
here, but the more illusory ones, the ones that are the result of comparing
your own desires, which usually don't involve demanding a millionaire, with
the messages you get about what men want you to be, which often *do*
come across as if men demanded unreasonable perfection. Even actually
*getting* pursued by men doesn't always shake that, because there's also
the "men are dogs and only out for one thing" message, and if he wants
"just sex" it's not supposed to count to your credit."
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A little math help
ﾠ So the question of whether it is "worse" for men to be attracted to hourglass figures and the signs of sexual receptivity (plump red lips, etc.) than for women to be attracted to power isn't answerable in any absolute sense. We'd have to create a scale of values first, and agree upon it. THEN it might be possible to quantify. What I know is that, for instance, I know I'm not gay because when I look at men the little light doesn't go on in the back of my head. When I look at certain women, it does. Sproing! I don't have any control over that response. Few men outside of Porn stars do. And men like what makes them go Sproing. If they don't go Sproing, the human race comes to a screeching halt. ﾠ Really simple, but people don't want to look at that. And women being attracted to power? Wow, that's just looking for a safe nest in which to deposit the eggs. What in the world is so complicated about that? About 95% of the time, that's the transaction I see, and both men and women collaborate in maintaining that balance. ﾠ I'm delighted to hear about more and more women who are powerful and self-reliant being attracted to "hot" guys who have less material wealth. This is the ONLY way that women will ever approach "equality" in terms of Yang power structures--if men are allowed to be more Yin without it impinging on their Sproing action. Otherwise, trust me--those Beta males will rat-fuck you every time you try to climb the corporate ladder. If women are attracted only to Alphas, then every Beta male is a potential saboteur, trust me. ﾠ "A little chubby" is more than just fine. It fits perfectly with enough world aesthetical standard that it is within range for normal health and attractiveness. The standards trying to make women really skinny certainly aren't being promoted by heterosexual men. Look at the women in Men's magazines: they have breasts and hips. It's the women in WOMEN'S magazines who look like scarecrows. To tell you the truth, it was when I realized how many women thought that men were most attracted to these scarecrows that it first hit me that women were just as gullible as men. Frankly, until that time I'd labored under the illusion that women were a little better than us. Too bad. Would have been nice. Who creates those images? On my most cynical days, I'd say gay men and older women, both of whom might have some unconscious motivation to diminish the competitive advantage of the "competition." But that's Cynical Steve talking there. ## Saw "Observe and Report", the new Seth Rogen comedy. I loved it, but man oh man is it dark. Basically, it is "Paul Blart, Mall Cop II--Off his meds." That's it. Rogen, who is more impressive a performer with every film, plays a loutish, 90-IQ fellow with serious emotional problems barely controlled by his medication. Head of security at the local mall, he fantasizes about being a real cop, and idealizes a sleazy sexpot as the ideal woman. One day, he feels so positive about himself that he decides to stop taking his medication...and boy oh boy do things go downhill fast. The director, whose previous movie "Fist Foot Way" is the "King of Comedy" of martial arts films, has an absolute genius in creating scenes that walk a very fine line between genuine lunacy and gut-bustingly funny. The notorious date rape scene is like that, and an interview with Rogen makes it clear how the filmmakers created this sequence with great care, knowing that the audience would be on the edge of their seats, wondering what the #$%% was about to happen, and redeeming the character at the very last moment in the only way possible. I sat there with Tananarive not sure if I was about to walk out of the theater or laugh my ass off. It is, according to Tananarive, the second-best Mall movie ever made. The first is "Dawn of the Dead" (the Romero version.) Easy to see why I love this woman. Give it a strong "B" ## And remaining with our motif of "how offensive can we be?" There is "Crank II: High Voltage" starring Jason Statham, who was born to play Modesty Blaise's Willie Garvin and probably never will, dammit. Look, if you buy a guy falling a mile out of a helicopter, bouncing off the roof of a car and smacking the street, literally being spatula'd up by Chinese hoods, having his heart removed and put into David Carradine (in Chinese makeup)'s chest and a fritzy artificial one put in his own chest, then leaping out of bed and fighting, screwing, shooting, sprinting and otherwise engaging in freelance mayhem all over L.A. to get his own ticker back (what he calls his "Strawberry Tart," which confused many critics. Cockney