tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9339191.post8978129292022385714..comments2024-03-25T17:38:55.490-07:00Comments on Dar Kush: ForgivenesSteven Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13630529492355131777noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9339191.post-32417260041639661842013-09-24T12:19:06.274-07:002013-09-24T12:19:06.274-07:00Thanks for your thoughts. I hadn't considered ...Thanks for your thoughts. I hadn't considered that my sunniness and optimism were being tested, but it does make a certain sense. I have a set of rules that I try to live my life by that I came up with in my early 30s (almost a couple of decades ago). I have had to rethink all of them in the last couple of years. I tend to think of things in a mathematical framework. As you probably know any system can be described by different basis sets. For example, three dimensional space can be described by(x,y,z) or (r, theta, phi) or you could come up with some other scheme. After much thought, it is clear to me that I don't pay enough attention to the basis set others use to define their life and the world as they see it. I am not either willing or arrogant enough to say that the basis set I use is right. It is, though, the one I have come up with that works for me. I can't exist in my intimate space with anybody who doesn't at least see things with the same basis set. This is one of the undeniable facts to come out of the last relationship. I would say how you view forgiveness is part of that understanding which is why reading your posts about forgiveness made me think again about the last relationship. He was somebody who couldn't and didn't want to forgive. He felt that if he forgave then it meant that he was saying those he felt had wronged him (which probably now includes me)hadn't done anything wrong. We must have had over a hundred conversations about this before I gave up. It wasn't an academic question because he had anger about the events in his past that was as intense as if they had just happened in the present. There is nothing, in my opinion, that you can do with such anger. The people are long gone. You can't argue with them or let them know how much they hurt you or do anything. I know that anger serves a survival purpose in life. Keeping the anger, though, is like introducing static to a signal. Enough static and you lose the signal. Well. I felt really bad when I left. I felt like I'd failed, but I do not have infinite energy, patience or love. I didn't think my being there was doing either of us any good. I know it wasn't doing me any good and he wasn't happy. I figure if I know that it is my job to find a way to be happy, then it also has to be other people's job to find their own happiness. It still makes me sad when I think about him. Who knows maybe he has found his way to being happy since then.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9339191.post-23208017480938397802013-09-24T04:57:44.918-07:002013-09-24T04:57:44.918-07:00You will attract people at your energy level...and...You will attract people at your energy level...and below. Some of those people will be vampires, but more are just afraid to believe that your positivity is real, and will test it. You have to be careful to only open yourself to people who can match and complement your energy. You can help others, but don't let them into your intimate space: it can be like splicing your veins to a leper. Feed them, care for them, throw them a life preserver...but don't let a drowning swimmer drag you down.<br /><br />namaste,<br />SteveSteven Barneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13630529492355131777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9339191.post-59132350139343069782013-09-21T09:09:08.170-07:002013-09-21T09:09:08.170-07:00Your comments on forgiveness are interesting. It i...Your comments on forgiveness are interesting. It is one of the concepts I have trouble with. I actually seem to forgive too easily and too quickly for my own safety and mental well being. I think I am lucky that I have a basically sunny personality. I find joy in all kinds of every day things like today's bright sunny day or the smell of fresh basil or watching the beavers play in the pond. It seems, though, that this sunniness attracts those who aren't very happy. I don't know if it is because they wish to borrow come cheerfulness which I wouldn't mind at all. I am happy to give away what I can. Or whether it is because they find it irritating and want to destroy it. In my analysis anyway, the last man in my life was attracted to me in part because of the cheerfulness and then seemed either consciously or unconsciously to try to systematically destroy it. I value loyalty. I didn't want to abandon ship because he was in a bad mood or having a bad day. It got to the point, though, where the bad spell lasted months and he took it out on me trying to pick a fight every day. I found myself sitting one day thinking that if this was going to be my life I didn't want to live it. So I left. That was five years ago. It is really only in the last year that I have felt like I'm back to being me. I have no faith in my ability to not end up in that situation again. I think my internal meters need to be re-adjusted, but I'm not sure how to do it. There are lots of things I both need to do and want to do so I am focusing my attention on those and enjoying the sunny days :-) I know you are busy, but I would be interested in your thoughts on this if you have the time.Sarahnoreply@blogger.com