There were lotsa comments about my post on the watermelon post card. Some answers:
1) It isn't Liberals who claim that Conservatives are lacking moral fiber. It is partisans on EITHER side who claim that their side has a lock on positive values. Liberals hurl shit in one direction, and Conservatives hurl it in another.
2) I don't claim to be perfectly neutral in all of this, but I'll say something bluntly that damned few people will say: I don't believe there is a monopoly on positive or negative qualities on either side. They strike me as being the same quality of people. I DO think that they have different problems. One of the problems I see more on the Right is racism (excessive hierarchicalism). A problem I see more on the left is Moral Relativism (insufficient hierarchicalism?). What people on both sides try to do is say, no, we've got all the good stuff. That's just crap.
3) Because racism has impacted my life in some very specific emotional, financial, and personal ways, I'm sensitive to it, and tend to talk about it more than other factors which are certainly as important in the world.
4) I'm sensitive to threats against Obama, and racial stereotypes, because they are attacking him as a member of a group, rather than against his individual characteristics. I didn't see much more crap against Bush than I did against Clinton. And yes, I react strongly...but if the Secret Service hadn't been overwhelmed with death threats, I wouldn't take it so seriously when Fox News jokes about assassination. I don't consider this stuff "mere" political talk. There is genuine hatred and fear boiling there, waiting for us to believe they are "just joking". As a result, yes, I'm going to be overly sensitive.
5) It is true that many whites don't understand the racial charges on these comments. Like men don't know stuff that's offensive to women, or straights don't understand what is offensive to gays. There are certainly innocent people who get caught up in this stuff, but...I think we can agree on the 10% asshole factor? The people who actually are bigoted? They will use the exact same excuse: "gee! I didn't know" (chuckle). Gonna put them on a lie detector? Unfortunately, ignorance of widely-known cultural taboos is no excuse. And if you are going to be a politician, supposedly representing the welfare of thousands or millions of people, it behooves you to understand their history a little better than that.
6) Christian: you say that you HAVE to act the way you do, because of the way other people are. With all due respect, this is a child's attitude. You will become an adult when you take responsibility for your actions, regardless of how other people are. You may not have control over what happens to you, but you do have control over how you react to it. Every human being on this planet has a perfect justification for being either a saint or an asshole. We have choices to make.
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To revisit a comment, anyone who says that the worst in either end of the political spectrum represents that group is an ass. And people on both sides do it, plenty. And both sides seem to believe themselves immune. Nope. Different diseases, but diseases nonetheless.
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The Rihanna-Chris Brown thing gets predictably wierder. They're supposed to be back together. Yes, I look at the family dynamics, and the personal responsibility. I think that people should have enough respect for the future children to postpone having them until they have enough of their shit together to form a relationship with another human being. No one will move me from that position.
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But the "Core Transformation" thing, that points toward a desire for union with the divine, casts a fascinating light on negative actions. No matter what the behavior, at the root of it is an urge to salve fear, to move away from pain, to move toward an evolutionary path. I originally read about it in a book by Connirae Andreas, and the transcripts of the sessions was astounding. I got ahold of videos of the process, so that I could watch the micro-cues, and they were all congruent. This seemed real. Tried it on myself. Same result. Tried it on a number of clients. Same result. Wow.
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Basically, let's try a broad example. A man beats an old woman to death while taking her purse. The therapist drops the client into a deep trance. The following coached conversation might take place.
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Therapist: Why did you kill the woman?
Client: She was screaming. She was going to get me caught. It made me mad.
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Therapist: And if you hadn't been afraid of being caught?
Client: Maybe I wouldn't have had to kill her.
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Therapist: you wouldn't have been angry?
Client: Maybe.
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Therapist: But you would still have taken her money.
Client: Sure.
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Therapist: Because you wanted money.
Client: Yeah.
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Therapist: And if you had all the money you wanted, what then?
Client: I wouldn't have to worry about my bills. Having a place to live.
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Therapist: And if you didn't have to worry about having a place to live, what then?
Client: Maybe my old lady would stop bitching at me.
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Therapist: And if there was nothing but love between you and your woman, what then?
(About this time, the client usually takes a deep breath, releases it. The tonal quality of his voice changes)
Client: Then things would be a little better.
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Therapist: And what if things were a little better?
Client: I'd be able to take a rest, you know? Relax a little. Take a look around. Make some plans.
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Therapist: And if you had this time and space to make plans, what then?
Client: I got dreams. I'd like to try to make some moves. Maybe do something to make things better for my family.
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Therapist: And if you were able to take care of your family, what then?
Client: I'd stop hearing my father laughing at me, telling me I'll never be shit.
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Therapist: And if you knew your father approved of you as a man, what then?
(Another deep breath. More relaxed tone)
Client: Maybe Mom would love me, too.
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Therapist: And if you felt that deep sense of approval and love you desire, what then?
Client: Maybe I'd feel for the first time that I was O.K.
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Therapist: And if you fel that deep sense of "being O.K." that you desire so much, what then?
Client: Maybe I'd be able to show people that I'm a good guy. I'd like to be nicer, but people won't let me.
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Therapist: And if you were able to show people who you really are, show them your heart, what then.
Client: the world would be a better place. Different place. I could...just be myself.
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Therapist: And if you could just be yourself?
Client: I could be like I was when I was happy. I like laughing and singing and being a good guy as much as anyone.
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Therapist: and if you could stay in that place. The happiness. The joy. The sense of loving the world...what then.
Client: I'd feel loved. I haven't felt that...really felt that. In so long.
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Therapist: and if you felt that sense of love, joy, all the way down to your bones, all the time...what then.
Client: (another deep breath. A shudder) I'd be at peace. (no shit. This exact same comment came out of about six different people of widely differing backgrounds. Truly bizarre)
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Therapist: And if you felt nothing but that deep, lasting sense of peace. What then.
(The client often begins to cry, with an almost child-like smile on their face)
Client: I'd just feel...just feel...like a part of everything. Everything in the world.
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Therapist: And if you felt one with everything in the universe, what then?
Client: there isn't anything else. Just...God.
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I kid you not, you can walk people from the most loathesome behavior, right down to an urge to connect with the divine. The trick of Core Transformation is that you can turn this around, take them to their sense of connectedness, and then let them START from there, rather than trying to GET there. From that point, it's possible to help them build behavioral paths that allow them to feel safe, respected, and loved while remaining within social guidelines.
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It's the closest thing NLP comes to a spiritual practice, and is a mundane finger pointing at a profound reality. Whether you think this is a spiritual, psychological, or neurological process (re-connecting with prenatal states, perhaps? The "peace of the womb"?) I've seen massive good come out of this.
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The trick? The therapist has to represent the space of healing. Intellectual understanding of the process doesn't seem to cut it.
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The way such a process could be applied to the Chris Browns of the world is obvious. Under it all, he was just trying to feel loved, and safe. Grasp that, and you have a chance of leading truly warped men and women to something healthy and generative. At least...so has been my experience, and so I deeply believe.