rhyming slang, folks: Strawberry Tart--Heart. See?) then you have to accept that this takes place in a very strange cartoon universe, and absolutely anything can happen. Once you're in on the joke, this is a scathingly profane and hilariously vile film, like the most expensive Trauma Pictures movie ever made. I'd swear the Toxic Avenger was lurking in the shadows. WOW was this movie offensive. It was one of those films where the white guy runs around knocking the shit out of every ethnic type around: Asians, blacks, Mexicans, Middle-Easterners, whatever. White guys are also irresistible to all ethnic women, which would ordinarily offend me, but the filmmaker's naked psyches are so stripped raw onscreen that I can't muster the indignation. I knew what I was getting into when I went. All women are whores, all men are thuggish buffoons, including the hero. It's not quite Equal Opportunity offense, but it comes as close as anything I've seen in quite some time ﾠ "Crank" has more energy than any three ordinary "Action" movies. It is an overdose on Pop Tarts and Red Bull, filtered through the extended adolescence that still believes that strippers are the apex of womanhood, and the four-letter word for "Intercourse" is more than a mere verb or noun, but in fact the Holy Grail of linguistics, to be inserted in a script more often than the word "the" if possible. If they gave Academy Awards for ludicrous over-the-top racist sexist misanthropic cockeyed brilliance, "Crank" might get it. Stay away if you can't get in touch with your inner adolescent, however. This one is REALLY one of those "so bad it's good" movies that is totally aware of what it is. Are there some genuinely unpleasant stereotypes lurking under it's good-natured ultraviolence? Why, sure. But oddly, I have a sense that these filmmakers were going so far out that they damn near created art. Filmed with like 100 cheap high-def video cameras, they create a hyperkinetic kaleidoscope that is as close to a live-action cartoon on Adult Swim as anything you're ever likely to see. It bodes well for low-budget filmmakers, really. For discriminating adults: STAY AWAY. For the lunatics out there...an "A" damned near. Wow. What insanity. ## WARNING: SAMBO ALERT ﾠ Uhh...well, screw it. I knew the job was dangerous when I took it. ### By the way, I joined the Susan Boyle fan club on Facebook. I hope to God that this woman gets a makeup artist, a little help with diet and exercise...and lets her light shine. Yeah, I said it. My guess? She spent years caring for her ailing mother, who was plump. As long as she sees something that looks like Momma in the mirror, she isn't quite so alone. There is always a payoff for our behavior. Find it, and you have the key. ﾠ Recently, I spoke to a friend who used to be a cute, sweet, curvy little thing...and is now dealing with serious weight issues. I told her that she needs to find the payoff--the positive result she is receiving from the fat. I have too much respect for her not to believe she's getting something out of it. It costs her pain in her back and her joints, it costs her energy and has cost her work (she is qualified to teach an exercise discipline...but who is going to hire her?) ﾠ She protested, of course. And I said, "listen. If I'm wrong and you're right, no harm no foul. But if I'm right and you're wrong, no amount of diet or exercise planning will ever help you. You'll sabotage yourself again and again, because your inner self and outer self are at war. So think about it." ﾠ And within an hour, a light went on in her eyes. She said that she had been really nasty to a previous boyfriend, pushing him to see if he "really loved" her. She doesn't do that with the current one, but was horrified to realize that she might be doing the exact same thing with her weight: seeing if he would leave her if she got fat. I've seen a number of really sexy slinky women who made bad choices in men do the same thing: they blamed their bodies instead of their judgement, got fat and feel happy that they are finally loved for themselves. So sad: they could have had both, with a little extra insight into human nature. ﾠ Whatever has held back Susan Boyle, my guess is that she's going to get a make-over like you wouldn't believe. And that "never been kissed" line (which I don't believe) won't apply much longer. Is it sad that she'd have to do that? Anyone who thinks it is must love swimming upstream, and I worry for you. Animals groom and display and build nests. Human beings have the capability to abstract and find many unconventional things to be beautiful and powerful. But I've never met a woman who complained about men seeking beauty who did not herself judge men according to external, shallow standards. Or a man who complained about money-grubbing women who was not himself hungering for beauty. The people who are genuinely at peace on this matter seem to understand the game, and are amused by the fact that others are as enmeshed in it as chinchillas. You can spot the ones trapped in the game because they say things like "men are so..." or "women are so..." ﾠ As opposed to "human beings are so..." with a real sense of affectionate appreciation for the fact that we're angels built on an animal chassis. ﾠ I think we're pretty cool, actually. ## Does anyone out there know about the mathematics of bookmaking? I've never really gambled, but have a character, an ex-bookie, brilliant at math, who needs to lay a bet at 3-1 odds, and I need to justify his reasons for believing its a good bet. Help? ﾠ
