The Home of Steven Barnes
Author, Teacher, Screenwriter

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Sex on a Stick

I'm back home, and trying to get into my groove. Tons of work to do, and want to do it as efficiently as possible.


I'm glad for the comments surrounding the "calories in, calories out" post. The trick is that of the three major areas: a good relationship, a good career path, and a healthy body, body is the easiest. I mean that in the sense that the other arenas require cooperation from other people: at least one other person for a relationship, and probably at least ten for the average career. Maybe more. If the simple physics of weight loss confuse people, no wonder trying to have a successful and rewarding career, or even having a deep and satisfying emotional/sexual relationship can seem like flying with concrete wings.

As someone pointed out, we all have emotional damage. That is my precise point. I'm just saying that if you have issues in one of these three areas that cause you pain, and you aren't taking effective action to resolve it, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. That you can use pain in one of these three areas to point out where the "knots" in your internal wiring are. By un-knotting them, you free up huge reserves of energy that can then be used to move you forward. How do you know if there is pain in one of the three?

Well, I've known fat people who I believed to be totally happy. People who use or have no money who were astonishingly evolved. And folks who were celibate or single and deliriously happy. The trick is that YOU know if you are happy or not. If you are, you don't complain about the "negatives" associated with one of these three areas. If you don't, that's great, and I'd even love to hear from you. But I've known too many people who lied about it, and then years later confessed they were lying. As a result, I take an automatic position that, until proven otherwise, everyone wants all three. Then, if I get to know the person better, I modify the original opinion. I'll tell you one thing, though...if my statements about this stuff cause you to feel uncomfortable, I'm betting that there IS some unprocessed material. If there wasn't, you'd be more like Suzanne, and just chuckle at me.


I was happy to find Dr. Demento's web site, where I can buy old shows of his. I really do miss him. My first wife and I used to cuddle up in the dorm room at Pepperdine on Sundays and listen every week. Intermittently. Ahem.


I recently met a woman who gave me a giggle. She was complaining that men treated her like "sex on a stick", complaining that men were only reacting to her as a sexual being. Later in the conversation, I mentioned that as an adolescent, I was a "four-eyed, pot-bellied nerd." I had my elbows on the table as I said it. She was sitting next to me, and reached over under the table to feel my stomach, supposedly to check if the pot-belly was still there. And giggled that indeed, it was not. Wow. I wonder why guys react to her that way..?


Bennett said...

Personally, I prefer mine on a bed or other comfortable surface, but to each their own... ;)

Since the idea of core transformation has been going on, particularly as relates to criminal/antisocial behavior, something I was reading in a book on criminology caught my eye.

Dan MacDougald, a penologist back in the 1960's, reported a lot of success in reforming hardened criminals by breaking down their walls and making them realize that they weren't getting anywhere close to their goals with the behaviors they were using. He seemed to be one of the early ones treating the criminal acts as a failed strategy, rather than signs of an alien personality type. Are you familiar at all with his work/methods, and do you think they represent another form of what you've been discussing here?

Disillusioned Starving Artist said...


Have you heard there's a "modern" version of the 3 Stooges being given the green light? I'm all for creative expression, but this seems like a pointless remake to whore the franchise, and I can't help but feeling like it cheapens their memory. No one can reproduce what they did, and immitation isn't flattery in this instance, at least it doesn't seem to be to me. Your thoughts?

Marty S said...

Steve: I still think everybody has their own set of priorities in life. I read your posts and see how important Jason is to you. If choice came down to money/great body or Jason somehow I think you would choose Jason. Family in general is very important to me. My younger son is in Germany this year doing research. During spring break in two weeks my older son's family is going to Germany to visit my younger son and his wife. The closeness between the two families makes me feel much better than looking in the mirror at a great body would.

suzanne said...

gee Steve

I admit
you do oft times give me
a grand chickle. . .

you see
I tend to take everything
with as much levity
as gravity

we'll have to talk
about what one does
after the whole "career' thing
drops out
and then
how does one identify
that one-third of the
whole she-bang

I have some ideas about it

Steve Perry said...

Bimbos are as bimbos do ...

Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, and Bencio de Toro as the Stooges, so the rumor goes ...

Steven Barnes said...

1) Bennett: failed strategy? Yes, just right. I think that approach is brilliant.
2)Disillusioned Starving Artist: the test will be in the actual execution. If a Stooges movie is good, it will be good. You'd best believe that the people involved LOVE the Stooges, and would like to bring that kind of manic energy to the screen. I have no idea how it will work, frankly, but no one can diminish the originals: they exist forever.
3)Marty S.: My priorities are: family first, then career, then body. But there is a minimum amount of time I'll put into each in a given day: body-time minimum is about 15 minutes, even if distributed between five "five minute miracle" segments. If I don't spend that time, I CANNOT maintain the energy and aliveness I need to be the very best father and husband I can be. There is no conflict. The "great body" is just a by-product of having great flexibility, endurance, strength, and coordination.
4)Suzanne: I would say that after retirement, the "career" energy can go into a hobby or any other exploration of the world. The habits are set. Devoting this time to charitable work is also pretty fly. In general, though, I would say that after retirement, a search to unite your heart and spirit would be the very best use of time, taking all of the wisdom of a lifetime and enjoying the freedom only a lifetime of discipline can offer. Entering the arts, learning, traveling...going back to the "education" phase of life. Or, frankly, preparing oneself for death by healing old relationships, passing business interests on to the children, and becoming an itinerant priest or nun is thought highly of in many cultures. I would say that such a person should do whatever makes them happy that is in alignment with their values, and causes harm to none.

Disillusioned Starving Artist said...

Thanks for your thoughts Steve. I certainly hope that the driving foces behind the stooges really do love them, I just haven't seen that love in remakes recently. IE the two remakes of Omega Man within the past year and half, the remake of Day the Earth Stood Still, The Longest Yard(which by the way was no classic in the original either, but still felt prostituted and recycled in the remake) I'll keep my fingers crossed; and if nothing else take solace in the confidence that it won't tarnish the original at all.