Friday, April 17, 2009
Rest Well, Dillon
## I don't expect everybody to buy the theory of human attraction above, but I encourage people to have their own, based on universal human principles rather than trying to blame half the human race for the problems of the whole--a form of covert sexism, in my mind, suggesting that women are ineffectual and helpless. Is it more unfair of women to be judged by their beauty than men by their power? Once would have to, in my mind, quantify these things, and determine whether it is more difficult for a woman to hit level X of beauty than it is level Y of power. My position is that it takes (in comparison to the actual amount of free time people have) a relatively small amount of time to learn to present our beauty and power to the world. Boyle's voice, for instance, implies a fantastic number of hours of practice. Take 10% of that and put it into learning how to care for her body, hair, and makeup, and you have a different person. If she isn't willing to do that, then her natural partner is a man who has the same lack of care for his finances...or MAYBE a guy with the same lack of care for his appearance, who is at approximately her level of material success. Maybe. I wouldn't bet that way, but I see it sometimes. ## Sexism in the film industry? Sure. But the mistake would be forgetting how women choose men for intelligence and power. It is certainly easier for a woman to lose weight than it is for a man to gain I.Q. points, but ## Porn. You know, my take on porn is that a disproportionate number of the women involved had been abused, and that they chose a life option that makes the most of a bad situation. One of the porn stars I know seems to be in a happy marriage. I sure hope so. The other's heart was completely broken when the star she was dating dumped her because he was told she was hurting his career. In both cases, I have to grant that they may have been following their own star. In a country, or culture, where being a temple prostitute increases your desirability as a mate, I think that such behavior is neutral or positive. But if it diminishes your chance of finding someone to genuinely love and cherish you...I have to come down on the side of "nope." In a perfect world, sexuality would be separate from value judgements, and capable of being judged clearly and without a gigantic emotional load. But both men and women exaggerate or downplay its importance in relationships or society. Because of the need to control the natural outcome of sexual intercourse (pregnancy), we have rules that govern the behavior of both men and women in relation to it, and a gigantic amount of guilt and shame associated with it. Andrew Vachss believes that child abuse is the Rosetta Stone of crime. That assertion looks pretty accurate to me. I think it is also the Rosetta Stone of the sex industry. I'd bet anything that a hugely disproportunate percentage of hookers and porn stars were either abused, or began their sexual experimentation at a very early age. ﾠ In a "perfect" world, would such experimentation cause problems? Probably not. But children (and that includes early teens) tend to think they are far more mature than they actually are. And sex is rocket fuel, no doubt about it. Despite Christian's assertions, I see no problem with actors and actresses portraying sexual beings onscreen. The nature of the scene and the emotional content matters a lot, however...but not necessarily more than with other types of scenes. Actors and actresses in R rated films who concentrate on sexual performances probably don't end up any more banged up by life than those who concentrate on, say, stunt work. Emotionally they probably have more problem in relationships, though. I'd have no problem with Nicki appearing in most PG-13 or R-rated scenes. But "most" doesn't mean "all" by any means. But then, I'd feel uncomfortable about her being in some of the "Saw" movies too. ﾠ For years I've wondered about the filming of love scenes, and have spoken with dozens of actors about them. Most of these people went on to have successful marriages, raise families, seemed healthier than the average person. And most of them giggled that love scenes were one of the best things about their job--the ability to get paid a ton of money to make out with someone beautiful. ﾠ And maybe that's all it is for the Porn stars, too. I accept the very real possibility that that's true, even as I have an instinct that tells me it isn't, quite. That little twitch tells me that for many of them, perhaps most, it is a matter of making the best of a bad hand. ## I got bad news today. My little eight year old cousin Dillon, who has had cancer, was going to his last chemotherapy session...and died of heart failure. We'd all been pulling so hard for him. My last memory was him over at the house for Thanksgiving, and playing with Jason. Little bald kid who had a hard time getting into the family games, but finally was just all smiles. Life is so damned short. I think that's why I try so hard to encourage people to find love, health, success. And am so impatient with what seems to me like excuses. I listen to the excuses, and nod my head...and another friend ends up sleeping on the street. Or divorced. Or their health collapses. Life isn't a dress rehearsal, people. There's nothing realer than the fact we have finite days to dance our dance. ﾠ Please--dance ecstatically, with the partner of your dreams, even if it is only your own precious heart. ﾠ Rest well, Dillon.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Green Door is Closed
## Marilyn Chambers is dead. She was the first superstar of Porn. Linda Lovelace never parlayed her initial success with "Deep Throat" into much of anything, but Marilyn motored on after "Behind the Green Door" and "The Resurrection of Eve" into a multi-decade career, becoming the "star" of the lucrative MILF market. I remember watching "Resurrection of Eve" and being seriously amused by the basic thematic conceit: a bored marriage, and a swing club. The husband talks the wife into getting involved in the swing club. She goes along, but is initially repulsed, while hubby is having the time of his life. Then the next time they go, she meets Johnny Keys, a big black stud who rings her chimes. Suddenly, it's her husband who wants to quit the club, and Marilyn is having none of it. She has been "resurrected." Truth is that the entire story, slightly re-treaded, could have been a TV movie on Oxygen or something. And the acting actually wasn't bad. If you saw "Rabid", the David Cronenberg horror film, would know that while she was no Judy Dench, she could actually act a little. I remember when I started questioning Porn. I'd always been kind of neutral to it, enjoyed it like most guys I knew. Then one day I was at a bachelor party, and they showed an XXX movie. The girl in the movie could act a little, and it took me by surprise. "Hmmm," I thought. "I wonder if she wanted to be an actress? I wonder if she came out to Hollywood with a dream..." and as I watched the young lady in question practicing bedroom gymnastics, suddenly I started to see her as a little girl, a real human being and not just a shadow-play on the screen. It was very hard to imagine that she, as a child, wanted to end up like this. And I started seeing her as someone's sister. Daughter. And I felt just a little sick at myself. I didn't feel exactly like that with Marilyn Chambers, who somehow seemed to radiate that she really enjoyed this. Whether she did or not is another question: if she had been able to make equal money without exchanging body fluids, would she? I can't say. When I heard that a couple of years earlier she had been the Ivory Snow girl, and that the soap company was hugely humiliated when the public became aware, and pulled her boxes off the shelf, I ran out to a local market where their stock was old, old, old...and there on the back of the shelf was a box with her face on it. I bought it, and have it sitting in my office to this day. There was something just so sick about it all that I couldn't resist. Why? I don't know. I really don't. I heard that she had won a role in the off-Broadway play "Deep Throat" before she was found dead in her trailer. It just feels a little sad. A life wasted? Geeze, I don't know. I just know I wouldn't want Nicki to do what she did. ## ﾠ A guy named Wayne Anthony Ross has been named AG by Sarah Palin. Huffington Post had an article blasting him for defending a student's right to create and display a KKK statue. Apparently, a black student was quite offended. This looks like something worthy of blasting, until you read the part about the fact that the art student was fulfilling an assignment to create a statue of "a monster." Excuse me? I'm not sure what there was to protest here. Presenting a KKK member as a monster sounds pretty good to me. And the psych student clearly was having a visceral reaction that overloaded her logic circuits, as if the KKK is so powerful and dangerous that depicting their images in any way whatsoever would blast the soul. Oh, please. Actually, I kinda like the idea. Palin may have lotsa negative stuff to point at, but I fail to see how this is one of them. ## I was at the Norwescon science fiction convention last weekend, and in-between lecturing, signing autographs, or hanging out with friends I had the chance to talk with young writers about the path ahead. All of them are filled with hopes and dreams that their stories will be the ones that touch a deep well of human emotion, changing the world, changing lives, and filling their bank accounts with loot. Sounds good to me. ﾠ The trick, of course, is that there simply isn't room for everyone at the top. That means that not everyone can be at the top of the NY Times bestseller list--there is only room for fifty-two number one hits in a single year. If you define success too narrowly, you simply bash up against the numbers, and miss the secret altogether. The secret? For a writer, the secret is that, in all probability, you didn't start writing to make money. You started writing to express yourself, to share something, to show the world how clever you are, or to get dreams and nightmares out of your head. If you remember this, then money becomes an interesting and valuable way to keep track of your ability to communicate with audiences, but NOT the primary purpose of your writing. ﾠ Making money is a matter of marketing, learning how to tap into the cultural zeitgeist. It is discipline and hard work and finding ways to get the media to notice you. And all of that is necessary. After all, publishing is a business. But you are the one who will have to get out of bed day after day and spill your guts onto the page. Every day, you have to motivate yourself, motor past the first, obvious ideas to the later, deeper ones. Deal with the negative voices and fears, defeat your laziness and dishonesty. Read everything you can get your hands on, and live life to the absolute full. ﾠ And you just can't motivate yourself to do that with money alone. You will need to tap into the deepest, realest parts of yourself, the most passionate. It will take a commitment to being the very best you can be in this lifetime, and allowing your writing to be one of the windows in on that excellence.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Fiddling About
I've been fiddling with my exercise program for decades. It's part of what amuses me and keeps me engaged with something that otherwise might get pretty boring. As I ramp my fitness up another level in preparation for visiting my first karate instructor, Steve Muhammad, in May, I noticed that I was having problems with recovery. I wasn't sleeping well, and was too damned sore. And started wondering if I was just hitting the age wall. I knew that enough yoga would compensate, but there are only so many hours in the day, and I rebel at the idea of spending more than an hour a day engaged with my body directly--feels a bit like a distraction, even if it's only temporary. But I"m experimenting with a cluster of exercises designed to produce not only fitness, but recovery, in less time (I'd like to get to Bikram once a week, but need the benefits every freaking day.) I'll talk about this more as time goes by, but I think I've got my hands on something very interesting: Morning: Warrior Wellness joint circles. Djurus (silat patterns). Kettlebell minimums (either five minutes of Get-Ups, or 12-20 minutes of H2H Intervals, or "Fat Rippers" [intervals using a treadmill for "active recovery", one minute one and one minute off]). All right...then my "Five Minute Miracle" work, every three hours a couple of minutes of Scott Sonnon's Prasara series. These are yoga flows, five basic versions, comprising a total of about 25 poses. The brilliant thing about the Prasara sets is that the transitions between the poses are as important as the poses themselves. Potentially more sophisticated than Ashtanga, because Ashtanga uses the exact same "Vinyasa" to connect every pose with the next, while Prasara demands that you look for the smoothest, most efficient route between each pose, leading to some really elegant and wild maneuvers. These connective asana are just great, and if you're warmed up they release the residual muscle tension as well as...well...it takes 90 minutes of Bikram to release the tension. I've been finding that doing three minutes of Prasara five times a day is damned near comparable. I'm not sure if that's right...need to go to Bikram this week and see how it feels. But damned if it doesn't feel like I've cracked that nut. ﾠ Better still, I throw a die or draw cards to decide which one I'm going to do. The result is that my body has to be ready to move in any direction at any time. So far, so very very good. ## Lotsa work today, and just got back from Norwescon last night, feeling a little dragged out. Need to take a slow day, let myself recover a bit. Toni, my ex, was here at the house visiting with Nicki. Apparently, Jason had them watch one of my favorite old monster movies, "Caltiki the Immortal Monster." Best "Blob" movie ever made. Really good cheese. Would love to see the Mystery Science 3000 version. ## We're going back down the rabbit hole for the third Tennyson Hardwick novel, "From Capetown With Love." It's going to be wild, and tense stuff. At the same time we're juggling a half dozen other things...but you know, I still wish that things had gone better over at Searchlight. That whole thing about everybody being frightened to do movies that haven't been done before. Black films, as such, are pretty much confined to comedies, family dramas and gangster stuff. No horror, science fiction, adventure, or thrillers. Yeah, you get black stars in such things, but they are usually a tiny island of melanine in a sea of pale flesh. Our script would sell in a second if we removed the racial references, but then we'd be betraying the original book, and I can't do that. But damn, it's frustrating.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Awww Well...
"Success is the art of going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." Churchill? I forget who said that, but I sure understand it, and that's damn near a major guiding principle in Hollywood. Yesterday we finally had our phone meeting with Fox Searchlight on "The Good House" script--which we wrote last year. We were told it was "fantastic"--but there's a little problem, see...the problem is that no one in Hollywood knows what to do with a horror script revolving around a black family. It's pretty much never been done, and no one knows if there's a market for the project. No, it wasn't racism on the part of the execs--the exec in question is black! Purely market driven. So there goes a couple of years of work (although the project will undoubtedly be recycled and will serve our careers at some other point. ﾠ But anyone wondering why I think so much about race in cinema, there you go. I have to try to think a step ahead of where the crowd is going, and get out in front. Of course, I could just write about white people. Done that. And it grinds at my nerves, thinking that I'm not doing my part to heal the world. Maybe I'm wrong about that. But we're all made the way we're made, and this is a rock my heart really wants to roll. Back off, rest up, try again. ## How do you do it? How do you keep your hopes up, keep falling in love with projects, keep putting your heart and soul into everything you do? The more you care, the more the disappointments hurt. Most of the time, I work for equanimity (as opposed to equine enmity. I don't like it when horses get pissed at me) because I don't like the roller coaster ride. But...if the call had been terrific yesterday, there would have been serious celebration. So...I took the chance. And after the bad news, felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Ah well, it's been worse. Feeling like you've been KNIFED in the gut is worse. Worse still when they twist the knife. It happens, trust me. But not yesterday. Sigh. It's just back to the drawing board. ## Nothing scientific about this, but of the yoga poses I have Jason do in the morning, I have a sense that headstands help his behavior most. Some combination of intensity, balance, calmed breathing, and perhaps even inverted perspective? Not sure, but it's certainly fun to gather data. # I take a six-sided die and throw it five times a day. 1-5 are the five basic Prasara flows, and #6 is the Warrior Wellness series (shortened a bit). And I do whatever comes up. I like not knowing what is next: it forces my body to stay prepared for any damn thing. That randomization seems healthy to me. Life, after all, is a series of unexpected changes. The combination of dynamic flexibility, balance and strength in yoga is wonderful. The major thing Coach Sonnon did is apply his breathing scale, and then to sequence the asana so that the movements BETWEEN poses are as important as the poses themselves. Transitioning from plow to shoulder bridge is really fascinating, especially when you slow it down and let yourself really feel the compression on your diaphragm. I've found that the Prasara sets are great for fighting Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS), and boy oh boy, am I happy about that! A major bugaboo for me.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
A Perfect Day
I've had a few of them: the day Nicki was born. The day I realized I loved Tananarive. The day I broke through a major block at the Q3-4 workshop in Atlanta (talk to the trees, Steve!) and today might be another one. In the last two weeks major positive stuff seems to be happening. Some of it I'll talk about later, I don't want to jinx it. But if a certain telephone call I'm taking at 3:30 today goes well, I promise I'll spill all the beans. ﾠ What I want to say anyway is that I am in love with life. Every evidence suggests that if you make clear plans, believe in yourself, and work your butt off...as long as you let nothing disappoint you, and keep modeling the success of others...miracles happen. Or at least, your dreams begin to come true, a little step at a time. ## Movies. Say "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" and thought it was great fun. The set-up is that two platonic roommakes, male and female, have been buddies since grade school, but never "done it." After ending up accidentally famous on U-Tube, they decide to make a porn film to cash in on the fame. Said film would climax, so to speak, with the two of them doing the dirty deed. And that's when the raunchy fun begins. Occasssionally bust-a-gut funny, it's mostly kinda chuckly and warm, strange for a Kevin Smith movie. A solid "B." ## "Knowing," the new sci-fi film about a guy (Nick Cage) who gets ahold of a list of disasters leading up to something really un-funny, is actually decent, but I have to give it a SAMBO ALERT. # # # (SPOILER) O.K., the list is a warning from aliens that our world is about to come to an end. The aliens manegest as white people. The only two people we see saved are white people. Sorry, but I've seen entirely too many movies ("When Worlds Collide" anyone?) where the only people in the world worth saving are white for me not to flinch at this. And it's a shame...there was a perfect scene there where they could have shown that the aliens brought people from around the world, from all groups. I thought they were going to do that. Ah, well...this is why I love the pressure various racial groups put on Hollywood to get their members into apprenticeship programs in management and tech. Without representation, this kind of (I'm sure) unconscious exclusion would happen even more often. Thank God Jason doesn't have to grow up surrounded by this crap. # I'm going to Norwescon in a couple of days. Thinking of having a little room party Saturday night. If anyone reading this is going to attend, please let me know...love to see you! And please keep your fingers crossed for me. Like I said, something very very nice could happen at 3:30 pst today.
##
Friday, April 03, 2009
Music and Story
ﾠ"I'm curious. Do you believe that storytelling (more specifically, writing short stories and novels) can serve the same purpose as music? Or does it have a different purpose and, if so, what is that purpose?" ﾠ Yes and no. All art flows from the same place within us, and serves similar purposes in our culture. But each specific art form has its own character. Art is communication of the deep Self, and helps to knit us together as a species. I wouldn't say it is exclusive to humanity, because we'd have to have conversations with animals, asking them which of their actions and songs and structures stem from survival needs, and which ones express their essence for the sake of expression alone. I suspect that some animals do indeed simply express themselves for the sheer joy of it. ﾠ Self expression can take infinite forms: every breath can be a work of art, shared with the divine and a testament to the unity of mind, body, and universe. Every step. Every changing of a diaper, or throwing of a punch. The dissolution of the "I-Thou" relationship (a doorway to flow) is essential to the state of artistic or scientific creation. ﾠ The question with art is: what is being expressed? If Jason scrawls crayon on the walls, is it art? I would suspect so, remembering my own early attempts to share my joy with the world. The CRAFT that one acquires along the way is a separate issue. Craft reminds me of language: that unless you can speak someone's language, they may not be able to hear what you are saying, even if it makes sense in your language. Craft enables you, through repetition and/or modification of accepted forms, to communicate with others who have studied the same forms. ﾠ Storytelling. In my mind, there are only two things to write about: 1) What are human beings? 2) What is the world that they inhabit? ﾠ Question #1 gives you all characterization, as well as stories that turn on romance, anger, psychological pathology, politics, family dynamics...whatever. Question #2 gives you much of science fiction, historical fiction, adventure stories (man versus the elements) and so forth. ﾠ And at the core of the questions about human existence, or the existence of the world around them, is the question: What is true? Who am I? ﾠ Music addresses this without words, through a pure sense of aesthetic connection between one note or series of notes and another, one voice and another, one instrument and another, one art form and another (ballet, opera). Music sans cultural context would be a fascinating thing indeed, and there must be schools of musical psychology that ask how the raw notes affect raw consciousness, without reference to the history of an individual's exposure to previous forms. What fun! Acres of academic speculation. ﾠ The truth is that stories use patterns relating to human psychology and growth (characterization and epistomology) and the external world (plot and cosmology) to reveal truths about the way the writer sees existence. Does the world reward effort? Is love just another word for sex? Etc. etc. ﾠ And at the core of it, the quest to understand the world, and the human beings that inhabit it. Leading to understanding ourselves, leading to dissolution of "self," leading to moments in which we forget ourselves and immerse fully in the experience. ﾠ If we find the right things to connect to, they will guide us through the maze of life, through the physiologically and culturally programmed drives and needs, and to the core of existence. To me, all art aims at this, even if the artist is just trying to earn money, get laid, or share a "Hey Daddy! Look at what I can do!" moment. ﾠ In fact, that last might be the purest artistic expression of all.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Music and the Invisible World
## To My Friends and Family, I suspect that it will come as no great surprise to you who have known me, Today I came across this on the net. It's an address to parents of students Hope this finds all of you well. Warmest Regards, R. One of my parents' deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why On September 12, 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of At least in my neighborhood, we didn't shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part Some of you may know Samuel Barber's heart wrenchingly beautiful piece I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no I'll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk What he told us was this: "During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year's freshman class If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing You're not here to become an entertainer, and you don't have to sell Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I ﾠ
that there are times (during the past 8 years especially) that what I call
the "black dog" descends upon me. I goes by other names such as, the blues,
melancholia and more recently, clinical depression. During these times, what
with my various health struggles and such, the fear comes upon me that mine
has been a wasted life. You see, rather than choose to become a doctor, a
lawyer or an economist, etc., endeavors that seem to me to be of more
practical use to the world in these dark times, I chose to pursue as my
life's work MY passion: Music. Something that makes ME feel good to do, and
something I NEED to do, but really, I think, does it really help anyone?
Really? Maybe I've been selfish, I think. And, God knows, I certainly
haven't had anywhere near the career I envisioned in my youth. Not even
close ; )
entering the Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA. It's nothing new,
really. It's what I have always believed and thought and preached, but
sometimes, when the "black dog" is about, it's good to be reminded. It was a
great gift to me. I share it here with you.
Welcome Address, by Karl Paulnack
properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very
good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they
imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be
more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother's
remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school-she said,
"you're WASTING your SAT scores." On some level, I think, my parents were
not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And
they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just
weren't't really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a
little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the "arts and
entertainment" section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your
kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with
entertainment, in fact it's the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a
little bit about music, and how it works.
Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and
astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study
of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music
was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden
objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside
our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside
us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.
the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940.
Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany.
He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a
cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp.
place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a
violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these
specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four thousand
prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous
masterworks in the repertoire.
would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing
music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water,
to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture-why would anyone bother
with music? And yet-from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have
visual art; it wasn't just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people
created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on
survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must
be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope,
without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were
not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit,
an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we
say, "I am alive, and my life has meaning."
a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down
at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I
did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on
the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my
hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter?
Isn't this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what
happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless.
Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a
piano player right now? I was completely lost.
getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I
contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And
then I observed how we got through the day.
didn't play cards to pass the time, we didn't watch TV, we didn't shop, we
most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I
saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around
fire houses, people sang "We Shall Overcome". Lots of people sang America
the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the
Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York
Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first
communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the
beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the
airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that
very night.
of "arts and entertainment" as the newspaper section would have us believe.
It's not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our
budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic
need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives,
one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way
for us to understand things with our hearts when we cannot with our minds.
Adagio for Strings. If you don't know it by that name, then some of you may
know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie
Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music
either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a
walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn't know you had. Music can
slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what's really going on inside
us the way a good therapist does.
music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some
really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very
predictable happens at weddings-people get all pent up with all kinds of
emotions, and then there's some musical moment where the action of the
wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if
the music is lame, even if the quality isn't good, predictably 30 or 40
percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of
moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move
around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so
that we can express what we feel even when we can't talk about it. Can you
imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue
but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right
moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly
the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music
stripped out, it wouldn't happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the
understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.
my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand
concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were
important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it
made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played
for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers,
foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took
place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago.
as we often do, with Aaron Copland's Sonata, which was written during World
War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland's, a young pilot who was
shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the
pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program
notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we
decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out
and play the music without explanation.
front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was
clearly a soldier-even in his 70's, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair,
square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in
the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to
tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn't
the first time I've heard crying in a concert and we went on with the
concert and finished the piece.
about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances
in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed
pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had
to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again,
but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself.
an aerial combat situation where one of my team's planes was hit. I watched
my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes
which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords
so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop
away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about
this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this
memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I
didn't understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came
out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost
pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that?
How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?"
internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have
ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect,
somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost
friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is
why music matters.
when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge
your sons and daughters with is this:
appendectomies, you'd take your work very seriously because you would
imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your
emergency room and you're going to have to save their life. Well, my
friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and
bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that
is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you
do your craft.
yourself. The truth is you don't have anything to sell; being a musician
isn't about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevies. I'm not an
entertainer; I'm a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue
worker. You're here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a
spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works
with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come
into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.
expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this
planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of
equality, of fairness, I don't expect it will come from a government, a
military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the
religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war
as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is
to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit
together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that's what we do.
As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the
ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Sex on a Stick
I'm back home, and trying to get into my groove. Tons of work to do, and want to do it as efficiently as possible. # I'm glad for the comments surrounding the "calories in, calories out" post. The trick is that of the three major areas: a good relationship, a good career path, and a healthy body, body is the easiest. I mean that in the sense that the other arenas require cooperation from other people: at least one other person for a relationship, and probably at least ten for the average career. Maybe more. If the simple physics of weight loss confuse people, no wonder trying to have a successful and rewarding career, or even having a deep and satisfying emotional/sexual relationship can seem like flying with concrete wings. ﾠ As someone pointed out, we all have emotional damage. That is my precise point. I'm just saying that if you have issues in one of these three areas that cause you pain, and you aren't taking effective action to resolve it, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. That you can use pain in one of these three areas to point out where the "knots" in your internal wiring are. By un-knotting them, you free up huge reserves of energy that can then be used to move you forward. How do you know if there is pain in one of the three? ﾠ Well, I've known fat people who I believed to be totally happy. People who use or have no money who were astonishingly evolved. And folks who were celibate or single and deliriously happy. The trick is that YOU know if you are happy or not. If you are, you don't complain about the "negatives" associated with one of these three areas. If you don't, that's great, and I'd even love to hear from you. But I've known too many people who lied about it, and then years later confessed they were lying. As a result, I take an automatic position that, until proven otherwise, everyone wants all three. Then, if I get to know the person better, I modify the original opinion. I'll tell you one thing, though...if my statements about this stuff cause you to feel uncomfortable, I'm betting that there IS some unprocessed material. If there wasn't, you'd be more like Suzanne, and just chuckle at me. ## I was happy to find Dr. Demento's web site, where I can buy old shows of his. I really do miss him. My first wife and I used to cuddle up in the dorm room at Pepperdine on Sundays and listen every week. Intermittently. Ahem. ## I recently met a woman who gave me a giggle. She was complaining that men treated her like "sex on a stick", complaining that men were only reacting to her as a sexual being. Later in the conversation, I mentioned that as an adolescent, I was a "four-eyed, pot-bellied nerd." I had my elbows on the table as I said it. She was sitting next to me, and reached over under the table to feel my stomach, supposedly to check if the pot-belly was still there. And giggled that indeed, it was not. Wow. I wonder why guys react to her that way..?
